


Fallen Star

by quiet_one



Series: Cora Shepard [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: HEADCANON AHOY, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-20
Updated: 2014-03-25
Packaged: 2017-11-08 04:23:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 120,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/439112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet_one/pseuds/quiet_one
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard never planned on dying, or falling in love with an assassin.<br/>My take on Mass Effect 2 with lots of headcanon</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A million pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first started this story I hadn't written anything in over ten years, and you can tell. The first chapter is nothing but exposition. I would take it down and rewrite, but this is where I was when I started. Chapter 2 is a more accurate representation if you'd prefer to skip to that.

She moved silently though the corridors of the _Normandy_ , the ship exactly as it used to be. Garrus, Liara, Kaidan, even Ash. Not one of them responded as she drifted past them down towards the place where it had happened, the place that always drew her back.

Panic, white hot, streaked through her, forcing a ragged gasp from her lips as the light around her splintered into a million pieces and she fell out of the world, falling through the side of her blazing ship and out into the starry void.

There was a second of stunned silence, then the cold prickle at the back of her neck and the incessant alarm in her suit that still rang in her ears every night. Her helmet. Fuck. She hadn’t put it on properly.

Stars rushed past in a bright blur and, in her terror, she turned to see the planet rushing up towards her as her hands started to burn, flames rushing across her face and filling her mouth.

Half sobbing, half gasping, Shepard twisted off the bed and onto the floor, burying her face in the twisted blankets as she tried to dust the nightmare off. It was the same every night, falling through the wreckage of her life only to awaken in whatever mess the Reapers had left behind.

It still made no sense. She’d gone from dying to waking in some Cerberus facility under attack, as usual, and then she’d been given her ship back, or something like her ship. The only familiar face was Joker, and his was the last face she’d seen before she’d been hurled into space.

Shepard took a deep breath and lifted her head, scanning the room for something to quell the panic. Her Cerberus uniform was neatly folded on the sofa, and on the other side of the room the fish tank spilled its blue light across the floor, showing only how unfamiliar everything was.

She rose slowly to her feet and headed for the shower, taking care not to look at her face in the mirror as she passed, and ducked under the hot water with a sigh. Her body was covered with a fine filigree of scars, streaking red across her pale flesh.

Miranda had assured her they would fade, and Shepard had to admit there had already been a slight improvement, especially on her face, where the glowing scars made her look like some kind of monster.

From what Shepard could gather, Miranda had been in charge of bringing her back to life, kindling a spark from whatever remained after her fall through the atmosphere over Alchera. She had been deliberately vague about how that had happened exactly, and her attitude did nothing to endear her to Shepard, making it abundantly clear that she saw her as a project and nothing more.

The only other people she’d had any contact with so far were The Illusive Man and Jacob. She wanted to trust Jacob; he was ex-Alliance and she wanted that to count for something, but the logo on his uniform let her know exactly where his loyalties lay.

The Illusive Man was a different matter. She would never trust him, but for now their goals were the same and, much as it annoyed her to work for Cerberus, she saw very little in the way of alternatives.

Human colonies were vanishing and, being pro-human, Cerberus naturally wanted her to look into it. From what they’d seen on Freedom’s Progress, the Collectors were harvesting humans, for some reason Shepard had yet to fathom.

There was also the very expensive question of why they’d resurrected her and given her a new ship in the likeness of her old command. They’d even offered her help in the form of unlimited resources and prospective team members.

Whatever suspicions she might harbour, Cerberus had brought her back from the dead and they had given her the means to continue her fight against the Reapers. A fight that had already taken her life.

Back when she’d seen her first Reaper everything had seemed so clear. It was her duty to protect people, and she’d done her best to do just that, setting herself against impossible odds and somehow making it out the other side. She’d become the first human Spectre, she’d brought Saren down, and she had saved the Citadel.

Now nothing was clear. She was working for the enemy, chasing after Collectors, and everything had changed, down to the very fabric of her skin. When she looked in the mirror, she saw not herself but the ghost of Commander Shepard, tethered to what seemed like her joke of an existence by the one thing that had taken her life in the first place – her need to stop the Reapers.

Shepard forced herself to switch the shower off and stepped slowly out, shrugging into her uniform before sitting down at her desk to look over the dossiers that the Illusive Man had sent her.

There was no way she could hope to take on the Collectors without a strong team, and without her old team to fall back on she would have to use whatever the Illusive Man gave her. She could only hope that he invested as much in her team as he did in her.

She had wanted to contact her old crewmates again, had started numerous messages only to erase them and walk away from her console as she questioned herself repeatedly. To them she was dead. Was it fair of her to drag them into this again simply because she missed them?

Not having Garrus by her side was the hardest. He had been her best friend, always at her side in battle and constant in his friendship. What would he think of her now, working for the group they had despised so bitterly?

She was ashamed of herself and what she had become - a scarred monster with a complete disregard for the morals that made her who she was. Working for the wrong people for the right reasons was not the Commander Shepard her friends had known, and so the messages had remained unsent.

Picking up the foremost dossier Shepard had one last read through the information before dragging herself out of her chair to go and meet up with Miranda and Jacob.

She made her way through the Normandy, past the usual bunch of quietly submissive Cerberus personnel, through CIC and up to those stairs. The weight of her nightmare pressed in on her, her feet heavy as she approached this part of the ship as she did in her dreams, as the back of her neck prickled uncomfortably. It felt like someone walking on her grave.

Eyes straight ahead Shepard pressed on, reaching the glow of the cockpit where Joker seemed to be insulting the AI again.

“Joker, how’s it going up here?”

“Ah, you know. Just like old times. Except for the freaky space ghost that keeps talkin’ to me. Do you think it’s possible for a new ship to be haunted? Could we get it exorcised or something?”

“We’re working for Cerberus, we’re going to fight the Collectors, and you’re bleating about the AI? Still?”

“Yep.”

Shepard rolled her eyes at him, happy to hear his usual stupid comments. “How far are we from Omega?”

“Bout an hour. What are we doing, bringing someone else on board to join the Cerberus party? Can you bring someone fun this time, someone who doesn’t have a stick up their ass?”

“I’ll do my best, Joker, just for you. Let me know as soon as we’ve docked.”

“Sure thing, Commander.”

Shepard nodded and left the bridge, making her way to the briefing room to meet Miranda and Jacob for their pre-mission briefing. Their first target was Archangel, a mercenary commander located somewhere on Omega. Intel suggested he had managed to make himself a target of the local mercs by attacking their leaders, and, knowing Omega as she did, there was no way he’d be able to escape their attentions for long.

Miranda arrived early for the briefing, closely followed by Jacob who looked pissed off at being last.

“Commander.” He gave a brief salute then glared at Miranda, who completely ignored him. She leant against the table and fixed Shepard with what seemed to be her usual suspicious look.

“So, Commander, we’re going to retrieve Doctor Mordin Solus, correct? Our intel indicates he’s set up some kind of clinic in the plague zone.”

“No. We’re going after Archangel first. He’s managed to upset every single merc in Omega and that makes him our priority. There’s no way he can avoid them for long in a place like Omega,” Shepard said, folding her arms. “And as soon as we’ve recovered him, we can go after Mordin.”

“What? He’s got all the mercs after him?” Jacob whistled. “I’d hate to have those bastards after me. Though they might kill each other first, make our lives a lot easier.”

Shepard nodded, reflecting that it should be relatively easy to get them all to turn on each other. Alliances between gangs were always fragile at the best of times and it could take the slightest thing to break them, as she well knew.

“We’ll head to Afterlife first and speak to Aria T’Loak; she should be able to tell us something about Archangel and Mordin. I’d rather not have to fight our way in through the mercs if possible. Any questions?”

Miranda stalked over and circled around Shepard, scrutinising her carefully. “None whatsoever, Commander. I trust you’re feeling up to this?”

“If I wasn’t, you’d be the first to know. EDI, what’s our ETA?”

“Twenty seven minutes and forty three seconds.”

“Go get ready and I’ll meet you at the airlock in fifteen minutes. We need to be ready to move the moment we dock,” Shepard ordered, striding back to her room to start suiting up.

Before she left the cabin, she forced herself to look in the mirror, staring back at the glowing eyes of the creature she had become. Commander Shepard was dead, but she allowed herself to hope that if anything of her remained it was the best part, the part that would keep going no matter what.

She was no longer a Spectre or a Commander but something entirely different - a shade dragged back from death itself. With a last look, Shepard left the room and went to collect her first lost soul, her Archangel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'I'm an invisible disaster  
> I keep trying to walk but my feet don't find the solid ground  
> It's like living in a bad dream  
> I keep trying to scream but my tongue has finally lost it's sound'  
> \- Ghost by Ingrid Michaelson


	2. Matching Set

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard finds an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that picked me up after I had something of a writing crisis.  
> Here goes - thank you to Kristine for being a wonderful Beta, Maddie for getting me started on this in the first place, and all the Save Thane ladies for their encouragement and support. And of course all the Thane ladies on tumblr for their untiring support of all things Thane related, including my random writing.  
> And thank you to you for reading all of this, readers!

The moment she saw the turian, Shepard felt her heart leap, forgotten emotions stirring in her chest. She wanted it to be him, so much that she almost called out his name as she approached his tall form.

It was impossible, she told herself, extinguishing the small spark of hope that had risen in her chest. Garrus wouldn’t be in a hell hole like this.

“Archangel?”

He took his helmet off, sat down, and in an instant Shepard felt her legs move as if to go to him, wanting to throw her arms around the familiar form of her best friend. It was only the numbing realisation that they were surrounded by angry mercs that kept her feet firmly on the ground.

“Shepard? I thought you were dead?”

“I was. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practise,” Garrus replied, tiredness evident in his voice. Whatever had happened over the last two years, they certainly hadn’t been kind to him. It almost broke her heart to see him like that, weary and hunched over, picking off mercs in the pit that was Omega.

Shepard approached him, wishing that Jacob and Miranda weren’t listening so intently behind her, looking him over for any obvious injuries. “You okay?” she asked quietly, knowing the answer already. He’d never admit to anything though.

“Been better. But it sure is good to see a friendly face. Killing mercs is hard work. Especially on my own,” he growled.

“Do I need to ask how you managed to piss off every mercenary group in the Terminus system, or shall I just put that down to your unique talent?”

“Ha. It wasn’t easy. I really had to work at it.” Garrus looked as though he might manage a smile for a second, looking up at her with his bright blue eyes. “I’m amazed that they teamed up to fight me. They really must hate me.”

“Let’s get out of here. You can tell me all about it as soon as we’re back on the _Normandy_.” As soon as she’d said it, she was struck by the strangeness of the words, acting as though somehow nothing had changed when everything had.

“The _Normandy_?” For the first time, Garrus properly looked at her companions and their uniforms, the Cerberus logo all too obvious. “Alright. And you can tell me why you’re working for Cerberus on the ‘ _Normandy_.’ ”

“It’s a long story, as usual,” she said, rubbing a gloved hand over her eyes as she headed for the balcony to check their escape route. It looked quiet but she knew better. Quiet now meant trouble was heading their way.

“We got in here, I don’t think getting out will be as easy.”

Garrus stood at her side, giving her the briefest of glances before turning his attention to the bridge they’d come over on their way in. “No, it won’t. That bridge has saved my life so far, funnelling all those witless idiots into scope. But it works both ways.”

“So what do you suggest, Archangel?”

“We dig in here, wait for a crack in their defences and take our chances,” he advised, checking his gun before raising the scope to scan along the bridge. “Hmm, looks like they know their infiltration team has failed. Take a look.”

Shepard lifted the scope to see a bunch of mechs swarming towards their position, counting them before handing the gun back to Garrus. “How are we doing this?”

“I’ll stay up here. I can do a lot of damage from this vantage point. You, you can do what you do best. Just like old times, Shepard.”

His voice rang hollow, and Shepard couldn’t help but raise a hand to pat his shoulder in an act of consolation, knowing as well as he did that the old times were long gone. He gave her a small nod, then put his helmet back on and waited for them to get in position overlooking the exposed bridge leading into the base.

It didn’t take long for the mercs to start making their way over. They picked the mechs off with relative ease, but it wasn’t until actual mercs appeared that they started to run into trouble.

”Looks like they’ve made it in!” Garrus yelled, ducking down next to Shepard and reloading.

“I’ll take care of it. Jacob, stay with Garrus. Miranda, with me,” Shepard ordered, bolting down the back stairs to take care of anyone that had the misfortune of making it into the base. The combined strength of their biotics made short work of them, throwing mercs out of the base where Garrus and Jacob finished them off.

“Base cleared,” messaged Shepard, popping her heatsink and turning to head back upstairs.

“Shepard, you might want to take a look at this.”

“Oh, the heavy mech? Doesn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t matter?” Garrus almost shouted. “What the hell did Cerberus replace your brain with?”

“You’ll see. Don’t shoot it.”

The heavy mech stomped towards them, swathed in shields and preparing to fire rockets. Then it turned and started firing at the mercs instead, much to Shepard’s satisfaction. It had been a nice touch to hack it as they passed, giving the mercs a surprise and making their lives much easier.

Shepard broke cover and started lifting the mercs into the air for the mech to finish off, throwing a few of them off the bridge for good measure. This went well until the mech finally blew, scattering the few mercs that were left in the open and giving her a chance to press forwards. It was then that she spotted Jaroth, leader of the Eclipse gang. If they took him down, their chances of getting out were much improved.

“Jacob, Miranda, concentrate on Jaroth!” she shouted, leaping out the front of the base. Jaroth fired a couple of shots before Shepard managed to lift him, her barrier fizzing as it deflected the damage. Once he was suspended in mid-air, the team dispatched him quickly, with Garrus getting in more than his fair share of shots.

“Looks like that’s all of them,” Garrus messaged. “Come find me before they regroup.”

Miranda and Shepard were climbing the stairs back up when the alarm sounded, giving them a burst of speed that sent them hurtling back to Garrus.

“What the hell was that?” Jacob asked as Garrus checked his omni-tool. Shepard took the chance to reload her gun, watching her friend carefully and noting the signs of stress with a mixture of happiness and dread. She had known him long enough to know when things were going wrong. But despite the situation she couldn’t help but be happy they were together again.

“They’ve breached the lower levels. Well, they had to use their brains eventually. You’d better get down there, Shepard. I’ll keep the bridge clear.”  
“Miranda, stay here and make sure nothing happens to him. Jacob, with me,” Shepard ordered, already half out of the room. Jacob caught up quickly and they tore down the stairs, biotics already flaring.

Shepard was crouched behind a wall picking off the last of the mercs when she heard the noise, the unmistakeable whine of a gunship engine followed by the drumming of bullets that seemed to go on forever. Garrus.

Her legs felt clumsy as she ran, heart in her mouth, towards the noise. There was no way she was going to lose him now, not after she’d just found him again. She burst into the room shouting his name at the top of her lungs, saw Miranda crouched in cover and caught a glimpse of Garrus lying motionless on the floor, just beyond her reach.

“Garrus? Damn it! Garrus!” she spat, her heart thudding painfully in her chest as she scanned the room. She had to get to him.

“Miranda, Jacob, keep at the gunship—I’ll hold its attention!”

She looked over at Garrus, took a deep breath, then stood up and levelled her weapon at the gunship, blasting it with Reave in an attempt to drop its shields. If the gunship returned fire, Shepard didn’t hear it, the sound of her heartbeat loud in her ears as she threw everything she had at it. There was no way she was coming this far to let a gunship beat her now. She ignored the sound of her barrier hissing as it threatened to break beneath the onslaught. Still she fired, unloading clip after clip into its canopy until she finally punctured its shields.

For a second it hung there before her, guns shining bright in the darkness. Then in an instant the gunship was reduced to shrapnel that rained all over them in burning hot shards. Shepard ignored them, throwing herself down at Garrus’ side and turning him over gently.

Eyelids flickering he gave a wet gasp, haloed by the blue blood that spilled from his horrific wounds.

“We’re getting you out of here, Garrus, just hold on!” Shepard almost screamed, knowing that moving him in this condition could be murder but seeing no other way out of there. Miranda gave him a quick application of medi-gel, her eyes not quite meeting Shepard’s.

“Miranda, take point. Jacob, help me get him up.”

She shouldered his lanky frame with Jacob taking his other side, refusing to look at her friends face as they carried him out.

The base was eerily quiet as they made their slow way out of there, the laboured breathing of Garrus loud in the hush that was of their own making. There seemed to be nothing but dead mercs marking the path, but Miranda was taking no chances, leading the way with her weapon drawn.

Shepard found herself muttering under her breath, urging Garrus to stay with them, berating him for getting himself into this situation and forbidding him from leaving her. He’d always believed in her even when she had lost faith. The idea of a galaxy without him in it was too much to bear.

They made it out without meeting a single soul and Miranda promptly switched back into CO mode, contacting the _Normandy_ to update them on their location and giving Garrus another shot of medi-gel as they dragged his prone form through Omega.

Doctor Chakwas was waiting for them and she directed them with practised authority as they loaded him carefully onto the waiting stretcher and tore inside the Normandy.

The usually calm, quiet, surroundings of the medbay erupted into life under the careful direction of Chakwas, and Shepard couldn’t help drifting closer as she watched her friend fading away before her, the blue of his eyes hidden. They’d even taken his visor off and she found herself reaching for it, wanting to keep hold of some fragment of him in case he disappeared.

“Commander.” Jacob stood in front of her, covered in blood. “We’d better leave, give them room to work. Come on, there’s nothing else you can do here.”

The fight went out of Shepard and she nodded, trailing back to her room and stripping methodically out of her armour down to her undersuit. The fabric was stuck to her skin with the crusted blood of her best friend, forcing her to tear it off with shaking hands. He’d lost so much. If a human lost that much they’d…

Crouching in the shower she allowed herself to cry at last, watching the blue blood swirl around her toes and down the drain. Garrus had always been there when she’d needed him and how had she returned the favour? She’d left him to wash up somewhere like Omega, refusing to contact him out of her own foolishness. She should never have doubted him.

“Commander?”

The soothing voice of EDI snapped her to attention and she swallowed hard before replying. “Yes, EDI?”

“Officer Taylor wishes to speak to you in the Briefing room, he has news regarding Archangel.”

“Tell him I’ll be right there.”

\---

The expression on Shepard’s face was worth the pain it had cost him to get out of that bed and come to find her, his face stinging at every step even with the wash of painkillers in his system.

“Shepard.”

He heard Jacob muttering something about being ‘a tough son of bitch’ but his attention stayed with Shepard, still unable to believe that it was actually her.

“Nobody would give me a mirror,” he said, walking slowly towards Shepard. “How bad is it?”

“Hell, Garrus, you were always ugly,” she shrugged. “Slap some face paint on there and no one will even notice.”

Garrus tried not to laugh, flinching as the movement pulled at his wounds. “Don’t make me laugh, damn it. My face is barely holding together as it is. Some women find facial scarring attractive. Mind you, most of those women are Krogan.”

Jacob chose this moment to leave the room, giving them a stiff salute before leaving them alone at last.

Shepard rushed over, grabbed his hands in hers and planted a gentle kiss on his undamaged cheek.

“Hey, what was that for? You gone soft now you’re working for Cerberus?" he growled, staring at the Commander and examining the livid red scars on her face. “I see we’re a matching set now.” He raised one of his claws to her face but she pulled back with a smile and swatted his hand away.

She still looked like his Shepard, his best friend, but he realised with a jolt that there was something seriously wrong with this whole picture. His best friend had died and now this creature was standing there in her place.

The pallor of her skin looked almost corpse-like and the bright green of her eyes had been replaced with a dull red glow, as though she’d been dragged back from hell itself and hadn’t stopped burning.

Yet there she stood, back from the dead and the whole reason he was drawing breath. He could hardly doubt her now.

“It’s… it’s just nice to have you back. I thought you were dead,” she murmured, rubbing her own scars with a frown.

“Yeah, a lot of that going around. Shepard, what did they do you? What the hell is all of this?” asked Garrus softly, leaning slightly into her as though trying to reassure himself that she was really and truly there beside him.

“From what I’ve been told, Cerberus rebuilt me from whatever that was left. The first I knew about it I was waking up in some lab with Miranda telling me we were under attack. Then they gave me the _Normandy_ back—complete with Joker—and told me to investigate the human colonies that are going missing. I didn’t expect to be working with Cerberus. I didn’t expect any of this.” She looked away from him, her shoulders shaking a little.

“Shepard, about the Cerberus thing. You remember the sick experiments they were doing?”

“That’s why I’m glad you’re here. If I’m walking into hell—”

Garrus interrupted her with a snort. “When aren’t you walking into hell?”

“As I was saying,” Shepard resumed, nudging his side with her shoulder, “I want someone I trust at my side”.

Garrus looked at her for a moment, still trying to process the fact that she was actually alive and asking for his help. When he looked at her he caught a glimpse of the human he used to know, hiding behind the red eyes and glowing scars.

“You realize this plan has me walking into hell, too? Hah, just like old times,” he said to her, wandering away towards the exit. “I’m fit for duty whenever you need me, Shepard. I’ll settle in and see what I can do at—”

“The forward batteries,” they said in unison, Shepard trying to hide a smirk. “Go calibrate, I’ll see you later.”

Garrus gave a nod and left, unable to stop himself from wondering what the hell he’d just got himself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Would you leave me, if I told you what I've done?  
> And would you need me, if I told you what I've become?'  
> No light, no light - Florence + The Machine


	3. Bait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard returns from Horizon, and all is not as it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Kristine, my wonderful Beta. She is dragging me kicking and screaming into better grammar.

Garrus sat outside the door, picking at the floor with his talons and wondering what on earth he was going to say to her after the disaster that was Horizon. Not only had they failed to protect the Colony, but Kaidan had been there and his reception had been less than kind, leaving Shepard visibly shaken.

He’d seen her wade through the scum of Omega to recruit Mordin, break out of a high security prison to rescue Jack and pit herself against a mutant Krogan army, but he’d never seen her shut down like that before, her shoulders slumping and her smile trickling away.

There was no denying that Shepard had changed. It was there in the hesitations and the silences, a distance that hadn’t been there before she’d died. Garrus wanted to believe that it would disappear given time, but if anything it had grown worse.

She fought as though she were simply going through the motions, and the rest of the time she was hidden away in her cabin, haunting the ship with her absence.

It was up to him to say something. Aside from Joker there was nobody else left, and he knew for a fact that she’d rather die before she talked to Miranda or Jacob. So it had come down to this, waiting for her to finish her debrief with the Illusive Man.

The door slid open, and Shepard stomped out before he could scramble to his feet, forcing her to stumble over his legs.

“Dammit Garrus, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you, about Horizon.”

Shepard sighed then reached down to help him up, her usual frown back on her face. “Do we have to do this now? I haven’t even had a chance to get this armour off.”

“That’s a crappy excuse, Shepard. How about you tell me what is going on? A couple of years ago you would have punched him out for that bullshit he pulled, and what did you do? Try and reason with him? This isn’t like you.”

“You’re right,” she said softly, rubbing a hand over her face. “Come on, I need to get changed.”

Garrus followed her back to her cabin, waiting until they were through the door before launching into his carefully planned speech.

“Look, Shepard, I’m not trying to make excuses for the guy, but I think there’s something you ought to know about Kaidan. He… well, he…”

This was turning out to be more difficult than he’d imagined. Garrus scratched at his fringe and continued.

“He was in love with you.”

Shepard said nothing, her back to him as she stripped her armour off piece by piece.

“I mean, the last two years must have been hard on him, thinking you were dead then hearing you were…”

“He was the bait,” Shepard said bluntly, slamming her chest guard down on the desk. “He was the bait to bring me and the Collectors in, and it worked.”

“What?”

“The Illusive Man tipped the Alliance off, he told them that Horizon was the next target and that I happened to be working with them. They sent Kaidan there to find out if that was true and lured the Collectors in.”

“Lured the Collectors in? I don’t understand, why would Kaidan have lured them in?”

“Because they’re looking for me and anyone who may be connected to me.”

Shepard turned away from him and continued taking her armour off, stowing it carefully in her locker.

“I don’t like the sound of any of this,” he muttered, pacing across the room with long strides. “The Illusive Man didn’t happen to have any idea why they might be going to all this trouble just for you?”

“If he knows he’s not saying anything,” Shepard replied, peeling her under-suit off and looking for her clothes. “I’d quite like to stop them before either they or Cerberus pull anything like this again.”

“And I guess the Alliance is trying to pretend this isn’t happening, as usual.”

Shepard shrugged her shoulders, pulling her underwear on and grabbing a clean Cerberus uniform from her drawers. “I have no idea what the Alliance is doing anymore. Kaidan made it pretty clear what they think of me.”

“Kaidan was just pissed off that you were making them look bad. You know he didn’t mean it. The last two years were tough, for all of us.”

Garrus clicked his mandibles and perched on the desk, watching Shepard squirm her strange human body into her uniform as he had many times before. She changed in front of him so often that he didn’t even notice anymore, just took it to be one of those weird human things that she did.

“Why didn’t you contact any of us? I mean, at least Kaidan heard rumours—hell, I just thought I was hallucinating when you showed up, four days with no sleep and nothing to do except kill people.”

“How could I?” Shepard snapped, pacing over to him. “Look at me, I’m working with Cerberus of all people! What did you expect me to do, drop you a message saying ‘Oh hi, I’m not dead and, by the way, I’m working for Cerberus’?”

“Well.” Garrus shrugged. “That would have been a start.”

Shepard laughed, a snorting giggle that made him smile in response. She was still in there, she just needed some coaxing out.

Moving a pile of datapads, she sat down next to him and started to bump his leg with hers, an annoying habit that he found almost endearing. Almost.

“See, this is why I didn’t contact you, I knew you’d have some smart arse remark lined up for me.”

“You know that’s why you keep me around. That, and you’d be dead again without me covering your back.”

Garrus felt her lean into him and leant back, listening to her silence and wondering what was going on in that scarred head of hers.

“So, what now? The Alliance is ignoring us, Cerberus is lying to us, and the Collectors are out to get you. Sounds like business as usual.”

“We build the team up, wait for the Illusive Man to find us a way through the relay, then we go and stop the Collectors. Simple.”

“Of course, we pass through the Omega-Four relay that, incidentally, nobody has ever returned from, and then we fight the Collectors on their home world when we can’t even stop them abducting humans in our own back yard. How do you humans say it? Ah, that’s right. Piece of cake.”

Shepard sighed and picked up the pile of datapads, the smile gone from her face.

“Thanks for that, Garrus, always looking on the bright side. Now, if you get your bony turian arse off my desk, I could get some work done.”

Garrus laughed and ambled out of the room, leaving Shepard on her own.

\---

“A piece of cake,” Shepard repeated in the silence, dropping her head into her hands and remembering what Kaidan had said. What if he was right? What if she was the one not thinking straight?

When she’d been with the Alliance, there had never been any doubt in her mind that she was doing the right thing. But now the Alliance had turned its back on her and she was alone for the first time since she was a child. They had been her family, her duty, her reason for living.

When Kaidan said those things, she realised—properly realised—that this was it. She was on her own as she hadn’t been since she was a child, cold and scared back in the slums of earth. If she fell in this task, there was nobody else to carry on after her. Everything she had struggled for would be as nothing, their sacrifices would be lost amongst everything else obliterated by the Reapers.

There was no going back now. She had to be ready.

Shepard picked up the datapads and forced herself to look through them, studying the new dossiers that the Illusive Man had sent her.

With a last glance at the datapad, Shepard made up her mind. After all, she’d already fallen this far, why not fall a little further?

“EDI?”

“Yes, Shepard?”

“Please can you ask Joker to change course? We’ll go straight to Illium. The Citadel can wait.”

“Of course, Commander. Shall I explain why we are changing course?”

“Yes,” Shepard said, cradling the datapad in her hands. “Tell him we’re going to pick up an assassin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Oh, can't anybody see  
>  We've got a war to fight  
>  Never found our way  
>  Regardless of what they say  
>  How can if feel this wrong?  
>  This moment  
>  How can it feel this wrong?'  
>  \- Roads by Portishead


	4. Glimpse of a Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard goes to collect her assassin, and gets more than she bargained for.

The tower stood before them, bathed in the last fleeting rays of the sun, and Shepard found her eyes drawn to the penthouse where Thane's target was hiding. It seemed almost impossibly far, and she felt the worry slip into her bones at the thought of all that lay between her and her destination.

"Don't linger too long," Seryna shouted, her voice almost lost over the whine of the transport's engines. "They'll be here to greet you soon enough."

Shepard reached up and shut the door, disregarding the Asari's empty wish of good luck. As far as Seryna was concerned they were going in there simply to draw fire so Thane could reach Nassana faster, but Shepard had other ideas. She was going to get there first.

The transport lifted high into the clear sky, and Shepard started towards the entrance, gunshots catching her attention.

A couple of Salarians ran into sight, fleeing desperately from a small troop of mechs that showed neither mercy or restraint, and Shepard could only watch as they shot the first Salarian in the back, his terrified scream muted in an instant.

Without thinking she tore towards them, smashing through the glass door with a few blasts from her submachine gun and unleashing her biotics on the first Mech she spotted, slamming it into the floor then turning her attention to the last few.

She cut them down in seconds with help from Garrus and Kasumi, moving automatically over to the fallen Salarian and scanning him for life signs. He was a lost cause but the other Salarian had made it further, as was evidenced by the trail of bloody footprints.

They found him barely metres away, blood spattered and wheezing out his last breaths, his glassy eyes widening with fear as they approached him.

Shepard raised her hands in a bid to reassure him then crouched at his side and administered a shot of medi-gel, her eyes never leaving his as she waited for the rattle of his breathing to ease.

"Easy there, I'm here to help," Shepard murmured, helping him into a sitting position then sitting back on her heels. "Who did this to you? And why?"

"We're just night workers. Nassana sent them after us. She sent the mechs to round us up but we didn't hear…" The Salarian coughed, his slight frame convulsing with the effort. "They started shooting. We were too slow…it was horrible, everyone screaming. They just wanted us out of the way."

Seryna hadn't been particularly complimentary about Nassana, and now that the evidence was here before her eyes, she had to agree that perhaps she had fallen beyond redemption since the last time Shepard had met her.

"We'll send help as soon as we can," Shepard said, climbing to her feet and preparing to move off. "Think you can hang on?"

"I...I think so," he spluttered, reaching one of his hands out as Shepard turned to leave. "Wait! Wait, please!"

His distress called Shepard back, and she crouched back down at his side as another cough shook his body. She would have to call for help sooner than she liked and damn the consequences.

"It's alright, I'm still here. What is it?"

"There are other workers in there, my friends. Can you help them, please?"

Shepard frowned, glancing up at Garrus as she got slowly to her feet. Things were getting more complicated by the second.

"We'll do our best," she promised, testing the weight of her words for truth and hoping there was some substance to them.

This time she didn't turn back, heading into the shadows and using her omni-tool to send a message that she knew would bring more trouble down on them, even with her precaution of routing it through Liara. If she was right about the Asari security forces they had a little under ten minutes before they arrived and found the mess she was about to create.

"Kasumi, what's the quickest way up to the penthouse?" Shepard asked, calling up a schematic of the towers and leaning into the pool of flickering orange light it created.

"The quickest way or the easiest way?" the thief asked, her fingers dancing through the map as she weighed up their options.

"Quickest, I want to be the one waiting for the assassin when he gets there."

"The quickest way would be up this tower and over the bridge here; it will leave us exposed until we get over it though. Once we're in, it shouldn't be a problem," Kasumi said, pointing out the bridge between their tower and Nassana's.

"And is Krios likely to have taken the same path?" Shepard asked, examining the map carefully and plotting their path through the dark twine of corridors.

"I'd guess so—unless he knows something we don't. He's moving on his own though so he'll be faster. He's also likely to be better at sneaking than you are. No offence, Shep."

"None taken. Come on, we'd better get moving."

She took her pistol out and brought up her barriers in one swift movement, forcing her sluggish legs into a run.

"Let's see if you can still keep up, Vakarian. You can even have a head start if you like."

"How about we let the ladies go first," Garrus said politely. "Kasumi?"

Shepard bit back a laugh then opened the door, waiting for Kasumi to go through before shoving Garrus out of the way and sprinting down the corridor towards the first group of mercs.

\---

She was crouched in cover when she heard them, their voices echoing through the dust filled air.

"Hey, I think he went in here."

"Well, go get him."

"You go."

"Get your ass in there, Nassana's not paying you to stand around."

"Fine…but I…"

Muffled thuds rang through the sudden silence and Shepard sprang towards them, bolting out of the darkness straight into the path of a slew of Eclipse troopers who opened fire without hesitation, banishing any element of surprise.

Chaos erupted, bullets flying and glass smashing in a cascade of sound that made Shepard curse under her breath. There was no way Krios wouldn't have heard that and she gave up trying to sneak, lifting a Vanguard and throwing her through the remaining panes of glass before unleashing a hail of submachine gun fire on her.

"You know, I think Kasumi might have a point," Garrus said, stepping gingerly over the shards of glass as they cleared the room.

Irritation was starting to prickle at the back of her neck, anger starting to pulse through her bloodstream, twined with the sickly grasp of fear. She could still do this, she had to.

"Hey, Shep?"

"What, we don't have—"

"There's a locked door here, sounds like someone's inside," Kasumi said, unable to resist the opportunity. She'd hacked through before Shepard even had a chance to respond, and as the door opened, force of habit made her draw her pistol at whatever it contained.

Three Salarians stood cowering before her, their hands raised in surrender.

"Please don't kill us! We'll go, we'll go!"

"Hey look, they're not Eclipse," one of them murmured, stepping forwards. "You're here to help us…right?"

"It's one reason I'm here," Shepard admitted, forcing herself to focus on them. "Come out, it should be safe."

"Thank you, we are in your debt," the first Salarian said, giving her a small bow.

"Look, maybe you can help me, I'm looking for someone. Not a merc—he's on his own."

"Well, whoever sealed us in here," one of the Salarians burst out before being interrupted by one of the others.

"When he found us, I thought we were dead. But he just closed the door and locked us in."

It was unlikely that there was anyone else in the building, and Shepard couldn't help but turn this over in her mind. This small act of mercy that seemed somehow incongruous for a cold blooded killer. She had to find him.

"So our assassin has a conscience, hmm?" Garrus murmured, amusement colouring his voice.

Shepard ignored him, pulling out her pistol and reloading. "You should head for the lower levels, help is on the way. I don't suppose you know a quick way up the tower?"

"Cargo elevator is the only way up."

"Then that's where we're going. Garrus, Kasumi."

The salarians started past them, the last one pausing next to her. "Thank you. And tell your assassin to aim for her head…'cause she doesn't have a heart."

 _My assassin_ , she thought. _Not yet_.

\---

The elevator reached its destination with a gentle thud, the doors opening out onto utter silence. A dead merc lay on the floor metres from them, his limbs still twitching.

Wherever Krios was, he couldn't be far away, as this macabre greeting showed.

Shepard led the way, sprinting through the quiet and through another door into a darkened room where she heard a merc's voice echoing from some unknown location. Drawing her pistol she crept closer, listening intently.

"He's all over the place."

There was a slight buzz of static then a reply through his comm.

"What do you mean?"

"We've got reports of him on multiple levels. We think he's travelling through the ducts…"

Using the ducts to move around would give him a distinct advantage, one which she was helpless to counter. That left her with few options.

Shepard burst out of cover and lifted the merc, a yelp of surprise falling half formed from his lips as she fired her pistol to kill him. She couldn't afford to waste another second, and she slammed into another trooper with a wild rage that didn't go unnoticed by Garrus, throwing him across the room to meet his death against what looked like another sealed door.

"Fine, open it, but hurry up," Shepard snapped, staring around the room.

Kasumi shared a look with Garrus then opened the door, unsurprised to find two salarians inside.

This time one of them raised a gun, and before she could stop herself Shepard sprang at him, twisting the gun easily from his fingers and raising it to aim squarely at his face.

"Look, I don't have time for this."

"Please stop, he's my brother—he's not usually like this, please!" the other Salarian babbled, rushing forwards and pulling his brother back from the barrel of Shepard's gun. "Are...are you the ones who shot the merc?"

Shepard glanced doubtfully at the corpse of the merc beside them, lowering her gun. "That wasn't me, are you sure it wasn't your brother?"

"No, Telon was standing here with me."

The assassin was starting to irritate her. There didn't seem to be any reason for leaving the Salarians alive other than a show of mercy or worse – a calculated distraction.

"What happened exactly?" she asked, nudging the merc with her foot. He hadn't been dead long, she still had a chance.

"The merc found us and shouted at us to move. We panicked, and he shouted more. I thought he was going to kill us…then…his head just exploded. Telon picked up the merc's gun but we were too afraid to leave. Then you showed up."

"I'm looking for someone, probably the someone that killed this merc."

The Salarian looked at his brother, edging in front of him before replying. "Telon thought he saw someone following us, but he's been a bit….on edge. I haven't seen anyone but the mercs."

This was turning into a complete waste of valuable time. "Is the bridge the only way to the penthouse in the other tower?" she asked, checking the gun she'd taken from him.

"From here? Yeah. It won't be easy. Mercs are patrolling the other side. Whatever Nassana's hiding from must be pretty scary."

"Here, take this and get out of here," Shepard said, handing him the pistol. "The lower levels should be clear but watch out for the security forces, they should be here any minute."

"Of course. Telon, get up. And whoever you are – thank you."

Shepard merely nodded, her attention caught by the tinny sound of a voice somewhere outside. It was coming from a comm terminal, and she couldn't resist answering the increasingly urgent requests for information as she sought to wrest control of the situation back from the assassin.

"I'm sorry, this transmission is breaking up, please identify yourself."

"This is Nassana, you ignorant fuck, now what the hell is going on down there?"

Nassana was still alive, perfect.

"I'm afraid your men aren't able to respond, Nassana."

The transmission ended in a flurry of curses and Shepard took off towards the bridge, forcing herself to move faster.

\---

The bridge yawned wide across the chasm, and it wasn't until Shepard set foot on it that she realised how far up they were, shadows gathering in the darkness below. She stepped back, dipping quickly behind the nearest cover as she fought to quell the sudden sensation of tumbling into darkness.

"Shepard?"

The sound of Garrus' voice pulled her back from the sickening twist of memory, and she forced herself to look over the bridge at the second tower. There were mercs all over the place and further up she caught sight of two rocket turrets that would make their life very difficult. As she trailed the scope across the windows she caught a glimpse of a shadow, a wisp of movement that vanished just as soon as she'd seen it.

"Shepard?" Garrus repeated, crouching at her side. "You've seen the rockets?"

Shepard reluctantly dropped the scope and faced Garrus, her chest still constricted by fear. "We'll deal with those when we get closer, come on."

Practise stilled her nerves, adrenaline cleansing her blood of any lingering doubts as she forced herself forwards over the gaping chasm with every last shred of determination.

They worked in perfect unison, Shepard setting a blistering tempo as she drove them through the mercs and onwards until she reached the silence of the second tower. The back of Shepard's neck prickled uncomfortably as she looked up, seeing once again the shadow at the window.

The shadow didn't fire and Shepard realised with a jolt who it was, her omni-tool pinging as she stared up at the shape. It was a message from Liara.

'Asari security forces are on scene. I suggest getting out of there before it becomes a terrorist incident.'

"We have to move NOW," Shepard cried, ignoring the pain in her legs as she drove her traitorous body onwards.

\---

She burst into the penthouse, her finger twitching on the trigger as she squinted against the bronze rays of the sun to find Nassana and her guards very much alive.

Relief flooded through her only to replaced by the certainty that Krios had made it up there first; he'd been faster than her at every turn and she'd been too slow to do anything. Her rebuilt body had failed her—she'd failed herself—and a hard laugh burst from her throat as the bitter truth sank in.

There was only one thing missing – Krios.

The air was stifling as Shepard stepped forwards towards Nassana and she put her gun away. It was useless now.

"Nassana?"

"Shepard? But you're dead?"

"I was."

"And now you're here to kill me."

"Can I?" Garrus muttered. "It would be faster."

Shepard glanced around the room, her heart thrumming in her chest. Krios was with them somewhere, waiting. If he was playing a game, she had no choice but to play along.

"You really are paranoid, aren't you," she said, her gaze shifting round the room to find the heavily armed guards and the vents above them.

"Don't patronize me Shepard," Nassana growled, pointing at Shepard.

"Charming as ever."

"I'm sure you find this all very ironic. First you take care of my sister, and now you're here for me. Well, you made it this far. Now what?"

"You really think I'm here to kill you? If I was you'd be dead by now," Shepard replied, her omni-tool pinging again. The security forces were on their way up. It wouldn't be long now.

"Do you have another reason for destroying my tower? Decimating my security?" Nassana asked as she paced back and forth at the window.

"Actually, yes. I'm looking for someone."

Nassana scoffed. "You expect me to believe that? Just tell me your price and we can make this problem go away."

"It's too late for that, Nassana. You got yourself into this."

"Who the hell gave you the right to play god? I may not be perfect but look at you," Nassana sneered, gesturing at her. "We both kill people for money, what's the difference?"

Shepard watched her, anger burning bright at the presumption. "You kill people because you think they're beneath you, they're in your way. I kill people because they leave me no choice."

A noise above them spooked the guards and Shepard found she could hardly breathe, her gaze drifting back towards the vent.

"You've got a choice. You don't have to do this. I can tell you…what?" Nassana snapped, glaring at the Asari Commando next to her.

"I heard something."

Nassana gave a long suffering sigh. "Check the other entrances."

She turned back to Shepard. "You…stay put."

Then Thane Krios dropped into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'I wish I had known  
>  That first minute we met  
>  The unpayable debt  
>  That I owed you'  
>  Kettering - The Antlers


	5. The Measure of an Individual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard finds Thane, but getting out of the Dantius Towers is another matter.

He moved like something from a half-forgotten dream, a flickering shadow that claimed the lives of Nassana’s guards in a few sunlit seconds.

Shepard had been a soldier long enough to see the skill in his movements, the deadly way he wielded his gift for taking life, and despite herself she stepped forwards even as every fibre of her being urged her to run.

If she was to die here, things would be much simpler, for her at least. She heard Garrus at her back, the familiar growl burning low in his chest as he raised his gun at the threat. It seemed a futile gesture against someone like Krios, but the meaning behind it brought everything into focus.

Thane stilled, his hands clasped together in prayer as he stood before the broken form of Nassana, her guards dead at his feet.

“I was hoping to talk to you,” Shepard said, unwilling to interrupt but keenly aware of the asari security force moving closer with every second.

“I apologize, but prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken.”

“Do you really think she deserves it?”

“Not for her, for me,” Thane said softly, watching her with his dark eyes. He was nothing like she’d expected, this creature of grace and manners.

“The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone. Take you for instance,” Thane said, sheathing his gun and prowling slowly towards her, his fingers trailing over the desk. “All this destruction…chaos.”

Shepard glanced at the body on the console, well aware of the trail of corpses she’d left behind her.

“I was curious to see how far you’d go to find me. Well…here I am.”

“How did you know I was coming at all?” Shepard asked, remembering the sound of breaking glass and regretting the question the moment it left her lips.

“I didn’t. Not until you marched in the front door and started shooting,” Thane said, moving to her side. “Nassana had become paranoid. You saw the strength of her guard force. She believed one of her sisters would kill her. You were a valuable distraction.”

“Let’s cut to the chase,” Shepard said, glancing at the door. “I need you for a mission.”

“Indeed?”

“You’re familiar with the Collectors?”

“By reputation,” Thane rasped, stalking past her to stare out of the window.

“They’re abducting entire human colonies. Freedom’s Progress was their handiwork.”

“I see.”

“We’re going after them,” Shepard said simply.

Thane turned, surprise evident on his face. “Attacking the Collectors would require passing through the Omega-Four relay. No ship has ever returned from doing so.”

She knew this, had thought about it as she lay in darkness every night, wondering what the hell she was getting herself into, driven by the reckless urge of hers to keep going no matter what the cost.

“They told me it was impossible to get to Ilos, too.”

“A fair point. You’ve built a career on performing the impossible.”

Shepard thought she heard something outside and she stepped to Thane’s side, hoping to hurry him along.

Thane dipped his head, his eyelids closing against the sunset. “This was to be my last job. I’m dying. Low survival odds don’t concern me. The abduction of your colonists does.”

Shock rippled through Shepard, her mouth running away from her. “You’re dying? Are you contagious? How long do you have?”

“If you’re interested, we can discuss it on your ship. The problem isn’t contagious, and it won’t affect my work.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Shepard said softly. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Giving me this opportunity is enough,” Thane said, dismissing her pity. “The universe is a dark place. I’m trying to make it brighter before I die. Many innocents died today. I wasn’t fast enough, and they suffered. I must atone for that.”

He turned to Shepard, reaching his hand out to her.

“I will work for you, Shepard. No charge.”

She took his hand and shook it, a quaint human gesture that almost made her smile.

“Erm, Shepard?”

“I know,” Shepard muttered, glancing at Garrus. “We have to get out of here.”

“Ah, we have company?” Thane said, watching Shepard as she called up a map on her omni-tool and stared at it with a frown. There was no way out of here, unless….

“I may have called the Security forces to come and get the injured salarians. Garrus, get over here.”

He did so, looking at Shepard in confusion.

“I need you to help me up into the vent. Kasumi, can you keep an eye on the asari and tell me what they’re doing and where they are? Thane – can you lead us to the cargo elevator?”

“Of course.”

He stepped up onto the console and jumped, catching the lip of the vent and pulling himself up in one swift movement.

“Oh no, you’re not getting me in there. I’d rather face the asari than get stuck up in some vent,” Garrus complained, watching Kasumi cloak and vanish with a shrug.

“Come on Garrus!” Shepard hissed, scrambling up onto his shoulders and reaching for Thane’s outstretched hands. He lifted her easily into the darkness then they both stretched back down for the pissed-off-looking Garrus.

Turians hadn’t been designed for squeezing into narrow spaces, and he voiced his displeasure in a series of worsening curses as they hefted him up into the vent, a loud noise sounding somewhere nearby.

Thane didn’t hesitate, leading them quickly through the tunnels so that they were out of ear shot before the security force burst in and found the bodies.

Shepard thought she was managing tolerably well at keeping quiet, even with her armour scraping along the inside of the tunnels and the sigh of her breath in the silence. Her only other points of comparison were the silent drell slipping into shadow before her, and the turian behind, who was managing to sound like a car crash.

Thane stopped to look back at him, irritation crossing his face.

“Perhaps you could make an attempt at keeping quiet,” he hissed, attempting to listen to anything beyond the racket of armour on metal.

“Garrus, wait a second,” Shepard whispered, scooting over to him and removing the leg pads that were causing most of the problems. In the silence that followed she heard Kasumi’s voice in her comm, informing her that the asari had found Nassana and were going to investigate the security camera footage.

“Kasumi, can you get there first and wipe it?” she responded, laying a hand on Garrus to stop him from moving.

“Shouldn’t be a problem. See you downstairs, Shep.”

She let go of Garrus and set off again, scuttling through the darkness and bumping into Thane where he was waiting, staring down through one of the ventilation grills. He raised a hand, finger to his lips, and listened carefully for a second before lifting the grill to one side and dropping through.

“Clear,” she heard him whisper. Shepard dangled her legs through the grill then started to lower herself carefully through, dropping straight into Thane’s waiting arms.

He softened the impact of her fall, placed her gently on the ground, then turned to look up at Garrus emerging gracelessly from the vent.

He fell into the room and would have knocked Shepard over if it hadn’t been for Thane’s quick intervention, grabbing hold of his shoulders to help Shepard take the weight of a fully-grown turian and his armour.

Garrus staggered to his feet then adjusted his collar with a disgruntled click of his mandibles, ignoring Shepard as she shot him a look of annoyance.

“We can take a shortcut to the bridge from here,” Thane told them, pacing over to the window where he took out his rifle and examined the bridge for movement.

As she stood at his side, Shepard realised this must have been the window where she’d seen him earlier, and she couldn’t help the twist of fear as she looked back out over the way they’d come.

Thane led the way, slipping through shadowed corridors then out onto the bridge where they paused, all three of them scanning the area.

“I’ll go first,” Thane said, melting in the darkness that fell over them.

“He sure knows how to make an entrance,” Garrus grumbled, lowering his scope and looking over at Shepard who was ignoring him, her attention fixed on the other side of the bridge. “Hopefully he knows how to make an exit too.”

She caught sight of Thane in the darkness, ignoring the wind threatening to pull her off the side as she thought only of reaching him.

When she finally found herself at his side, she let out the breath she’d been holding, and he gave her a small look of questioning, his dark eyes shining.

“Commander?”

“You don’t have to call me that. Shepard is fine; I’m not technically a Commander anymore,” she told him, unable to keep the bitterness from seeping into her voice.

“As you wish, Shepard. May I ask who you are working for now, if not the Alliance?”

Shepard dropped the scope and stared at him, unwilling to say the word. “Cerberus,” she spat eventually, lifting her scope again to cover Garrus.

As soon as he reached them, Shepard opened a comm link to Kasumi, hoping for an update on the asari’s whereabouts.

“Kasumi? What’s going on?”

There was no reply. Shepard cursed under her breath, ducking inside and bringing up the map again. The last known position of the asari was in the penthouse, and it was sensible to assume they’d send a small force to locate the security room in the first tower. It was also likely that they’d beaten the asari over the bridge.

Shepard found what she was looking for and set off at a sprint, climbing a narrow flight of stairs that led to an access hatch.

Thane grasped her intent immediately and helped her open it, popping the flimsy locks with little difficulty.

“You’re not getting me into another vent, Shepard,” Garrus complained, watching her suspiciously.

“I’m not,” she said, crawling through the hatch into the dark space of the elevator shaft.

There was only the gentle glow of a security light to give her any kind of bearing, the machinery silent above her head, and the elevator a couple of metres below. She shuffled to the lip of the ledge where they’d emerged and gauged the distance to the cable. At least she didn’t have far to fall if she messed up.

Shepard reached out her arms and threw herself into the darkness, grabbing tightly onto the cable and sliding down onto the top of the elevator. Thane ignored the cable and sprang lightly down, landing in a cat-like crouch, then straightening to watch Garrus.

Voices drifted through the warm, still air, and Shepard looked up at where Garrus was hesitating on the ledge, knowing that it would be impossible for him to reach them without making some kind of noise.

There was no way she was leaving him behind. Shepard stood up, felt the lift lurch slightly under her feet, and in a bright purple flash she grabbed hold of Garrus with her biotics and snatched him off the ledge, pulling him down towards her. The machinery above them started to move, and Shepard felt the lift drop beneath her, reaching instinctively for the cable.

Thane reached out to steady her, and she dropped Garrus neatly at her side as they started to plunge into the darkness.

It felt like falling, and for a second she had to close her eyes, opening them to see Garrus crouched beside her in the flowing darkness, his bright blue eyes lit by his visor. She wanted to reach a hand out to grab hold of him, to convince herself that she wasn’t falling alone this time, but she couldn’t make herself move.

Eventually the elevator came to a smooth stop, and they listened intently, the voice of what sounded like two asari’s moving off into the distance. Shepard waited a few moments more then, satisfied they were alone, she opened the roof hatch and risked a glance through.

Everything was quiet. Shepard dropped down and waited until Thane had followed her before peering carefully round the doorway, coming face to face with an asari Commando.

Without hesitation, Shepard hit her across the face, a punch to the temple that was intended to bring her down without causing too much damage. As she fell, Shepard caught her, dragging her into the lift where she heard the tinny sound of the asari’s comm.

“Vector nine? Can you report? Vector nine?”

There was a pause. Shepard used it to motion furiously at Garrus for him to get a move on, still listening to the comm.

“Vector nine, I am sending a fire team to your location. Please stand by.”

The lift doors started to close, and Thane moved to block them, bracing himself against them.

“Kasumi, where are you?” Shepard hissed into her comm, ducking under Thane’s leg and staring down the corridor with her pistol raised.

“I’m outside. They’ve got guards in place round every exit.”

“Not every exit. Kasumi, I’m sending co-ordinates to you – meet us there,” Shepard ordered, lowering her gun and checking the map. Once she had the correct co-ordinates she sent them to Kasumi, and then Liara. Her friend owed them a little help.

Garrus made it down and Thane allowed him past, tapping him on the arm as he passed. “Hold the doors, if you would.”

Shepard caught the bright blue flash of Thane’s biotics, and turned to see him punch neatly through the control panel, disabling the lift.

“That should slow them down,” Thane said, exiting the elevator and standing beside Shepard.

She glanced up at him, a smile on her lips, before turning and leading the way, slipping through silent corridors until she found the room she was looking for.

It looked out over Illium, a host of lights sparkling now that night had fallen.

Shepard searched around the window whilst Garrus and Thane waited at the door, listening for any sounds of the fire team. There was an indrawn hush. Shepard felt a breeze on her face, and turned to find Kasumi materialising next to her.

“We’ve got company,” Kasumi whispered rapidly. “Six Asari followed me in. They were heading for the elevator.”

A low whine filled the air. Shepard raised her pistol, cracking the glass then punching through with her glowing purple fist just as their lift appeared at the window.

A shout sounded down the corridor but Shepard ignored it, climbing onto the windowsill.

“Kasumi, you first. Garrus, Thane, get over here.”

The door of the transport opened, and Kasumi sprang over with Garrus following quickly behind.

Thane remained at her side, his gun trained on the dark corridor that was filled with the sound of running feet.

“Go!” Shepard ordered, feeling her barrier crackle as a bullet found her. Thane nodded then leapt over, keeping his sights on the asari as they burst into the room. Shepard threw herself over, reaching out to grab Garrus’ outstretched hand.

The transport banked sharply, and she found herself thrown against the other side, landing hard on Garrus. Thane remained perfectly balanced, his outline dark against the stars as the transport started to gain height.

The door clicked shut and they started to level out, giving Shepard the chance to untangle herself from Garrus and slump in one of the chairs.

“Yeah, that went well,” Garrus grumped, adjusting the visor that Shepard had almost knocked off his face.

She shrugged, allowing herself to believe that it had. Thane had been acquired, and they had made it out alive.

“Shepard, I would like to collect my things if possible. Perhaps we could land here?” Thane asked from behind her, his voice thrumming through the small space of the transport.

“Of course,” Shepard replied, scrambling over the seats to sit next to the asari driver. She barely gave Shepard a glance, her face set in a mask of concentration.

“Look, could you set us down here?” Shepard asked, glancing out of the window. They didn’t appear to have company yet.

“Sure, I was told to drop you wherever you wanted,” the Asari replied, a hint of resentment in her voice.

The transport started to drop, landing in the midst of a large, open square adorned with lanterns.

“Tonight is the Festival of the Lost,” the asari commented, still not looking at Shepard. “I suggest you become just that. The security force won’t be happy that they lost you, and if they find out it was me that picked you up, they’ll kick me out.”

“Give my thanks to Liara. And thank you,” Shepard said, climbing out of the transport and raising her hand to shut the door.

“Ha, don’t thank me. I was simply paying a debt,” the asari muttered. The door clicked shut, and they stood back as the transport lifted off, the breeze setting the lanterns dancing all around the square.

“Here I must leave you,” Thane bowed, tucking his hands behind his back. “Where will I find your ship?”

“We’re at docking bay twelve,” Shepard told him, dipping her head in response. “And thank you for accepting my offer.”

He said nothing, turning and walking away into the crowds.

Garrus and Kasumi set off, but Shepard kept her eyes on Thane, watching as he stopped by the unlit lanterns in the centre of the square and knelt beside them, light flaring between his fingers.

Two of the darkened lanterns flickered into life, and she found herself watching as they were lifted into the air to be hung next to the others, flickering pale blue and purple against the endless black of the sky.

The afterimage of the two lanterns burnt brightly in her vision, and when she looked back, squinting into the darkness, Thane had gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Can something like this be pulled  
>  From under our feet?  
>  Leaving our skin  
>  And burning coals to meet
> 
> Tell me now
> 
> The shortest distance  
>  Between two points  
>  Is the line  
>  From me to you'  
>  Between Two Points by The Glitch Mob


	6. Beneath the waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard talks to her new recruit, the assassin.

Thane drifted, shutting out his unfamiliar room on the _Normandy_ and finding himself alone on the tide of his memories once again.

It was back on Kahje that he had first allowed himself to settle into the sleep that numbed him now, watching the waves where his wife had vanished from him only hours before.

They had lowered her body into the water, and he had forced himself to watch as she slipped silently beneath the waves. He had not allowed himself to cry then, the stark grief of her family forcing him to confront the brutal truth. She had been taken from them because of him, because he had not been there when she needed him, because he had let her into his heart in the first place.

For all his complacency and arrogance, his beautiful Irikah had been swept away beneath the waves, leaving her family and his son behind to pay the price. He could hardly blame them for the way they looked at him now, yet he found he could not bring himself to care for their regard.

It was the sight of his son keening for his lost mother that had finally broken him and severed his tether with that world, for how could he face him with that guilt staining his soul without taking measures to exact revenge?

Raindrops ran down his neck and soaked through his clothes as he stood there with only the wind to hold him, blinded by the sea and the tears he could no longer hold back. The sea beckoned him with its cold embrace, but something still remained to be done before he committed his body to the sea and the inscrutable depths of Kalahira. Arashu demanded her due for the blood that had been spilt, and he intended to give it to her.

A hiss, that of the door opening, snatched Thane back to the present moment, the taste of the sea still vivid on his tongue as he half-turned to see Commander Shepard step into the room.

She hung back ever so slightly, and Thane knew straight away why she was there, why she seemed unwilling to approach him. The taint of death tended to have that effect on people, although given Shepard’s own death, it seemed somewhat surprising. Of course she would have concerns for her crew, given her limited knowledge of his illness.

“Have a few minutes to talk?”

“Certainly, we haven’t had a chance since I joined.”

“When we met you said you were dying,” Shepard said, still hanging back.

“Yes, I thought you’d want to know more. You don’t have to worry about the rest of the crew. My illness is not communicable, even to other drell. It’s called Kepral’s Syndrome.”

This seemed to reassure her and she approached the desk, unfolding her arms from her chest then sitting down in the empty chair opposite him.

“Is there anything we can do here?” she asked. “The _Normandy_ has a state of the art medical bay.”

The gesture was endearing, if useless.

“No, thank you. It’s being attended to. If the finest medical minds in the Hanar Illuminated Primacy can’t solve the problem, I doubt the ship’s medic could. Thank you for your concern. Trust me, this won’t affect my performance.”

Shepard looked away and nodded, a delicate blush spreading over the pale skin of her face and down her neck.

“I…of course,” she managed after a moment, risking another glance back up at him. “What can you tell me about the hanar? They aren’t the easiest creatures to talk to.”

“Yes, they are very formal with those they don’t know. This makes them difficult to understand for outsiders. The drell have lived with them for over a century; we have become integrated into their society, and they into ours. I understand this must be difficult to comprehend, especially for humans.”

“Why humans?” Shepard asked, leaning forward.

Thane thought for a moment before replying. “As a species, you prize your independence above all things. This would be unthinkable in our society.”

“You have a point there,” she said wryly, resting her elbows on the desk. “So I have the hanar all wrong then, being a human.”

“What do you know of the hanar?” Thane asked, clasping his hands together in front of him. He had yet to meet a human with any real understanding of the secretive hanar.

“Not very much,” Shepard confessed. “I do know they have Soul Names. I admit I’ve always liked the idea of that.”

“If you ever get close enough to a hanar that they tell you their Soul Name you would find them warm.”

“Did you?” she asked abruptly, her green eyes staring at him now. There was a dull red gleam settled deep in them, a fiery reminder of her death. “Get close enough, I mean.”

“Most of my commissions were for hanar. I grew close to my regular contacts. Soul names tend to be poetic. A hanar known for its cynicism might take a name that means ‘Illuminates the Folly of the Dancers’”

“And is it true the drell have their eyes altered so they can understand the hanar?”

“Yes, many drell have had their eyes genetically modified to perceive their higher frequency flashes. I had the treatment. I can’t tell the difference between dark red and black, but I can see ultra-violet light as a silver colour,” Thane admitted.

Shepard studied him, looking at his eyes intently. He was unused to having anyone interested in him beyond work. Her questions pleased him, though he couldn’t say why.

“There was something else I wanted to ask you,” she said, her eyes flicking away from him. “When you pray for the wicked, who exactly are you praying to?”

This was a question he had not expected.

“That depends on the circumstance. To find my target, I speak with Amonkira, Lord of Hunters. When I act to defend another, Arashu, Goddess of Motherhood and Protection. And when I have taken my target, I speak with Kalahira, Goddess of Oceans and Afterlife,” he said, touching his palms together as he said those names.

Shepard frowned, her forehead wrinkling slightly. “I don’t understand, why the oceans?”

“Consider, the ocean is full of life, yet it is not life as you and I know it. To survive there we must release our hold on land, accept a new way to live. So it is with the death. The soul must accept its departure from the body. If it can’t, it will be lost.”

She sat back, her fingers tracing lightly over the strange scars that twined up her arm. “I see. I didn’t know the drell had gods.”

“It’s one of our older beliefs. Many embrace the Hanar Enkindlers now, or the Asari philosophies. The old ways are dying. There are so many ways to interpret one’s place in the universe. Who needs the wisdom of our ancestors? The younger generations don’t believe they can help us fathom genetic engineering, orbital strikes or alien races."

“What gods can?” Shepard mused, staring into the distance. “War has nothing to do with gods; we manage that all on our own.”

“Commander?” Joker’s voice sounded through the intercom, and Shepard’s shoulders drooped.

“Not Commander - Captain. What is it?”

“We’ve got a message coming in, thought you might want to take a look at it.”

“I’ll be right there,” she replied, moving to get up. “Thank you for talking to me, Thane.”

“You are welcome, though if I might ask…why do they continue to call you Commander? You are no longer with the Alliance, and neither are they. The ranks do not apply, am I correct?” Thane asked. He had been curious since that moment back on the bridge, the expression on her face registering something he didn’t quite understand.

“Correct. But to them, I’m still Commander Shepard, the one they saw in the vids saving the Citadel. But I’m not. Commander Shepard ceased to exist when the _Normandy_ went down.”

“I see. They hold onto the memory of you, the one that gives them comfort during these uncertain times. Perhaps it would be wise to let them cling to that, if it helps.”

Shepard rubbed her neck, frowning as she got to her feet. “You’re probably right. I’d best go.”

After she’d gone, Thane found himself thinking about her, about the Commander that her crew still clung to even if she didn’t believe in her anymore.

Whether she knew it or not, he already owed Shepard his life. He had never expected to survive his venture into the Dantius Towers, and had no plans beyond getting in there to dispatch his final target. His debts to Arashu had finally been paid and that, as far as he’d foreseen, would be the last thing he did before crossing the sea to be with Irikah. Yet the Gods had seen fit to hold him back for some purpose he had yet to discern, and Shepard was their messenger.

He slipped easily into the memory of the tower, of Shepard standing there watching him with those small human eyes that shone bright in the midst of her pale face.

From all the sound and fury they had made getting in there, and the ferocious pace they’d set him to, the last thing he had expected to find waiting at the end of his journey had been a ghost. For that’s what she was.

Two years ago Shepard had died, and the news had been all over the extranet accompanied by vids of the first human Spectre who had taken on Sovereign and saved the Citadel. Thane had given little thought to it then, beyond what it meant for work on the Citadel, should he wish to conduct any. The images of her, young and very serious-looking, had surfaced in his mind as he looked at her there.

She looked older than in the vids, and her face showed a spider web of scars that reached down beneath her suit and out again onto her slender hands, breaking up the bland uniformity of her human skin. Whatever had occurred to bring her back from the dead had not been gentle. She had crossed the sea and returned.

\---

Huddled in the mess hall, Shepard felt curiously comforted, cradled in the centre of the ship with the crew sleeping somewhere nearby. Every time she laid her head on her pillow, the nightmares crowded in, not helped by the ludicrous addition of a skylight above her bed reminding her of the last thing she’d seen before dying. At some point she was going to have to cover that up.

Instead, she sat surrounded by datapads, none of which were helping. Shepard sighed and rubbed eyes, ignoring the exhaustion that was prickling behind them. When she opened them again, Thane was standing before her.

“Shepard.”

“Thane.” She blinked at him blearily and cleared her throat. “Hello.”

“I was about to prepare some food, would you like anything?” he asked, tucking his hands behind his back and bouncing slightly on the heels of his feet.

“I’m fine, thank you.”

Thane gave a slight bow and then strode to his locker, collecting ingredients and taking them back to the kitchen where he very efficiently began to chop things up.

Shepard couldn’t help but watch him as he moved, his every movement graceful even whilst performing something as mundane as preparing a meal. She could have sworn he was humming as he worked, a low hum that barely registered in her feeble human hearing range. Everything about him fascinated her, from the way he moved to the texture of his skin.

He turned, and Shepard snatched her gaze away, looking back at the endless lists of data that streamed by on the datapad without telling her anything of use. She still had no idea what Tali was looking for on Haestrom, or why her team was failing to respond to any of her messages.

Shepard frowned, threw the datapad to one side and pushed her hand through her hair in irritation, wondering why were her friends always flinging themselves into harm’s way when she wasn’t there to look after them.

“You are still awake. Is there something troubling you?”

She looked over to where Thane had settled with his meal and found him watching her intently with those large black eyes of his, his food still untouched. There was something about him that invited her confidences, the rich curl of his voice holding her safe.

“My friend Tali is on some kind of mission on Haestrom and there’s been no response from her team. We’re on our way there now but it could be hours before we reach them, by which time it may be too late,” she said softly, leaning forward on both elbows.

Thane mirrored her gesture, steepling his fingers in front of his face as he answered. “The quarians are well aware of the threat the geth present. It is unlikely they would have gone unprepared. It is also likely that their communications would be interrupted by the geth in an attempt to cut them off.”

“That’s what I’m worried about. I’m not sure a research team can hold off a full frontal attack if the geth figure out they’re there.”

“When was their last transmission?” Thane asked.

Shepard picked up one of the datapads and pushed it across the table to him, trying not to look at the plate of food that sat there reminding her of when she’d last eaten. It felt like hours ago.

“Hmm. I see. And you have tried to make contact with them?”

“Yes.”

“Good, that will give the geth something to think about, assuming they intercepted your message,” Thane replied, passing the datapad back to her. “I would be happy to accompany you on this mission, Shepard, if you wish.”

“Thank you. I’ll let you know as soon as we approach Haestrom. Shouldn’t be more than twelve hours.”

Thane resumed his meal, and Shepard returned to her datapads, rearranging the weapons load out accordingly. Once finished, she fetched herself a couple of energy bars, and they finished eating in silence. It was then that a thought struck Shepard.

“Thane, I’m sorry for what I said earlier about the medbay. It was… stupid” She didn’t quite meet his eyes as she said it, feeling herself blush again. Shepard had felt like an idiot as soon as those words were out of her mouth, and his mild retort had made it worse. Of course the medbay couldn’t help if the hanar couldn’t. What had she been thinking?

He blinked at her for a few seconds then said softly, “There is no need to apologise Shepard. I appreciate the gesture.”

“So, have you worked as part of a crew before?” Shepard asked him, happy to change the subject.

“I confess I have not. You seem to have an interesting selection. Has Cerberus chosen all of us?”

The word made Shepard wince a little before she could stop herself, her thoughts on the organisation quite clear. “Yes. They left the decisions up to me, for what it’s worth. I’m not just going to accept whatever they throw at me, not after everything they’ve done.”

“I’m flattered to have caught the attention of Cerberus,” he smiled, rising to clear his plate away.

“You and me both,” Shepherd muttered, gathering her things together and getting to her feet as Thane gave what sounded like a low laugh. “Goodnight, Thane. I’ll have EDI message you as soon as we’re approaching Haestrom.”

“I’ll be ready. Goodnight, Shepard.”

Once back in her quarters Shepard had to admit that she felt less anxious, her worries smoothed by Thane’s calm reasoning. She couldn’t help wondering if all drell were like Thane, as she undressed and readied her armour for Haestrom.

From the moment he’d dropped into that sunlit room high in Nassana’s tower, she’d found it hard to tear her eyes away from him. At first it had been self-preservation, understandably wary of the alien that had killed Nassana and her guard in a matter of seconds. Now it was something else. She found him interesting, unable to stop herself from wondering about his life as an assassin.

Shepard burrowed beneath her covers and pressed her face deeply into them, trying to blot out the sight of Thane as he turned to face her, his dark eyes drinking her in. She could not allow herself the luxury of feelings for this creature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The past, the present,  
> And the future,  
> Are all side by side,  
> Hand in hand.  
> You move and change,  
> Yet you go nowhere:  
> Everything stays the same. 
> 
> You stare at me,  
> And ask me questions,  
> Makes me nervous,  
> This room it keeps a constant tone  
> While I'm on a roller coaster 
> 
> Unlike me  
> Unlike me  
> Do you think I'm strange  
> Unlike you  
> Unlike you  
> I am not pretending  
> \- Unlike Me by Kate Havnevik


	7. Falling Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard goes to Haestrom to rescue Tali, and discovers that since her resurrection all it not as it seems.

The shuttle lurched slightly, its engines screaming, as they came in to land on Haestrom.

“Two minutes to touchdown,” the pilot announced, rousing Shepard. She’d been consumed by thoughts of Tali, fear and doubt gnawing at her. She couldn’t let Tali down when she needed her.

Shepard checked her gun, tested her biotics for a split second, and then looked over at her squad mates to see if they were ready. Garrus looked as unconcerned as ever, giving her a brief nod. Thane looked lost in thought, gazing across the shuttle with unseeing eyes.

There was a heavy jolt as they touched down, then piercing brightness as the door slid open to reveal a world of destruction and decay, crumbling buildings stretching as far as the eye could see. As soon as Shepard stepped out onto the surface, she felt her worries crowd in on her, creeping into her bones and refusing to let go. The air was stifling with heat and dust, the sun beat down mercilessly. Something was very wrong here.

Shepard licked her dry lips, took one last look at the area scans EDI had provided her with, and then set off towards the entrance to the complex. All she could think about was getting in there to find Tali, her focus slipping as she stepped into a patch of direct sunlight.

The effect was instant. Her hard suit alarm started screaming, a harsh noise that she heard every night as the memories of her death took her in their grip. In that second she could only bend to them, reaching out to brush the flames off with shaking hands before they consumed her again.

“Shepard?” Miranda’s voice rang out over the comm, cutting through her panic in an instant. “Is everything all right? Your heart rate’s gone off the chart.”

“I…I’m fine,” Shepard burst out, catching sight of Thane and Garrus watching her. She couldn’t fall apart now, not when Tali needed her. They all needed her, relied upon her, and she was finding it harder than ever to keep up the facade.

“Come on,” she ordered, wiping sweat from her forehead as she led them towards the gate house. A voice hung in the warm air and Shepard followed it, finding a dead quarian lying beside a console.

“Emergency log entry: The geth are here. I’ve stayed to buy the others time. Anyone who gets this, find Tali’Zorah. She and the data are all that matters. Keelah se’lai.”

Shepard shut the message off and started looking for the gate control panel, doing her best to ignore the corpse that lay splayed on the floor.

Thane showed no such concern, crouching beside the quarian and turning him over to reveal well-targeted gunshot wounds that had punched through his environment suit – definitely the work of the geth.

“He hasn’t been dead long. I’d say no more than an hour or two,” Thane observed, laying the body back down and murmuring what sounded like another one of his prayers.

“I still don’t get why this data is worth dying for,” Garrus said, watching them from the doorway.

“I have no idea, but I do know that Tali wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important,” Shepard muttered, finding what looked like the correct panel and pressing the door release button. The door opened with a metallic screech and the vibration ran through the ground beneath their feet, shaking dust into the air.

Garrus took his gun out. “Was there a doorbell we could ring?”

There was no way they were getting in there unnoticed, and once again Shepard found herself cursing her inability to sneak anywhere, risking a glance at the silent drell who was readying his weapons. At least they could draw fire from Tali, it seemed to be all she was good at now – drawing fire.

Shepard brought her barriers up as she left the room, ducking down into cover next to the open gate. She barely had time to process what she saw before bullets started raining down on their position, forcing them to hide in the shadows.

There were geth everywhere, from the tell-tale shimmer of hunters to the hulking form of the Primes, and they all stood right in their way. Once she would have charged in there, but now she found herself rooted to the spot, fumbling for the courage that seemed to have deserted her.

“There’s a drop ship coming in!” Garrus yelled, taking aim and firing.

‘She and the data are all that matters,’ the quarian had said. He had laid down his life to buy them time.

Shepard sucked in her breath, took her pistol out and glanced over at Garrus and Thane. Neither of them had hesitated for an instant, and no matter what happened, she knew Garrus would be there beside her to back her up, even if he was watching her fail.

Biotics crackling, she threw the geth closest to her and charged across the battlefield, hitting a trooper with Reave then scrambling into cover as a rocket hit her position. She took her sniper rifle out, and then peered carefully around the crate only to see the rocket trooper dispatched in a bright blue flash. Thane.

Taking her chance to move, she sprinted to a shaded platform that offered her some respite from the sun, and a better view of the approaching geth.

Thane was at her side in an instant, covering the area to their right as she and Garrus laid into a Prime that had made the mistake of targeting them. The moment it went down, Shepard popped her heatsink and looked over at Thane, bullets still pelting them from the other side of the rubble-strewn yard. He caught her eye for a split second then they broke cover simultaneously, moving together as they ploughed through the oncoming enemies.

She had to admit that she’d had her reservations about Thane before the mission. He’d been on his own for so long, and it was unlikely that he’d ever served as part of a team such as theirs, that she didn’t know how he would react once on the battlefield.

He surpassed her expectations again. Thane fitted in as though he had always fought at her side, allowing her to charge forwards and scatter their enemies before he made short work of finishing them off. Her skill and power were unsurpassed on the field of battle, but he brought something else to it. He lent her a deadly grace, honing her skills to the point of the finest blade.

He anticipated each threat quickly and acted on it even quicker, following Shepard’s lead but setting a pace of his own. They acted as one, each covering the other as they laid waste to all before them.

With Garrus covering their back they were unstoppable, and – for the first time since waking, frightened and alone – Shepard felt unalloyed joy surge through her, a lust for battle that had slumbered for too long. There at Thane’s side she no longer felt afraid.

\---

Prior to the mission Thane had been unable to avoid his doubts, his reservations, about how he could best aid Shepard. He had accepted her offer, and knew that once he gave his word he would see it through to whatever end.

But he was also realistic enough to know that he had only rarely worked with others, and certainly not in a military setting as Shepard had. She was master of the battlefield and he was master of the kill. Full scale battle was completely different from the silent death he dealt.

His training had taught him one valuable lesson that he could apply here. Adaptability. Circumstances could change within a split second, and he dealt with that instinctively after years of practise. He could surely adapt to Shepard’s way of doing things.

He had watched her gather herself under the harsh light of Haestrom, saw her shift from one state of being into another as she threw herself into the fight, and he had acted without thought.

She had used sheer power to decimate her enemies, either through superior tactics or her own strength. When she turned her attention to an enemy, it stood little chance of surviving the onslaught, and he saw clearly where his place was.

Striking where she couldn’t reach, finishing those she left behind, and backing her up as she charged onwards.

They ploughed through obstacle after obstacle to reach the bunker overlooking where her friend Tali was, and she never faltered, kept moving forwards even as the odds stacked up against her.

Now they were faced by a Colossus, and as Shepard knelt down beside the quarian captain, a look of concern on her face, he saw exactly why she remained the crew’s Commander.

“Kal’Reegar? How are you holding up?” she asked, putting her pistol away and bringing up her omni-tool to scan him.

“One of the bastards punched a hole clean through my suit, my combat seals clamped down to isolate contamination, and I’m swimming in anti-biotics. The geth might get me, but I’m not going to die from an infection in the middle of battle. That’s just insulting.”

Thane saw Shepard frown slightly at the omni-tool read out, her eyes flickering over the obvious breach in Kal’s suit.

“I’m not going to let the geth get you, Captain. Tali would never forgive me.” Shepard gave Kal a brief smile, flinching as the Colossus hurled another rocket at them. “And you’re sure Tali’s safe?”

Kal shifted before speaking again, his discomfort obvious. “She’s through that door over there. The geth killed the rest of my squad and they’re trying to get to her. Best I’ve been able to do is draw their attention.”

What the quarian lacked in hardiness he made up for with courage. Even injured he had remained in position, fighting to defend Tali even after the rest of his squad had been killed.

“Don’t worry, that’s what we’re here for. Once we go in I need you covering our back. If anything gets in here behind us we don’t stand a chance, and we’re all Tali’s got left."

“Understood. What are you gonna do? That damn repair protocol is making life difficult. Whatever you’re gonna do, you need to do it fast.”

Shepard frowned, her lips moving as she stared into the distance. She glanced at Garrus then Thane, suddenly clenching her fist in front of her.

“I’ve got an idea. Garrus, Thane.” She scooted over next to them and raised her voice to make herself heard over the cacophony of gunfire that was concentrated on their position. “Take out what you can from here then move up the left side. I need you to draw its fire until I can get there, understood?”

They nodded and Shepard moved back to Kal’Reegar, touching him on the shoulder. “Keelah se’lai, Reegar.”

“Keelah se’lai. Say hi to Tali for me.”

Shepard took off at full pelt, vanishing across onto the opposite walkway and out of sight in a matter of seconds.

Thane and Garrus turned their attention to the geth, sniping at whatever was visible before starting down the left hand side as ordered. The left path shielded them from the Colossus, but left them at the mercy of the geth, making their progress forwards painfully slow.

Once they managed to reach the stairway leading up to the Colossus, Thane took a forward position, whilst Garrus stayed back to pick off anything following them. This made Thane the target of the Colossus’ renewed assault.

He could not help but question Shepard’s tactics as he crouched behind the boxes, completely pinned, unable to do anything against the geth that were starting to swarm at them from behind the Colossus. Shepard had given them precious little assistance since leaving them, and the thought that something had happened to her crossed his mind just as something above the Colossus caught his eye.

A moving shadow dropped from the tower on the other side, blazing from blackness to a searing light that streaked down onto the Colossus’ head like a falling star, the head exploding in a haze of purple biotics. Shepard. She fell to the ground beside the smoking ruin of the Colossus and lay still.

Thane leapt towards her without hesitation, blasting geth aside as they swarmed towards her. He lifted a trooper and slammed it against the wall, pausing only to execute another geth with a spinning kick. It fell before him and he punched it in the head, his glowing blue fist making short work of its armour.

He caught a glimpse of Shepard moving and saw a rocket trooper lifted above him, giving him a chance to bring it down with a couple of shots.

“Shepard?”

Thane reached her side, crouching beside her.

“I’m fine, just winded,” she said quietly, wincing as she tried to sit up.

Thane offered her his hand, lifting her with ease. She was dirty, burnt, bleeding, and wearing a smile that lit up her entire face.

“What the hell did you do to that thing?” Garrus asked as he ambled slowly over to them, kicking a piece of the Colossus a couple of metres across the yard. “Did you just punch it to death?”

“Now you show up. Could have done with you a second ago,” Shepard said mockingly, a wry smile on her face. “Lucky for me Thane was here.”

“I’m sorry, should I leave you two to it? Seeing as you were managing so well,” Garrus said, looking pointedly at Shepard’s bleeding face.

Shepard went to wipe it away and grimaced at her hand, examining it for a moment before swopping her pistol to her left hand and moving off. “Let’s go get Tali.”

“That was impressive,” Thane conceded, falling into step beside her.

“Thank you,” Shepard croaked. She walked stiffly towards the door, touching her finger to her ear as she used her comm to contact Tali.

“Tali, do you think you could let us in?”

“Of course, Shepard. I’m unlocking the door now.”

The door opened in front of them, and Shepard led the way, shuffling slowly into the darkness and up the slope.

“Just let me finish this download,” Tali called as they approached, not even turning. “Thank you, Shepard. If not for you, I would never have made it out of this room.”

She finished tapping buttons and stepped away from the console, walking slowly up to Shepard. “This whole mission has been a disaster. I wish I’d joined you back on Freedom’s Progress, but I couldn’t let anyone take my place on something this risky.”

“What were you looking for?” Shepard asked. “To come all this way out into geth controlled space, it must have been something worth the risk.”

“I’d ask the same of you, but now you’re with Cerberus anything can happen. You could have started another war.”

“You know I’d start a war for any of you,” Shepard said, hugging Tali carefully.

“And you can be damn sure she’d finish it too,” Garrus added, stepping forwards.

Thane saw Shepard smile at her friend, the exhaustion vanishing from her face as she looked up at him. They were so obviously a team, forged in the heat of many battles, that it made him feel curiously left out.

“I don’t know if it was worth the risk, Shepard,” Tali continued, her shoulders slumping. “It wasn’t my call. The Admiralty Board believed the information here was worth sacrificing all our lives for. I have to believe they know what’s best.”

“With all due respect, I don’t care what the Admiralty Board believes – I want to know what you think,” Shepard asked, flexing her hand in front of her.

“A lot of people died here. Some of them were my friends. All of them were good at their jobs. That damn data better be worth it. The price was too high.”

“What exactly were you looking for?”

Tali used her omni-tool to bring up an image, a flickering orange orb that lit the room. “Haestrom’s sun is destabilizing. Back when this was a quarian colony, it was a normal star. It shouldn’t change that quickly.”

“What’s destabilizing it?”

“If I had to guess, I’d say that it was dark energy affecting the interior of the star. The effect is similar to when stars blow off mass to enter a red giant phase, but Haestrom’s sun is far too young for this to be natural.”

“I don’t understand why the Admiralty Board would be so interested in this,” Shepard murmured. “Look, if you’re done here how about joining me on the _Normandy_? I could use some help.”

“Just let me transmit the data from a secure channel. Then I can leave with you. And if the Admirals have a problem with it, they can go to hell. I just watched the rest of my team die.”

Thane heard footsteps and turned, pleasantly surprised to see that the quarian captain had survived long enough to join them.

“Maybe not the whole rest of your team, ma’am,” he said, limping over. “Your old captain’s as good as you said. Damn Colossus never stood a chance.”

“How are you holding up?” Shepard asked him. “We can give you a lift if you need it.”

“I’m going with Shepard,” Tali told him, touching her arm gently to Kal’s. “Will you make sure the Admiralty Board gets the information?”

“Sure thing, Ma’am. And Shepard, keep her safe. She’s all yours now.”

Shepard nodded, stepping outside to contact the _Normandy_. They accompanied Kal back to his transport then waited for the shuttle to arrive, loitering in the shadows around the yard.

It was deathly still, and Thane couldn’t help feeling disquieted by the unnatural silence of the dying planet. It felt like a warning, some silent message whose meaning they had yet to grasp.

He was relieved when the shuttle finally arrived and they were able to close the door on the planet, settling himself down next to the Shepard.

Tali, Garrus, and Shepard obviously went back a long way. They sat sharing stories, laughing about things that had happened back on the original _Normandy_ , and he couldn’t help feeling like an interloper. Thane folded himself back into the shadows and listened to their tales, lulled by the friendly atmosphere they created. He hadn’t had friends in many years.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but may I ask who this is?” Tali questioned, turning her mask towards Thane. “If we’re going to be serving together I’d like to know who I’m talking to.”

“This is Thane Krios,” Garrus told her, looking at him. “He’s an assassin.”

“We’re working with assassins now? Things must be worse than I thought,” Tali replied, folding her arms and sitting back.

“I wouldn’t piss him off if I were you,” Shepard said, smiling at Thane. “He’s the best assassin in the galaxy, and he saved my life back there. Thank you, Thane.”

Thane dipped his head in response.

“First mission out, and he’s already had to pull Shepard’s ass out of the fire,” Garrus said, shaking his head. “Welcome to the crew, Krios.”

“I’ll bet you haven’t heard about what she got into on the Citadel,” Tali laughed. “Garrus had to pull a few favours with C-sec to get her out of that one!”

Shepard groaned, looking away from Thane. “Please don’t tell him that one,” she pleaded, rubbing her right hand gently. “I’m not sure anybody needs to hear this one again.”

“I admit I have heard very little about Shepard’s exploits. It would be useful to know more about the person sending me into battle,” Thane said, leaning forwards to join the conversation at last.

\---

The mess hall was noisier than usual with the addition of Tali, and Shepard couldn’t help glancing at the door. She was exhausted and aching, her hand throbbing despite the pain relief that Chakwas had given her.

Thane had excused himself and gone to his room, sensibly avoiding the increasingly raucous meal. Shepard would have done the same, but she had to replace the calories drained by her heavy biotic usage, and that meant sitting in the mess hall with everyone else.

“You know it’s all your own fault, showing off like that.”

Shepard looked up at Garrus, fumbling noodles into her mouth with her left hand.

“Showing off?” asked Tali, nudging Shepard’s leg with hers. “Why, what did she do this time?”

“You should have seen what she did to that Colossus.”

Garrus launched into a description of her falling on its head, and she couldn’t help noticing the look on Miranda’s face, a calculating expression that she usually reserved for Shepard’s numerous medical checks.

Shepard remembered the moment she’d jumped onto the Colossus, the air still as she waited for the moment to strike. She’d been able to see almost everything from up there, Garrus picking off stragglers that had followed them up and the cover that was presumably shielding Thane.

She’d got the idea from watching Thane deal with the geth, his blue fist smashing them down. One well-placed punch to the Colossus’ control centre and its self-repair system would be disabled. The reality had been rather more spectacular, and her hand was a testament to that.

“Miranda, I think we need a chat about my biotics. First thing tomorrow,” Shepard said huskily, getting slowly to her feet.

“Of course, Commander.”

Shepard reined in her irritation at the name and started back to her room, opening her hand in front of her. Cerberus had a lot left to explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know where you're from but I know you've come far  
> Look at your eyes, they're meteorites  
> Maybe we're meant to crash from the sky  
> To meet eye to eye like meteorites  
> \- Meteorites by London Elektricity


	8. Weightless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to Kristine for sorting Mordin out!
> 
> *15/04/13 - quick note to say I revised this chapter after discovering my section on the implant was wrong. It should be right now*

Shepard glanced around the office, irritation threatening to sweep her away as she listened to Miranda. She'd gone there hoping for some explanation about her biotics after the events in Haestrom, her bruised hand a painful reminder that something was amiss.

"Look, Shepard. We had no choice but to replace your amp and your implant when we were rebuilding you. You don't honestly think we could reuse the old ones after what they were subjected to, do you?" Miranda asked, leaning back in her chair.

"Replacing them isn't the issue—it's what you replaced them with," Shepard said, taking a deep breath. "How do I know you haven't replaced them with something dangerous?"

"You don't," Miranda said flatly. "But it's hardly likely that we'd do anything that would affect your ability to do your job. That's the whole reason we brought you back."

Back from the dead. She owed them her life, and that knowledge felt like a noose around her neck. "You brought me back for your own reasons. It had nothing to do with me," Shepard muttered, picking at the Cerberus logo on her top.

"Shepard, like it or not, everything you've done has furthered our agenda. Everything Cerberus, and you, have done is for the good of the human race, and you can't deny that. We have a common goal—stopping the Reapers."

"So why won't you show me the schematics? You won't show me what you've done to me?" Shepard said, her fists clenched as she leant towards Miranda.

Miranda stared at her for a moment, considering her carefully. She opened her mouth as if to say something then looked away, staring at her screen. "And why the hell should we do that? You've made no secret of how you feel about Cerberus, and until you trust us, I'm damn well not trusting you. You do your job, and I'll do mine."

"So that's it? I'm supposed to shut up and get on with it? This is exactly what I expected from Cerberus, and from you," Shepard snapped, getting to her feet.

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"What does it matter? You do your job and I'll do mine."

Shepard headed straight for the shuttle bay, her biotics charging before she'd even got in the door. Power surged through every nerve, and Shepard threw herself at the nearest stack of boxes, obliterating the first one with her initial charge.

There was a time when her powers had been finely tuned. She had known the limits of what she could do and how far she could go. Now even that had been taken away from her, leaving her with uncertainty and the fear that she had become what she hated.

A puppet of Cerberus, theirs for the bidding.

She lifted another box and threw it across the room, staring down at her hands as the thought struck her.

The implant itself was embedded in her brain. That left the amp connected to it, a hard nodule sitting at the base of her skull. It was easy enough to find.

Shepard took the pen knife from her pocket, used her left hand to locate the small socket, and closed her eyes as she dug the knife tip into her own flesh.

There was a pulling sensation. A buzz in her brain. Then the amp come away.

The difference was immediate. Her power surged through her fingertips unchecked, leaving her lightheaded as she got carefully to her feet and examined the bloody clump of metal. The Cerberus logo was clearly recognizable beneath the gore.

She'd only tried this once, back at the Academy, and that was with supervision. If she could master this now then perhaps she wasn't entirely their creature.

Shepard closed her eyes and felt the power jump up behind her eyelids, purple sparks creeping into the edge of her vision. Without another thought she opened her eyes and jumped, throwing herself across the room at the last stack of boxes.

\---

The noise rang hollow through the air, and Thane immediately identified it as an impact.

There was a short silence then another boom, this one loud enough to shake the floor beneath his feet.

"EDI? Are we under attack?"

"No, Sere Krios. The source of the noise is Commander Shepard. She is still located in the shuttle bay."

Thane quickened his pace, reaching the door and pausing only to bring his barrier up. When the door slid open the scene that greeted him was one of complete devastation. Boxes and equipment lay strewn around the floor, and in the midst of it all stood a flickering purple figure.

She turned, and Thane had to catch his breath.

It was Shepard, ringed in a shifting halo of purple light that twisted out from around her in glittering tendrils. She walked with her arms outstretched, brilliant wings of energy holding her above the dullness of her surroundings.

"Thane…I can't…"

Her voice shimmered with pain, and Thane understood instantly. "EDI, get Garrus down here now," he ordered, walking towards Shepard with his hands outstretched. "Shepard, give me your hands."

She watched him with unseeing eyes, blood trickling from her nose, and he wondered if it had already gone too far.

"Shepard, move!" he ordered, and this time she responded. He closed the distance between them in seconds, reaching out to take her outstretched hands.

Their barriers touched, and the power surged through him, threatening to engulf him. He only had one chance.

He felt the pulse of her power beneath his fingertips, then the answering call of his own. There was a blue flash and Shepard jolted, her body crumpling forwards as the flickering aura of her wings started to collapse over them.

The light streamed downwards, and Thane felt the weight of her folding into his arms. Her biotics guttered out into nothing, leaving him blinking away the bright afterimage of her wings.

"Shepard?"

She groaned and twisted herself away from him, sinking to the floor with her head in her hands.

"Shepard? Spirits..." Garrus ran up, wrenching Thane away from her. He stared at them both, towering over the drell who simply stared back. "What the hell did you do to her?"

"Stop it," Shepard said thickly, looking up at them. Blood was streaming down her face, and her eyes were bloodshot, struggling to focus. "I did this. I took my amp out."

Garrus clicked his mandibles, evidently struggling to understand. "I think we need to get Miranda down here," he muttered, and the effect was instant.

"No," Shepard said, clambering slowly to her feet and wiping the blood ineffectually with the back of her hand. "If you bring Miranda down here, I can guarantee you things will get much worse. Don't you dare, Garrus."

"Perhaps Mordin would be better able to deal with this," Thane suggested, watching the two of them bristle at each other.

Shepard looked at him, swaying slightly on her feet. "Mordin. Okay."

Thane followed her into the elevator, stopping only to scoop up the small tangle of bloody wires from where she'd thrown it.

Nobody spoke as the elevator carried them upwards, and Thane couldn't help noticing the blood that was trickling slowly down the skin of her neck, soaking the back of her white vest.

His own hands bore red smears from the seemingly innocuous object that he carried – the object she had ripped out of her own flesh.

Mordin looked up in confusion as the three of them entered but reacted at speed, drawn by the sight of the stumbling and bloody Shepard.

"Shepard? Here, sit down."

He pulled out a chair and examined her quickly before turning his attention to the object in Thane's hands.

"Ah, removed amp manually. Very dangerous. Can cause brain damage, even death," Mordin said, lifting Shepard's sodden hair to find the source of the bleeding. He examined it for a second then went to fetch a scanner that he started to wave over her head, muttering under his breath at the display.

"Look, Mordin, could you look at it for me? I'd like to know more about it, if possible," Shepard asked blearily, shutting her eyes and slumping forwards in the chair.

"Scans likely to show very little. Would need specialized scanning equipment to check programming. Test parameters. _Normandy_ does not have required equipment. Without it, nothing," Mordin said, turning away to hook the scanner up to his computer. "No long term damage. Should be able to repair what damage you have done."

"Nothing," Shepard repeated. "Damn it."

"There is another way," Thane said, and everyone turned to look at him.

"And what's that?" Garrus asked, standing beside Shepard with his arms crossed.

"During my training I performed a number of tests that explored the limits of my capabilities. It would be easy to replicate them here," Thane explained, watching Shepard as she lifted her head slowly and tried to focus on him. "The amount of power granted by your implant varies greatly from individual to individual. I was taught how to harness that power, but first you have to unleash it, to find the limits of your strength and use it accordingly."

"What would these tests involve?" Shepard asked as Mordin shoved a needle into her arm. She didn't seem to notice.

"The tests vary in difficulty, from lifting boxes to creating large force fields, though I would understand if you wished to leave out the more advanced tests. They would demonstrate exactly what you are capable of."

"Suggest leaving tests for at least four days, given the damage you've sustained. Will look into methods of examining implants. Could always use more test equipment," Mordin said. "Will reattach this for you.”

"Thanks," Shepard whispered. "And thank you, Thane. I'd like to do these tests. Oh, you came to see me. Was there something you needed?"

"Yes, Miss Chambers said you wished to speak with me."

She frowned then looked intently at him. "Of course, I wanted to know if there was anything you needed. Ammo, medicines…."

Even bloodied and broken she still showed concern and compassion for her crew members. It made him feel uncomfortable.

"No, thank you, Shepard. If I have need of anything, I will be sure to ask."

"Ah yes, Keprals. Would be happy to talk anything over, if you have concerns," Mordin said, humming quietly to himself as he laid the amp out in a dish and checked the connections. "Have contacts in the Illuminated Primacy involved in the search for effective treatment, should you have any questions."

"I will bear that in mind. Thank you, Doctor," Thane responded smoothly, unwilling to say another word about his illness to a medical professional. He had heard enough on the subject, had dwelt with the knowledge of his impending death for years, and nothing could change the acceptance that he had reached. There would be no cure for him; all that was left was to atone for his sins. He looked back at Shepard, her head starting to sink forwards. "If that is all, Shepard."

She gave the tiniest of nods, her eyes rolling shut.

Thane left the room, his eyes still burning at the sight of her, winged and weightless as some legend of old.

\---

Garrus waited until the door was shut before breaking, his panic getting the better of him. When he'd seen her crouched before the assassin, blood streaming down her face, he had been seized by the urge to kill the drell right there.

Now he was having to reassess the situation, and fast.

"What is going on with you?" Garrus snapped, unfazed by her pale face and closed eyes. He'd seen her much worse and still picked a fight.

"I don't know. I thought…I thought if I could just… Garrus, what am I doing? If Thane hadn't stopped me..."

He looked at her, battered and bruised. She was lost, and he hadn't even realised.

"This is all about Cerberus isn't it?" Garrus said softly, crouching down next to her. "Whatever they've done to you, Shepard, I know you can still do this. And once we've beaten the Collectors, we take the  _Normandy_  and go back to the Alliance. Show them we were right after all."

"I wouldn't say that here," Shepard muttered.

Garrus glanced up at Mordin who was working on the back of Shepard's neck, his hands moving with surprising delicacy. "Have no allegiance to Cerberus," Mordin responded. "Only Shepard."

"I don't mean Mordin. They've got surveillance bugs everywhere, I've been trying to find them all and get rid of them," Shepard whispered, wincing as Mordin clicked the amp back into place. "Fast as I get rid of them they get replaced."

Things weren't going to be as simple as he thought. They never were.

"Then we discuss this off the ship. Where are we next?"

"Omega. Got some engine parts to pick up on the way to Illium."

"Ah, there could be a problem."

"No shit, Archangel."

Beneath the blood Shepard managed a smile, her hand reaching out for his. "We get through this and we'll work the rest out later, okay? Just…don't go anywhere."

"Hell, Shepard, it's not like I've got anywhere else to go. May as well stay here and keep you out of trouble."

"Thanks. You can get right to that as soon as we leave Omega."

Garrus squeezed her hand, looking at the bruised knuckles and the smooth skin that used to be decorated with battle scars. That was until Cerberus had rebuilt her.

"New and improved, huh?" he asked, looking up at Shepard. Her eyes were closed, and he could tell from her breathing that she'd fallen asleep even as Mordin patched her ragged flesh back together.

He kept hold of her hand, and stayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'I shake, shake from holding back. Someone's trying to get me back on track from my spiral. You know even in the darkest hour we shine. You know even in the darkest hour we shine. It'll save you when no one will ever try.'  
> Darkest Hour by Charlottle Martin


	9. Impure Thoughts

The salarian’s hands were cool against the warm skin of her neck, lifting her hair and poking gently at the scabs left behind from where she’d ripped her amp out.

“Much improved, would recommend complete rest from biotics,” Mordin said, patting her on the shoulder and going back to his work station.

“I can probably manage that. We’re only visiting Omega to pick up supplies,” Shepard said, getting slowly to her feet and stretching her hands up above her head.

She’d been cooped up for days recovering, and it was making her restless. It turned out that she used her biotics for more than she’d anticipated, and after her second trip to see Mordin in twenty-four hours she’d been confined to med-bay with Chakwas watching over her. All she’d done was try to lift a datapad over to her desk.

“Mordin, I meant to ask if there’s anything you need while I’m there?” she queried, rubbing at her hand absentmindedly.

Mordin looked down at his screen then back at her. “Would rather avoid supplies from Omega if possible. Have another question, though. The Krogan.”

“The Krogan?” Shepard repeated. “What about it?”

“Wondered why you haven’t woken him yet. Could be an interesting addition to your crew. Also interesting from a scientific viewpoint. Pure Krogan, designed specifically to beat the Genophage – the implications are remarkable.”

The Krogan had sat unopened since Shepard had collected him, and she had given little thought to it, preoccupied with countless other things. Krogan were volatile at the best of times, though she had worked with them successfully in the past. She tried to imagine what Wrex would say about her keeping one of his own trapped in a glass tank.

“I didn’t know you were interested in them,” she said, heading towards the door.

“Interested in anything that gives us greater understanding of the Krogan. Fascinating species, would like the opportunity to work with them again,” Mordin told her, glancing away.

“I’ll think about it. But he wouldn’t be a science experiment, he’d be a crew member,” Shepard told him, unable to stop herself from thinking about Miranda, and the way she’d treated her. The two of them had steered clear of each other since the incident in the cargo bay, and Shepard had a feeling Miranda had heard every word she’d said about her. “Thanks for patching me up, Mordin. I’ll see you when I get back.”

The thought of going to Omega filled her with a curious mix of emotions. She was looking forward to getting off the Normandy and back into action, but she was also well aware that Omega was a pit.

She found Garrus waiting for her at the docking bay door, and she couldn’t help but notice the tension written in every line of his body. He’d fussed over her constantly while she was resting, to the point where Chakwas had to order him out.

“Damn it, Shepard. I should be going with you.”

“You know it isn’t a good idea. ‘Archangel’… Who the hell came up with that?”

Garrus looked awkward, scuffing at the floor. “Just some of the people on Omega. You know I wouldn’t have come up with something like that.”

“That I believe,” Shepard said irritably, looking at the door. “Where the hell are they?”

“You’re taking Thane with you, right?” Garrus asked. “If anyone can deal with Omega, it’s him. Not that I don’t trust you, of course.”

“Of course. And no, Thane didn’t want to.”

Shepard waited for the question, noticed the disapproving drop of his brow and the twitch of his mandibles. But he said nothing.

“I’m taking Kasumi and Jack instead.”

“Jack? You sure that’s a good idea?”

“Not really,” Shepard admitted, watching the door open to admit Kasumi. “But my biotics are out of action, and she has some skill in that area. Anyway, all we’re going in there to do is pick up supplies. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Jack finally arrived, ignoring Garrus completely and leaning against the door.

“Right. You do know this is Omega,” Garrus muttered.

“I know that,” Shepard said, heading out of the door. “But I can hope.”

\---

She acted as Krantt for the Patriarch, dealt with Aria, and beat up a couple of mercs. Shepard loved every second of it, glad of the chance to forget everything and lose herself in the thrill of the fight. Her body reacted less kindly.

Even under the hot water of the shower, every inch of her ached from her period of inaction. Shepard had to admit that she needed to get back into training before she injured herself through lack of fitness. The thought of losing a battle due to a torn muscle, or getting out of breath, was embarrassing.

There was also that stupid comment that Aria had made. Shepard quickly shut it down, closing her eyes as the water rolled over her. She was going to have to do some stretches before bed, but first she needed to replenish her energy.

She finished in the shower, decided not to risk touching her hair, then headed down to the mess hall in search of food.

The hall was all but deserted, and the two Cerberus personnel who had been in there left fairly quickly the moment they spotted her. The Great Commander Shepard.

She hadn’t bothered to get to know the crew yet, and to be honest she’d had no intention of doing so. They were all Cerberus, but then again so was she.

Shepard took a peppermint tea bag out of her locker and checked the boiler, pressing a few buttons to bring it up to the right temperature.

Everything was sore – her arms and legs, and especially her back. After a quick glance around the room to check that it was still empty, she began to do some stretches; her body leant back in a graceful arc as she heard a door open.

The sound made her snap straight, and in an instant she felt the pain sear through her back. She curled over and leaned against the kitchen top as her back went into a spasm.

“Shepard?”

She heard Thane’s voice, but before she could say anything his hands were sweeping the wet hair from her neck and working across the tender muscles of her back, his warm skin moving over hers.

“Don’t move,” he instructed, hands drifting lower.

His skin was warmer than she’d expected, his callouses rasping against her skin. Those hands guided people out of the world. They were the last sensation before death, and now they were moving back up towards her neck, curving over her flesh to offer her relief.

Aria’s comment drifted back into her mind.

_You should find a nice young man to keep you warm at night._

She felt the sweet tug of lust stirring in the body that was still a stranger to her, and couldn’t help but lean into his hands.

Nobody had touched her like this in years, not as a science experiment but as a lover. But this was Thane. It had to stop.

“Thane…”

He removed his hands, and Shepard turned to him, his eyes fluttering as he looked at her.

She knew she was blushing, knew she had to find something to say. But standing there so close to Thane with his dark eyes watching her so intently, all sense fled, leaving her stuttering and useless.

“Thane, I…that’s…”

She heard the sound of another door opening, and the sharp click of heels told her it was Miranda, the drum of her feet sounding a warning.

Shepard turned to face her, happy to be distracted despite the nagging sense of disappointment that welled in her.

“You had no bloody right to release the Krogan, especially without consulting me or Jacob,” Miranda yelled, stopping in front of Shepard and staring her in the face. “Do you have any idea how dangerous Krogan are? And a new born Krogan? What the hell were you thinking?”

“What I was thinking was that Grunt would be a good asset to my team – a team you’re supposed to be on. And yes, I know exactly how dangerous Krogan are,” Shepard said calmly, rubbing her at neck. She’d expected nothing less than this overprotective bullshit from Miranda.

“Grunt? He has a name now? And I suppose we’re going to be playing nursemaid to Grunt. I mean he’s, what, a few hours old? This wasn’t part of the plan, Shepard.”

Shepard leant back against the kitchen top and folded her arms, watching Miranda as she paced angrily in front of them. “If we have to play nursemaid for a while, so be it, though I really doubt we’ll need to. Have you actually spoken to him yet?”

Miranda sputtered, enraged now. “No, and that’s not the point. You should have consulted me before waking him up. We could at least have been prepared for him in case—”

“In case what, Miranda?” interrupted Shepard, her irritation rushing back. “I handled it fine on my own. Now, do you have any other concerns beyond what didn’t happen?”

“Actually yes,” Miranda said, gesturing furiously at her. “Do you have any idea of the time and resources Cerberus spent on you only for you to ignore everything I say?”

Shepard looked up at her, deadly calm.

“When Cerberus has something worth paying attention to, I’ll listen. Until then, I have no idea what your issue is with me, but let’s get something straight right now. This is my mission and we’re going to do this my way, is that clear?”

Miranda opened her mouth to argue but Shepard stepped forward, getting as close as she dared. “You do your job, Miranda, and I’ll do mine.”

Miranda stared back at her for a second then backed off, glancing at Thane. “Fine,” she answered stiffly, turning her back on them and striding out of the room.

Shepard waited until the door shut before launching into a litany of curses, slamming her cup down on the top with such force that the handle snapped off.

Thane merely reached into the cupboard and handed her a new one, collecting one for himself at the same time.

 “I was unaware we had a Krogan on board,” Thane said, breaking the silence. “Though, perhaps I should have guessed.”

Shepard plucked at the neck of her top, pulling the loose fabric up over the fresh necklace of bruises that Grunt had left her with. Maybe facing him without biotics had been foolish, but once Mordin had put the idea into her head, she’d found it difficult to think of a reason not to.

“When I found Grunt, he was still in a tank. His creator died back on Korlus and left him for me to protect. I wasn’t going to wake him up, but…”

“Something changed your mind?” Thane asked, filling his cup with hot water then watching the steam rise.

“It didn’t seem fair to keep him in there any longer. Grunt will be fine,” Shepard said, rubbing her collarbone. “And if he isn’t, I’ll just have to deal with it.”

Thane made what sounded like a hum of agreement then dropped the subject, switching his attention to the contents of Shepard’s cup. “Your tea smells familiar. What is it?”

“Peppermint. Here.” Shepard offered him her cup, and he accepted it. He clasped his green fingers around it then lowered his face to inhale the aroma, his eyes flickering shut for a second.

“It reminds me of a tea I used to drink on Kahje called Sideitira. It is supposed to clear the mind of impure thoughts.”

She thought of his hands on her back, of the unexpected warmth of his skin. Thane was the last person she should be thinking of in that way, considering that they were embarking on a suicide mission, and he was…

Her thoughts skittered away from the knowledge that he was dying, as they always did. It was too much to think about – the idea that this beautiful creature was fading away before her eyes.

“Does it work?” she asked hopefully, watching him as he prepared his own tea.

“It doesn’t, though that didn’t stop me from trying,” he admitted, preparing his own tea with his usual careful ritual. “This is the traditional drink of my people, Naraitira. When the drell left Rakhana, they brought it with them in the hope that it would flourish in the fertile soils of Kahje. At first it seemed to thrive, but then the humidity created its own set of problems, as it did for the drell.”

He let the tea steep then held it out to Shepard. She put her tea down and accepted it, looking at the pale golden liquid then giving it a tentative sniff. The smell was subtle, reminding her of the scent of grass after a rainstorm somewhere she’d been stationed once.

“There are few of the Naraitira plants left now,” Thane continued. “The hanar have helped to cultivate hardier varieties though this one is still one of the most prized. An indulgence, I’ll admit, considering its price.”

“Have you ever been to Rakhana?” Shepard asked, handing him his tea back and taking a sip of her own.

“Once. It is a mere shadow of what it once was. I doubt I shall return.” He drank some of his tea then studied her face carefully. “Your planet has deserts, does it not?”

“Yes, I’ve never seen them though. I’ve probably seen more of the rest of the galaxy than I’ve seen of Earth.” She frowned and pressed her cup to her bottom lip. “It didn’t feel like home. It still doesn’t.”

She was unable to keep the look of discomfort off her face, and she found herself fidgeting beneath his steady gaze.

“I’m sorry if I caused you any pain. It was not my intention.”

“You didn’t. And thank you for before. I might need to work on my fitness,” Shepard admitted, rubbing her neck.

“You seem much recovered,” Thane said. “When you are well enough, I am happy to commence the tests we spoke of.”

“Another twenty-four hours and I should be ready. I should probably check with Mordin first.” Shepard took a sip of her tea, glancing up at him. “There was something I wanted to ask you.”

Thane hummed in assent, leaning back against the kitchen top.

“Why not Omega?”

He paused, eyes staring into the distance, and the seconds started to crawl by with no response.

Shepard wondered if he’d heard her. She looked away from him then moved to put her empty cup into the dishwasher. She was reaching for a packet in her locker when he finally responded, his voice bleak.

“I…I have something of a reputation on Omega. Something happened. They call it the One-Hour Massacre. You must forgive me for not going into detail,” Thane said, staring into his cup.

His expression had darkened considerably, and she felt a stab of guilt for bringing it up. “I’m sorry for asking. I should go.”

Thane raised his head slowly, still obviously distracted. “Of course. Goodnight, Shepard.”

She nodded, picked up the packet of biscuits, and returned to her room. It was not the answer she’d been expecting, and it couldn’t help but pique her curiosity.

Thane was dangerous, that much was obvious, but she was starting to feel safe around him, and that troubled her.

She was barely managing to hold herself together, and the thought of adding any further complication in the form of Thane was unthinkable. She had to focus on the task at hand, on becoming the Commander of the ship and doing the job she’d been made for – destroying the Reapers.

There was no room in her life for anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that no one sees  
> You see what's inside of me  
> Every nerve that hurts  
> You heal deep inside of me  
> You don't have to speak  
> I feel  
> Emotional landscapes  
> They puzzle me and confuse  
> Then the riddle gets solved  
> And you push me up to this  
> State of emergency  
>  \- State of Emergency by Bjork
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you to all of you for sticking with me. I'm getting there slowly, I promise.
> 
> Massive thanks to Kristine, for teaching me so much <3


	10. Guardianship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard starts to make her peace with Cerberus, and finds she still has a long journey ahead of her.

She looked over the galaxy map, cup of tea firmly in hand, and started running through all of the things that needed ordering. It was unfamiliar, standing there at the start of the day cycle, but she’d decided that things had to change.

Her exercises had been completed, and Mordin had given her the all-clear. She couldn’t hide anymore.

Kelly kept glancing up at her, shuffling nervously.

“Morning, Kelly,” Shepard said, looking over her datapad.

“Morning, Commander.”

Shepard winced, and then remembered what Thane had said. They needed her to be Commander, and she wasn’t going to let them down. “Is there anything I should be aware of?”

“Operative Lawson wishes to speak with you. She seems agitated.”

Shepard thought back to their skirmish in the mess hall and wondered if that was why she’d used Kelly to approach her instead. There was no avoiding it. If she wished to run this ship properly, she had to make her peace with the crew, and that included Miranda.

“Anything else, Kelly?” she asked, stepping down from the map and adding a few things to her ever-growing list.

“Yes, there’s a message from the Illusive Man on your private terminal.”

Shepard checked it as she passed, frowning at its contents. He was asking her to rescue a Cerberus Operative being held captive at an Eclipse base in the Fathar system, admittedly a system they were passing on their way out of Omega.

The idea of doing a mission so specifically for Cerberus rankled. There was still so much to get done that it seemed like a waste of valuable time. Then again it could be a good training mission.

Shepard still hadn’t made her mind up by the time she strode into Miranda’s office, expecting yet another round of her trademark superiority.

What she got was something completely different.

Miranda stood up as she entered, her face set in a frown. “I find myself in the unpleasant position of asking for your help. Please, sit down.”

“Okay.” Shepard looked round in confusion before sitting down. “What’s this about?”

“I don’t like discussing personal matters but this is important. You remember when I told you about my genetic modifications?” asked Miranda, looking intently at her.

“Of course,” Shepard lied. She’d done her best not to think about Miranda, and that went as far as blocking out any conversations they may have had.

“Well, it was my…father that created me. He’s a very influential man, and extremely controlling. He didn’t want a daughter… he wanted a dynasty. I ran away as soon as I was old enough and brave enough. I went to Cerberus because I knew he would continue to pursue his investments, and they would protect me. But there was another reason I went to them.”

Miranda got out of her chair and went over to the window, staring out into space as she spoke. “I have a sister, a twin, and he’s still hunting her. Cerberus has kept her safe. Until now.”

“You have a sister?” Shepard repeated. She couldn’t imagine Miranda having a family, though she had to admit that she knew shockingly little about the woman that had spent years bringing her back to life. A small flame of guilt lit in Shepard’s stomach as she realised her prejudice against Cerberus had become prejudice against Miranda.

“Yes. She’s been living a normal life on Illium with her family, until now. Cerberus is going to move her and her family to a secure location, but my sources indicate that my father has sent agents to collect her.” Miranda paced back to her desk and sat down, folding her arms. “I’m not going to let that happen.”

There was a look of rage in Miranda’s eyes and a tone in her voice that Shepard recognised, a fierce urge to protect those that she cared about that went beyond every other duty she had.

Shepard rubbed at her arm where her scar used to be, a scar she’d picked up from protecting her adoptive brother a long time ago back on Earth. The scar had gone now, but the fact that she was still there at all was a testament to this woman in front of her, a woman who hadn’t given up despite the odds.

“What exactly do we need to do?”

Miranda almost smiled, but it was gone before Shepard could be sure. “We need to go to Illium and make sure the move goes according to plan.”

“All right. We’ve got one last mission to do in the Fathar system then we’ll be underway.”

“The Lost Operative? Don’t look at me like that. What kind of Operative would I be if I didn’t know what was in every communication from the Illusive Man?” Miranda said, actually smiling this time. “I wasn’t sure you’d accept the mission.”

“Neither was I,” Shepard admitted, getting to her feet. “I’ll let you know when we’re done.”

“Thank you, Shepard. I appreciate it.”

Shepard gave her a nod and left, heading straight up to the cockpit. She marched up the stairs and past the spot she tried to avoid, holding her breath until she reached the cockpit.

“Hey, Joker.”

“Commander. It’s nice to have some of the old crew back. And we’ve got our own mascot now,” Joker said, not even bothering to turn around.

“Mascot?”

“You know, the cuddly baby Krogan smashing up the cargo hold. When you’re not smashing it up, of course. I thought you might have noticed him, seeing as you got him out of his tank and all.”

“I don’t think somebody in your condition should be making jokes about the Krogan. Especially when it’s my Krogan,” Shepard smiled, leaning on the back of the chair and turning Joker’s hat the wrong way.

“Hey!” Joker complained, snatching the hat off his head and rearranging it very carefully before continuing. “Anyway, doesn’t that make Grunt your baby or something? I mean, you were the first thing he saw when he got out of his tank, shouldn’t he be following you around?”

“He is.”

Joker scrambled to turn the chair, and Shepard couldn’t help bursting out laughing, holding onto her sides to stop her ribs from hurting.

“Very funny, Commander, very funny. I’ll be getting you back for that one,” grumped Joker, spinning his chair back around. “What are you actually up here for?”

“I need you to take us to Lorek. How long will it take to get us there?” she asked, leaning on the back of the chair again, and watching as Joker worked his way effortlessly through what looked like a mess of screens.

“An hour at the most.”

“Perfect, thank you,” Shepard said. “EDI, can you ask Garrus and Thane to meet me in the shuttle bay? We’ve got work to do.”

“Of course, Commander.”

She felt the rebuke on the tip of her tongue—the correction from Commander to Captain—and she swallowed it before the words could leave her mouth.

If she was going to do this properly then had to start now, or not at all. Going up against Eclipse would give her a chance to stretch her legs before she dealt with Miranda’s family matters on Illium. There was also the small matter of the Justicar.

Shepard headed back to her cabin to clean her armour. Maybe she could do this after all.

\---

They clambered back into the shuttle, Shepard’s mood silencing them all. The mission on Lorek could hardly have been called a success, and Thane couldn’t help noticing the distinct irritation on Shepard’s face as she sat down next to him in the dim light of the shuttle.

The Cerberus operative had been dead on arrival, but they had succeeded in recovering the data. From Shepard’s reaction this was less than satisfactory. She had, however, taken the data for herself.

Thane had deemed it to be a wise move. It never hurt to have leverage against an organization such as Cerberus.

Shepard let out a sigh, leant her head back against the seat, and – in her customary fashion – fell asleep instantly.

Thane slipped into his usual method of passing the time, sifting through memories until he found one he wished to lose himself in. Yet he found it difficult to concentrate, and when he eventually despaired and returned to the present moment, he discovered why.

Shepard had slumped against him, her head settled gently on his shoulder. Her black hair was feathering his skin, brushing against the delicate folds of his neck.

“She always does that. Just throw her on the floor if she starts drooling,” Garrus said from his seat opposite, giving them a cursory glance before going back to inspecting his gun.

Thane laughed softly then took the utmost care not to disturb her. She trusted him enough to fall asleep beside him, and it stirred a curious feeling of guardianship in him. The length of her legs falling against his own and the softness of her hair upon his neck brought unexpected feelings to the surface of his mind.

Something unbidden had stirred in his heart from the very first mission they’d been on together, from the moment he’d seen her unfurl across the battlefield swathed in the luminous purple glow of her biotics.

Shepard was shadow and flame, a dark fire that consumed only what it was directed at without losing control. There was nothing he could do but back her up, find his way next to her and give himself over as her weapon to use. To strike for her when her gaze fell elsewhere, to cover her back as she charged forward.

There at her side, drowsing in the warmth, he found it easy to slip into memories of her.

The moment she had fallen blazing from the sky. The smile on her face when he had lifted her to her feet, and the arching reach of her impossible wings. Somehow he had found himself thinking of her more and more, to the point where he found himself reaching for her glowing hands every night before sleep came to claim him.

A low murmur broke his reverie, jolting him back to her side. At first he thought he had imagined it, some small fragment of a memory creeping into his consciousness. Then he heard it again, and realised at once that it was Shepard.

Hands twitching in her lap, she dreamt, and it was clear from her voice that it was a dream of fear that gripped her, eliciting ragged whispers of terror that made Thane’s heart catch.

Taking her hand gently in his, Thane turned his mouth towards her, murmuring her name then squeezing her fingers softly with his own. Her hands were warm, bright against the green of his own.

Her fingers flexed suddenly against his own, and for a long moment Shepard seemed trapped in her nightmare, her breathing still uneven as she leant against him. Her eyes finally flickered open, yet she made no move to take her fingers away from his until her breathing returned to normal, and reality reasserted itself.

Shepard straightened, taking her warmth with her, and placed Thane’s hand on his leg with a small pat that felt somehow like a rejection.

He couldn’t help but take it as such, wondering if he’d gone too far in touching her again, and a pang of something like regret washed over him. He had only sought to offer her comfort in the midst of her nightmare, but somehow the gesture had been for him as well. He couldn’t help but reach out to her, though she was neither his commander nor his friend.

He caught Garrus watching them from across the shuttle, his hand resting lightly on the gun in his lap.

Thane returned his look, and then resumed his slip into the past without Shepard as a distraction. Only the jolt of the shuttle docking disturbed him, and he found himself blinking against the harsh light of the _Normandy_ as the door swung open.

Garrus leapt out first, gun slung over his shoulder, and Thane rose to his feet, waiting for Shepard to leave first.

She moved forwards, then hesitated and turned back to face him.

“Thank you,” Shepard said quietly. She held out her hand to him, almost shyly, as though she might snatch it back at any second. “My name’s Cora. Cora Shepard.”

Thane touched his hand to hers, his fingers brushing hers softly for the briefest of moments. “You are welcome, Cora.”

She smiled, her face lighting up, and Thane knew that she had given him something akin to a Soul Name.

When she left the shuttle, he fell into step beside her, stopping as she looked round the shuttle bay with an odd expression.

He still struggled to grasp the emotions that flickered across human faces as quickly as a rainstorm over the sea, their colourless skin so flat and their faces endlessly mobile.

As an assassin, Thane knew fear, regret, and all the emotions that ranged over any being at the end of its life, but for all that, some human expressions remained a mystery. Now he found himself watching her for clues.

He was finding her easier to translate now, and he believed that he detected traces of embarrassment.

“Could we start the tests later?” Shepard asked, and Thane knew exactly what she was thinking. The shuttle bay had looked very different the last time they’d stood there together.

“Of course. Message me as soon as you are ready,” Thane said, following her into the elevator.

He left first, turning to bow slightly at her before the doors closed. Thane knew he was being foolish, finding himself looking forward to the company of the very human Commander Shepard. He couldn’t think of her as a Captain. He’d seen the woman that they all clung to, and he found himself increasingly powerless to resist.

Shepard may have lost her faith, but he found his restored. The glowing spread of her wings, the brightness of her falling against a dark sky. He knew her for what she was, even if she didn’t.

\---

Shepard sat on one of the crates, looking down at her bare feet. Not only was she missing her scars, but her tattoos had gone as well – obviously Cerberus had deemed them unessential.

She couldn’t help missing them though, the stars that had twined up her feet to her ankles. Perhaps, if there was time on their next visit to the Citadel, she could get them replaced.

The sound of the door opening broke her thoughts, and she looked up to see Thane entering. He wasn’t in his usual outfit, having chosen loose trousers and a black vest that revealed most of his chest.

Once again, Shepard found herself staring and had to look away, reminding herself of the reason they were there. If she could master her biotics once more, then she was master of herself, no longer questioning every move she made on the battlefield.

“Shepard,” Thane said, standing in front of her. “Before we start, there are a number of things I need to make clear.”

“Okay.”

“If we are to train together, I need you to listen to my instructions and respond without question. I believe training in the Alliance is similar.”

“Yes,” Shepard replied, keeping her eyes fixed on his. “I understand.”

“Also—whatever your capabilities—we start at the beginning. If I deem it necessary to stop, then there must be no argument. Mordin has made it clear that we are to progress slowly.”

Shepard nodded slowly, standing to attention. “Of course. I have been in training since I was eighteen.”

“Eighteen?” Thane raised an eyebrow at her, and Shepard got the impression that she was being mocked. It had been damn hard work qualifying as an N7, and something she was incredibly proud of.

“Can we get started? I have a mission in eight hours, and I still need to get some sleep,” she responded.

“I am aware of that. Shall we?”

Thane sat down cross-legged, and Shepard looked down at him for a moment before remembering what he’d said. It was going to take some getting used to following instructions again.

“Before we do anything, you have to learn focus. You have some skill, but you could be better.”

“All right. What do I need to do?” Shepard asked, folding herself down in front of him. The floor was cold through the fabric of her trousers.

Thane sat straight, his hands clasped lightly in front of him, and closed his eyes. “We meditate.”

Shepard looked at him, her gaze running over the curve of his legs and the emerald of his skin where it vanished beneath his vest.

“Cora,” Thane admonished, not even opening his eyes.

The sound of her name from his lips jolted her, and she closed her eyes quickly.

“Listen to what is around you. Tell me what you can hear,” Thane instructed, his voice reverberating through the quiet.

Shepard listened carefully. She could hear the ship – the constant soundtrack of her life – and closer by, she thought she could hear the whisper of Thane’s breath. There was also the sound of her own heart, increasingly loud in her ears.

“I can hear the ship. The air filter. You.”

“Good. What else?”

“I can hear me.”

“You are loud, even for a human. Be still. Listen to each breath and let all other thoughts drift away.”

He said human as though it was an insult, and Shepard took a moment to regain her focus. She knew that if she opened her eyes she would see Thane smiling.

She attempted to do as he said, but soon found her thoughts trailing into weapons inventories and the dossier still sat uncollected on her desk. There was also the matter of Miranda’s sister, and the Justicar still needed collecting.

“What are you thinking about?” Thane asked.

Shepard considered lying. “The Justicar. How much ammo I need to order. Whether or not my custom ammo rail is ready. The rifle mod I asked Garrus to look at.”

Thane sighed, and Shepard opened her eyes to look at him. “Thane, you don’t seem like an assassin. At least, not how I imagined one.”

He opened his eyes to look at her, furrowing his brow. “You’ve spent too much time fighting thugs who think custom-painted armour makes them professionals. The hanar trained my body for this role since I was six years old.”

“Six?” Her earlier boast seemed particularly foolish. “Surely you didn’t kill anybody at that age?”

“Of course not. I didn’t make my first kill until I was twelve. They were training me. I was not to be used and thrown away. I was an investment.”

“I had no idea. How did your parents feel, sending you away so young?”

“It was an agreement made under the Compact. They considered it an honour for our family.”

“The Compact,” Shepard repeated. “The debt you owe them for the rescue of your species, correct?”

“Correct, in a manner of speaking. I thought you knew little of the hanar and the drell.”

“That was until I met you,” Shepard said, drawing her knees up to her chest. “What took you away from Kahje? If they trained you, why did you leave?”

Thane looked down at his hands, his fingers still twined together. “I was asleep for a long time, yes. I paid no attention to what my body was asked to do. But then…” He paused, eyes flickering. “ _Laser dot trembles on the skull. One finger twitch, he dies. Then the smell of spice on the spring wind. Sunset coloured eyes defiant in the scope. The laser dances away_.”

He slumped forwards, his head down. “My…apologies. Drell slip into memory so easily.”

“Was that one of your assassinations?” Shepard asked.

“Ah... yes. Perhaps we can discuss it later. I believe you have a mission in eight hours.”

Shepard resumed her cross-legged position and closed her eyes, trying her best not to think about what he’d just said. She’d never seen anything like Thane’s immersion into his memory, and the idea of it intrigued her. There were memories she still relived vividly, and Shepard couldn’t help the shiver that ran through her.

 _The stars streaking past, the sound of her own heartbeat loud in her ears and getting faster_.

“I can’t do this,” she said suddenly, scrambling to get up.

Thane caught her wrist, watching her. “What was it? If you are to do this successfully, you must learn to conquer those memories that would defeat you.”

Shepard settled back down, and Thane released her, leaning closer.

“I fell. When the _Normandy_ broke apart, I fell through the stars. Everything was on fire. My suit alarm was going off, then I heard something—a hiss. I didn’t realise what it was at first. Then I couldn’t breathe, but I was still falling.” She couldn’t help raising her hands to her chest, the ragged race of her heart beneath her fingers. “I die every night, in my dreams.”

“I see,” Thane said quietly. “This memory makes you what you are. There is no hiding from it, all you can do is try and accept it. You are here now, and your path is set before you. You must walk it without fear, for you have already put the worst behind you. Let it guide you in your future actions, without allowing it to become a stone around your neck.”

For a moment she thought he was going to touch her, but instead Thane pulled away. He sat straight-backed, watching her with his usual impossible calm. “This is how we learn. This is what you must live with.”

Shepard swallowed, her hands dropping from her chest. She was still there; her heart was beating a reminder in her chest. “I’ll try. This was harder than I expected,” she said, attempting a smile.

“Facing ourselves is the hardest part. Once you learn focus, the rest will be much easier. I think we have done enough for now.”

Shepard agreed, clambering slowly to her feet. She returned to her quarters, changed into her sleep clothes, and lay on the bed staring at the window above her.

Stars sped past, bright in the depths of space. Shepard closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the ship around her. The fish tank bubbled quietly, the air filter clicked gently, and her own pulse beat low in her chest.

Her path was set before her. She just had to find the courage to take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with words unspoken  
> A silent devotion  
> I know you know what I mean  
> And the end is unknown  
> But I think I'm ready  
> As long as you're with me  
>  \- Angels by The XX


	11. For the right reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard helps Miranda out, and gets more help than she bargained for.

She checked her armour again and again, running her fingertips over the smooth edges and the various fastenings that held it all together.

She was nervous, and it surprised her. This mission should be fairly straightforward, guarding Miranda’s sister to make sure she was moved safely, but Shepard knew better than that by now.

She felt as though she were finding her feet again, forcing herself back out into the world, and that meant making her peace with Miranda, and by extension Cerberus.

There was also still the matter of the Justicar. According to her most recent Intel she remained on Illium, and Shepard had every intention of going to find her as soon as Miranda had been dealt with. Once her crew was assembled she could start assessing them ready for their final mission.

Miranda was waiting for her at the airlock, alone.

“Shepard,” Miranda acknowledged. “My contact is waiting for us at The Eternity.”

Shepard took one last look round. She’d been expecting Garrus to come and see her before they left, but he remained strangely absent. The main gun probably needed calibrating again.

“Let’s get this over and done with.”

\---

The shuttle swept through the sky, and Shepard looked down at the rows of lights. The journey had been silent. Miranda sat absorbed in thought, and Shepard was content simply to look out at the sunset with its bands of dusky purple clouds. Illium was beautiful.

“Thank you, Shepard.”

She looked round at Miranda, unsure of what she’d just heard.

“I know we’ve had our…disagreements but I appreciate this. I hadn’t planned on Eclipse…but they never planned on you.”

Shepard was about to reply when she heard the familiar roar of a gunship passing them. “Looks like Eclipse gunships, they’ll be dropping troops.”

“Damn it!” Miranda said, staring out of the window.

“What did you expect? You’re working with me now,” Shepard told her, taking her pistol out to make sure it was ready. It was no good wishing she’d brought Garrus now.

“Eclipse will be under orders to take my sister alive. They won’t risk anything that might hurt us,” Miranda said, lacking her usual conviction.

“Put us down in that cover behind them,” Shepard ordered, scanning the area. The shuttle started to dip, and shots started to pepper the transport with high metallic pings.

Alarms started sounding, and Shepard felt her heart rate kick up as they plunged towards the floor at speed. “Brace for impact!” she managed to shout, bringing her barrier up and waiting for the floor to hit them.

They landed with a jolt, screeching to a shuddering halt.

“You were saying?” Shepard muttered, opening the door.

One of the mercs started towards them, and Shepard followed Miranda towards him.

“Since you’re not firing yet, I trust you know who I am.”

“Yeah,” the lead merc sneered. “They said you’d be in the car. You’re the bitch that kidnapped our boss’ little girl.”

“Kidnapped?” Miranda scoffed. “This doesn’t involve you. I suggest you take your men and go.”

“Think you’ve got it all lined up, huh? Captain Enyala’s already moving on the kid. She knows about Niket. He won’t be helping you.”

“Miranda, didn’t you say she was your twin?” Shepard asked, counting up the number of mercs.

The leader was happy to let his mouth run away with him. “That what she told you? No, this crazy bitch kidnapped our boss’ baby daughter. He’s been looking for her for over a decade.”

“It’s complicated,” Miranda protested. “We share the same DNA, just not the same birthday.”

“Should we be talking about Captain Enyala about this?” Shepard asked, taking her chance to examine the weaponry they were carrying. Thugs with custom painted armour. If they’d been any kind of professionals, she’d have been dead by now.

“You don’t want to talk to the Captain. She’s not as polite as I am. She’s the best commando I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen her tear people in half with her biotics, and she’s getting paid a lot to stop you. We’ve been ordered to give you one chance to walk away. Nobody has to get killed, unless you do something stupid.”

They obviously didn’t know her very well.

\---

They made it into the terminal without using Shepard’s biotics. She hadn’t dared use them yet despite being given the all clear, though she knew eventually she would have no choice. She should have insisted on bringing someone else with them instead of bowing to Miranda’s paranoia.

Miranda led the way into the lift, pacing round the confined space. “Shepard, I think I owe you an explanation. Oriana is my twin, genetically. But my father grew her when I was a teenager. She was meant to replace me. I couldn’t let my father do to her what he did to me. So I rescued her. She’s almost a woman now.”

Shepard looked at her, the ‘perfect’ woman. Miranda was just as human as Shepard was, screwed up by her background and still fighting for those she loved.

“Miranda, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’m sure you did it for the right reasons.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you sooner, Shepard. And thank you. I owe you.”

“You’re part of my crew. You don’t owe me a thing.”

“But Shepard,” Miranda said, hanging back. “I’m worried by what the merc said. If they’ve got to Niket this is going to be much harder than we planned.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” Shepard said, leaving the elevator. “Now let’s go rescue your sister.”

They made their way into the cargo processing yard, and Shepard felt her heart sink. There were conveyor belts everywhere, movement in every shadow, and the added bonus of hazardous materials.

She ducked into cover, pulled out her rifle, and smiled when she saw the mod Garrus had calibrated for her. It was just the thing for taking down the mercs on the other side of the conveyor belt.

The mercs were everywhere. A small group of them had decided to try and outflank them, moving round behind their position. There was nothing for it.

Shepard felt the rush of energy as she flared her biotics, gathering her power then unleashing a shockwave on them. It rippled away from her in vivid purple splashes, knocking over a couple of the mercs and sending the rest into cover.

She lifted one of them out then concentrated her fire on whatever was left. Once she was satisfied they were all down, she turned her attention back to the enemies in front.

“How you holding up, Miranda?” Shepard asked, popping the heatsink and reaching for a new one. It was hotter than she’d thought in here, crouching in the stifling shadows in full armour.

“I’m alright, but we need to get past them. I’ve hacked into their comms, it should give us more of an idea what they’re up to.”

Shepard nodded, replaced her heatsink, and heard a familiar noise. A merc laid dead, a couple of metres closer from where she’d dropped him, and she knew straight away what that noise was.

She’d recognise the sound of Garrus’ gun anywhere, though the gunshot that accompanied it was less familiar. Thane?

When she looked up into the rafters, there was a movement, a shadow that faded into black.

“Son of a bitch,” Shepard muttered. She took aim down her scope, and went to work.

\---

Shepard fired, listening carefully for the sound she’d heard earlier. This time there was nothing.

“No… No, that can’t be right!”

“What is it?” Shepard asked, surprised by the distress in Miranda’s voice.

“They’re saying Niket is going to make the switch to their transport. Niket!”

Shepard abandoned her search for ammo and opened the elevator doors, trying to keep her face impassive as Miranda followed her in.

“Maybe the Captain knows we’re listening in and she’s feeding misinformation about Niket making the switch. Or maybe it means something else,” Miranda went on, pacing past Shepard. “Niket wouldn’t do that. Damn it, why won’t this thing go any faster?”

She made as though to punch the control panel, and Shepard intercepted. “Getting us trapped in here won’t help your sister. You need to stay focussed.”

“You’re right. We’ll be at the transport shuttle in a moment, and we’ll clear this up.”

Shepard looked at her and, for a moment, she felt a spark of pity. Betrayal was never easy to swallow, and she didn’t imagine that Miranda would handle it well. She couldn’t help thinking of Kaidan, of how he’d spoken to her back on Horizon, and she felt the familiar swoop of disappointment all over again.

The elevator pinged, and the doors opened.

Miranda went first, with Shepard at her side. A man, presumably Niket, stood with two asari. The one in the Eclipse uniform got to her feet, drawing her gun. “This should be fun,” she sneered.

The civilian clutching the datapad took the opportunity to run away, and to Shepard’s dismay, the merc shot her straight in the back.

Shepard raised her pistol, but Miranda looked at her and gave her the smallest of nods.

“We do this my way, Shepard,” she murmured. “Niket. You sold me out. Why? You were my friend; you helped me get away from my father.”

“Yes, because you wanted to leave,” Niket replied, putting his hands up. “That was your choice! But if I’d known that you’d stolen a baby…”

“I didn’t steal her. I rescued her,” Miranda insisted.

“From a life of wealth and happiness? You weren’t saving her! You were getting back at your Father!”

“How did Miranda’s father turn you?” Shepard asked.

“They told me you’d kidnapped your baby sister all those years ago. They said I could help get her back peacefully. No trauma to the family. I told them you’d never do that. That they can go to hell. Then you finally told me what you’d done. I called them back that night.”

“Why didn’t you call me, Niket?” Miranda burst out. “We’ve been through a lot. You could’ve at least let me explain.”

“I deserved to know that you’d stolen your sister, Miri. I deserved to know that you were with Cerberus. But I had to hear it from your father first.”

The fact that she hadn’t told one of her oldest friends surprised Shepard. Perhaps she wasn’t the only one who had issues with Cerberus.

“I knew Eclipse was willing to get their hands dirty, but kidnapping a kid?” Shepard said, turning her attention to the merc. If she was with Niket, then that meant she was Captain Enyala. She hoped the merc had been exaggerating her strength.

“I’m not stealing her. I’m rescuing her,” Enyala mocked. “Come on, Niket. Let’s finish this bitch off and get out of here.”

“If you’re working for Miranda’s father, that means he knows about Oriana. We need to find a new solution,” Shepard said.

Niket looked at the floor. “Miranda’s father has no information about Oriana. I knew you had spy programmes in your father’s system, Miri, so I kept it private. I’m the only one who knows.”

“Which means that you’re the only loose end. This isn’t how I wanted it to end, Niket. I’m going to miss you.”

Miranda raised her pistol, and Shepard grabbed her arm before she could fire. “Miranda, you don’t want to do this. There has to be another way.”

“This has to end here, Shepard. My father will keep trying to find Oriana.”

“I know, but you don’t want to kill him. Get him to talk to your Father, then hide Oriana away, and never have anything to do with him again,” she said, nodding at Niket.

“Hey!” he shouted, stepping forwards as a shot rang out.

“We done here?” Enyala asked. Niket slumped to the floor in front of them. “If you don’t mind, I have a shipment to deliver.”

There was a flash, and Enyala was thrown across the yard in a glowing blur.

“You’ll die for that, bitch!” Miranda shouted, and Shepard scrambled into cover as Enyala’s team moved on them.

She tried to count them, then gave up and started blasting them with shockwave. Every use of her biotics made her head thrum, a vibration in the back of her head that grew steadily worse.

She tried to ignore it, moving to get a better view of Enyala. Then she used Reave, and the world flickered for a moment as the pain in her head increased. There was screaming, a burst of gunfire, then a shout from Miranda.

 _Focus_ , she told herself.

Shepard forced her eyes open, scanned the area, and then broke out of cover. She could see the glow of Enyala’s armour as she ran straight for her, smashing her shields down then lifting her high above the ground.

“I said die.” Miranda raised her pistol and took the last shot, not even bothering to watch as Enyala’s lifeless body crumpled to the ground. “Shepard?”

“What?” She saw concern on Miranda’s face, and finally noticed the wetness on her face.

“Your nose is bleeding again. I’m sorry, I forgot about you. I was just so worried about Oriana and—”

“I’m fine,” Shepard said flatly, taking her glove off and finding a pack of dressing in one of her pockets. The buzzing in her head had decreased, but the pain remained, a nagging reminder that she was meant to be taking it slowly. “Come on. Let’s make sure your sister is safe.”

\---

By the time they’d made it to Oriana, Shepard’s nose had stopped bleeding. The use of her biotics had cost her, and she couldn’t help staring down at the dressing clutched in her hand. This was all her own fault. She’d done it to herself.

“There’s no sign of Eclipse,” Miranda said, looking round the transport area. “Looks like we’re all clear.”

Shepard stuffed the dressing back in her pocket, and then turned her attention to Miranda. She was staring at a small group of people, and for the first time since she’d met her, Miranda was smiling. She had a heart after all.

“There she is. She’s safe…with her family. Come on, we should go.”

“You could talk to her,” Shepard said quietly, looking at the dark haired girl a couple of metres away.

“What? No. I can’t. It wouldn’t be right. She has her family now.”

“And so do you. Miranda, we’re going through the Omega-Four relay. If you don’t speak to her now, you’ll regret it. She doesn’t have to know everything, but she should know she has a sister who loves her.”

“I guess you’re right,” Miranda said uncertainly.

Shepard gave her a gentle push and went to sit down, opening up her messages and starting to type. _Kaidan_ , she started. _I wanted to say: please don’t think the worst of me. You know I would only do this for the right reasons. Whatever you hear, whatever you might think of me, I did this to protect those I love_.

Shepard hit delete. There was still time left to prove herself.

\---

She found him where he always was, tinkering with the main guns.

“You know, if we managed to get hold of that Tynix four-fifty we could really make this girl sing,” Garrus said cheerfully, glancing up at her.

Shepard folded her arms. “That was you, wasn’t it?”

“I don’t know what you’re—”

“Don’t even try, you’re a crappy liar. Always have been. What were you doing following me on a mission exactly?”

Garrus shifted his weight from foot to foot before folding his arms in response. “You went on a mission to help Miranda, the same Miranda that, until a few days ago, you despised. You went without backup, you’re working for Cerberus, and a couple of days ago you tried to fry your own brain. Have I forgotten anything?”

“Uh-huh. Garrus, much as I appreciate the sentiment, I don’t need babysitting,” Shepard said, trying to keep her voice light.

“Right, sure you don’t. Look, all I’m trying to say is this isn’t like you. Working with Cerberus, doing missions for them? I’m not going to sit back and watch you go to hell, not when there’s something I can do about it.”

“You said you’d walk into hell with me. Well, here we are,” Shepard said, whirling round and gesturing at the ship. “I died, and what did the Alliance do? Nothing. Oh, and guess what they’re doing about the Collectors? Nothing. I didn’t choose this side, Garrus. What choice do I have?”

“So what, we should all suck it up and be happy about working for Cerberus because you say so?”

“No, I’m saying we have a job to do, and I’m damn well going to do it properly.”

“And if I say something you don’t want to hear, you’re going to run along and play with your drell boyfriend instead?” Garrus said, leaning back against the railing. “Maybe it would interest you to know he was with me, and he was a lousy shot.”

Shepard frowned, staring at him. He was lying to her, and if she wasn’t mistaken there was something else lurking in his sub-harmonics.

“Looks like I’m not the only one who’s going crazy,” she said, turning her back on him.

“You do anything with him, and you’re a bigger fool than I thought.”

“I’m leaving the ship now,” Shepard said, flipping him her middle finger as she walked away.

“That’s right, run away from the argument ‘cause you know I’m right. Where the hell are you going anyway?” Garrus yelled after her. There was a clang then a broken off curse.

“I’m off to get the Justicar. I was going to ask you for help, but you’ve done enough of that already,” Shepard yelled, turning to look at him through the frame of the doorway. He was rubbing his head, his back to her.

He’d been with her through thick and thin. He knew her better than anyone else alive. She also knew that he was right.

Shepard sighed and set off to meet Mordin, scrubbing at her face in case some last traces of blood remained. As long as she was careful, there shouldn’t be a repeat of her last episode, but she’d rather keep it between her and Miranda.

Once they’d collected the Justicar, the last piece of her team would be in place. She’d found them all, scattered across the galaxy. Now it was up to her to put them together.

\---

Garrus heard his omni-tool ping, pulled himself out from under the gun, and checked the message.

_Meet me at the bar._

He found her sitting alone in one of the side rooms of The Eternity, two drinks in front of her. One looked distinctly like his favourite drink, a strong Turian brew with a shimmering froth on top. The other looked unfamiliar, decorated with paper parasols and fruit.

“Shepard,” he said, sitting down next to her.

She pushed his drink over to him, folding her arms in front of her. “Peace offering,” she said, running a finger round the sugar crusted edge of her glass.

“Look, Shepard. I know I was out of line, following you like that. And it won’t happen again. It’s just… well, you haven’t been the same since…” Since she’d found him, those red eyes burning as she looked him over. They had dimmed now, but he still caught a glimpse every now and then, reminding him that everything had changed.

“No…you’re right,” Shepard said, fishing fruit out of her drink and examining it. “I need to listen to you. You’re the only one I can trust to be honest with me. But I need you to understand that we’re only working with Cerberus, we’re not them. I don’t like it either, but this is the way things are. If we’re going to stop the Collectors, then we take whatever they give us and we do it. And once we’re done, we go back to the Alliance.”

“Something tells me Cerberus won’t be too happy about that,” Garrus said, taking a sip from the specially shaped glass.

“They won’t be,” Shepard said, taking a data stick out of her top. “But I’ve got this. It should make our lives a little easier.”

“Compromising data. How could I resist?”

“I was going to use it to trade for information about my biotics, but something tells me we’re going to need it.”

“You really think we can do this? Stop the Collectors?” Garrus asked, keeping his eyes on his drink. Shepard still hadn’t touched hers, other than to eat the fruit that floated in it.

“If we can get through the relay, yes. But come back again? That I’m not so sure about,” she said quietly.

“It’s a long shot, but we’ve dealt with those before.”

Shepard smiled at him, a quick grin that melted in seconds. “So,” she said. “A lousy shot, huh? You’re the worst liar I know. What did he do? Beat you at your own game?”

“Oh no. He lost. Something tells me his head wasn’t really in the game,” Garrus replied, scanning the bar. “I thought it would be a close run thing, but at the final tally, well, it was two to one in my favour.”

Shepard hummed, eating the last bit of fruit from her drink. “Garrus, I’m not an idiot. I know he’s dying.”

She paused, rubbing at the fine silver scars on the back of her hand. They had already faded, only becoming visible at certain angles. “We’re heading out on a suicide mission. I just wish…” She clenched her fists, and looked up at him before continuing. “I wish it didn’t have to be like this. There’s no one else I’d rather have at my side. But, Garrus, I don’t want you to die because of me. There’s still so much for you to do, you haven’t had your own command yet and your family—“

“You are family. Do you honestly think I could go home, knowing you were out there still fighting? I’m not going to lose you again. And if this mission does go sideways, and we don’t make it back, then you can be damn sure you won’t be alone.”

Her hand crept into his, squeezing his fingers gently. “Thank you,” she said. “For believing in me. And for watching my back.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’d been drinking,” Garrus joked, taking his hand carefully from hers and downing the last of his drink. It had been too long since they’d had the opportunity to talk like this, without the gnawing worry that every word they said was being sent back to Cerberus. “So, we’ve got a full crew now. Are we ready to kick some Collector ass?”

“You know, Cerberus might be completely crazy, but they know how to pick a good team. You should have seen Samara…”

“Who?”

“The Justicar. I’ve never seen anything like it. She swore an oath to me, and it was…” Shepard sat back, gazing into the distance with a half-smile on her face.

“You’ve always been a sucker for a little theatricality,” Garrus said, leaning back in his chair. “Can I get you anything else? Another drink maybe? Easy on the drink, heavy on the fruit?”

“No. We need to get back. I want to get to the Citadel and resupply,” Shepard said, pushing her glass away with a frown.

“So we go shopping. Then what? We sit around waiting for Cerberus to tell us what to do?”

“Looks like it,” Shepard said wearily, getting slowly to her feet. ”You know, seeing as we’re shopping, I don’t see a reason why I couldn’t stretch to a Tynix four-fifty. Cerberus is footing the bill after all, and I know they want us to do the best job we possibly can.”

“Wasn’t there some new armour you needed? You know, now that I think about it, I could use a few extra rifle mods, just to be on the safe side. ”

“I think you’re right. Maybe I should go ask everyone if there’s anything they need in order to do their job properly. We wouldn’t want to let Cerberus down.”

“We should definitely treat Gardner to a new recipe book,” Garrus said, falling into step with Shepard.

“I was thinking maybe we should just buy a new chef.”

He looked at her face as they walked back to the ship, the quick gestures of her hands as she talked about all the stuff they could buy. He wasn’t easily distracted, even by talk of a Tynix four-fifty. It had taken her less time than expected to ask about Thane.

He wasn’t the only terrible liar aboard the ship after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't  
> So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road  
> And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope  
> It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat  
>  \- Shake it Out by Florence + The Machine


	12. Tests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard resumes her tests with Thane, and the Illusive Man finally makes contact.

The boxes tumbled to the floor for the fifth time, and Shepard let out a groan of frustration. She seemed to be getting worse, not better, and they’d been trying for over an hour now.

She’d been keen to fill in the long hours of waiting, and attempting another of Thane’s tests seemed like a good use of her time. Until she’d started.

“Again,” Thane said from behind her. He hadn’t moved from his perch since they’d begun. He seemed distracted. Eyes closed, barely speaking to her.

That made two of them.

Shepard turned to glance at him, found his eyes still shut, and then resumed her task of lifting the boxes neatly into place. Thane had made it look easy, stacking them neatly into a tower. He didn’t have a new amp or implant to contend with.

The bottom three had stayed in place, so Shepard set to rearranging the three that had fallen. She managed the first one without a problem, and then attempted the second one. It landed at an angle, and she spent some time trying to turn it so that it sat in line with the others.

Every nudge of her biotics set the box too far one way or the other, every rush of power only served to show the lack of control that she had. Shepard felt her irritation burst full bloom before she could stop herself.

The box tipped gently backwards off the pile. Shepard closed her eyes, and ground her teeth together. There was no point to all of this. They were no closer to getting through the Omega-Four relay, and whilst she might have a team to lead into battle, the battle itself was hidden beyond the relay.

 _Focus_ , she told herself.  _Inhale. Exhale_.

“We could resume our meditations if you’d prefer, S… Shepard,” Thane said, and she couldn’t help turning to look at him. He looked away from her, the frown on his face remaining.

“No. I’m not going backwards. I can do this.”

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, then turned back to the boxes and closed her eyes again. Shutting out distractions was proving difficult. On the battlefield there would be hundreds of things to think about – possible outcomes, courses of actions, and her companions.

If she couldn’t do this here with Thane, then she would have no chance out there. She didn’t want to think about him. He was a distraction when she could least afford it. If she allowed herself to think about him then there was no telling where it would lead her.

Shepard lifted the boxes again, concentrating on restraining the rush of power at her fingertips that threatened to sweep her away. It was so easy to unleash it, to give herself over to the exhilaration it offered her. Perhaps it was in the restraint that she was losing her way.

She lifted the first three boxes, then the second three, until they were all floating before her.

It felt easy, watching each one of them spin until they were in position, then with a smile, she withdrew her energy, feeling it pulse through every nerve as the blocks dropped into place.

They weren’t neat, but they stayed up.

“That was impressive,” Thane said, finally getting up to stand next to her. “It was also incorrect.”

“Why? I made the tower.”

“Building the tower wasn’t the point of the exercise,” Thane told her serenely, disassembling the tower one block at a time.

“So, what was the point then?” Shepard asked, putting her hands on her hips. She never seemed able to please him. He watched her, infuriatingly unflappable, regarding her with those black eyes of his and giving nothing away.

“Patience,” he said softly, drawing closer. “Tenacity.”

“Of which I have neither,” Shepard said, rubbing her face.

“That is doubtful. You defeated Saren. You came back from the dead, and here you are, still fighting even when the Alliance has given in.”

She couldn’t help looking at him. There was conviction in his words. Belief.

“Shepard.” EDI’s voice sounded over the comm. Shepard swallowed, looking away from Thane.

“Yes, EDI?”

“The Illusive Man wishes to speak with you in the briefing room. He says it is urgent.”

“Tell him I’ll be right there,” Shepard said, her thoughts jumping straight to whatever he might have to say. The Omega-Four relay. Another Collector target. Whatever it was, it had to be better than waiting.

\---

The room dipped into darkness as the image of the Illusive Man died, leaving her alone in the shadows. This was exactly what she had been hoping for, a chance to gather some scrap of information and claw back their advantage.

“EDI?”

“Yes, Shepard?”

“Tell Joker to head for the new co-ordinates. And get everyone in here. We need to talk.”

“Right away, Shepard.”

She sat down on the edge of the table with her back to the door, thinking over everything the Illusive Man had told her. The last time she’d seen a Collector vessel had been back on Horizon, and the memory wasn’t a pleasant one. They’d gotten away with half the colonists, and she hadn’t been able to do a damn thing about it.

“Shepard,” Miranda said as she entered. Jacob followed quickly behind. Everyone else arrived soon after, with Jack last.

“Cerberus has managed to track down a Collector ship for us. A Turian patrol found it out near the Korlus system. They managed to disable it but reports indicate they didn’t come out well.”

Garrus shifted slightly beside her.

“We’re going to board the Collector ship and see what we can find.”

“And the turians?” Garrus asked, looking at her intently. “Are we going to help them too?”

“They managed to get a distress call off, and the turians have a recon team on route,” Shepard lied smoothly, hating herself for it. “We need information. Without it we’re stuck on the wrong side of the Omega-Four relay.”

“You could say the right side,” Garrus muttered.

Shepard ignored him, looking round the room at her crew mates. “Thane, Garrus, I want you with me. Miranda, Mordin, Tali, I want you looking over every scrap of data I send back. Jacob, Samara and Jack, I want you on standby. Same goes for you, Grunt and Kasumi.”

“With all due respect, Commander, you’re taking the assassin?” Jacob asked, leaning on the table. “You sure that’s a good idea?”

“I’ve accepted a contract,” Thane replied. “My arm is Shepard’s.”

“Uh-huh. Don’t know about you, but I’m loyal to more than my next paycheck.” 

 “Which is why you left the Alliance for Cerberus I’m sure,” Shepard said mildly, looking over at Jacob. “Look, he’s doing this mission gratis. What’s your concern?”

Jacob folded his arms and stepped back from the table. “I don’t like mercenaries. An assassin is just a precise mercenary.”

“An assassin is a weapon. A weapon doesn’t choose to kill. The one who wields it does,” Thane said.

“I trust Thane. He’s coming with me. Now, do I need to say anything else or shall I let you piss off the precise mercenary some more?” Shepard asked, eager to get the meeting over with. “No? Good.”

“There is one other thing,” Garrus said. “Are you sure you should be leading the first team in there? I mean, it’s you they’re looking for. You’re just going to hand yourself over?”

Everyone looked at her, and Shepard made a mental note to yell at him later. It wasn’t common knowledge that they were after her specifically, and she’d been happy to keep it that way.

“That’s exactly why I need to go in. I need to know why,” Shepard asserted, standing straight. “You’re dismissed.”

She let them leave without her, glad of the peace when the doors shut behind them. She needed to know why they were targeting humans specifically, where they were based, and the one thing she’d been trying not to think about – why they were so interested in her.

\---

The Collector ship hung amidst the stars, unmoving. Its stillness was unnatural. Shepard was seized by the urge to tell Joker to turn the ship around and get as far away as possible.

“Very low emissions,” EDI told them as they swooped closer. “Passive infrared temperatures suggest most systems are offline. Thrusters are cold.”

Joker stared up at it, lifting his cap. “That thing is massive. How the hell did the turians take it out?”

“Lucky shot maybe?” Shepard suggested, trying to figure the same thing out herself. It was heavily armoured and relatively undamaged as far as she could tell.

“Ladar scans do not detect any hull breaches on the side facing us. I detect no mass effect field distortions. It appears the drive core is offline,” EDI said, confirming her assessment. There was no telling where the ship was damaged from here, and with their limited knowledge of Collector ships, there was no reliable way of knowing even with a full scan.

“Rendezvous in thirty seconds, Commander. Good luck.”

Shepard patted him gently on the shoulder, and set off to the shuttle bay where Garrus and Thane were waiting. This was it. She was finally going into the belly of the beast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me  
> I must be a lover  
> I must be a lover
> 
> 'Oh sometimes I  
> I feel like dying  
> I feel like failing  
> Rather than trying
> 
> But oh no I'm not going back  
> I'm not going back  
> I'm not going back  
> I'm not going back  
> To the place those thoughts attack'  
> \- 'I must be a lover' by The Guillemots


	13. Keeping Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard boards the Collector ship, and finds that the fate of the human race is growing darker by the moment.

She sat, turning her helmet over in her hands, as the shuttle approached the Collector Vessel. She hadn’t slept well.

In her dreams she’d been falling, helmet filling with flames until all she could see was the fire consuming her, rushing into her lungs and stealing her breath. She’d woken, shaking and alone, and gone straight to the mirror to check her face.

The scars were fading, but the red of her eyes had burnt brightly back at her.

“Ten seconds,” the pilot prompted. Shepard looked over at Garrus and Thane.

“Garrus?” Shepard thrust the helmet at him. “Could you help me with this?”

“Sure,” Garrus responded, as though this was something they did every mission. He watched her face carefully as he lowered the helmet over her pale face. Her gaze never left his as the helmet clicked into place. “You’re good to go.”

She gave a nod, fought the urge to fumble at the back of her neck and got to her feet as the shuttle came to a stop, the doors sliding open to show the darkened interior of the Collector vessel.

She couldn’t help wondering what had become of the Collectors once their ship had been crippled. In emergencies, all remaining power was usually directed into the vital systems, and that meant there was every possibility that some of them had survived.

“Shepard, the Collector ship should have a command module that will enable you to access the data. I have sent the co-ordinates for its probable location,” EDI informed them, her voice small in Shepard’s ear.

Shepard took a deep breath then jumped down onto the vessel. She stared round as they wound their way through the empty corridors towards the location EDI had supplied for them.

It was unlike anything she’d ever seen, twisting and organic with roughhewn corridors that led onto cavernous spaces. They were climbing one of the uneven slopes when EDI messaged them again, stopping Shepard in her tracks.

“Shepard, I have compared the ship’s EM signature to known Collector profiles. It is the vessel you encountered on Horizon.”

The same ship. She deliberately avoided looking at Garrus, instead choosing to stare down the deserted corridor.

“Maybe the defence towers softened it for the turians,” she suggested, glancing round at what looked like the undamaged interior and discounting the idea instantly. There was something else afoot here.

Her sense of unease grew as they found an empty pod in one of the adjoining corridors, and next to it a pile of what appeared to be discarded human bodies, their limbs softened by decomposition. Their clothes marked them as some of the missing colonists, though from the state of them there was no way of knowing which colony they’d come from.

She crouched beside them, and forced herself to look at them. “What the hell are they doing? Are you getting this, Mordin?”

“Would guess they were discarded test subjects, unsure of reason behind it,” Mordin replied.

Garrus circled the pile, examining them. “I’d say these subjects didn’t pass.”

Thane stood beside the bodies and clasped his hands together, his voice lifting in prayer. “Kalahira, Mistress of the Sea, soothe the pain of their passing with your endless mercy. May their passage over the sea be swift.”

The words settled somewhere in Shepard’s chest as she looked over the bodies. She placed little stock in such things, preferring the harsh reality of a gun and her fist, but this prayer was the only thing they could offer them now. Thane had granted them peace where she could not; he had found the words she could not say.

“We have to stop them before they do this again,” Shepard said. She turned quickly away from the bodies and led Garrus and Thane further into the ship. Another pod caught her eye. This one was different, and when she looked into it she saw why. This one contained, of all things, a Collector.

“Why choose to experiment on one of their own?” asked Thane, looking intently at the Collector’s corpse.

Shepard glanced at the body, fighting the rising sense of disquiet that engulfed her at the sight of it. “EDI, I’m uploading the data from this terminal. Can you tell us what they’re doing?”

“Received, analysing. The Collectors were running baseline genetic comparisons between their species and humanity.”

“Are they looking for similarities?”

“I have no hypothesis on their motivations. All I have is their preliminary results. They reveal something remarkable. A quad strand genetic structure, identical to traces collected at ancient ruins. Only one race is known to have this structure: The Protheans.”

The word sent a shockwave down Shepard’s spine. It was a word she’d heard bandied around by Liara in relation to a long gone civilisation. They seemed to her almost a myth, not the abomination lying in the pod beside her.

“So, the Protheans didn’t vanish.” Shepard frowned, running through the implications. “They’re just working for the Reapers.”

“These are no longer Protheans, Shepard. Their genes show distinct signs of extensive genetic rewrite. The Reapers have repurposed them to suit their needs.”

Shepard couldn’t help staring at the corpse. Was this the fate that awaited humans? To be repurposed and redesigned, to have all traces of defiance and individuality ruthlessly exterminated?

There were no easy answers.

Shepard took her gun out and set off, trying to put as much distance as she could between her and the Collectors’ experiments. They wound through the corridors and into the next room, stopping to examine the sight of thousands more pods.

They covered the high ceiling, filling the entire room from top to bottom. The colonists from Horizon would have filled but a fraction of them.

“There must be hundreds of those damn things. Think anyone’s alive in there?” Garrus asked, aiming his gun at one of them and squinting along the sights.

“I detect no signs of life in the pods, Shepard. It’s probable the victims inside died when the ship lost primary power,” EDI told them. Her words offered little comfort to those standing there and staring at the vast chamber.

“Well, that or whatever was inside already got out,” Garrus said, shouldering his gun and moving off.

“That’s right, always looking on the bright side, Garrus. Thanks for that.”

“Always happy to help, Shepard.”

They left the room, all of them on guard for the slightest movement as they weaved slowly through the corridors and up another steep slope, the darkness closing in all around them.

“Commander, you’ve got to hear this,” Joker announced, and Shepard came to a halt, staring through the impenetrable darkness.

“On a hunch I asked EDI to run an analysis on this ship. I compared the EM profile against data recorded by the original _Normandy_ two years ago. They’re an exact match.”

This ship had been the author of her destruction. It had killed her and destroyed her ship; it had cast her crew to the corners of the galaxy and put an end to her pursuit of the Reapers. For a while at least.

It had come looking for her at Horizon, and it had found her now.

“Something doesn’t add up, Commander,” Joker said, rousing her from the slow dawning realisation that she was in more trouble than she could have imagined. “Watch your back.”

Shepard forced herself into a run. She wanted to be done and out of there as fast as possible. The fate of her species was starting to look darker and darker, and their chances of survival remote.  She was the only one standing against the Reapers. If she could show this to the Alliance, perhaps they would believe her at last.

She was still deep in thought when they surfaced from the darkness into the biggest chamber she’d ever seen, and the realisation finally hit her, rendering her speechless.

“This is unbelievable!” Garrus called out, staring up at the pods that seemed to go on forever.

Thane came to stand beside her, touching his shoulder to hers as he said quietly, “They could take every human in the Terminus Systems and still have room to spare.”

Shepard nodded dumbly, unable to force the words from her throat. She knew what these pods were for.

Garrus stared at them, dropping his head slowly to focus on Shepard. “They’re going to target Earth. The Colonists are just the start.”

Shepard called her omni-tool up with shaking hands, glancing at the schematic EDI had created. “Let’s find the command module and get out of here.”

She couldn’t help but run the rest of the way. She sprinted out onto the platform that held the module and tried to ignore the open space that yawned before them as she created the data bridge for EDI.

“You got that, EDI?”

“Data mine in progress, Shepard.”

There was a sudden noise, and the green screen of the command module flickered off, followed by the deep rumble of something moving around the sides of the room.

“What the hell just happened?” Shepard asked. She peered into the dimly lit chamber for the source of the noise then looked at her companions.

“Major power surge. Everything went dark but we’re back up now,” Joker replied after an uneasy silence.

“I managed to divert the majority of the overload to non-critical systems,” EDI told them calmly. “Shepard, this was not a malfunction. This was a trap.”

“A trap?” Shepard repeated blankly, unwilling to believe those words.

There was a quiver of vibration in her feet then the platform lifted and started carrying them away into the dimly lit space before them. It glided through the darkness of the chamber, leaving them struggling to keep their footing on its smooth metallic surface.

“We need a little help here EDI,” Shepard yelled, teetering forwards as the platform rolled beneath their feet.

EDI’s infuriatingly calm voice responded. “I am having trouble maintaining the connection. There’s someone else in the system.”

Somebody else in the system. Shepard cursed out loud. The platform lurched, throwing them violently to one side and threatening to tip them all off. Her hand was in Thane’s. She didn’t remember reaching for him, but there they stood, hands clasped tightly as the platform came to a sudden halt. Garrus hadn’t been so lucky.

He got slowly up off the floor, accepting a hand up from Shepard.

There was a whirring noise in the air behind them, and Shepard closed her eyes for a moment as the sound washed over her. She had walked straight into a trap with the only people she trusted. Now they were going to pay the price for her foolishness.

“Collectors incoming,” Garrus warned, and she turned to look out through the gloom at the platforms moving towards them. Every one of them carried a handful of Collectors, and Shepard raised her sights to start counting.

“Connection re-established. I need to finish the download before I can override any systems.”

“Whatever you’re doing, do it fast, EDI,” Shepard ordered, diving into cover. She brought her barrier up, and then threw a Shockwave at the nearest platform before flinging herself closer.

They worked fluidly together. Garrus chose a spot carefully and started picking targets off methodically, whilst Shepard and Thane got in close. They took turns using their biotics to lift collectors whilst the other fired, and Shepard found that she could choose her targets with more precision, throwing one off the side then ducking to reload.

At first she thought she’d imagined it over the noise of the fighting, the rasping words that crept into her head.

“Can you hear that?”

“Hear what?” Garrus replied over the comm, dropping a drone to her left as another platform floated in.

One of the Collectors burst into light, its body covered with crackling bright edges as if struggling to contain the energy that brimmed within it.

“That voice,” Shepard muttered, lifting her sniper rifle to target the glowing collector.

“There is no voice.”

“What? You can’t…” Shepard tailed off, concentrating on the Collector and trying to ignore the insidious voice.

Thane followed suit, and with all three of them firing, it went down quickly. Another platform came in, and more Collectors started to swarm towards them, threatening to push them back.

“EDI, get a move on!” Shepard urged, reloading her gun as Thane leapt over the barrier and knocked one of the Collectors to the ground with a glowing swipe of his fist. She followed him over, swopping to her sub-machine gun and concentrating her fire on the new platform.

After a moment there was a heavy silence, unnatural after the violence that had ensued, and heavy with expectation.

“Shepard, you must manually re-establish my link to the command console,” EDI prompted.

Shepard glanced around her then sprinted for the console, patching EDI back through as Garrus and Thane returned to her side.

“I have regained control of the platform, Shepard.”

“Good work, EDI,” Shepard said, holding onto the console as the platform drifted up into the air and headed back towards where they’d come in. “Did you get what we needed?”

“I found data that could help us successfully navigate the Omega-Four relay. I also found the turian distress call that served as a lure for this trap. The Collectors were the source. It is unusual.”

“Why unusual?”

EDI’s flickering cipher appeared on the console as she spoke to them. It was a reassuring sight in the unfamiliar surroundings of the Collector ship. “Turian emergency channels have secondary encryption. It is present but corrupted in the message. It is not possible that the Illusive Man would believe the distress call was genuine.”

“You’re sure about this?”

“I found the anomaly with Cerberus detection protocols. He wrote them.”

There was no doubting it. He had lied to them, and she had lied to Garrus. She’d been willing to give Cerberus the benefit of the doubt, considering the fact that their goals seemed to be the same. Now Shepard saw the flaw in her plan that she had been trying to ignore all along.

Their methods were unacceptable. They had risked her life withholding information, and in turn she had risked the lives of those she cared about, leading them straight into a trap.

She’d made her peace with Cerberus, and this was what they had done to her in return.

“Cerberus is not known for keeping faith,” Thane said. Garrus didn’t speak, stepping off the platform back onto the solid ground of the ship and popping his heatsink.

“Uh, Commander.”

“What is it, Joker?”

“We’ve got another problem. The Collector ship is powering up. You need to get out of there before their weapons come online. I’m not losing another _Normandy_.”

Disappointment and guilt welled up into a blinding rage that consumed her. She was running before Joker had even finished speaking, following EDI’s directions.

They hurtled back through the ship, Thane keeping pace at her side and Garrus just behind.

If they didn’t make it back, it was all her fault. Dying there with her friends would be her punishment, and Shepard felt a clutch of despair at the thought of watching them die.

“Shepard!”

Thane knocked her to one side, and she landed heavily on her knees in time to see a blast pass close by her, followed closely by a swarm of Collectors.

Shepard stumbled to her feet and threw herself at the nearest creature, unloading her pistol into its head before knocking another one down with her biotics and stamping brutally on its skull.

A shot got through her barrier, knocking her backwards, and she lost it. Shepard charged across the room towards her assailant with a dagger in her hand. There was nothing but blood and fury as she laid into them, her lungs burning as she sought to destroy all before her. Nothing was going to keep her from the _Normandy_.

She dispatched the last one with help from Garrus, and then started running again.

“I’m opening a door on the far side of the room,” EDI said as they emerged into another chamber. Shepard saw the door open and set off down the stairs towards it, catching a glimpse of movement in the air.

A Praetorian came gliding towards them, and Shepard skittered backwards into cover, too breathless even to swear.

She’d dealt with one back on Horizon, but it had been a drawn out battle. They could not afford that now.

“Joker,” Shepard said, taking her rocket launcher out and snapping the ammo in with practised movements. “If we don’t make it back, I want you to take the ship straight back to the Alliance and tell them everything.”

“I’m not going anywhere without you, Shepard. We did that once before, remember?”

“That isn’t a request. It’s an order. Garrus, keep at the Praetorian. Thane, kill anything that moves.”

Shepard fired her first rocket then followed it up with Reave, hoping to destroy its barriers before she had to get any closer. She fired again and again, darting down the stairs and scouting for cover whilst Garrus drew its fire.

She had to get closer. Shepard used Reave again, feeling the warning buzz in her head as she pushed her biotics, the low tingle of pain registering in her brain. She couldn’t afford failure now. There had to be another way.

Taking her Tempest out, Shepard ran closer, spraying the Praetorian with machine gun fire as she rolled straight into cover behind it. The creature was starting to struggle now, no longer floating but scrambling over the ground towards her like a massive spider.

Shepard dived straight between its ungainly limbs, snatched a sticky grenade from her suit and stuck it on the exposed underbelly before diving for cover, flinging herself untidily over a barrier and landing face down.

There was pop followed by a strange fizzing noise. Finally there was silence.

Every part of her body was hurting but she forced herself up, stumbling over the barrier to see the remains of the Praetorian breaking down into poisonous dust.

Garrus and Thane sprinted down the slope towards her, and she took off without waiting for them, unwilling to waste another second of precious time. The corridors were starting to look familiar now, and she recognised where they were at last.

The realisation gave her impetus. She threw herself down the slope, finding herself confronted by a slew of oncoming husks. There were at least twenty, with more swarming up behind.

Shepard took her dagger out and threw herself into them, beheading one with a vicious twist of her blade before using Shockwave to clear their path. They made easy targets, their intelligence dimmed by whatever process had changed them, and Shepard dispatched two more with easy strokes of her blade.

As the second one fell she saw it, the scrap of uniform clinging to the corrupted flesh. On it was the logo that the colonists had worn on Horizon. These were the very people she had failed to rescue. They were like this because of her.

“No…”

Something hit her back, twisting her arm violently, and Shepard fell to the ground. It was then that she heard it, the sound that plagued her every nightmare. The warning scream of her hard suit. The inexorable hiss of escaping air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smiling as the shit comes down  
> You can tell a man from what he has to say  
> Everything gets turned around  
> And I will risk my neck again, again
> 
> You can take me where you will  
> Up the creek and through the mill  
> All the things you can't explain  
> Four seasons in one day  
>  \- Four Seasons in One Day by Crowded House


	14. Waiting Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard, Thane and Garrus make their escape from the Collector Ship, only to be faced with truths they must confront.

Shepard was fast, bounding ahead in her haste to reach the _Normandy_. She ploughed down the slope without waiting, and Thane caught sight of her blade glinting as she ran straight into the oncoming husks.

There were swarms of them. One affixed itself to Shepard’s back, and he saw her crumple, the blade tumbling from her fingers.

Thane threw himself at the husk, driving his fist clean through its head. He expected Shepard to rise, to scramble to her feet with a curse or a thank you. Instead he heard her scream, her hands scrabbling at the back of her suit.

“She’s losing pressure,” Garrus spat, knocking two of the husks aside with a sweep of his gun. He grabbed Shepard round the middle, and started to pull her down the slope, leaving Thane to clear a path.

He could hear her through his comm, tearing gasps that he tried to shut out. He knew her lungs would be burning as the oxygen left her suit, remembered the pain it brought, and the pervading panic with a clarity that he sometimes wished he could forget.

He had to focus if they were going to make it to the shuttle alive. Thane set himself to his task, ploughing through the husks and hurtling down the slope to cover Garrus as he followed at a slower pace.

Thane picked off two husks then turned his attention back to Garrus. He had slowed down, and Thane saw immediately why. Shepard was writhing in his arms, her back arched and her limbs splayed as she flung her head back and fought uselessly against the oxygen deprivation, and the iron grasp of her nightmares.

She had been afraid of this choking death, and Thane remembered what she had said to him. _I die every night, in my dreams._

He could hear Garrus talking to her, trying to reassure her even as she weighed him down like an anchor. She was beyond even his reach now.

Thane hurried onwards, rounded the corner and found the shuttle waiting, bright in the darkness of the corridor and barely twenty feet away.

There was no time to lose. Thane turned back to Garrus, took hold of Shepard’s legs, and between them they carried her into the shuttle, collapsing down onto the floor as the door shut slowly behind them. There was the reassuring hiss of air filling the chamber, and Thane turned his attention to the figure struggling against him.

“Hold her arms,” Thane ordered, straddling Shepard’s legs and tearing his breather off. Blood ran down her suit in dark ribbons, and Thane cast his memory back to the moment he’d seen her knocked backwards on board the Collector ship. He’d assumed that her armour had taken the worst of it, but from the amount of blood, it looked like his assumption had been wrong.

He reached out, her struggles weakening beneath him, and undid the seals of her helmet. There was no hiss of trapped air. The instant he took the helmet off he saw the desperate panic on her face, her eyes rolling wildly in their sockets.

“Shepard, look at me.”

She lolled her head to one side and Thane grabbed her chin, leaning close to blow gently across her face.

Shepard took a shuddering gasp, closed her eyes and sagged forwards against him as she fought to get her breath back. For long seconds she didn’t move. Her breath was hot against his skin.

Thane looked past her at the turian still holding her arms, and nodded. There was no way of seeing his expression with the helmet still on, but from the way Garrus released her and slumped backwards, Thane thought he detected relief.

The shuttle lurched, beginning the usual docking routine, and reminded them all that they weren’t out of danger yet.

Shepard sprang to her feet. She stared resolutely at the door, poised ready to fly, and threw herself through before it was fully open, leaving smears of blood on the door seal.

“Go after her,” Garrus said, walking past Thane. “We both know you’re faster than me, and she sure as hell won’t be on her feet long.”

Thane acknowledged him without a word and took off after her, guessing correctly that she would make straight for the cockpit to make sure they were safe before allowing herself to feel anything.

The ship bucked wildly beneath his feet, and he saw a bright flash through the windows of the cockpit as he fought his way up the corridor.

Shepard was dark against the stars, one arm wrapped around her side and the other clinging onto Joker’s chair as explosions rocked the ship.

“I can’t dodge this guy forever, EDI. Get us the hell out of here!” Joker shouted, screens lighting up all around him.

“Specify a destination, Mister Moreau.”

“Anywhere that’s not here!” Joker yelled.

“Very well. Engaging mass effect core.”

The ship gave a jump. Stars started to streak past them as EDI finally fired the mass effect core and sent them hurtling, out into the waiting arms of space.

\---

They’d made it. They’d escaped the ship that was determined to haunt her footsteps, having already killed her once. This time they had survived, along with the data that she hoped would be the Collectors’ undoing.

Shepard let go of Joker’s seat, her head swimming as relief and pain flooded through her. Her side was starting to ache, and when she touched her hand to it the glove came away red.

“We made it,” she muttered, wincing as she turned to limp out of the cockpit. “We made it. I don’t believe it.”

Joker adjusted his cap and looked up at her. “No thanks to the bastard that sent us in there. ‘It’s disabled,’ he said, ‘why not pop on board and get your ass handed to you on a plate.’ I hope you’re gonna be having words with him, Commander, and two of those words better be Off and Fuck.”

Right now she couldn’t think of a single thing she wanted to say to the Illusive Man. All she wanted to do was put her fist through his smug face for the risk he’d made them take. The pain in her side wasn’t helping.

She watched Thane step slowly into the cockpit, his eyes never once leaving hers.

“Hey, Commander, I know this ship is Cerberus and all, but do you think you could stop bleeding all over it?” Joker said, and Shepard looked down at herself. There was blood on Joker’s seat, and some on the floor.

“Sure. Well done, Joker, and EDI,” Shepard said faintly, reaching out for Thane as her legs threatened to give way. He slipped his arm around her waist, supporting her as she dragged her unwilling body towards the elevator. Colours were starting to run into each other. Her heart was throbbing in her ears.

She laid her head on the cool wall of the elevator, only to jerk herself awake as though she’d started falling again.

“Cora?” His voice reached through the haze of pain as nothing else could, and Shepard allowed Thane to swing her into his arms for the last few metres, no longer trusting her legs.

They had a familiar ritual, Doctor Chakwas and Shepard, from the innumerable times Shepard found herself in there getting patched up. Chakwas had the pain relief ready and she injected Shepard almost the second the door opened, assessing her with a practised eye.

“Ah, no time to use medi-gel I presume. Well, let’s get you on here and see what you’ve done to yourself this time,” Chakwas said briskly, motioning towards the nearest bed.

Thane helped Shepard to the bed, setting her down carefully. She closed her eyes, swayed slightly for a moment, then started wrenching her weapons off and thrusting them at him, filling his arms with guns.

“Take these,” she muttered, pulling another dagger out of a pocket on her leg and adding it to the pile.

Shepard let herself rest for a moment, then started removing her armour. She stripped right down to her skin tight under-suit then started examining the wound.

The gash in her side was a pulpy streak of flesh and bone against the darkness of her suit. Shepard guessed that at least one of her ribs had been hit when the shot got through her barrier.

When she looked up, Thane was still standing over her, blinking rapidly before looking away.

“You were wrong,” Shepard rasped, sinking back against the bed as the painkillers started to thrum through her system.

“Wrong?” Thane asked, frowning at her. “I do not understand.”

“The worst isn’t behind me. The worst is if the Collectors get to Earth, and I can’t stop them.”

“We’re going to need that suit off,” Chakwas instructed. Shepard didn’t need telling twice. She sat up and grabbed the fabric at either side of the wound, ripping it clean through to expose her belly and lower ribcage. The fresh wave of pain made the room spin, and she sucked her breath in as the clotted fabric dragged at the wound and set it bleeding anew.

Shepard looked up at Doctor Chakwas, her hands still holding onto the fabric of her suit. Her eyes flicked to Thane for just a second.

“Thank you for all your help, Sere Krios. I’m sure the Commander would appreciate it if you dropped those off for her,” Chakwas said, guiding Thane smoothly out the door. 

“Right, where were we?”

\---

Thane stood holding the armful of weapons, unable to banish the image of what he’d just seen. He’d seen injuries before, having inflicted them himself and suffered through similar wounds, but the sight of Shepard pale and shivering broke through his defences.

He heard heavy footsteps approaching. Garrus.

“How is she? Ah, I was just coming to get those,” he said, holding out his arms for the guns.

Thane was slow to respond, and the turian looked at him carefully, glancing at the closed door. “Did she strip off? You hang around with Shepard long enough you eventually get to see her naked.”

“Ah.”

_The fabric torn, the light flesh emerging from beneath the blood stained suit, and the wound blooming like a rose on her side._

“No.”

Garrus clicked his mandibles, his arms tightening round the guns. “You got that other dagger?”

Garrus noticed everything. He always noticed everything, from the way Thane found himself looking at Shepard to the simple act of collecting the dagger she’d dropped. Thane was under no illusion that he had done something to offend Garrus. That something related to Shepard.

“Here,” Thane said, handing the dagger over to Garrus. “I am sure she would appreciate a visit.”

“I’ve seen Shepard bleed enough for one day. There was something I wanted to ask you.”

Thane straightened, loosening his hands behind his back and making note of the closest weapon.

“Did you hear that voice she mentioned?”

There had been no voice that Thane had heard, but he had seen the strange form of the glowing Collector, and the way it seemed to focus on Shepard, always turning in her direction.

“I confess I did not. I was unaware that the Collectors are targeting Shepard specifically. Perhaps this is linked, as unlikely as it seems.”

Garrus nodded, looking distracted as he cradled the weapons in his arms. He was obviously worried about her, and given the fact that the Collectors seemed intent upon Shepard, Thane couldn’t help sharing the sentiment.

“Maybe,” Garrus replied. “Once she’s patched up, I’ll ask if EDI has any more information, see if she found anything. This whole thing seems too much like coincidence—the same ship, and now this…”

“Agreed, although there is a logical explanation,” Thane told him. “If you are looking to break any enemy, it makes sense to destroy their strongest point. The rest will fall accordingly.”

“So you’re saying Shepard is their greatest threat. Makes sense. Hell, they killed her and all it did was piss her off. Anyway, I’d better get these seen to,” Garrus said, finally turning his attention back to Thane.

Thane expected Garrus to leave. Instead the turian hesitated, gathering the weapons close as he spoke.

“There is one other thing. If you hurt her, we’re going to have a problem.”

“I shall bear that in mind,” Thane responded politely, dipping his head and walking away.

He deserved Garrus’ anger, for what did he have to offer Shepard beyond his gift for taking life? He had no future, and no reason to hope that she wished to share anything of his life before he crossed the sea.

Her burden was already too great to ask her to carry the heart of a dying man. His feelings for her, and the foolish desire that she had kindled in him, must remain buried deep in the heart that she had awoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you really carry me when I was asleep?  
> Did you try to defend me when I was weak?  
> Did you pick me up that lonely night  
> When the lights died out and I turned to the gray side?  
> Did you carry me when I was asleep?
> 
> Now you're out on the bottomless sea  
> So it's time for you to lean on me, lean on me  
> Now you're out on the bottomless sea  
> So it's time for you to lean on me, lean on me
> 
> Lean by Oh Land


	15. Unfinished Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard makes Thane an offer.

Shepard sat down carefully at her desk, closing her eyes in a bid to calm the dizziness that her painkillers inflicted upon her. The pain still burnt low in her side, flaring up whenever she moved.

“EDI?” Shepard asked, opening her eyes. “Can you get everyone up here?”

“Of course, Commander.”

She needed to speak with them about everything that the Illusive Man had just told her. Through the haze of painkillers she’d heard some surprises, but nothing to assuage the feeling of betrayal that had taken root deep within her. She had made her attempt at trusting Cerberus, and it had nearly cost the life of her friends. There was no going back from this.

The door opened, and Shepard looked up as Miranda arrived. She paced, glancing at Shepard then back at the door as Garrus filed in.

Shepard had chosen her room for a number of reasons.  She needed to be off her feet. And it was the only room without any surveillance bugs. Tali had made sure of that. The Illusive Man was getting nothing from her without a fight.

Thane arrived last, his face expressionless as he took his place at the back.

“I’ve spoken to the Illusive Man about the Collector ship. He’s admitted that he sent us into a trap, and that he knew about it,” she told them, noting Miranda’s agitation and Garrus’ malevolent stare directed at the Cerberus personnel. “He was the only one aware of this. Am I right, Miranda?”

Miranda looked almost hurt. “Of course, I wouldn’t…I mean…”

“You can speak freely in here. Cerberus can’t hear us, I made sure of that.”

“I had no idea, Shepard. You don’t have to believe me,” she said, glancing at Garrus.

“I believe you. Regardless of the trap, it looks like we got what we went in for,” Shepard said, wincing as she reached out to tap her terminal. The screen above her desk lit up to show a large map. “EDI, would you care to explain?”

“Certainly, Shepard. The Reapers and the Collector ships use an advanced identity Friend/Foe system that enables them to navigate the Omega-Four relay safely. I have also determined the approximate location of the Collector home world based on navigational data from their vessel.”

The map zoomed in and pinpointed the location right in the heart of the galaxy.

Miranda frowned and leant forwards to look closer. “That can’t be right.”

“EDI hasn’t been wrong yet. Their home world is somewhere in the galactic core,” Shepard said.

“Can’t be,” Jacob announced. “The core is just black holes and exploding suns, there are no habitable planets there.”

“Where’s the best place to hide?” Kasumi piped up. “The last place anyone would look? Through a relay no one else can get through? Sounds like the perfect place if you ask me.”

Shepard nodded. “Exactly. We’ve seen what the Reapers can do, and the Collectors are working for them. There’s no reason why they couldn’t do something like this.”

“Of course,” Miranda said. “Who’s to say it’s a planet? Why not something artificial built by the Reapers? With strong enough mass effect fields they can put whatever the hell they wanted in there. The Reapers did create the mass relays after all.”

Garrus ignored the map, turning his attention to Shepard. “So all we need is the device that will get us through the relay? I hate to break it to you, Shepard, but we were just on a Collector vessel, and I don’t remember picking one up on my way out.”

“Could make one,” Mordin said, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “Though without more information, process could take time.”

“There’s no need. Cerberus has found a derelict Reaper orbiting a brown dwarf near Klendagon. They sent a team, but lost contact not long after they boarded,” Shepard told them, waving her hand vaguely at the screen as it showed a map of the Reapers location. “I’ll let you make of that what you will.”

“What was the word they used last time?” Garrus said. “Disabled? Derelict doesn’t sound a whole lot more reassuring. We’re not making the same mistake again. Last time we listened to Cerberus we almost ended up dead.”

“Cerberus got us this far, but I agree, and that is why I called you all here. We can’t rely on Cerberus. I need to be able to rely on all of you if we’re going to do this. I want you all ready, no distractions, no petty arguments,” she said, letting her eyes linger on Garrus. “If you have any unfinished business that needs taking care of before we commit to this, then you need to let me know. I want your head in the game. That goes for all of you, is that clear?”

There was a mutter, the shuffling of feet, and – from what Shepard could gather – a sense of agreement. “Good, now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get some rest. Kasumi, Garrus, could you wait?”

Shepard got slowly to her feet and limped to her sofa. She sat down heavily and grabbed one of the emergency food bars she kept there.

“Kasumi, I believe Cerberus owes you a debt. What did they promise you?”

Kasumi sat down next to her, ignoring Garrus who paced on the other side of the room.

“There’s something I need to retrieve. An item of personal value. It’s being held by a man named Donovan Hock. I have a plan for getting it back, but I’ll need your help.”

“You can have it. Give me the destination, and I’ll get us there as soon as I can. Was there anything else?” Shepard asked.

“No, this will be enough. Once I have that I’m all yours, Shep. You rest up. You’re going to need it.”

She left, and Shepard turned her attention back to Garrus. He was examining the dagger he’d returned earlier.

“You’re lucky I’m in this state, otherwise I’d be attempting to hit you right about now,” she said weakly, laying her head back on the sofa. “Why did you have to tell everyone that the Collectors are looking for me?”

“I figured it was kind of important,” he said, leaning against the desk. “Did EDI find anything? Or are we still in the dark, waiting for Cerberus to jerk us around some more?”

“We’ve got a way of getting through the relay, all we need to do is go and get it, and we don’t need Cerberus for that. What I need you to do is stop acting like an arse and knuckle down.”

“Avoiding the question again?”

“No. There is nothing to tell. They found no information about me. EDI has her own theory on the matter.”

“Which is?”

“The Collectors are controlled by the Reapers. It’s the Reapers that are looking for me; the Collectors are just doing what they’re told. EDI thinks the derelict could offer more clues,” she admitted, stifling a yawn. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m about to pass out.”

Garrus lingered, and Shepard suspected he wanted to say something else, but whatever it was, it would have to wait. She could feel sleep dragging her down. Exhaustion had pushed her body to the brink.

He left without another word, and Shepard tumbled into bed fully clothed. The covers were cool against her skin, and for a second she wished there was someone warm against her. Another breath, and she fell into sweet oblivion. Her unfinished business would have to wait.

\---

Thane knew she was there the moment he opened the door, from the scent of her usual tea and the soft singing. She was exactly the person that he had been wishing to avoid, but something about the sound of her voice drew him in.

Shepard was bent over the table, her head resting on her hands. She was singing quietly to herself - an unfamiliar song with words he couldn’t quite catch. There was a steaming cup of tea at one elbow and an open packet of food at the other.

He deliberately made his steps heavier so as not to startle her, then made his way over to the table. “Shepard?”

She turned and winced, rubbing at her side. “Thane. Hello. Why don’t you join me? I am currently under the influence of painkillers and open to suggestions. I might even share my biscuits with you.”

She looked sleepy. Her cheeks were flushed. The black of her hair was messier than usual. Thane knew that he ought to go back to bed, but the welcoming smile on her face and the mischievous twinkle in her eye were hard to resist.

“I had assumed you’d be asleep,” Thane said, making himself a pot of tea that he brought over to the table and set beside Shepard. “Are your nightmares troubling you?”

She looked at him keenly. They both knew what her nightmares were made of. Considering the incident aboard the Collector ship, it was a logical conclusion.

“Yes,” Shepard replied, sadness in her voice. She turned back to her work and sipped her tea. “Those, and my unfinished business. There are things I need to take care of, in case we don’t come back.”

“I see.” Thane sat down beside her. He regretted taking the smile from her face. “What were you singing?”

“A folk song somebody taught me. It’s about a lover that goes to war and never comes home.”

“Is there…somebody you are leaving behind?” Thane asked.

“A lover? Ha, no. Not for a long time,” Shepard said, her hands stilling on the datapad she clutched. “There are things I will regret leaving though, people I should have made peace with. If there’s anything all of this has taught me, it is not to waste second chances – time is so short, and you never know when the end is coming.” She rubbed the back of her neck, sighing deeply. “ ‘ _Then on the shore of the wide world I stand alone, and think, til love and fame to nothingness do sink_.’ ”

Thane looked at her, hesitating over the urge to touch her. “I do not recognise your words.”

“It’s nothing, just… something an old friend taught me. When I was dying, when I knew that was it… I was so afraid. There were so many things I hadn’t said and…”

Shepard stared across the room, lost in thought.

“Today, when I thought it was going to happen again, just like last time, and somewhere, in the fear, I couldn’t help thinking of all the things I wished I’d done. All the words I hadn’t said,” Shepard said quietly, lapsing into silence.

After a moment, she roused herself and turned to look at him. “Thane, when you found out about Kepral’s, you can’t have been as accepting as you are now.”

He had been accepting, but now nothing seemed as clear as it had been. He had always believed that he would pass over the sea to be with Irikah, but now he felt something calling him back to life with a painful longing he could barely contain.

“I wasn’t at first. That was a difficult time, learning of my fate and realising there was no escape. I buried myself in memories in a bid to forget, to numb the pain of my diagnosis, yet the one thing we cannot hide from is the truth,” Thane admitted, knitting his fingers together.

“What do you mean, hid in your memories?” Shepard asked gently.

“Drell have perfect memories. It can be difficult to control at times. Some of us disappear into… let’s call it solipsism. Our memories can feel as real as life, as valid as life.”

Thane let his thoughts drift for a moment before collecting himself.

“Thinking about a moment brings back the smell of cut grass, the warmth of another’s hand on yours, the taste of another’s tongue in your mouth. It is easier to lose yourself in these memories. It is the only form of forgetting a drell can ever hope to find.”

“I had no idea,” Shepard murmured, cupping her tea to her face. Thane could not help but watch her, the steam rising into her hair, eyelashes fluttering against her cheek.

“So many things to remember. I think I’d rather forget,” she said, putting her cup down. “That memory you had, the one about the sunset coloured eyes – was that a good memory or a bad one?”

“Ah, that time. A bystander noticed my spotting laser and threw herself between me and the target. She couldn’t see me, but she stared me down.”

“Did you take the shot?”

“Not that day. To answer your question, that memory is a little of both. She was… a vivid person.” He stopped, unwilling to pursue that memory any further. “It seems that as humans you remember the bad memories more clearly than the good.”

“I suppose they help us learn. There are good things I remember.” Shepard screwed up her face as she thought, staring into her empty cup.

“Allow me,” Thane said, pouring her another drink.

“The first time I ate biscuits,” she said suddenly, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “I never knew my parents. I spent years dodging the authorities, fending for myself on the streets. One day I met a little boy called Simon, and he took me home to his family.”

She leant back, her expression faraway. It was as close as he had seen a human get to losing themselves in a memory.

“It was warm, and they had pictures on the walls and furniture. His mother, his adoptive mother as it turned out, sat me down and gave me a plate of biscuits. They smelt so good. I ate them all. They still make me think of home.”

Shepard shook herself and gave a small smile.

“I see now, why you do not think of Earth as your home. It is hard to think of anywhere as home without those that make it so.” He thought of his own home, long gone now, and what had been waiting for him behind the door.

“I used to think of the _Normandy_ as home. I suppose I still do. The people I care about are here,” Shepard said, tucking her hair behind her ear and biting into a biscuit. “Would you like one?”

Thane accepted her offer. He had eaten human food before, but not these. They were crunchy yet sweet, peppered with bursts of chocolate that melted on his tongue.

Shepard yawned, tried to stifle it behind her hand, and failed.

“I am sure this unfinished business can wait a little longer.”

“It can, but I’m not going back in there yet. I might take a few more painkillers first, see if I can get any higher,” she replied, laying her head down on the table and shutting her eyes. “Thank you, though. You don’t have to stay up.”

Both of them were broken, but somewhere at the ends of the galaxy they had found each other when all seemed lost. He would gladly have stayed with her, but the temptation to do something rash was too strong.

“Goodnight, Cora. I…appreciate these chats we have,” he said, getting to his feet.

She stirred, her eyes opening slowly. “You’ve been alone for so long, it can’t have been easy.”

“Work fulfilled me. Reading. I barely spoke to anyone outside my family. It seems there will be no one to mourn me when I die. You’re the only friend I’ve made in ten years,” Thane admitted.

“Friend? Huh.” Shepard sat up, rubbed her eyes and sifted restlessly through her datapads. “That’s… a start.”

“A start?” Thane repeated, watching her as she fidgeted with a datapad. “That’s intriguing. You know where I am, if you need me.”

She made a noise, and Thane saw her hunch over the table as a pink flush crept across her skin.

He walked reluctantly back to his room and got into bed. Once there, he searched for the source of her words on his omni-tool. It was from an old English poem. As he read the words, they sank into his memory, her voice threading through his thoughts.

In amongst all the endings of his life, and the endings that were sure to come, she was offering him a start. Something to hold onto. Something to guide him back from the darkness and back into the light he had closed his eyes to so long ago.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on,  
> This will floor me differently  
> Than any drug that's washed me into sleep  
> It's true  
> The only fault I'll take from you  
> Is how to run from what you wish to keep
> 
> The Only Fault - Rachel Yamagata


	16. Thread of sound

The dress was too tight, her side was itching and the knife was digging into her thigh, but all Shepard could think about was those words. _A start._ She knew that she shouldn’t have said them, shouldn’t have offered Thane hope of a future they couldn’t possibly have.

One of the crew members sidled over to her. “Uh, Commander?”

“What?” Shepard heard the snarl in her voice and checked herself, knowing it was no use taking her irritation out on everyone else. She could do that once she had a gun in her hand.

“You asked for a copy of the inventory.” The crew member looked nervous, and Shepard tried to remember his name as she checked over the list that Kasumi had assembled.

So far, Shepard knew little about the mission, beyond the fact that she was attending a party and that she was supposed to arrive in style. That explained swopping from the shuttle to a hired transport once they reached Bekenstein, and the awful dress Kasumi had tried to foist onto her.

She’d managed to get out of wearing it solely on the fact that it revealed the medi-gel weave on her ribs. The replacement was an inky black dress that draped loose over her front, disguising her injury, and offering more in the way of stretch should she have to fight.

Shepard let her eyes scan over the gleaming statue of Saren, then handed the inventory back. “That’s all, Parker.”

“Commander.” He took off across the loading bay, and Shepard stalked back into the corner. She was annoyed and, above all, miserable. She’d barely slept the night before, tormented by nightmares of the Collector ship. Every time she closed her eyes there was nothing but endless pods waiting to be filled, and the harsh scream of her suit alarm.

Lying awake gave her no relief either. Instead she’d thought of Thane, iridescent beneath the buttery yellow light of the mess hall, and the way her traitorous mouth had run away with her.

_A start._

Thane was dying. She had to stop the Collectors before they reached Earth. If she allowed herself to lose focus, even for a second, then the consequences were dire. That left her with one option – to put a stop to their relationship before it even got started.

Shepard patted her leg, felt the comforting outline of the knife strapped to her thigh, and turned back to look for Kasumi. Someone was walking towards her, and it was not the thief. It was Thane.

Shepard shuffled her feet, uncomfortable in the ridiculous shoes she’d chosen, and tried to meet his gaze.

“Kasumi informed me that you are attending a party, and that the host is a Mister Donavan Hock.”

“Then you know more than I do,” Shepard said, attempting a smile. Thane frowned slightly in response, and she let the smile slip away. “What is it?”

“Hock has something of a reputation. I could go with you, if you wished.”

“You’d have to ask Kasumi. This is her mission, and she’s told me next to nothing. I can’t make the decision for her.”

“You could, but you won’t,” Thane replied, a hint of resignation in his voice.

She reached for him, snagging his hand in her own as she searched for all the things she wanted to say. Thane raised his dark eyes to her, and all her words fell away as she saw the expression of hope kindled there.

“Aren’t you going somewhere?”

Shepard felt Thane withdraw his hand from hers, and the irritation she’d been holding back flooded through her at the sound of Garrus’ voice. She was in front of him before she could stop herself.

“Do not start with me, Vakarian. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Garrus drew back slightly and Shepard felt her anger drain away.

She grabbed his arm, and marched him out of the loading bay, down the corridor and into the cramped supply room.

Once in, she let the door shut and turned to face him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gone off at you like that. It’s just…”

Garrus leant back, folded his arms, and waited.

“I might have said something to give Thane the wrong idea, but I’m going to sort it out as soon as we get back.”

“So Alenko follows you around mooning over you with those big brown eyes of his, and you don’t even notice. But you meet an assassin, the most deadly assassin in the galaxy who also happens to be an entirely different species from you, and you ‘give him the wrong idea’?” Garrus sat down on a crate, his armoured knees brushing her bare legs. “Are you sure this is something you want to get into?”

“I don’t know. But, for the record, I did notice Kaidan, but he’s…he was my friend and that’s it. He did try and take things further—”

“The night before Ilos,” Garrus said.  “And you turned him down.”

“I know what’s at stake here. When we get back I’ll talk to him. I know he’ll understand.” She felt the sting of disappointment, and shut it down quickly.

“Look, Shepard, this isn’t about the Reapers or Cerberus, this is about you.” Garrus took the uncharacteristic step of initiating contact, getting to his feet and putting his hand awkwardly on her shoulder. “You don’t do things by halves. When you set yourself to something, you give it everything you’ve got. But nothing, not even you, can change the fact that he’s dying. You give your heart to Thane, and he’s taking it with him.”

She knew Garrus was right, but she couldn’t help the small traitorous thought that crossed her mind. _You’ve built a career on performing the impossible_. Thane believed in her. He had placed his faith in her, and she was backing away.

“I can’t believe I’m taking advice on my love life from a turian,” Shepard said, raising her chin. “Does your species even have this problem? I thought it was all arranged marriages?”

“I wouldn’t believe everything you hear. And I’m not a very good turian,” Garrus grumped, allowing Shepard to remove his hand and open the door.

“No, I’d noticed,” she said, setting off back towards the loading bay. “I seem to be a crappy excuse for a human being. I mean I’m, what, at least fifty percent Cerberus tech now? We’ll have to muddle through, being terrible representations of our species.”

She heard Garrus laugh, saw the scars on the side of his face, and remembered the rush of terror she’d felt at the idea of losing him. Shepard came to an abrupt halt. “Garrus?”

He stopped in the doorway and looked back at her. “What?”

“If…when I do this. Will you, I mean, you’ll still be—“

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Shepard nodded. She could do this. “Then it’s deal. I’ll talk to Thane when I get back.”

“Okay. At least we can be bitter and lonely together.”

“I can’t wait,” Shepard said with a smile. She entered the loading bay and scanned around to find Kasumi waiting. “What a future we have planned.”

“It’s not all bad. At least you’ll have the pleasure of my company until you kill us both with one of your insane plans.”

“That is true. When you put it like that, I can’t wait to get us both killed.”

Garrus laughed, and gave her a gentle nudge towards Kasumi. “Go have fun at your party, and this time make sure you kill the mercs instead of just maiming them.”

Shepard rolled her eyes at him then clambered into the shuttle beside the thief. The lights died down. The engines roared to life. In the dark, the statue of Saren gleamed.

If this was Kasumi’s idea of a party gift, she had her doubts about the host.

\---

The numbers didn’t make any sense. Garrus had calibrated that unit a couple of hours ago, only for it to go straight back to the same mess.

“Damn Cerberus tech.”

Joker’s voice sounded over the comm. “Hey Garrus, I hate to interrupt your fun, but you have to hear this.”

“What?”

Sound blared through the comm system, a rapid stutter of shots followed by what sounded like an explosion. Then Garrus heard Shepard’s voice, almost lost amidst the chaos. “Kasumi? Kasumi, what the hell are you playing at?”

That didn’t sound much like any party he’d ever been to, apart from that one time with Shepard, and neither of them liked to talk about that one.

“She just requested an emergency evac,” Joker said.

“Patch me through.”

“Sure. There you go.”

Garrus listened for a second, gauging the sounds that filled his head. “Shepard?”

There was a scream, a heavy thud then another round of gunfire. “What? Shit, you didn’t tell me….Damn it, Garrus, I could do with a—”

Her voice was cut off, and Garrus started towards the shuttle bay, grabbing his gun from his bunk and checking the mods as he walked. The transmission resumed, and he heard Shepard muttering curses. At least she was all right.

“Shepard, I was thinking about crashing your party. Think you can hang on until we get there?”

“I’ll do my best.”

Garrus cut the transmission. “EDI, can you get Thane down here? And Samara. If you could ask Miranda for a pilot—”

“Already on it,” Miranda interrupted. “The shuttle will be ready to go in two. I’ve had some ammo loaded to be on the safe side.”

Garrus couldn’t help feeling a grudging sense of gratitude.

Thane was waiting for him by the shuttle. His guns were already neatly stowed.

Garrus had thought of Thane before he’d even really considered what he was doing. Even if he didn’t trust Thane as Shepard did, he trusted him enough to look out for her. Right now that was what mattered.

Garrus got in, watched Thane sit down opposite, and thought over what Shepard had said. He almost felt sorry for the guy. Kaidan had been bad but this was worse. At least Shepard hadn’t led Kaidan on.

He thought back to their conversation in the tiny supply room, to the defeated slump of her shoulders as she talked about Thane. Stripped of its protective carapace of armour, her long human body seemed more fragile than usual, and Garrus couldn’t stop the sudden doubt from creeping into his mind.

She’d been happy for a long time, but hooking up with a dying assassin wasn’t going to help. Surely she was better off staying clear.

Samara arrived, and the door closed behind her as the engines started. “What are we dealing with?” she asked calmly. Garrus realized he didn’t have a clue, beyond jumping to the conclusion that Shepard was in too deep as usual.

“Their attempt at stealing has not gone unnoticed. Given Hock’s reputation I am unsurprised,” Thane said calmly.

“You know about this Hock guy?”

“Of course. One of my contacts was most illuminating on the subject, though I admit they made no mention of a private army.”

“What?” Garrus no longer felt surprised by the fact that Shepard got herself into dangerous situations on a regular basis. He saved that for every time they made it out alive.

“Shepard may have mentioned it. I assumed you were listening in.”

At least one of them had their head in the game.

“Shepard is a capable warrior. She is more than able to hold her own until we arrive,” Samara said. She closed her eyes and gathered a bright ball of energy between her hands.

Garrus opened up the transmission again. “Hey Shepard, mind if I bring a few guests? I know one of them is dying to see you.”

\---

Garrus’ voice was small in her ear over the sound of gunfire, a thread of sound that she held onto.

“Garrus, I’m going to kill you. If he doesn’t kill you first.”

Shepard rolled out of cover and shot the merc to her left, watching another merc step up to take his place. She had already resorted to scavenging ammo, and her last missile had been used long ago. With a heavy mech incoming, the situation looked even worse than usual.

“Tell me you’re bringing more ammo,” Shepard asked, getting back into cover and reloading.

“Wouldn’t be a party without gifts.”

“Two minutes to arrival,” she heard the shuttle pilot announce, and Shepard decided to turn her attention to the remaining mech.

“Kasumi?”

“Still here, Shep.”

“We need to take that YMIR down before the shuttle comes in. Think you can help?”

“Sure, I’ll be right there.”

Shepard dodged her way towards the mech, taking care to avoid the rockets it spewed at her. It was sure to run out eventually, but she couldn’t take the chance it would hit the shuttle first.

“What did you have in mind?” Kasumi asked, materialising next to her.

“I’ll hold its attention. You sneak up behind and give it this,” Shepard said, pressing a sticky grenade into Kasumi’s hand. “Make sure you place it next to the connector on the back.”

“I know where to put it,” Kasumi admonished, vanishing again.

Shepard swopped to her submachine gun, brought her biotics to life and peeked around the rail at the mech. It started towards her, and she used her Tempest to keep it occupied.

There was a faint crackle. Shepard caught sight of a distortion in the air just behind the mech. It swung instantly, and Shepard placed herself in full sight.

“This way, you bastard!”

It stepped towards her, guns readying, and with a hiss of hydraulics it started a step it would never finish. The grenade went off, a cloud of heat and debris washing over her as she flung her arms up instinctively. Her barrier held the damage off, and when the smoke cleared she saw the mech in a twisted pile on the floor.

“Ten seconds to arrival.”

Shepard couldn’t help smiling. It didn’t look like there would be much of a party after all.

Then she heard it. A whine that filled the air and took her straight back to that day on Omega.

“Garrus, there’s a—”

The gunship opened fire, and Shepard threw herself at the ground as the air shimmered with bullets. Somewhere in the distance she heard the sound of the shuttle’s engines approaching.

“Wait! Damn it, Garrus! There’s a gunship, don’t—”

She rolled upright, just in time to catch a glimpse of the shuttle taking evasive manoeuvres. It wouldn’t be enough. Shepard leapt towards the gunship, her biotics flaring into life, and reached for it.

The gunship was beyond her powers, but she managed to jink it slightly to the left as it fired, sending the rocket off course by a fraction.

That fraction was enough. The rocket hit one of the engines at the back, and smoke streamed from the shuttle as it passed overhead on a downward trajectory. She’d managed to prevent a direct hit, but it hadn’t been enough to keep the shuttle airborne.

“Garrus?” Shepard yelled, pivoting to keep the shuttle in sight. “Garrus?”

Bullets slammed into her barrier and Shepard hit the floor, the breath knocked out of her. She could no longer hear the shuttle’s last engine over the whine of the approaching gunship. As she pressed her face to the floor, she felt the vibration of a far off impact travel through her skull.

The shuttle was down.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In her eyes  
> you know that she needs you now,  
> And her voice  
> just know that it calls you now.
> 
> Wht u hv for the sun - J.Viewz


	17. Bruises

Thane moved quickly, the dim emergency lights no obstacle.

“Samara, take Garrus,” he ordered, yanking the emergency door release then pushing the cockpit door open.

The pilot didn’t look up, her knuckles white as she gripped the steering column. “If I can just—.”

“There’s no time,” Thane said, dragging her from the seat and out of the cockpit. Samara and Garrus had already left, and the world outside was a blur as the shuttle plunged downwards.

Thane put his arms tightly round the unresisting pilot, and with a last glance he kicked off the side of the shuttle. It took a split second to align himself with the ground, then he brought his biotics to life just in time to cushion their impact.

The human in his arms gave a shriek, tensing as they landed gracefully in the undergrowth.

The gunship was still firing. Thane released the pilot and listened intently to the sounds of battle drifting towards them from the platform.

“This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind,” Garrus said, sprinting through the trees with Samara at his side. He took a pistol from his side, handed it to the pilot, and then turned to Thane.

“You got any heavy weapons ammo?”

Before Thane could respond, Garrus took his supply and pressed it into Thane’s hands.

“Take this to her. It sounds like she needs it. We’ll make our own way up,” Garrus said, his gaze flicking over the pilot.

Thane took off, moving silently through the undergrowth towards the pipes that would give him easy access to the landing pad. He could hear Shepard’s gun, answered by assault rifle fire and the constant whine of the gunship.

Once up on the platform, it was easy to spot her. The mercs swarmed towards her position, and the gunship appeared to have her in its sights. There was no sign of Kasumi – not that he had expected any.

Thane gravitated towards Shepard, dispatching any mercs that had the misfortune of stumbling across his path. There were few of them left now, and he caught a glimpse of Kasumi materialising as she punched a merc, crumpling him to the floor before vanishing again.

The gunship would present the biggest problem. The team’s resupply of heavy weapons ammo had gone down with the shuttle, leaving them with only their personal supplies. The sound of Shepard’s pistol told him all he needed to know. If she had any heavy weapons ammo she wouldn’t have hesitated to use it.

He caught sight of her, exposed by the lack of cover. She’d been driven backwards beneath the onslaught, pinned at the broken railings by the unending stream of bullets from the gunship. On the other side of the railings was a sheer drop.

Shepard tried to break cover. Her barriers glowed purple beneath the gunfire, and she was forced to retreat back behind a small stack of boxes that could offer her little protection against a rocket.

The gunship wheeled to one side as it sought a better position. Thane propelled himself forwards.

He crossed the space in seconds, threw his arms around her waist, and pulled her close. The gunship fired. Thane stepped neatly off the side.

\---

Shepard saw the familiar blue blur. A second later, she was plummeting towards the ground some twenty metres below. Thane held her in his arms, and she felt his biotics burst into life as the ground rushed up to greet them.

Of course. Shepard copied him, feeling the ground against the edges of the mass effect field she’d created. It was enough to stop them crashing to their deaths, but it wasn’t enough to absorb the impact entirely.

They hit the ground, rolled down the slope in a bright tangle of limbs, and crashed to a halt.

She lay stunned, staring up at the blue fingers of sky that reached between the trees. Above them, she could hear the gunship and, somewhere closer, the soft call of birds.

“I thought you were dead,” Shepard said, turning her head to look at Thane. He was on his feet already, half-hidden by the shadows of the trees. “Is Garrus with you?”

Thane offered her his hand, and she reached for it, scrambling upright. Nothing felt broken, though she would be wearing her usual bruises afterwards. She could only imagine how Thane felt without armour.

Her pulse leapt with pleasure at seeing him again, fear releasing its grip on her. His mere presence gave her hope that all was not lost.

“He was alive when I left him,” Thane said. “I presumed he would have made contact.”

There was a stutter of gunfire, and Shepard recognized it at once. She would have known it anywhere, could have picked out Garrus in the midst of a full on fire-fight, as indeed she had in the past.

“We’d better get up there. Can we get up the same way?” she asked, searching around in the undergrowth for the pistol that had bounced clear of her hand.

Thane found it first and offered it to her. “I thought the Alliance would have taught you how to move using biotics,” he said, stepping closer.

“I have tried to learn, more than once. I didn’t really see the point,” Shepard admitted. She had always preferred the straight application of power to plough through things and get her out of trouble.

“Ah, then allow me.”

Thane reached for her in the darkness, and she caught her breath as he slipped his arms around her waist. His biotics tingled over her skin, and she felt the rush of power as Thane jumped them further up the slope in a single glowing bound.

This was what Kaidan had tried to teach her, and now she could see why. It was like flying.

They leapt back up the slope towards the platform, and Shepard let out a laugh of joy. She could have done that forever, suspended weightless in Thane’s arms with nothing to hold them back.

He released her as they neared the ledge at the top of the slope, and they clambered on, scattering the roosting birds before them.

“That was…” Shepard trailed off, grinning broadly at the drell crouched next to her. “How do you do that?”

“Simple manipulation of barrier boundaries. I could show you properly, under more agreeable circumstances,” Thane said, and Shepard’s smile faded.

There could be no such thing as agreeable circumstances for them anymore. Even if he did consent to continue their tests, she knew it would do nothing more than rake up feelings she had to keep under control.

She turned her attention to the battlefield. Thane took his gaze from her and started scanning the platform with his sniper rifle.

They had the perfect vantage point from up there. She could see where Garrus was, picking at the gunship, and occasionally she could make out Kasumi taking care of the remaining mercs. That left the gunship.

She clicked her tongue in frustration, then felt Thane nudge her gently. In his hands was a small supply of heavy weapons ammo, and whilst it might not be enough to take the gunship down outright, it would certainly tip the odds in their favour.

Shepard snapped it into her missile launcher, shouldered it easily, and let a missile fly at the gunship.

It wheeled to face the new threat, and Shepard moved instinctively, grabbing Thane roughly round the middle as her biotics bloomed into life. A split second later they were hurtling to an untidy stop a couple of metres away, a missile striking the ledge where they’d just been.

Thane grunted, and Shepard withdrew her arms from him quickly. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, clenching her fists. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She allowed herself one last glance at him before flinging herself away towards Garrus’ last known position.

“If we don’t get those shields down we’re going to be here all night,” Garrus said, not looking up from his scope as she arrived. “Got any insane plans you’d care to share?”

“I’ll take care of the shields,” Kasumi announced.

“What?” Shepard craned her head out of cover just enough to catch a glimpse of Kasumi climbing nimbly up the pipes that lined one side of the platform, then sprint headlong towards the gunship.

Shepard moved to duck out of cover, unwilling to let Kasumi go alone, and felt someone grab her arm. When she turned, Thane was holding onto her. Garrus ignored them completely.

“Watch,” Thane said simply, releasing her, and Shepard did so.

She’d never seen a gunship dealt with in such a way, and despite her worry it was clear that Kasumi had the situation under control.

The thief landed on the canopy of the gunship with the utmost precision, her omni-tool glinting as she positioned herself carefully.

Hock tried to shake her off, but her work was already done. The shields were down. Kasumi leapt lithely from the gunship, landing in the darkness somewhere beneath it, and Shepard broke cover. Her missiles streaked through the night air, and the gunship started to drop.

It lit the sky for a moment, sparks drifting to the ground from its crippled engines. After a second of concentrated fire from all of them, it dropped to the ground with a roar.

Shepard examined the burning wreck for signs of life, then glanced back up at the complex behind her. She didn’t want to catch the attention of Hock’s party guests if possible. “ _Normandy_ , we are clear for extraction. Kasumi?”

“Here.” She materialised next to them, her face hidden.

“Did you get what you came for?” Garrus asked, and Shepard shot him a frown.

Kasumi looked at the smoking remains of Donovan Hock and his gunship, her hand drifting over the utility belt where she’d stashed the grey box. “I did. Shall we?”

Shepard didn’t wait for Thane, choosing instead to fall into step beside Garrus. She was happy to match his stride. She’d made a deal. It was up to her to stick to it.

\---

Shepard stared unblinkingly at the stars above her. She was exhausted, but still her mind wandered restlessly, keeping her awake even as her eyes prickled with exhaustion.

Her unfinished business seemed to be looming large over her life. There hadn’t been time to speak with Thane after they got back.

She couldn’t help remembering the rush of being in Thane’s arms, weightless and lifting into the air. Shepard screwed her fists into her eyes and sighed.

“Shepard?”

“Yes, EDI?”

“Sere Krios is requesting entry to your quarters.”

Shepard stared up at the stars passing by outside. “Give me a minute, then let him in.”

She had scrambled into her trousers, and was looking round the room for her hoodie when Thane strode in, closing the distance in long, precise, strides.

“Shepard, I…I apologise for waking you. There is something I must discuss with you.”

He paced restlessly, his eyes flickering, and Shepard froze.

“Thane? What is it? Are you okay? I could get Chakwas if you…”

“No,” Thane said, sitting down on the edge of the sofa and knitting his hands together. “No. I am fine, though I suppose that is a part of it. My mortality has me dwelling on things.”

Shepard sat down on the bed opposite him. “What’s wrong?”

He glanced up at her, and she thought she saw something flicker across his face, something raw and unguarded that she’d never seen before. Thane was afraid.

“I had a family once. I still have a son. His name is Kolyat. I haven’t seen him for a very long time.”

A family. A son. Fragments of his life that she had known nothing about, until now.

“Once? Did something happen to them?”

“I abandoned them. Not all at once. Nothing so dramatic. No sneaking out in the middle of the night. No final argument or slamming door. I just did my job,” Thane said. He looked away from her as he spoke, head dipped, shoulders hunched. “I hunted and killed across the galaxy. ‘Away on business,’ my wife would tell people.”

Thane raised his head.  “I was always away on business.”

Shepard turned the information over in her mind before speaking. “And your son? Kolyat?”

“When my wife departed from her body I decided it would be best if I left him in the care of his aunts and uncles. I could not risk him walking the same path as I did. It was not what…” Thane stopped and seemed to gather himself. “I have not seen my son since I left him there ten years ago.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I received a message from one of my old contacts informing me that Kolyat has gone to the Citadel. He has taken a job as a hit man. I would like your help to stop him. He is—this is not a path he should walk.”

A path littered with corpses. She knew it well enough, as well as she knew the need for people like Thane. And like her. Their hands were bloodied in the hope that others could live a different life. Shepard had given up on her own innocence long ago, but she still believed in protecting that of others.

“I understand.” She examined Thane intently. “But why the Citadel? And why now?”

“Years ago, I prepared a package for him. A relic of my ill-spent life. I had volus bankers store it, and arranged for delivery when I died. He acquired it early. I don't really know how.” Thane brows furrowed. “I did wetwork on the Citadel around the time his mother died. That may be why he went there.”

He got to his feet and prowled round the room, and Shepard took the opportunity to gather her hoodie up from the floor under the sofa. She was shivering now, in her thin vest and bare feet.

It must have taken something more than bravery to betray a man like Thane Krios. If the package had found its way to his son then there was bound to be something else going on. Perhaps Liara could help.

Thane had come to a halt before the fish tank and he stared blindly at its depths, his face devoid of expression.

Shepard thought back to the first time she’d met him, to the lanterns dancing in the breeze as Thane melted away into darkness. He had believed his son was lost to him. This was a chance to put past mistakes right.

“We’re on our way to the Citadel now. I’ll have one of my friends see if we can find out how he got the package,” Shepard said, pulling her hoodie on and padding over to him. “But Thane, I don’t have your contacts, and I don’t have your tracking skills. Why do you need my help for this?”

“I don’t need your help, I want it,” Thane growled. “The last time I saw my son…”

She recognised the fluttering grasp of his memory, saw him vanish inside the moment as his words tumbled out, harsh and discordant.

“ _They’ve wrapped her body in sea-vines. Weighted it with stones. He tries to pull from me. Calls for her. The hanar lift her off the platform. They sing like bells. ‘The fire has gone to be kindled anew’. He begs them not to take her away. They let her body slide into the water. He hits me. ‘Don’t let them. Stop them! Why weren’t you?_ ’ It rains. It always rains on Kahje. Warm water pours down his face.”

The pain of the memory shook her, the sorrow in his voice, and she felt shame at having conjured it.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you relive that,” Shepard murmured.

“Perfect memory. It is sometimes a burden.” He looked up at her, and she moved just close enough for their shoulders to make contact.

“Don’t worry. We’ll find him,” she said.

Thane looked at her, and Shepard raised her chin. She’d be damned if she was going to fail at this.

“Thank you, Cora. I will leave you to your sleep.” He straightened, the brief point of contact broken.

“I’ll let you know as soon as we reach the Citadel.”

Thane bowed, and left her.

Shepard climbed back into bed, keeping her hoodie and trousers on, and curled into a tight ball beneath the covers.

It did not surprise her to hear that Thane had a child, or that in some point in his past he had been married. Thane had his past, just as she had hers. She had made her offer of help now, had taken Thane’s pain on as her own, and therein lay the problem.

If she failed, it would cost her Thane’s fragile trust, his belief in her and all that she was. It was not a failure she was sure she could stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cleaning up the things she left behind  
> Are you on to find some peace of mind  
> Are you aware of the mess you left behind
> 
> Scared to think away the cheer  
> Looking back in a mirror  
> It all becomes clear  
> The views are not the same  
> I see sun, you see rain  
> Cleaning up the mess you left behind
> 
> Left Behind - Zero 7


	18. Out of the darkness

When the summons from Shepard finally arrived, Thane not at peace as he had hoped. He was frayed, anxiety eating away at him. With every passing moment his son could be slipping further into darkness, and his failure of Irikah would be complete.

If his wife and his son were lost to him, then what little light he had kept burning in his heart would be extinguished. The only thing that sustained him was Shepard. She would not let him fall.

He didn’t wait for the allotted time, heading down to the docking bay door the moment the message came through. When he arrived, he saw a hooded figure waiting by the door. Kasumi.

Then she turned, and the way she moved told him everything. It was not the thief, but Shepard dressed in what looked like an outfit borrowed from Kasumi, hooded and dark. Balanced between her hands was a glowing ball of energy that Thane recognised as one of the five Asari meditation techniques.

It faded as he approached her, and the light left her face.

“You’re early,” she said, rubbing her hands together.

“I saw no need to wait. Are we stealing Kolyat?” Thane asked, and Shepard pushed her hood back.

“You never know. I thought that Commander Shepard might draw attention, and that’s exactly what we don’t need.”

Thane nodded. The sight of a previously dead, heavily armoured, Spectre running around the Citadel asking questions about his son could only cause problems.

“I asked my friend if she could look into how Kolyat got the package,” Shepard said, glancing up at him. “She’s found nothing yet, but it could take some time. “

He'd expected as much. Thane had wondered about the same thing himself once he heard what had happened. If he were not pledged to Shepard’s cause, he would have had no reservations in pursuing the matter himself. As it stood, he was grateful to Shepard, and to her friend, for attending to it in his stead. “Volus bankers are not known for breaking bonds.”

 “That’s what Liara said,” Shepard frowned, checking her omni-tool. “Joker?”

“Just docking now,” Joker responded.  “Give me a second to get the doors open and you’re good to go.”

“Thanks, Joker. EDI?”

“Yes, Shepard?” EDI answered.

“I want everyone confined to ship until I return, is that understood?”

“Understood.”

The seals on the door hissed, and Shepard turned to Thane. “Are you ready?” she asked, pulling her hood up.

He was unsure, and his hesitation must have shown.

“We can do this, Thane. Trust me,” Shepard reassured him, turning away and striding out of the door. She moved through without fear, lending him her strength.

Shepard led them straight to C-Sec, stopping at the desk of a weathered looking officer. He sat back in his chair and gave Shepard a long, hard, stare. “It’s you again. What can I do for you this time?”

“Captain Bailey, I was hoping you could help us. My associate here is looking for his son. We think a local criminal may have hired him,” Shepard said, keeping her head down.

“That should be easy, we don’t see many drell here,” Bailey said, checking through his reports. “There we go. One of my men reported a drell recently. And he was talking to Mouse. Interesting.”

“Mouse?” He knew the name, and hoped futilely that it was a coincidence.

“Yeah, a petty criminal, probably not the guy who hired your boy, but he’s a messenger. He’s a former duct rat, runs errands for anyone who’ll pay,” Bailey replied, leaning back on his chair. “Mouse survived long enough that he can’t fit in the ducts anymore. He was one of the smarter ones. Or the luckier ones.”

Shepard recoiled, a small movement, but one he had grown to recognise. Something about Bailey’s words was bothering her, and she shifted one of her feet back as though readying to leave.

“He’s been getting himself into trouble though. Odd jobs for shifty people. Duct rats take whatever’s available to get by. Data running, fencing stolen goods, selling illegal VI personalities. Actually he was selling one of you.”

“Me?” Shepard repeated blankly.

“Yeah, it’s buggy though. Crashes every half hour. The error message was something about how the galaxy was at stake and you should fix the problem yourself.”

“Yeah, thanks for that. Where can we find Mouse?”

“He’s upstairs outside the Dark Star. He works out of a public comm terminal.” Bailey switched his attention to Thane. “Looks like your boy’s running with the wrong crowd.”

Thane nodded. “Yes, I agree.”

“If Mouse can’t get you in touch with your son directly, he’ll know who can. I’ll help you if you need it.”

“Bailey, not that I mean to say anything about C-Sec, but you’re not usually so quick to help,” Shepard said. “Why are you doing this? Why would you help us?”

“I’ve worked Zakera for two years. Every day kids turn to crime because they’ve got no other choice. Because their parents don’t care.” Bailey frowned and looked up at Thane, examining him for a moment. “You’re trying to save yours.”

“He faces a dark path.”

“Thank you, Captain,” Shepard responded, already moving towards the exit. “Let’s go find Mouse.”

She strode ahead, and Thane matched her stride easily. They found Mouse exactly where Bailey had said he would be, his back to them as he chatted on a comm.

Though he had grown, there was no mistaking him, the scabby-kneed child now a man. Thane hung back deliberately, allowing Shepard to make the first move. To his surprise, she took her hood down before approaching the young man, tapping him gently on the arm.

“Mouse?”

“What do you…Oh shit.” Mouse turned pale with shock at the sight of them, backing away with a datapad clutched tightly to his chest. “Krios? I thought you retired? Commander Shepard, I thought you died. What do you want with me?”

“Be still, Mouse. You can change your pants in a moment,” Thane said, patting his arm.

“How do you know Thane?” Shepard asked. She gave him the briefest of glances.

Mouse looked uncomfortable. “Krios, I, he didn’t, uh. If he didn’t say nothing, I ain’t either.”

“When we heard the name I didn’t think it could be the same Mouse,” Thane answered.  “He was a contact on the Citadel when I was active. He and some other children would gather information on my targets.”

“You used children?” There was the slightest trace of shock in Shepard’s voice. He had disappointed her.

Whatever her response, Thane remained unperturbed. He no longer felt any squeamishness about using these people for his work, having seen the difference his offerings made to those who would otherwise have nothing. It was not a perfect solution, but this was not a perfect galaxy.

“Children, the poor,” Thane said. “My people’s word for their kind is ‘drala’fa’: the Ignored. They’re everywhere, see everything, yet they are never seen.” The Ignored. Kolyat.

Rage surfaced, and Thane took hold of Mouse’s collar, twisting it between his fingers. There was no time for pleasantries. “You gave another drell instructions for an assassination. Who’s the target?”

“I don’t know!” Mouse squeaked. “I didn’t ask, why would I? You start asking questions and you disappear. I’d like to help you, Krios. You’ve always done right by us. But I ain’t gonna die for you.”

Shepard prised Thane’s hands loose, placing herself between the two of them. “Mouse, you know Thane wouldn’t ask unless it was important,” she said, her voice even. “Please, do it for him.”

Mouse slumped, keeping his eyes on Shepard. “I want to, he was always nice to us. But these people ain’t nice, Krios.”

“Nobody’s going to know you talked to us, and if they find out, well.” She shrugged, and looked over her shoulder at Thane. “I’m sure we could figure something out.”

“I swear you won’t be named,” Thane promised solemnly.

“All right, all right.” Mouse gave in, stepping closer and whispering rapidly. “He came with that holo you took of me. Said he wanted a job. I ran through your old contacts to see who might give him a shot. The guy who offered was Elias Kelham. He was little people when you were here, Krios.”

“Let’s get back to Bailey, see what he knows about Kelham,” Shepard said. “And Mouse? About those VI’s you’re selling.” All her softness had fled.

Mouse had the good grace to look guilty, holding his hands up in defeat. “Oh shit, you heard about those? Look, you were dead. It was totally legal to make a VI of you.”

“How about I take one, and we call it even?”

“Oh, uh, okay. Sure.”

Mouse gave her the VI and left, not looking back.

Shepard pulled up her hood and set off back to the C-Sec office, glancing at the flickering image of the VI that appeared on her omni-tool. Thane gave her a questioning look, and she shrugged.

“I thought it might give Garrus something to laugh about,” she said, her face hardening when she mentioned the name of her friend. It passed in an instant, to be replaced by a look of concern. Her pace down the corridors did not slow. “How are you holding up? That can’t have been easy, seeing him again after all that time.”

“Mouse knew more about my life than Kolyat ever did,” Thane said softly, giving himself over to another memory. “ _He smiles up at me, broken teeth and scabby knees, bare feet black. A dead end future looking back up me. Worshipping the petty gifts I offer._ I was the only good thing he had back then. But I left him, as I left Kolyat.”

“You can’t blame yourself for that. We do what we have to.”

“If I don’t, who will?” Thane said, pausing as they reached the office. “We must carry the weight of our decisions, Shepard. You, of all people, know this.”

She stared back at him. Thane knew that she wasn’t seeing him, but something else akin to his flashes of memory, something far in her past.

“Come on, let’s talk to Bailey.”

Bailey knew Kelham a little too well for Thane’s liking. He confessed the nature of their relationship, and offered to bring Kelham in. Shepard remained calm and steady, her gaze fluttering to Thane frequently.

Time was ticking by, and he still had no idea where his son was. Once they had Kelham, Thane would have his chance. The last thread of his self-control threatened to unravel. If it did, if he finally gave in to the rage that had consumed Irikah’s killers, then he would have unmasked himself for what he was. A killer, a creature undeserving of love, and he expected Shepard to see as much.

 “He’s here,” Shepard muttered, and Thane roused himself long enough to make note of the man’s face as Kelham was dragged past him. The human in the cheap suit was unremarkable, another face to add to his list of victims.

Bailey followed at a discreet distance, waiting until the door was shut before speaking. “He’ll expect me to get him out of this.”

“Not today I think,” Thane said, letting his memories linger over the various techniques he had been taught.

Bailey’s comm buzzed into life. “Captain, his lawyer’s here.”

“Great. I’ll stall him. Get in there and work fast,” Bailey snapped, heading back towards the entrance.

“We should question him together. Keep the pressure on. Any thoughts on how we approach it?” Thane asked Shepard politely.

She scrutinised him for a long moment. When her response came, it was grim, all comfort bleached from it.

“You appeal to his self-interest. I’ll do the rest.”

“Very well. I’ll pretend to be on his side. But if we waste too much time negotiating Bailey won’t be able to stall Kelham’s advocate.”

They stepped into the room, and Thane took up station at the foot of Kelham’s chair, standing over him in the dusted light. Shepard melted into the shadows.

“Who the hell are you two?” Kelham yelled, giving his arm restraints an exploratory pull. “When Bailey hears—“

“Bailey has got nothing to do with this. We just want a few answers. Off the record,” Shepard said. Her voice was cold.

“Off the record in a C-Sec interrogation room? Sure.”

Shepard emerged from the shadows, her eyes smouldering red.

Kelham ignored her, struggled at his restraints. “I want to see my advocate.”

“Your advocate hasn’t arrived, we’re trying to find him,” Thane lied smoothly, watching Shepard. She was utterly still, her eyes glinting red in the dark. Thane felt a thrill of something akin to fear.

“I’m not saying a damn word,” Kelham snarled.

Shepard hit him, a glancing blow that knocked Kelham’s head back.

“Pay attention, Mister Kelham. I’m getting bored,” she said, leaning menacingly over his chair. “Now where were we?”

“That wasn’t a good idea, kid. That is gonna cost you.”

“Kid?” Shepard half snarled, her hands twitching at her sides, and Thane felt the situation sliding away from him. He’d assumed he was the only one that was angry. He’d been wrong.

He caught her eye and gave her the smallest of nods. “Control your temper. We want him to talk.”

She stepped backwards, and all but vanished.

“Sorry,” Thane said, smoothing the worry from his voice. “My associate gets a little… excited during interrogations.”

Kelham was obviously a fool. He believed himself protected by Bailey, to the point where he seemed willfully blind to the consequences of resisting. Instead Kelham sneered, glaring up at Thane with an expression that tested his patience.

“Hit me again, asshole. Every punch is another credit in my pocket.”

“Works for me,” Shepard murmured, and she hit Kelham again, harder this time.

She was obviously no stranger to calculated violence. He’d seen her throw herself at deserving foes, and blaze across battlefields decimating all before her. But he’d never seen this quiet violence, the cold rage beneath the surface. He realised that he wasn’t the only one with secrets.

“Do you know what I’ll do to you when I get out of here?” Kelham managed to splutter, blood trickling from one side of his mouth.

“Shouldn’t that be _if_ you get out of here?” Shepard said, looming over his chair and raising one glowing fist. “It looks like you’re going to be a very rich corpse.”

“Go to hell!”

Thane crossed to Shepard’s side, taking her arm and guiding her into the darkness at the side of the room. They stood in the shadows together, her face hidden.

“Ease up. He’s no use to us dead.” Thane hissed.

She finally looked at him, and he caught a glimpse of her expression. She looked unfamiliar, a hostile stranger staring back at him. Of all the things he had learnt about her, her tenderness and mercy, her ferocity in defending her friends, this intrigued him the most, this shadow to the brightness that she kept from everyone else.

“You’re right. Let’s try something else,” Shepard murmured.

She approached Kelham again, her movements languid and inviting. She leant over his chair, straightened the mussed collar of his suit, and caressed his face tenderly. 

“I have a better idea, Mister Kelham. How about we sweeten the pot? You tell us the target, and Bailey drops his prices fifty percent. We all walk out of here happy and you never have to see us again.” She sounded lazy, inviting almost.

Kelham watched her suspiciously for a moment. Shepard pulled back, letting her hands trace lightly across his chest. The difference in her manner was disconcerting at best.

“Can I get that in writing?”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” she said, turning away.

“Damn it. It’s Joram Talid. He’s a Turian running for intendant of Zakera ward. His apartment’s in the 800 blocks, but you’d better hurry.”

\---

There was a moment, as Kolyat broke cover, where Thane saw him not as an adult grown, but as a small child pushing at his tears, desperate to stop the one constant in his life from being taken away.

But in the flash of gunfire it had gone, and Thane found himself pulled inexorably towards his reckoning. He had tried to cut his ties with the past and instead he had found himself bound by them even after all these years, his memories of Kolyat blurring painfully before his eyes.

Shepard raced at his side, standing close as they entered the room to face Kolyat.

“Kolyat.” His chest tightened as he said it, and he studied the changed form of his son before him with a rising tide of regret. The child he had left, supposedly safe, had washed up here on the Citadel because of him.

If he failed now then he had failed Irikah once and for all. The person she had believed him to be would not exist, as he had always suspected.

“This—this is a joke. Now? Now you show up?” The bitterness and incredulity in Kolyat’s voice stung, though it was no less than he deserved.

“Help me, drell,” Talid begged. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

The door opened behind them, and he heard Bailey’s voice echo through the shadows. Now that the authorities were involved, there was no going back.

“Get out of my way. I’m walking out. He’s coming with me,” Kolyat snarled, his hands shaking as he clutched the gun. The sight of his son, so obviously unused to the weapon, threatened to break Thane’s heart. He had to put a stop to this.

Thane closed the distance between them, barely able to catch his breath. “They’ll have snipers outside,” he tried to reason. Fear had turned his blood to ice. _Please Arashu, not my son._

“I don’t need your help.”

A shot rang out in the quiet, and in his chilled state Thane could only watch as the lamp next to Kolyat shattered, and Shepard stepped forward. She hit Kolyat across the face, a gentle blow compared to the ones she had levelled at Kelham. With a deft twist, the gun was out of Kolyat’s hand.

“Talid, get the hell out of here,” she ordered.

“Yeah, yeah, I will,” Talid said weakly, staggering out.

“Take the boy into custody,” Bailey said, and Kolyat started yelling. Thane could barely make them out. His heart was loud in his ears as he saw Shepard stand guard over his son, the pistol armed and ready in her hands.

She looked over at Thane, then at the approaching officers, her face bright in the flashing lights. Thane felt his body go numb. His vision narrowed to darkness, and the one bright point left within it. His Siha.

“Your Father doesn’t have much time left, Kolyat. He’s trying to make up for his mistakes,” she said, her voice ringing through the quiet.

Kolyat dismissed her, and turned towards Thane with a look of hatred on his face. “What, so you came to get my forgiveness? So you can die in peace or something?”

Thane found his voice at last. “I came to grant you peace. You’re angry because I wasn’t there when your mother died.”

“You weren’t there when she was alive. Why should you be there when she died?”

It was at last time for the truth.

“Your mother—they killed her to get to me. It was my fault.”

The shock was evident on Kolyat’s face. “What?”

“After her body was given to the deep, I went to find them. The trigger men. The ringleaders. I hurt them. Eventually I killed them. When I went back to see you, you were… older. I should have stayed with you.”

He should have, he saw that now. All those moments that had been lost, all the memories he should have had. He’d given them up through his own cowardice, and left them for others to take.

“I guess it’s too bad for me you waited so long, huh?”

“Kolyat. I’ve taken many bad things out of the world,” Thane said, his voice heavy. “You’re the only good thing I ever added to it.”

Tears started to trail down Kolyat’s face. Thane reached for the son he hadn’t held in years, the little boy he used to dance with now a man grown, and a stranger.

Thane remembered the weight of Kolyat’s body, heavy with sleep as he carried him through the dusk to bed. The tiny tangle of Kolyat’s limbs when Irikah had given birth to him. Now he was broad, solid and warm in Thane’s arms.

“This isn’t a conversation you should have in front of strangers,” Bailey said, looking over at his officers. “Boys, take Kolyat and his father back to the precinct. Give them a room and as much time as they need.”

Thane walked out of the darkness, the cold leaving his limbs as he stood at his son’s side. Arashu had seen fit to grace him with another chance, and he intended to take it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there you, looking for a brighter season  
> Need to lay your burden down.  
> Hey there you, drowning in a hopeless feeling,  
> Buried under deeper ground.  
> When the lights go out it’s a waiting game.  
> Never gonna see a day when your world will change.  
> Sing to the moon and the stars will shine  
> Over you, lead you to the other side.  
> Sing to the moon and the stars will shine  
> Over you, heaven’s gonna turn the time.
> 
> Sing to the moon - Laura Mvula


	19. Second chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard cannot escape her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A massive thank you to Kristine for wrangling this one and for putting up with me. You are wonderful!

The last time Shepard had waited so long in a law enforcement office had been very different. She’d been cuffed, her future hanging in the balance at the mercy of some faceless official. Now she was unbound, waiting for Thane to emerge from one of the side rooms.

“They’ve been in there a while,” Shepard murmured, perching on the edge of the desk.

“Kid's been through a lot,” Bailey said, his eyes fixed on his console. “I ran some searches in the C-Sec archive. About ten years back, a bunch of real bad people were killed. Like someone was cleaning house. The prime suspect was a drell. We never caught him.”

She turned and looked at Bailey, weighing him up.

“Let it go. Ten years is a long time. Whoever was responsible for that probably doesn't exist anymore,” Shepard said reasonably, hoping that he would take heed. She’d already considered killing him once today.

Bailey didn’t even seem to notice. His attention was held by something on his screen. “Yeah. I guess you're right about that.”

Shepard heard a door slide open, and she turned to watch Thane walk out, pausing for a moment before he approached the desk.

“How did it go?”

“Our problems—they aren't something I can fix with a few words. We'll keep talking, see what happens.” Thane looked at her, and she felt a sweet rush of relief. He looked tired and spent, but they’d done it. His son was safe.

“Your boy tried to shoot some people. No one I feel sympathy for, but there it is,” Bailey said.

Shepard realised exactly where this was heading. “Those guys were criminals. I watched those guys shaking down businesses and threatening humans,” she told him.

Bailey met her look with hardened indifference. “But he can't just get away with it.”

“You said yourself that he’s been through a lot. What’s jail going to do? Make it all better? Why not try community service, let him see what it’s like round here. Teach him something.” Shepard felt Thane shift next to her, his eyes on Bailey.

“Community service? For attempted murder? What jury would agree to that?”

“None that I've seen. This would need to stay out of the judiciary. Strictly within C-Sec.”

Bailey studied them. “Interesting. I’ll think about it.” He got to his feet, and to Shepard’s surprise he shook Thane’s hand.

“Thank you,” Thane said, responding in kind.

They left the office, neither of them speaking until they’d set C-Sec far behind them.

“Shepard…” Thane caught her arm and pulled her from the busy thoroughfare. “Thank you, for everything you have done for me, and for my son. If you hadn’t intervened—“

“But I did,” Shepard interrupted. “And he’s safe.”

Thane made a small noise, his voice layered with things she couldn’t comprehend. She reached out to rub his arm.

“Why don’t you go back to the ship? I’ve got a few things I need to do,” Shepard said, watching him carefully. He was slow to respond, caught in the slow drift of memories. She thought back to the dark room and the flashing lights, Kolyat’s face twisted with rage, and Thane’s naked fear.

In the face of his terror there had been no room for her own. She had seen the moment unfurling, the violence just within her reach, and the faith Thane had in her. Bailey’s words came back to her. _You’re trying to save yours._

“Perhaps that would be best,” Thane replied, and Shepard led him back onto the crowded path.

“You go on. You look like you need a rest.”

Thane fixed her with a sharp gaze that told her she finally had his attention. “You have business I presume? Would you stop by and see me upon your return, if it is not too much to ask?”

“I’ll come and see you as soon as I can,” Shepard told him, knowing that could be a long time when there was so much to do, and regretting it.

He gave her a deep bow, drawing curious glances from passers-by, and melted away amongst them.

Shepard started in the opposite direction to the ship, checking her omni-tool as she walked. She’d been expecting a message from Liara, but instead she found something else that stopped her in her tracks.

She swore quietly, and stared at the official Alliance address. It seemed like a sign, that familiar symbol beside the name.

It had come to represent hope, family, and the second chance that she hadn’t expected to be given. When she’d been arrested all those years ago, she had been given a choice—a corrective facility or the Alliance.

Only one of those options would get her off planet, so she took it, and in doing so found everything she’d been looking for. Routine. People she could depend on.

That she’d excelled hadn’t simply been down to her biotic talent, or her propensity for violence when needed. It had been determination to make things better for people, and to never _ever_ go back.

So far she’d been true to her word. Cora Shepard had gained a rank, status, and her own ship. But there were things that she would never escape from, no matter how far she flew.

It was time to stop pretending. To stop running away.

The first time she’d been granted leave she’d tagged along with a small group of her fellow trainees, all of them cocky and ready to swing fists. They’d taken a trip to the local tattoo parlour and dared each other to get something.

Rocco had got a snake on one shoulder. Erin had the alliance symbol on her hip. Cora had chosen a host of tiny stars that trailed up her feet to show she’d finally made it out there. She’d walked amongst the stars as she’d dreamed of doing when she was small.

The irony was not lost on her. She hadn’t simply walked amongst them. She had burned. And the stars on her feet had been taken.

The message could wait a little longer. He’d already waited two years.

\---

Shepard slipped into the Presidium on sore, starry, feet. With her hood up she went unnoticed, and she took care to keep it up until she made it inside.

Anderson stood beside the window. Shepard felt an unexpected tug of emotion when she saw him. A lot had changed in two years, but not Anderson. He looked weary, but his back was straight.

“Shepard. Welcome back to the land of the living,” he said, striding towards her. “I wasn’t sure you’d got my message.”

“It’s been a long time, Captain.” She shook his outstretched hand, still registering the strangeness of the situation. She was the outsider now. It still took some getting used to.

“It’s Admiral now. They made me Udina’s Chief advisor and promoted me. I’m glad you came, though I was hoping the Council would be here for this meeting too.”

The thought of the Council made Shepard stiffen, and she couldn’t help glancing around the room. She had no wish to speak with them, especially considering her status. Something told her that returning from the dead might not endear her to them. Best to stay out of the way, working in the shadows.

“I spoke to Udina but he never listens to me. Ever since he got that seat on the Council he thinks the stars shine out of his ass,” Anderson continued, the strain evident in his voice.

“They should have someone like you on the Council, someone who actually gets something done.”

“I’m not sure I have the stomach to wade through all the political bullshit around here, Shepard. Couldn’t do much worse than Udina, though. All he seems to care about is public relations with the rest of the Council. He doesn’t want to deal with the real issues.”

“Ha. What did you expect?” Shepard asked, shrugging.

“I don’t know, but he should listen to me once in a while. An advisor isn’t much use if you ignore everything he says.”

“Looks like nothing’s changed,” Shepard said, painfully aware of the fact that, for her, everything had. “Anderson, why did you call me here?”

Anderson’s gaze shifted away from her, and she remembered the look on Kaidan’s face back on Horizon, the disgust mixed with the disappointment in her, and she knew at once. Cerberus. The rumours would be ugly.

“There’s been a lot of talk since you came back. Some of what I hear has been, frankly, a little disturbing.” Anderson drew himself up into the pose she knew so well, shoulders back and chin up as he prepared to chew her out.

“I wanted to give you a chance to explain your actions. Maybe get the Council to see things from your point of view. But they refused to see you. You let the previous Council die during Sovereigns attack on the Citadel. They feel you’ll always put human interests before galactic concerns.”

He turned back to her, and Shepard stood straight.

“Rumours that you’re working with Cerberus haven’t helped. What are you doing out there?”

“Cerberus seems to be the only group who care about our missing colonists.” Her accusation was clear.

“I feel for those colonists,” Anderson said, sympathy tinging his voice. “But they went out to the Terminus Systems to get away from the Alliance. We can’t protect them. But you can. Or, at least, you’re trying to. And I get the sense there’s more going on here.”

“Isn’t there always?” Shepard said, frustration dying away. “The Reapers are moving again, but not through the geth—it’s the Collectors. They’re behind the colony abductions.”

“The Collectors? We hadn’t considered that.” Anderson frowned. “There’s so little data, they’ve always seemed like a fringe threat. If they’re a front for the Reapers, this is big. But even that may not be enough to get the Council off its tail. Udina and the others have spent the last two years convincing themselves the Reapers don’t exist.”

“What?”

“I tried to get the truth out,” Anderson said, pacing before her. “But they don’t want to see it. It’s just easier for them to accept Sovereign as a geth warship.”

It was hardly a surprise, given what she knew of politicians, but the enormity of their self-deception was difficult to stomach. Their ignorance could cost the lives of entire species. She thought back to the empty pods on board the Collector ship.

“It’s not like you to give up, Anderson,” she said quietly, and he moved away from her, walking wearily back towards his desk.

“I haven’t given up, but I have to be realistic. I’m just an advisor. I can’t make Udina or the others on the Council do anything. It’s up to you to stop the Reapers, Shepard. All I can do is try to run interference.”

Stated so blankly, Shepard felt the enormity of the task. Now she knew for sure that she was on her own.

“I’m sorry it has to be this way, but it sure is good to see you again. I knew you’d be fighting the good fight, even when the Council were so quick to condemn you. And if anyone can do this, it’s you,” Anderson said warmly, and she glanced up at him as she remembered the question that had been eating at her.

“Kaidan Alenko was on Horizon. He said he was looking into Cerberus.” She didn’t like to say his name if she could help it, but she had to know if what The Illusive Man had said was true.

“I know. I approved the mission. We had to find out if they were behind the missing colonists. I couldn’t tell anyone without compromising the investigation. I’m sorry.”

“So you went behind my back?”

“We didn’t know about you at the time. And I wouldn’t have told you if I did. What if the Illusive Man was manipulating you? Lying to you? The report actually confirmed your story, but they were right about the Collectors abducting the colonists.”

Kaidan hadn’t known about her. He hadn’t drawn her in deliberately. That was something at least.

Anderson leant on the ledge and stared out over the Presidium, at the people milling around in the seemingly peaceful gardens. There was no way the peace could last, and Shepard knew he was thinking the same thing from the fleeting expression of concern that crossed his face.

“Unfortunately, Alenko didn’t find anything to convince the Council that the Reapers are behind this… or even that they exist.”

“We both know he’d have had to drag an actual Reaper back before they’d even listen. Even then they’d make up some bullshit cover story,” Shepard said, shaking her head. “I can’t believe you sent Alenko.”

Anderson straightened to look at her.

“I’m sorry, but with you gone he’s one of the best damn soldiers we’ve got left. Don’t blame him if he doesn’t know the truth. We all heard the rumours, and you know how he feels about Cerberus.”

“He isn’t the only one that hates Cerberus. I’m doing what needs to be done.”

“I know that, and I’m glad it’s you out there doing this. I wish I could come with you, but we both know I’m better off here. This isn’t how I planned on spending my twilight years, working with Udina.” He stopped, his tone of disgust saying everything. “Knowing the truth about Sovereign is brutal. It’s nightmare stuff, can’t blame others for not wanting to believe it. That’s why I keep trying, that’s why I’m still here.”

“I should probably go, before Udina gets here,” Shepard said, glancing at the door. She’d heard enough today. She wanted to get back to the ship and immerse herself in the task ahead.

“Wait—there was one more thing I wanted to ask you. We traced the wreckage of the _Normandy_ to Alchera. We, well, I wondered if you’d like to place the memorial. I know how much the _Normandy_ meant to you,” Anderson said.

Shepard felt a shiver down her spine. She’d been found somewhere near the wreck, from what Miranda had deigned to tell her. It may as well have been her grave.

“The memorial is here, I can have it loaded onto your ship within the hour. There were twenty others who went down with the ship, Shepard. If you could—“

“I’ll do it,” Shepard said, cutting him off. “I’d best get back. Take care of yourself, Anderson. It’s been good to see you.”

He smiled, and she felt relieved that he still believed in her at least. “It’s been good to see you too. Good luck, Shepard.”

“Thanks,” Shepard pulled her hood back up and left the room. She’d prove she was right about the Reapers. Even if she died trying, they’d all know, before the end.

\---

The _Normandy_ was oddly quiet with half the crew on shore leave, the corridors empty.

It was a relief. She had no wish to meet anyone, not yet. Downstairs in the loading bay they’d be stowing the memorial about now, a shrouded object that had attracted some interest when the Alliance showed up with it.

She’d hardly looked at it. The harsh truth of it was too much to bear under the bright lights of the _Normandy_ SR-2. No matter how much they all liked to pretend otherwise, their existence on board the ship was fragile at best, easily shattered by something as trivial as being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Shepard returned to her quarters, showered, and set off for Life Support before she’d even thought about it.

Visiting Thane had become part of the rhythm of her life. Sitting opposite him in that dry room, she didn’t have to be Commander Shepard. She had found someone who gave her space to be herself without fear of judgement, or expectation of something in return.

With Garrus she felt a slight tug of guilt, though she could barely admit it, even to herself. She was holding him back when he could do more, be more, given the right push. He deserved his own ship. Instead she was content to let him drift at her side.

It was selfish, but she didn’t know what else to do.

Thane was sitting at his desk as usual, and Shepard couldn’t help smiling at the curve of his back, the welcome sight of him silhouetted against the light flooding in from the drive core.

“You came,” he said, turning to look at her. Shepard sat down gratefully in front of him.

“How are you doing?”

“I am—I had been recording a message for Kolyat.”

“How are things going?”

Thane touched his palms together, as though offering a silent prayer at the mere thought of his son. “It is difficult. All things worth keeping are. I never explained—I suppose the story of my wife's death took you by surprise.”

“Yes,” Shepard admitted. “But I could wait. I figured you'd explain to me when you were ready.”

“I appreciate your patience. I kept my work clear of my home life. I assumed that would be enough to protect Irikah.”

Irikah. It felt strange hearing her name, giving her substance when before she had been nothing but a ghost.

“That memory I mentioned before—That was Irikah. That was how I met her. She saw my targeting laser as she walked by and threw herself in the way.”

“She impressed you.”

Thane paused, a rueful smile on his face. “She woke me up. _Her body trembles. Not fear, indignation. Her mouth moves. ”How dare you!”_  You have trained to save the life of others, and I to take them. How often does a civilian step in the way of a bullet to protect someone they've never met? I thought she was the goddess Arashu. She met my eyes through the scope, and my purpose faltered.”

“So how did you end up marrying her?” Shepard asked.

“I had to meet her. The memory possessed and endowed me. I fell on my knees before her, begged her pardon. She introduced me to the world beyond my work. Eventually, she forgave me. Later, she loved me.”

Thane’s voice glowed with love, with a richness that made Shepard feel unexpectedly wishful. She doubted anyone had spoken of her in that way. She looked up at him, saw the joy ebb slowly from his eyes, and knew what had to come next.

“What happened? You told Kolyat it was your fault.”

“I let myself become complacent. I thought Irikah and Kolyat were safe. I stayed away too long, and my enemies came for her.”

“Who?” Shepard couldn’t help asking, remembering what Thane had said back in that room. _I hurt them._ ”Who came for her?”

“Batarians. A slaver ring that was preying on hanar outer colonies. I'd killed their leaders. They paid the Shadow Broker to find out who I was. But they were afraid of me, so they went after her.” Thane’s expression darkened. “My body hunted her killers. Murdered them. I was taught to grant death quickly, cleanly. To minimize suffering. Them—I let them linger.”

She’d seen enough of what Thane could do to know that lingering at his hands would not have been pleasant, but she also knew that they had brought his wrath upon themselves. The murder of innocents to strike back at an enemy was indefensible.

“I think you can be forgiven,” Shepard said. “I doubt anyone would be thinking clearly after that.”

Thane looked down at his hands. “But I made the choice to hunt them. They're the only lives I've ever taken of my own choice. The only deaths on my own conscience.”

He roused himself, shoulders lifting.  “I haven't spoken about my wife in... I don't think I ever have. I didn't have anyone left to tell it to.”

“You have me,” Shepard said quietly.

 “Yes.” He tilted his head. His gaze was not the usual polite sweep over her but something else, keen and considering. His eyes fluttered as he contemplated her for a long indrawn moment. “You... you are very kind. Thank you for listening, siha.”

“I…what did you just call me?”

From the way he’d said it, she knew it meant something. She wanted to know what that was.

Thane smiled and clasped his hands together beneath his chin. “Siha. One day I'll tell you what it means.”

“But not now?” Shepard pressed, and she couldn’t help smiling at the look on his face. He was teasing her.

“Not now. Have patience, siha.”

The word hung in the air, and Shepard rose to leave, knowing he wouldn’t relent so soon.  “I’d best go. The inventory won’t check itself.”

She stepped out of Life Support, and out into the silence of the ship. She could ask EDI what “siha” meant, but that would be cheating. She wanted Thane to tell her himself.

There was nothing else for it.

Shepard marched down to the forward battery, tore back the thin sheet that Garrus had put up to shield his bunk, and stepped inside the dimly lit cubby hole.

“Garrus, the deal is off.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say my name  
> And every colour illuminates  
> We are shining  
> And we will never be afraid again
> 
> Spectrum - Florence + The Machine


	20. Stone around her neck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard gives in, and complications arise in the form of Grunt.

Garrus was half-dressed, his body all angles out of his armour, and Shepard realised with a start that she’d never seen him without it. She undressed in front of him without a second thought, shared things with him she hadn’t shared with anyone else, yet there lying on his bunk he looked tired and uncomfortable at the sight of her.

“The deal?” Garrus put his gun down, shifted the tools off his lap and sat up. “Oh, that deal. I can’t say I’m surprised.”

Shepard opened her mouth to speak, unsure of exactly what she was going to say. She knew she was being stupid. A small part of her had hoped that Garrus would yell at her until she saw sense and changed her mind about Thane.

“Look, I know you’ve been under a lot of stress lately,” Garrus said. “What with the Reapers taking a special interest in you, all the Cerberus crap, and now this memorial hanging around.”

“How did you—“

“What, you think you’re the only one with contacts? And before you say anything I only found out a couple of hours ago, and you were a little tied up,” Garrus said. He slouched forwards and draped his long arms across his knees. “A memorial huh?”

Shepard felt her throat close up at the thought of what she would have to do. She sat down next to Garrus on the narrow cot. “I don’t want to go back there, but who else could it be? She was…the _Normandy_ was my first command. We lost good people.”

“We did, and we’re going to keep losing them if the Alliance sits on its ass any longer.”

She nodded and sagged into him. “They still don’t believe me. I’m surprised they’re even letting me do this.”

“They’re not. Rumour I heard was that an Alliance cruiser was due to stop by and pick it up, but Anderson had other ideas,” Garrus explained.

Shepard did her best to smile.

“I guess I have Anderson to thank for this honour.”

“Well, call me crazy but I’d rather make peace with those we’ve lost before going through that relay,” Garrus replied.

And lose more. He didn’t have to say it, they both knew the odds.

He straightened his long legs out in front of him, stretching. “If we do make it back…what will you do then?”

“Hand the ship over to the Alliance. Give them all the information we’ve collected, maybe even take try and take Cerberus down.”

Garrus grumbled and nudged her leg. “I don’t mean with the ship, I mean with Thane. He’s going to die, and the Alliance won’t want an assassin hanging around. Not much of a future.”

“Maybe not. Garrus, I don’t know. I haven’t even thought that far ahead.” She was lying now, pretending to herself that this wasn’t something that had started to push its way into her thoughts. It seemed easier than the alternative.

“You know, on turian ships we have ways of dealing with stress before high-risk missions,” Garrus said, and Shepard leant back on the cot, happy to change the subject.

“How do turians get ready?” she asked, trying to keep the snark from her voice.

“With violence usually. Turian ships have more operational discipline than your Alliance, but fewer personal restrictions. Our commanders run us tight, and they know we need to blow off steam.” Garrus picked up a piece of the gun he was working on and started cleaning it, his talons working neatly across the smooth surface.

Shepard started to examine one of his mods, and Garrus plucked it from her fingers before she could get a good look.

“Turian ships have training rooms for exercise, combat sims, even full contact sparring,” Garrus continued, giving her a slight glare as he put the mod out of reach. “Whatever lets people work off stress.”

“So you hit each other before missions?” Shepard said, and she knew she’d been unsuccessful at keeping her amusement hidden.

“It’s supervised. Nobody’s going to risk an injury that interferes with the mission. And it’s a good way to settle grudges amicably,” Garrus explained patiently. “I remember right before one mission, we were about to hit a batarian pirate squad. Very risky.”

Batarian. Thane’s wife. Shepard shifted uncomfortably

“This recon scout and I had been at each other’s throats. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring.”

“Did she kick your bony arse?” Shepard asked, amused at the idea of Garrus sparring. He was all limbs, able to sweep enemies aside with ease, but she couldn’t help enjoying the idea of him getting beaten.

“Actually, she and I were the top-ranked hand-to-hand specialists on the ship. I had reach, but she had flexibility.” There was an unfamiliar hum to Garrus’ voice. Shepard wished her omni-tool could translate sub-harmonics.

“It was brutal. After nine rounds, the judge called it a draw. There were a lot of unhappy betters in the training room. We, ah, ended up holding a tie breaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress, I guess.”

Shepard stared at him in astonishment. “Are you saying I should just fuck Thane and get it out of my system?”

“Now you’re just being mean,” Garrus berated, leaning away from her.

“Sorry, it’s just…you never talk about this kind of thing,” Shepard said, sitting up to pull her shoes and socks off. Her newly tattooed feet were itching, and she wiggled her toes in the cool air as she thought about what Garrus had said.

“Uh-huh,” Garrus said, scowling at her. “Until now I haven’t needed to, and now I wish I hadn’t.”

“The idea does have its merits. The violence bit, I mean,” she added quickly. “I’ll suggest it to Miranda.”

Garrus clicked his mandibles with an audible snap, and Shepard nudged his leg. “Believe it or not, she isn’t a complete bitch, and I’d appreciate it if you could at least try to talk to her without giving her the death stare.”

“I do _not_ have a death stare.”

Shepard stifled a laugh, and got slowly to her feet. “I should go and get some work done. Garrus?”

He grunted in response.

“Do you have a problem with Thane? I mean, apart from the fact that he’s dying. And he kills people for a living.”

“Apart from that?” Garrus examined her, and Shepard got the impression that he had plenty of things to say on the topic. “If you weren’t already interested I’d have forwarded him my marriage contract.”

“I’m hurt,” Shepard said, pulling back the make-shift curtain. “You never sent me that.”

“Well, you’re hardly marriage material. You go off and die without me, and then you start working for terrorists. Somehow I doubt my mother would approve.”

Shepard shrugged, and then smiled. “There’s one more thing I forgot to mention. The Tynix four-fifty is sat waiting for you in the loading bay.”

“You should have led with that,” Garrus said, scrambling into his clothes and sweeping past her.

It was hardly a blessing, but things could have gone much worse. She had no desire to compete with a gun for attention. There was still a pile of work waiting on her desk, and somewhere out of sight the memorial was waiting. Waiting for Alchera, and the final goodbye.

\---

The stars were making their lazy way past Miranda’s window, and Shepard found herself willing them to slow down. She wanted to delay their arrival at Alchera as long as possible. To keep those memories at bay for a few hours more.

 _A stone around her neck._ It felt more like a statue, a ridiculous shiny statue of the _Normandy_ SR-1 rendered in loving detail, and stuck on top of an ugly plinth. It shouldn’t have been her laying it to rest; it should have been someone else. Kaidan probably.

“I’ve checked this one,” Miranda said, pushing a datapad over her desk. “You just need to sign it off.”

Shepard gave it a quick glance then added her digital signature. She trusted Miranda to have prepared everything properly. She may have been Cerberus, but she was good at her job.

“Done. Looks like we’re about ready.”

“About?” Miranda raised a perfect eyebrow. “We’re as ready as we’re going to get.”

“It’s not quite that simple,” Shepard said, picking up one of the datapads. “We’re not heading straight to Klendagon. I’ve got business on Alchera first.”

Miranda nodded. Once she would have expected some sort of criticism from her, but not anymore. The balance of their relationship had shifted somewhere on Illium, and Shepard found she preferred it that way. The constant sniping had proved exhausting, and she had come to appreciate Miranda as an ally in the war on administration.

Running a ship was hard work. She ought to get Garrus more involved.

“Of all the places to visit that’s the last one I expected. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to lay some ghosts to rest,” Miranda said, leaning back in her chair. “It might even prove cathartic.”

She knew about the nightmares, and she’d stopped aggressively pursuing therapy for the commander, though it hadn’t stopped her from trying to sneak it in.

“In all honesty I’d rather not go, but I owe it to the families of those we lost. What I don’t understand is why they’ve taken so long to get round to it,” Shepard mused. Two years was a long time, and the Alliance had known exactly where they were when the _Normandy_ went down. The tracking beacon would have transmitted the final location, and would be transmitting still.

“I’m guessing they wanted to sweep you and your mission under the carpet. You know how long it takes the Alliance to agree on anything, I’m only surprised they didn’t take longer.”

The fact that they had deliberated so long over what was essentially twenty missing crewmen told Shepard everything she needed to know. They didn’t want to believe her. It was better that she was dead and their problems along with her. Alive she was a very real reminder that things weren’t so simple.

Whatever the Alliance or the Council believed, the Reapers were still out there and gaining ground with every day of denial.

This mission could change all that. It had to.

“You’re right. But once we stop the Collectors they’ll have no choice but to pay attention,” Shepard said.

“And then?” Miranda asked. “Something tells me you don’t plan on staying with Cerberus. The Alliance is too slow. Cerberus has the resources, and the will to deal with this. You’d be better off staying with us.” There was some truth in it, but nothing that could persuade Shepard any differently.

“Let’s make it back first. Then we’ll see.”

“Shepard?”

“What is it, EDI?”

“There is some kind of disturbance in the Port Cargo area. It is likely that the Krogan is the cause.”

Miranda gave Shepard a look, but kindly refrained from saying anything. She’d had her reservations about waking him up.

“I’ll be right there,” Shepard said, getting to her feet and heading for the door. To her surprise Miranda accompanied her, and they approached the cargo area in silence.

Since she’d woken him, Shepard had only been to see Grunt a handful of times. She felt entirely unprepared for the responsibility of looking after a krogan, not that he needed much care, but it left her feeling awkward. He didn’t want mothering, and she certainly had no experience in that regard. Instead she’d done her best to ask him about his memories, and to try and instil some sense of belonging in him.

Wrex would have laughed at her pitiful attempts.

Shepard ignored the crashes from inside and went straight in. Miranda hovered at her elbow. Together they might have a chance of subduing him, but she regretted not having Thane with her.

“Grunt?”

He turned towards her, away from the dented wall, and started to move. He was massive, a bulk of muscle and rage that could tear through her in moments if she wasn’t careful.

“Something is wrong, Shepard, I feel wrong. I just want to kill something, with my hands. More so than usual, like it’s not my choice, like I just want to, I don’t know...”

He wheeled and head-butted the window. Miranda didn’t flinch. She looked at Shepard with what seemed to be concern. If he carried on like this he could damage the ship, that much was certain.

“See? Why do that? What’s wrong?” Grunt said, pacing back towards Shepard and standing barely centimetres away. She didn’t flinch, didn’t back up. Showing fear to a krogan was a death sentence.

“Okeer didn’t imprint anything to help you figure this out?” she asked calmly.

“I see pictures of old battles, voices of warlords. But this is a blood haze in my head. I want control. When we’re moving, fighting, I focus. But here my blood screams, my plates itch, and even you are just noise. I’m tank born, what is this?” he growled.

“EDI, anything in your files about krogan diseases that could cause this?” Shepard asked, looking Grunt over for clues. He looked the same, no obvious signs of illness.

“Cerberus has a number of autopsies on file but nothing on a living krogan of this age and situation. Krogan are reluctant to share medical records.” 

The word autopsies made Grunt growl, a low noise that vibrated through her chest, and Shepard found herself tensing.

“My people were defeated by doctors in labs, they will never let stuff like that leave the home world Tuchanka,” he spat, backing off slowly.

“Then that’s where we’ll go.”

Grunt seemed to relax at the suggestion, and Shepard hoped that they could find an answer there after all. If not, well, that’s where he’d have to stay. He was her responsibility, but she couldn’t risk dragging him through the relay simply because she was afraid to admit defeat. 

“We’ll figure this out, Grunt, I promise.”

“Thank you, Shepard. I don’t like this. Fury is my choice, not a sickness.”

Shepard took one last look around the room. “One more thing. If you tear the ship apart we won’t be able to get to Tuchanka. If I find something for you to smash do you think you could manage until we get there?”

He laughed. “I will try.”

Shepard left, contacting EDI immediately. “EDI, tell Joker to change course. We’re heading to Tuchanka.”

Alchera would have to wait. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First up massive thank you to Lindira who has been my beta up to this point. Due to my ongoing health issues I have decided to get Fallen Star published as quickly as possible, so speed beta duties have been taken over by Quinn.  
> I wouldn't be where I am without Kristine and her tireless work on correcting my grammar. She picked me up when I fell down. <3 Never fear, Kristine will be back onboard for my ME3 fic.  
> Thank you to all of you for your support - comments and kudos mean a lot to me.  
> And thank you to Quinn for her suggestions and excellent Garrus comments. They are much appreciated!


	21. Into the stars

Shepard walked through the _Normandy_ on leaden feet, flames tearing it to pieces all around her.

Everything was silent until she reached the cockpit, stepping towards the armoured figure that sat with its back to her, arms outstretched towards the stars. That wasn’t right. Joker didn’t wear armour.

The figure turned, and she heard the noise rush in on her like a flood. The scream of alarms, the roaring drag of flames behind her, and a voice. Kaidan’s voice. He rose from the seat and moved towards her.

‘ _This is all your fault_.’

Kaidan pushed her out into the stars.

Shepard woke screaming.

The constellations above her bed were blurred with tears, and she rolled over, burying her face in the bed covers.

Maybe Miranda was right. Maybe going to Alchera would help. After a moment Shepard turned onto her side and looked over at the pictures beside her bed. There was a grainy holo of Garrus and Kaidan sat in the mess hall that she had taken in another lifetime. The circumstances surrounding it escaped her now.

Once they’d defeated Sovereign, and Shepard was back on her feet, they had all left her. All except for Kaidan. With Ash gone, and after everything that had happened, there had been a subtle alteration in their relationship. He was one of the few people she could properly talk to, and they had spent hours revisiting everything that had led them to that point.

Now the loss of the _Normandy_ was tangled up in the loss of Kaidan as one of her best friends, and she knew exactly why her subconscious dragged him up over and over again.

As much as she loved teasing him for his dedication to the Alliance, and his dogged determination to follow the rules, it had been exactly those qualities that she needed. Her early life on Earth had given her something of a lax attitude to authority, and although she loved being in the Alliance there had always been a part of her that chafed at the restrictions.

That was why, when Kaidan raised an objection, she knew she had to listen. He kept her on the straight and narrow. He held her in check when she might otherwise have done something regrettable, especially with Garrus around.

Kaidan had been her conscience, and she knew, as she had known from the start, that working with Cerberus was wrong. She could hardly blame him for the way he’d talked to her on Horizon, but something about it still troubled her.

Shepard sighed, rubbed her face and sat up.

“EDI?”

“Yes, Shepard.”

“Is Thane awake?”

“Yes. He wishes to know why you are asking.”

“I didn’t mean for you to ask him,” Shepard muttered, getting slowly out of bed and pulling some clothes on. “But now you’ve woken him, could you ask him to meet me in the cargo bay?”

“You did not specify the manner in which I was to find out, Shepard,” EDI replied, a hint of reproach in her voice.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were sounding more human,” Shepard said, getting in the elevator and tapping the control panel.

“I am programmed to learn from interacting with those around me. I have spent many hours talking with Mr Moreau, and he has assured me that the crew would appreciate it if I were more approachable.”

“You’ve spent hours talking to Joker? I’m impressed,” Shepard smiled, recalling some of their longer chats. “Well, keep up the good work EDI. I’m expecting jokes next.”

“Mr Moreau supplied me with a joke. It involved a bird, a lizard and a monkey. Whilst…”

“On second thought maybe we should leave the jokes for now,” Shepard interrupted hastily. She had a feeling she knew where that one was going.

“Logging you out, Shepard.”

The silence was welcome.

\---

When Thane found Shepard she was balancing on a large cloth wrapped object, stretching her long arms to catch a length of holding tape that wound its way down across the fabric.

“Can I be of assistance?” he asked.

“I’ve nearly got it.”

Thane thought back to his warm bed. “Well, then I shall return to my rest.”

“Not so fast. Pull that,” Shepard instructed, kicking at a fold in the fabric with one bare foot. There were stars running across her foot in every colour, trailing up under the fabric of her trousers.

Thane did as instructed, and she hopped down lightly to stand next to him. She grabbed the fabric and together they pulled.

The material snagged at first, heavy and course against his skin, then with a sliding rush it dropped to the floor at their feet and revealed something he had not expected.

There, glistening beneath the lights, was a memorial.

Shepard sat down in front of it and folded her legs beneath her, light playing between her fingers.

“I considered giving it to Grunt,” she admitted, not even looking up as Thane sat neatly down in front of her.

Thane glanced at the memorial. “That seems an odd choice.”

“He’s having behavioural issues. We’re heading to Tuchanka to try and get him some help before he rips the ship to pieces. I gave him some crates to smash up instead.”

“I see. Do you wish to tell me why you brought me here?” Thane asked, aware of the anxious play of the energy between her fingers, and the glum expression on her face.

“On the Citadel, after you went back to the ship, I went to see my commanding officer—my _former_ commanding officer,” she corrected with a half-smile. “He asked me to take this to Alchera. He seems to think I’m the best person for the job. What he seems to have forgotten is that I died there.”

Nobody could forget the fact that she had died. It was written all over her in the faint shine of her scars and the slow burning glow of her eyes, but as he had discovered most species seemed to turn a blind eye to death until it was staring them in the face.

It was easier not to think of her dying, though he knew she thought of it often. To think of her lying cold and still was unbearable.

“Siha…”

The light flickered out amongst her fingers, her gaze fixed on him, and he swore he saw her lips quirk upwards in the faintest ghost of a smile.

“I apologise if I was distracted after the events on the Citadel. If I may, I believe your former commander is correct in his assumption. He could not have chosen a more suitable candidate for placing this memorial,” Thane told her, reaching out to squeeze her fingers. “I am aware that you dream of it often, that you bear the guilt of surviving, however improbably, when others were lost. But you returned from death for a reason, and it is because of this that it must be you.”

“Sometimes I…” Shepard shrugged, and swallowed whatever she had been about to say. “I suppose I needed to hear that.”

“Which is why you asked me here,” Thane said, turning her palm over in his hand and examining the strangeness of her unfused fingers for a moment.

“There was something else,” Shepard admitted. “I lost a friend. Not on Alchera, on Horizon.”

Thane said nothing, giving her a moment to find the words.

“His name is Kaidan. We served together on the first _Normandy_ , and I didn’t see him again until Cerberus sent us to investigate the missing colonists. He _hates_ Cerberus. So, I turn up with Garrus, wearing their uniform.” She gave a low laugh. Thane heard the hurt she had failed to hide.

“He didn’t take it well. He called me a traitor, said I’d turned my back on everything we stood for. That I’d changed. He was right about one thing though. Cerberus can’t be trusted.”

“Siha, I do not know Kaidan, I can only guess at why he said these things to you. If you were friends, as you said, I can imagine his shock at seeing you alive and intact. To find you returned from death, and working for the enemy…” Thane held her hand tighter. “It explains his behaviour, but it does not excuse it.”

Shepard got to her feet, pulling away from him. She gathered the fabric up in her arms as she spoke. “I know why he said those things. Hell, I’d have had some questions if he’d turned up in a Cerberus uniform.”

She started to shake the material out, and Thane got to his feet to assist, watching the play of muscles in her long arms as she shook the cover out before her. “There’s one thing that still bothers me though.”

“Go on.”

“Kaidan was wrong. Whatever he, or anyone else thinks, I’m doing this for the right reasons. The Council still won’t accept that the Reapers are real; they still think I’m delusional. So it’s up to me to prove them wrong.”

Thane helped her sweep the cloth up and back over the memorial, shielding it from view. Its presence was a painful reminder of Shepard’s mortality, and of what they were facing.

When he looked back at Shepard she was staring at him. Thane felt his pulse quicken as she walked towards him.

“I’m putting a beacon together to leave behind once we pass through the relay. Every bit of data we collect will go on it, every scrap of evidence we can pull together, so even if we don’t come back the Alliance will know what’s coming for them.”

If. A small word, but an admission all the same. “You’ve cheated death once before, Shepard. I see no reason why you cannot do so again.”

“My plan is not to die,” Shepard said, standing close beside him. “But you know as well as I do that my plans don’t always work. We have no idea what we’re facing once we’re through that relay.”

She inclined her head towards him. Her warm hand slipped into his.

“The beacon will be set to wait a week. If we don’t return and collect it, all the data will be sent to Liara, and she’ll send it on. If there’s a message you’d like to send to Kolyat I can include it. I’ll be asking the rest of the crew.”

“I would like that,” Thane said, leaning his face into her hair. It was soft against his face, her scent woven through it. Even if they did not return, at least he could be with her at the end.

“How is he doing? Have you heard anything?”

“I have. Perhaps we could discuss it over some tea,” Thane said as Shepard yawned widely.

“Now that sounds like a good plan.”

They ambled into the elevator, releasing hands as they leant into each other.

“Has Miss T’Soni uncovered any information on the package?”

Shepard frowned, and Thane took that to be a bad sign. He’d had some of his contacts look into Liara. What they’d found was interesting.

From the information he’d been given it appeared she was responsible for giving Cerberus the chance to bring Shepard back from the dead, raising more questions than it answered.

“Nothing, which is unusual. She’s still working on it.”

The door opened, and Thane took charge of preparing the tea whilst Shepard sat on the work surface, her starry feet dangling free.

“Kolyat has started working for C-Sec,” he told her, setting two cups down then choosing an appropriate tea from his locker. Thane opted for a mild asari blend, and when he returned to the kitchen he found Shepard smiling broadly.

“So Bailey did listen to me. I’m glad. How’s Kolyat finding it? I could get Garrus to give him some tips if you’d like.”

She was teasing him, and Thane resisted the urge to kiss the smile from her face. “I’m not sure Garrus would be a suitable role model.”

“Vakarian knows his stuff, but you might be right,” Shepard admitted, leaning over to sniff the tea as Thane poured from the small pot he’d brought on board. It was plain; nothing like the tea pots back on Kahje, but it had served him well over the years.

“Here,” Thane said, offering her the cup. She accepted it with a small incline of her head, a motion so familiar it took a moment to register. It was a drell habit. One she must have picked up from him.

“Thank you,” Shepard said, yawning again. “You still haven’t told me what siha means.”

“I will, when the time is right. You should try and get some rest before we arrive at Tuchanka,” Thane said, watching as she sipped the tea and closed her eyes.

“Have you been there?”

“My services are not required on Tuchanka.”

“It’s an interesting place, if abandoned deserts are your thing. You should come with us,” Shepard said, sliding off the kitchen top and cradling the cup to her chest.

Thane thought back to his bed, long cold by now, and leant into the heat radiating from Shepard. “I would be happy to.” His voice thrummed with meaning, and he was glad she couldn’t interpret them. His desire to stay close to her, to touch her, was written across every layer of his words.

“I wouldn’t get your hopes up,” Shepard replied.

Thane stilled. Perhaps he had been too obvious.

“As far as deserts go this is more like a wasteland.”

“I see. I would still like to see Tuchanka, whilst I can.”

 _Whilst I can. If we don’t come back._ They were probably going to die through there on the other side of the galaxy. Time was falling away beneath their feet, and eventually it would take them with it. But she had fallen before, and it gave him the strength he needed.

“I’m sorry for getting you out of bed,” Shepard said. She ruffled her hair and smiled wearily. He knew why she had woken him. He felt honoured that she had chosen him as her companion when nightmares stole her sleep away.

“You have many burdens, siha. Remember that I’ll help you carry them.”

“Thank you. I…Good night.”

She smiled, her skin colouring faintly, and with a small nod she walked away back towards the elevator.

Thane stood alone in the kitchen, waiting until all was silent before tidying their tea things away. He stacked the cups neatly in the dishwasher, washed his tea pot out, and then stowed it carefully in his locker before making his way back to life support.

His bed was as cold as he expected, and as he slid between the sheets he couldn’t help thinking of Shepard somewhere above him. Of her warmth stealing through the sheets.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even the stars seem to burn for her  
> What a melancholy astronautic man,   
> You know that you're falling without a place to land,   
> Your heart, and you are worlds apart,   
> Even though she's in your arms.
> 
> You say the things you know will spark a laughter,   
> Marvel at the glow of the light that it brings,   
> But getting closer, is it darker matter,   
> Forces at work, greater than you know.
> 
> Melancholy Astronautic Man by Allie Moss


	22. Shadow in the storm

The shuttle pitched sideways in the choppy atmosphere over Tuchanka, and Shepard found herself stifling another curse as Grunt crushed her again.

“Looks like you got the best seat,” Garrus said, knocking her leg with his.

Shepard shuffled closer, turned her head towards him and slid her mouthpiece down into position. “If I still have use of my arms by the time we land I’m going to throw a krogan at you, see how you like it.”

She heard Garrus laugh in response, his shoulders shaking slightly. For a moment it was as though nothing had changed. The two of them on a mission, blowing stuff up and attempting not to get killed.

Grunt shifted again, his elbow driving into her armour, and she felt her good mood dissipate.

Jack was sat opposite them staring malevolently at the wall. Mordin was engrossed in a datapad. At the other end of the shuttle Thane appeared lost in memory.

“Just like old times,” Garrus murmured. Nothing could be further than the truth.

It hadn’t been simpler back then, not really. There’d still been Reapers, and endless amounts of bureaucracy, but they had been different. Younger, and less dead. Any sense of invincibility they’d fostered had been lost long ago in a puddle of blue blood on Omega, and a snowy grave somewhere on Alchera.

The shuttle gave a familiar tilt. Shepard got to her feet before Grunt had another chance to crush her.

“You ready?” she asked him, balancing as the shuttle rolled beneath her.

“I am always ready.”

The door opened, and Shepard jumped out, scanning the surrounding area then looking up at the way they’d flown in.

The sky was a dirty orange coin of light far above them, glowing dully at the end of the concrete vent. It was stifling hot, with no trace of a breeze, and when Shepard turned to check on her crew she found Thane at her side.

He half-closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, brows furrowing.

“I did warn you,” Shepard said, aware of the acrid tang in the air, the sheen of sweat forming on her skin, and the dust already sticking to it.

“Incoming,” Garrus muttered, and Shepard turned to see two heavily armoured krogan guards approaching.

“The clan leader wants to speak with you. Keep your rutting pet on a short leash,” one of them growled, waving his arm at Grunt. “Get him the Rite soon, or put him down.”

“You know what’s wrong with him,” Shepard said, glancing at the young krogan prowling beside her.

“There’s nothing wrong with him, just go speak to the clan leader.”

The guards withdrew back towards the door. Shepard turned to face her team.

“Garrus, I need you to stay here with Mordin and Jack.”

“So I’m babysitting,” Garrus groused, keeping his voice down as he approached her.

“I thought you were good at that,” Shepard smiled. “I need you to keep Mordin out of trouble. Stop him collecting samples from live krogan. Keep him alive if possible.”

“And Jack?”

They watched as she circled the shuttle, then climbed up one of the railings and sat staring at the guards with naked contempt.

“I’ll leave that one up to you. If you could stop her from killing anyone I’d be grateful. And surprised.”

Shepard moved off, checking through her ammo supply before taking one last look up at the dirty sky above them. Mist swirled through the vent, and the brightness was swallowed up in moments.

“Grunt, Thane.” Shepard waited until they were at her side before plunging into the stifling darkness of the base.

If she’d had Wrex with her everything would be different, but he was long gone. If he’d lived he would have known what was wrong with Grunt. _If_. It was no use thinking of what might have been, and what could never be. She had her path, and she had to take it one step at a time wherever it led her.

Down into darkness. Away from the light.

\---

Shepard strode after the Shaman, rubbing the welt on her forehead with the back of her glove as she navigated the rubble strewn floor. Headbutting krogans hurt.

If Grunt was to become an adult then they had to succeed in the Rite. The only other choice was death.

“This is Tuchanka’s most recent scar, the last surface city to fall in the rebellions. The keystone was at the heart,” the Shaman told them as they climbed upwards through the underground ruin. “It has survived wars and the passage of centuries. It endures—like the krogan.”

They crested the lip of the tunnel and found themselves inside a devastated arena, overshadowed by a massive structure that was unlike anything she’d ever seen. It was a grim place to die, underneath a sky far from home.

“If you wish to join Clan Urdnot, you must contemplate the Keystone and its trials,” the Shaman said, stopping beside the dusty control panel.

“What will happen?” Grunt asked.

“Who knows? You must adapt. You must thrive, no matter the situation. Any true krogan will.”

The Shaman left them in the shadows, retreating out of sight.

Shepard took a moment to gain her bearings, pacing round the structure with Thane at her side. “This isn’t what I expected. A puberty ritual. I should have known it would involve fighting,” she said, looking around for cover.

“Many species have such rituals. It is interesting.”

“Do the drell?”

“Of course. It is less…violent. I expect humans have something similar,” Thane said, following her as she circled back round.

“Not where I come from. I’m not much of an expert on human culture, unless you’re interested in slums,” Shepard muttered. She couldn’t help patting the knife at her side.

At some point they would have to talk about her behaviour back on the Citadel, about the interrogation room, and the blood on her hands.

“Let’s get this started.” Shepard balled up her fist and hit the button.

There was a rush of hot air, the garbled static of a krogan voice, and something loomed high above them.

Shepard squinted up at it, one hand covering her eyes. She felt the air sucked from her lungs as the keystone plunged downwards and hit the floor.

The vibration rippled through them, filling their lungs and shaking the ground beneath their feet as all three of them reeled backwards. The Rite had begun.

“Here they come,” Grunt snarled, levelling his gun. “I’m ready.”

Shepard whipped her head around to see varren scrambling towards them, and she moved smoothly into action.

They dropped easily with one incendiary round, littering the floor with their burnt carcasses and filling the already acrid air with the stench of their bodies. It was as grim as she’d feared, staring out across the wasteland watching Grunt and Thane pick off any stragglers.

Maybe she shouldn’t have brought him. The air was stinging in her lungs, and she couldn’t help worrying what effect it might have on the drell. He had suffered no visible effects of his illness, but she felt her misgivings just the same.

The last of the varren went down, and Grunt lumbered towards her.

“That was too easy,” he said, and beside him she caught Thane frowning. The ritual wasn’t over yet.

“Shepard, the keystone.”

Shepard approached it again. This time she was ready for the mighty thwump of air as the keystone descended, its call echoing back in rolling waves of noise that she felt beneath her.

A shape swirled clear of the dust above them, and a harvester flew into view. She readied her missile launcher, cursing as she watched the creature drop a cargo of klixen. They were difficult to deal with, usually requiring plenty of distance to negate their attack.

She turned, ready to take to one of the towers, and in the storm of dust she heard the ripple of wings getting closer.

Thane shouted a warning. She caught sight of klixen closing in on her planned escape route. There was nothing for it.

Swearing, biotics flaring, Shepard burst past the bulbous red creatures and threw herself at the nearest tower, scrambling for purchase on the flimsy metal.

A burst of heat singed her hair, and when she glanced down she saw the flames start dancing across her armour, the sharp chemical stench filling her throat. She was on fire again. The memories crowded in on her with terrifying brightness.

Flames in her throat. The stars vanishing into nothing.

“Shepard?” Thane’s voice cut through her panic. There had been no words last time, she had been completely alone, and Shepard seized control back. She started slapping at the flames, only for her hand to catch fire.

She bit her glove, and tore it off with her teeth before hooking her arm firmly around one of the support beams. Her hand felt clumsy as she tugged at the clips, but that armour was her life. She knew it better than she knew her own body, and it was the work of seconds to unclip the blazing sections and drop them to the ground.

Thane’s voice was still in her ear.

“I’m fine,” she rasped, forcing herself to climb further up the tower.

From up there she could see the klixen swarming towards Grunt, trails of flame snaking across the already scorched floor.

Shepard unfurled her sniper rifle, drew a long breath in and raised the scope of her sniper rifle. _Focus._

The klixen started to fall. They collapsed to the ground in wet bursts of chemicals that burst into flame the moment they ruptured.

Grunt was bellowing somewhere far beneath her. She caught sight of him through her scope. His armour was smoking, enemies on all sides of him, and she started picking them off methodically.

The dust and smoke cleared, leaving only scattered remains in its wake. Grunt started back towards them.

Shepard took the opportunity to climb back down the tower and retrieve her armour. Even scorched and cracked, it was better than nothing.

“Siha.” Thane stood at her side, examining her carefully, and she gave him a small smile.

“I’ve survived worse.”

“Battlemaster!” Grunt roared, barrelling over to them. “It has been an honour to fight beside you, Shepard. This is what I was made for, it is in my blood.”

“I’m proud to fight for you. But it isn’t over yet,” Shepard cautioned.

“Good. Hit the keystone, let us show them how pure-bred krogan fight.”

They walked back towards the stone, and Shepard looked them both over. Out of the three of them only Thane remained unscathed. He was immaculate save for a thin film of dust that coated his clothes.

“I’ll be glad when this is over,” she muttered, standing beside the button. “Grunt?”

“Shepard?”

“I…oh, fuck it.” She slammed her fist into the button and walked out into the centre of the arena.

 _Focus_. Shepard dropped her arms to her side, and let her eyes flicker shut. She could hear the resounding echo of the keystone, the thin cry of the wind, and beside her the creak of Grunt’s armour.

If she was to turn her head, and look to her left, she knew without a doubt that she would find Thane in position.

The earths shudder gained focus, moving back towards her with a ripple of vibration even as the sound in her lungs died. Now she knew what it was. She knew what was coming for them. She had been right to fear.

\---

Thane watched as the tendrils erupted from the earth, then shifted his gaze back to Shepard.

She stood unmoving, a dark shadow in the storm, rooted to the ground as though she had always been there waiting to take shape.

Thane sucked in his breath, and the thresher maw burst from the ground. He’d suspected this creature could play a part in the ritual, given the role it played in krogan myth, but he had not expected to fight one.

It was a terrible sight. A creature so unlike anything he’d ever seen that he couldn’t help but plead silently to his gods.

The dust cleared. Shepard was moving at speed towards the maw with her rocket launcher ready. She fired into its gaping mouth, then vanished behind the toppling skeleton of a tower.

Thane had no choice but to take cover and start shooting. After a second both Grunt and Shepard reappeared, dropping out of sight the moment the thresher maw dipped back beneath the ground.

The ground shook beneath his feet. Thane pivoted to face the maw as it rose again, closer this time.

“Shepard?”

“On it.”

Thane saw a missile streak across the sky, this time hitting the maw in the side and knocking it backwards. There was a loud shout, and when Thane raised his sight he saw Grunt charging towards it.

“Grunt, what the hell are you doing? Get down,” Shepard ordered, and Thane saw her break cover.

This time the maw ignored Thane, and went straight for her, collapsing the nearest tower with a scream of metal. She vanished from sight, only to leap up a second later.

“Grunt, GET DOWN!”

There was no cover left in the centre of the arena. Grunt was exposed on all sides as he continued his headlong charge. The thresher writhed, ripping itself back underground as it sought to reposition itself.

He heard Shepard scream, saw her throw herself forwards in a blaze of purple light as the thresher maw reared up above them.

It hung, dark against the sky, then ploughed its head downwards with a wet crunch that took Grunt with it.

“Grunt!”

The light glinted off Shepard’s blade as she skidded to a halt beside the massive creature. It gave a twitch, and toppled sideways with a crash that shook the floor.

There, amidst the dust, stood Grunt.

“Grunt, you idiot,” Shepard shouted, striding up to him. “What the hell were you doing? You almost got yourself killed!”

Thane watched as she reached up and started brushing tendrils of gore from Grunt’s head, a broad grin on her face even as she got herself covered with entrails in the process.

The two of them bumped heads, and Thane caught sight of movement at the edge of the arena.

“Shepard, we have company.”

Uvenk stomped towards them.

Thane dropped swiftly out of sight. Through his scope he could see more krogan following. Their intentions were obvious.

“Siha, he has warriors moving on your position.”

“Understood.” There was a small click in his ear, and the krogan’s voice became audible.

“You live, and you brought down the thresher maw. No one has done that in generations. Urdnot Wrex was the last.”

“My Krantt gave me strength beyond my genes. Which are damned good,” Grunt shot back, and Thane allowed himself a small smile. Krantt, battlemaster, siha. Shepard seemed to gain names wherever she went.

“This will cause discussion. I wonder… you say you are pure? No alien meddling in your construction? Just the warlord Okeer?” Uvenk drew closer to Shepard. Flickers of movement behind him showed his men had followed suit.

“He’s designed to be perfect,” Shepard said, a trace of irritation in her voice.

“Being designed is the problem. But not made by aliens. And he is truly powerful. That is a tolerable loophole.”

“A what?” Grunt asked.

Shepard shifted her weight backwards slightly, her head turning slightly to one side.

“There’s a pillar approximately five metres behind you. It should offer cover for the initial attack,” Thane told her.

“A reason to accept you. You are a mistake, but your potential could tip the current balance of the clans,” Uvenk said.

“You spit on my father’s name! On Shepard’s name! But now you stop ranting because I am strong?” Grunt challenged, moving towards Uvenk.

“There would be restrictions. You could not breed, of course. Or serve on an alien ship. But you’d be clan in name.”

“What an offer,” Shepard said flatly. “Sounds like an easy job, Grunt.”

“That is the problem. I’m pure krogan. Uvenk, you are the pretender!” snarled Grunt.

Thane knew which way the situation was going.

“Your head is valuable whether you are alive or dead,” Uvenk growled.

Grunt moved, Shepard’s biotics shimmered into life, and a second later Uvenk opened fire.

Thane returned the favour, knocking him back to allow both Grunt and Shepard to break for cover.

The fight was furious. The attacking krogan were fresh to the fight. Shepard moved as though she’d just set foot on Tuchanka, no sign of fatigue as she evaded a charging krogan and slapped a grenade to its back.

The air thrummed with bullets, but Thane took his time. He knew which ones to hit, his eyes ever trained on the epicentre of the battle where Grunt and Shepard worked together. It was brutal, bloody, but there was no question of the victor.

He watched Shepard rise to meet Uvenk, the long form of her body swathed in purple. She shimmered, limbs moving, and Thane felt the movement as though it were his own.

There was a small whine in the air. A crack somewhere beside him. Pain ran beneath his skin.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forget the horror here  
> Forget the horror here  
> Leave it all down here  
> It's future rust and then it's future dust
> 
> I'm the fury in your head  
> I'm the fury in your bed  
> I'm the ghost in the back of your head  
> 'Cause I am
> 
>  
> 
> Spanish Sahara by The Foals


	23. Twist of fate

Shepard listened as she stood over Uvenk’s body. The silence—strange and unwelcome—told her everything she needed to know.

“Thane?”

He was always at her side within moments. She covered metres in a bright bound, searching frantically.

“Thane? Answer me, damn you.”

“Siha.” His voice sounded distant, and she paused to sweep her gaze over the ruined ground. A small movement caught her eye, and she was at his side in a fraction of a second.

Thane was trying to stand, one hand clamped unsuccessfully over his side. Blood streamed through his fingers.

“Don’t move,” she ordered, snatching the medi-gel from her pack and bending to examine the wound.

“ _Normandy_ , I need to talk to Chakwas now.” Shepard peeled Thane’s hand back to see a gash, open flesh torn, bone a bloody white amidst the red. It was hard to tell with these kinds of wounds. She had to act fast.

“Siha,” Thane said quietly, and she refused to look at his face.

“How can I help you, Shepard?”

“I take it medi-gel works fine on drell.”

“Yes. What kind of wound are we dealing with?”

Shepard pressed the medi-gel pad on.

Thane remained completely still, and from his expression she guessed that he had retreated away from the pain.

“Shrapnel. I can’t see anything in there.”

“Best get him back here,” Chakwas told her briskly. “Stabilise him with medi-gel, give him some pain relief and get him back.”

“Okay. Harper? Get the shuttle prepped and ready to leave, I need an emergency evac.”

The shuttle pilot responded, and Shepard focussed on getting Thane ready to move. She’d patched up plenty of fellow soldiers on the field, and it was something she had become fairly proficient at.

Medi-gel. Bandages. Blood on her hands.

“Thane, I’m going to give you a painkiller. Think you can make it back to the truck?”

He blinked rapidly, and nodded. “I will make it, siha. I have survived worse.”

He gave her a faint smile as she administered the pain relief, and then rocked back on her heels to examine him. The skin at his neck, usually a plush red, had turned pale and almost waxen in colour. It could mean anything for all she knew about drell biology.

“Damn it,” Shepard muttered. She had to look away. A few deep breaths later, and she was ready.

“I’m going to help you up. If it hurts at all tell me straight away, and we’ll stop,” she told him, sliding her arm around his waist.

“Shepard—“

“Don’t,” she said, biting her lip hard. Thane put his arm around her shoulders and together they stood up.

The walk back to the truck was slow at first, but Thane gained speed as the meds went to work. By the time they’d scrambled into the back of the filthy, cramped, truck, he was moving almost normally, albeit more slowly than usual.

The krogan said nothing, giving them the barest glance before ignoring them and sitting upfront.

Shepard found a low seat. She swept it clear of debris, then sat down next to Thane. There was little space, and she shuffled to try and avoid digging into Thane with her armour.

“How are you doing?”

Thane leant into her shoulder, his breath warm against her ear. “The pain is less than it was. Siha, I…will you hear my confession?”

Something in his voice made her look at him. In the darkness it was hard to see his expression, but his hand stole into hers and held her tight.

“Thane, you know you can tell me anything, but you need to rest. I need to know you’re okay,” she murmured, and slowly, slowly, Thane let his head fall against her shoulder.

“As you wish, siha.”

The truck’s roar covered them. Shepard lost track of time as they huddled there in the darkness together. His hand never let go of hers, and she felt the fear take shape within her, revealing that which gave it shape.

She cared about Thane, that much was certain, but the depth of it hadn’t been apparent until she found him bleeding, and the potential loss had become obvious. Thane was going to die. She was going to lose him, the creature that had taken root somewhere deep within her, and brought her back to the surface.

Shepard heard the engine start to power down. “Harper? Is the shuttle ready?”

“Yes, Commander.”

She got to her feet, and helped Thane up as the door opened to reveal Mordin, Garrus and Jack.

Mordin swarmed her the moment she got out of the shuttle, his words a meaningless irritation as she helped Thane down.

“Shepard, glad you are back.”

She put her arm around Thane and set off towards the shuttle.

“Shepard, wait,” Mordin babbled, and he planted himself in front of her.

“Look, Mordin, whatever it is it can wait,” Shepard said, pushing past him and fixing her eyes on the shuttle. The engines were already burning. “ _Normandy,_ we are almost at the shuttle.”

“Copy that,” Joker responded.

“Cannot leave,” Mordin said, chasing after her. “My assistant Maelon is here, must find him. Blood pack have taken him prisoner.”

Shepard helped Thane into the shuttle and sat him down before giving him another round of pain relief.

“We got the intel not long after you left,” Garrus said, and Shepard sighed.

She touched one bloody hand to Thane’s face, then clambered wearily from the shuttle.

“He wanted to set out immediately but I convinced him we’d better wait for you,” Garrus said. He glanced at the shuttle, and down at her hands.

“Grunt, you go back to the _Normandy_. If we take you with us we’ll draw attention. Harper?”

“Yes, Commander?”

“You’re to take Thane and Grunt back to the _Normandy_ , then come back for us. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Commander.”

She watched Grunt get in the shuttle, the door closing slowly behind him. The roar of the engines filled the air and drowned out Mordin’s words, her attention fixed on the departing shuttle. It vanished up into the mist, and Shepard looked down at her bloody hands.

She had to let him go. She had a job to do.

\---

Thane lay sleeping beneath pristine white sheets, no sign of blood. There was something unnerving about seeing him lying there like that, knowing him as she did.

The door slid smoothly open and Miranda emerged. “Shepard.”

“How’s he doing?” Shepard asked, wincing at the movement. Her lip was still stinging from the fight with Clan Weyrloc.

“He’ll need some time to recover. I wouldn’t put him on active duty for at least a week, though given his condition it could take a little longer.”

“Can I see him?”

“Not yet. I’ll let you know once he’s awake. It should only be a couple of hours.” Miranda examined her, eyes flitting to her split lip. “Can I get you anything for that?”

“This?” Shepard licked her lip. “No, I’ll manage.”

Thane shifted, his face turning away from her, and she knew she had to ask.

“You mentioned his condition. How is it? I mean…” _How long has he got left?_ She couldn’t ask that question, not yet. They hadn’t discussed his illness since he’d first come on board, deliberate avoidance disguised as consideration.

“He’s as well as can be expected. I’ve taken a tissue sample for Mordin.”

“Tissue sample?”

“Mordin has been monitoring his condition. He can probably tell you more.”

It seemed as though there was a lot Mordin had kept quiet, from his involvement in the Genophage to watching over Thane. Perhaps it was time for a talk.

“Thanks, I’ll ask him.”

“There’s one other thing,” Miranda said. “Once we’re finished on Alchera, what’s our plan?”

“The relay isn’t going anywhere.”

“No, but the colonists are.”

Shepard accepted the truth of it. “We’ll be through the relay soon enough. But I need to know that my crew are ready. We’re facing death. I want them facing it on their own terms.”

Miranda nodded. “I understand. I’ll let the Illusive Man know.”

Shepard took a last look at Thane, sleeping peacefully on the other side of the glass. It was inevitable, seeing him like this, though she wanted to rage against it, to tell herself that this was not a certainty. There was only one person who could give her that.

\---

He was at his desk, talking to himself as he sifted through information.

“Mordin? Can I talk to you?”

“Shepard. Of course. Still hard to believe Maelon betrayed me. Betrayed my work. Disgusted by his actions. Proud of his nerve though.” Mordin smiled, and Shepard found the effect unnerving. “Always thought he lacked backbone. Hope he finds something new. Better goal, better purpose. Fewer torture tests.”

“I didn’t come here to talk about the Genophage,” Shepard confessed. “I came here to talk about Thane.”

“Kepral’s?”

“Yes. I know you’ve been running tests on him. What have you found?”

Mordin tapped his chin thoughtfully, then started tapping at his work screen. “Results nothing out of the ordinary. Illness progressing at expected rate. Oxygen uptake remains stable. Would hesitate to give prediction, based on current studies.”

Shepard leant on the desk and tried to gather the right words. “Mordin. I don’t know much about drell or Kepral’s, but I wondered if there was some treatment, or something else Thane hadn’t mentioned.”

“Treatment is unfinished. Vaccine no use in this case. Eupolmos could offer results, given time. Lung transplant also an option,” Mordin said rapidly, and Shepard felt her head swim.

“So…it isn’t…he isn’t a lost cause. There’s still a chance for Thane?”

“Yes. But drell complicated. Kepral’s complicated, not my area of expertise. Have name of someone who could help you, if you would like to learn more.“

The room swayed around her, and Shepard took a moment to focus on the cold desk beneath her fingertips. “That would be perfect. Thank you, Mordin.”

“Most welcome, Shepard. Here,” he said, bringing up his omni-tool. “Osus Narin, worked with him at Special Tasks Group. Worked on Kepral’s for the hanar, not sure how far research went. Very talented, far to go. One other thing, Shepard.”

“What?” she asked absently, pushing a hand through her hair.

“Would not recommend getting hopes up. Chances of treatment succeeding in time are…slim.”

The odds were always against her. Just like old times.

\---

Irikah had been long gone before his diagnosis. He had no one to visit him when he first found out, receiving the news with a dull acceptance that had numbed in the depths of his battle sleep.

Thane could only guess at how she would have taken the news. He had seen her grief, held her as she lost those close to her, and tasted the bitterness of her tears as she railed against the curse that was Kepral’s.

When he awoke, fighting the tide of painkillers that held him, he was alone. Sleep claimed him again, and when he forced his eyes open once more he found Shepard at his side.

She was holding a plate of food, eyes cast downward.

“Siha?”

“Ah, you…” She winced, and Thane registered the state of her face with dazed shock. Her lip was swollen, a bruise ran across her forehead, and down the side of her face was the tell-tale red skin of a freshly healed cut. “You’re awake.”

“For now. Doctor Chakwas is generous with pain relief.”

“I brought you something to eat,” she said, putting the plate gently down on his lap. It consisted of everything he liked, and he appreciated the gesture even though he felt far from hungry.

“Thank you. What happened, after I left?”

“We went to rescue Mordin’s assistant. Turns out Mordin was part of the team that designed the Genophage. His assistant…didn’t approve of his work.”

“To neuter a species in that way seems particularly cruel. But, perhaps it was necessary.” He thought back to Rakhana, to the sun-bleached wastelands created by overpopulation. It had been hot, a heat that leached into his bones, and Thane felt himself drifting.

“I can go if you’d like,” Shepard murmured, rising slowly from her chair.

“No. There is something I wish to tell you, siha.”

Shepard sat back down, and started to pick at the food on Thane’s plate. “You still haven’t told me what that means.”

“I need to explain myself to you first.”

She paused, returned the fruit to the plate and sat back to look at him. Even injured she was beautiful. He hadn’t looked for, or expected, to meet someone like her, and the fact that she was human had taken him off guard. It did not change how he felt.

“When I met Irikah, the hanar let me leave their service to raise a family. After some time, my skills became… necessary, so I free-lanced.” Thane said, shifting slightly. “When Irikah was killed, I pursued those responsible. Once I eliminated them, I had no goal. I accepted the Dantius commission because I didn't know what else to do.”

“Not one of your best ideas,” Shepard said, rubbing her forearms then tugging her sleeves down.

“You're right, it's not. Looking back now, it's clear I'd resigned myself to death.” Spoken so boldly, he knew how he must sound to her. He had wandered lost until she found him, there in the setting sun of the tower, and in offering him a chance to redeem himself he had found her.

Shepard stared at him, and an expression of grief replaced her usual frown. “You planned to die in there, didn’t you?”

“There was no plan,” Thane sighed. “My body had accepted its death. My mind had been dead a long time.”

Shepard leant forward, and rested her arms on the bed beside him. She no longer met his gaze, but stared down at the bed covers.

“But…I met another siha. Few are privileged to meet even one.”

Shepard opened her mouth, the question obvious from her expression.

“One of the warrior-angels of the goddess Arashu. Fierce in wrath. A tenacious protector.” Thane took his hand out from under the covers and slipped his fingers inside her sleeve to find the warm skin of her arm. “I confess, I've come to care for you. Perhaps I'm being foolish. We are very different.”

“You know I—”

“There is one other thing I must say,” Thane interrupted. “I have wasted too many hours of my life in places such as this. I do not wish to burden you with my illness, Cora. If you do not wish to pursue this…path, I understand.”

She dragged her breath in, lifted her chin and set her shoulders back. There was no grief on her face now.

“I spoke to Mordin before I came to see you. We spoke about your condition, and he said there are options that we might want to explore.” Shepard shifted closer and took Thane’s hand in hers. “I want a future with you. I know we still have things to do, that we might not come back at all. But if we do…would you consider them?”

The options, once disregarded, seemed to be a cruel twist of fate.

“Siha, the hanar are years away from perfecting their treatment. Any solution would be short term at best. It would offer us a few years, nothing more.”

“Mordin says there’s a chance. I might be foolish, but I believe him,” Shepard said, and Thane wondered if she was denying the truth, or if he was a fool to doubt her.

“When…if we return, I will explore these options. I would very much like to see whatever future you wish to make for us,” Thane said, his heart leaping in his throat.

Shepard smiled, her fingers tracing over his skin, and Chakwas bustled in through the door.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave, Commander. Sere Krios needs rest.”

“Doctor,” Shepard replied swiftly. She got to her feet, and then to Thane’s surprise, she pressed a kiss to his forehead. It was over in a split second, but after she had gone Thane found himself reliving that moment.

The scent of her leaning close. The heat of her lips lingering on his skin and her words. The offer of a future. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I trust you with my heart , and you're the one who holds it  
> I loved you from the start, this love we've shaped and altered  
> I find that space in you, where I can be at peace  
> a shelter from the world, a space that's just for me.
> 
> We chose the path we took. we tossed. we turned. we shook.  
> We hid there from the storm, grew stronger and took form  
> I need to hear your words, find comfort in your voice  
> that place where I belong, an old familiar song
> 
> Crystal Skies - Logistics


	24. The Last Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard goes to Alchera, resting place of the Normandy SR-1.

Shepard did not sleep. Instead she chose to huddle in Joker’s chair and wait for the dawn that broke as they reached Alchera.

The light arced round the planet, showing white swirls of cloud hiding the surface from view. She tried to remember if she’d seen it as she plummeted down amidst the debris, guessing that they had taken the same trajectory as they entered orbit.

But nothing came back to her except those last few moments of fire and falling.

“Hey, Commander.” Joker limped up slowly behind her, and leant on the back of the chair. “Think I can have my seat back?”

“Oh, sure.” She got up, moved out of the way and stretched.

“Commander… can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead,” Shepard said, rubbing her tired eyes and wishing she’d got some sleep.

“Do you ever—you know—wish you’d done differently? Abandoned ship with Kaidan instead of coming back for me?”

The question stunned her momentarily. She hadn’t given any thought to her death beyond the way it had affected her, the nightmares blotting out everything else. Joker had seen her fall. He was the last person she’d seen before dying.

“You’re asking if I regret not letting you die?” Shepard asked. She frowned, and looked out over the silent planet turning beneath them. “Where would any of us be now if you hadn’t been so goddamned stubborn?”

Somewhere else. Another life. It wouldn’t have been any less complicated, but whatever train of events had brought her here, it seemed as though they’d made it to the right place. Now they’d come full circle, the two of them in the cockpit looking out over the white planet.

Joker tried to laugh but failed. He rubbed his beard then squinted through the screen as the bright light of dawn faded.

“Sorry, I know you don’t need this shit today.”

“I’d better go get ready,” yawned Shepard, turning away from him. Standing in the corridor, on the same spot she’d fallen from two years ago, she heard Joker call her once more.

“Shepard…will you say bye to her? From me?”

She paused.

“I’ll say it for all of us.”

\---

The memorial was ugly. There was no way around that, and now they were going to be the ones responsible for putting that thing down there.

Garrus shook his head, and stood back to let the Cerberus personnel do their work.

Shepard stood to one side, chewing at her lip and frowning. She could barely keep still even in her obviously exhausted state.

“You know you don’t have to do this on your own.”

“I know that,” Shepard replied, folding her arms tightly across her chest. “But I have to be the one placing the marker. It should be me.”

Once the marker was placed they’d unload the memorial and get it sited. Not Cerberus, but everyone Shepard had recruited, with Thane the only exception. He was still in med-bay, and likely to remain there for a little while longer.

“Alright. You know where I’ll be if you need me,” Garrus told her, and Shepard glanced up at him with a strained smile that only succeeded in making her lip split open again.

“Great. Shit.” She grabbed a wad of dressing out of her suit and pressed it to her face. The initial wound had healed, and he guessed that she’d chewed herself a new one instead, fretting herself half to death over Alchera.

It wasn’t going to be pleasant, seeing the ruins of the _Normandy_ , but for her it would be something else. It had been her command, the destruction of which had cost her life, and with it a piece of his. However hard it would be for him, he could only imagine what it would be like for Shepard.

“It’s a shame we’re not taking Thane with us,” Garrus said, watching as the memorial was secured inside the shuttle. “At least he’d know what to say.”

Shepard gave a small laugh. “That’s true. I hadn’t even thought of that.”

“What, you were going to dump the memorial and leave?”

“Something like that. You got any prayers I could borrow?”

Garrus laughed. “I doubt they’d expect prayers from you. Say good bye. Then we can get the hell out of there.”

“I like that plan,” Shepard said, heading towards the shuttle.

They sat together, neither of them saying anything as the shuttle filled up. He felt Shepard’s shoulders drop when the door finally shut.

“He’d have been here if he could,” Garrus said.

Shepard remained silent.

There was an odd atmosphere in the shuttle, and he knew exactly where it was coming from. Nobody spoke a word, and the silence only deepened as they finally landed on Alchera.

Shepard was the one to break it. “Let’s get this over and done with.”

The door opened, and Garrus watched her, framed against the white snow as she stared out over the desolate landscape. She looked like a shadow, and Garrus felt the first lurch of fear as she stepped out of the safety of the shuttle, and onto the _Normandy_ ’s grave.

“Shepard?”

“I’ll see you soon,” she replied through the comm, and the door shut behind her.

Kasumi started a conversation with Tali, but Garrus found himself unable to concentrate on a single word they said, every ounce of him focussed on the sound of Shepard’s comm.

He could hear every breath she took. At one point he heard her whisper something, and Garrus closed his eyes, hoping she’d speak again.

She wasn’t alone. He was there for every step, even if he couldn’t follow alongside.

The sharp intake of breath told him she’d reached the wreck, and for painful moments he heard her fighting to breathe at a normal pace. After a moment she seemed to calm down, and Garrus felt himself relax. She’d made it.

Soon the marker would be placed, and they could say their last goodbyes.

“I’m nearly done. I think I’ve found the right place,” she said.

“Good. You put the marker down yet?” he asked.

“No. There’s something I want to check out first.”

Shepard was starting to climb. He could tell from the puffs of air she forced from her lips, breath shortening as she hauled herself and that damn armour of hers uphill.

She gave a laboured gasp. A moan of unmistakeable fear. The transmission went dead.

\---

The sky rippled with changing colours, punctuated only by the brightness of falling stars.

Shepard watched them pass overhead, and was unable to stop herself from wondering if that was what she had looked like as she’d plummeted to the ground, to lie on this very spot. Still and silent. Shrouded by snow until she had been dug up and taken away.

She ignored the blue figure trudging through the snow until he reached her. Garrus settled himself down in the snow and dangled his ungainly legs off the side of the ridge.

Shepard switched her comm back on. “Take a look behind you.” Her voice sounded strange, the sorrow still filling it.

Garrus pivoted, and went completely still.

Her old helmet lay half uncovered in the snow. Blackened, charred, the visor smashed. She’d kicked it free of the snow drift, and as she recognised what it was the horror had floored her.

They’d left it behind. She hadn’t needed it. She’d been dead.

That helmet had filled with flames, had measured the last precious gasps of oxygen before the torturous cycle of her suit stims had kicked in.

“Spirits…” Garrus reached out a hand for it, then snatched it back and turned away. “That’s… I…” His sub harmonics thrummed in her ears, his hand reached out for hers as she heard her own feelings reflected back at her.

“I think we ought to leave,” he said after a few moments. “Get this done. Do you… are we leaving that there?”

“I don’t want it.” She sighed. “It feels wrong to leave it though.”

“That thing probably saved you. If you hadn’t been wearing that, there would have been nothing left.”

“Is that a good or a bad thing?” she asked, looking out over the wreckage.

“It’s a good thing. Don’t you dare ever think differently. Without you, this universe would be a damn sight more boring. Probably less safe though. I’m not doing very well at this am I?”

Shepard gave a laugh that was almost a sob. “You’re doing fine. We’re on the same level when it comes to knowing what to say.”

“Ha. Come on, let’s move before we freeze here. Shit, I didn’t… ” Garrus groaned, and Shepard punched him in the arm.

“I knew I should have brought Krios,” she said, getting to her feet and looking down at the helmet.

Garrus seemed equally reluctant to pick it up. Eventually they both crouched down together.

It felt lighter than she remembered; though she took care not to examine it too closely as she slung it into one of the bags she carried and threw it on her back.

They slithered back down the slope together, following each other’s footsteps back towards the shadow of the ship, and the spot she had chosen.

This was it. The last goodbye. Shepard stuck the marker in the snow, and signalled the shuttle before leaning into Garrus. They both stood and stared up at the dark shards of her old ship.

“She did us proud, didn’t she.”

“You both did.”

The memorial was placed without fuss. No-one said anything as it was lowered into place, and after seconds of silence Shepard led the way back home without a backwards glance. Back to her new home, to the people she’d found on the way, and the journey still to come.

\---

When Thane woke he found he wasn't alone. There was another bed shoved up next to his and in it, curled up into a ball, was Shepard.

She was pressed against him, the hard lines of her body softened by sleep. The warmth of her was delicious. He drank it in, allowed himself to curve closer, and tangled green fingers through the black of her hair.

When she woke, trembling and whimpering against him, he held tight.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drifting apart like two sheets of ice, my love  
> Frozen hearts growing colder with time  
> There's no heat from our mouths  
> Please take me back to my refuge
> 
> Winter by Daughter


	25. Distress Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Normandy receives a distress call from a Cerberus base, and Shepard goes to investigate.

She was lost to sleep when those words found her.

“Shepard, we’re picking up a distress call.”

This was what she did. There was nothing for it but to climb free of Thane’s arms and attend to her duty.

The moment Shepard arrived in the cock pit Joker and EDI started talking at her, screens flickering into life as the message played on a loop. The human voice in the midst of it was distorted by heavy static, and something that sounded like one long electronic howl.

“What the hell am I listening to?” Shepard asked.

“EDI picked it up,” Joker told her. “From what we can tell it’s coming from a Cerberus facility on Aite, but the message is garbled to shit. Someone doesn’t want us to hear this. I’d bet my ass it’s Cerberus.”

“I would not be so quick to make assumptions, Jeff,” EDI said. “I have all known detection protocols and codes on file. This message contains none of them.”

“Then who did?” Shepard looked at the read out and tried to make sense of it. If Cerberus were calling for help then she could only guess that something had gone badly wrong. Then again, it could be another elaborate trap.

“The message has been deliberately scrambled at source using very sophisticated software. My software is better,” EDI said. “Although the facility has kept its operations secret, this software indicates the presence of a VI. I am unable to discern anything more.”

“A VI? Perfect,” Shepard muttered. She’d dealt with this kind of trouble before. “We’d better go in there, see if there’s anything we can do. How long until we arrive?”

“An hour at the most. Shepard, are you sure this is somewhere you want to go?” Joker turned his chair, and stared out at her from beneath the brim of his cap. “I don’t want to be the one that said I told you so, but this is Cerberus. Look what happened last time.”

“I know, but this is a distress call. We can’t ignore it.”

“We could.”

“We could. That’s what Cerberus would do, ignore a cry for help. Let me know when we’re close.”

She had yet to leave a cry for help unanswered. That was who she was, not what Cerberus had made her to be.

\---

The base looked undamaged. All was still as Shepard brought them to an abrupt halt before the heavy blast door.

“It is quiet around here,” Garrus said, unstrapping the harness that he had diligently slipped into the moment he climbed aboard the Hammerhead. “Think there’s anyone left to let us in?”

“Hah, like we need letting in,” Tali scoffed. Her omni-tool shivered orange light across her visor.

“Let’s go knock.” Shepard drew her visor down, waited for Garrus and Tali to grab their guns, then opened the door and stepped out onto the surface.

The air was fresh on her tongue after the confines of the Normandy. Far off she could see the purple tops of mountains, ringed by clouds. It would have been pleasant if it weren’t for the silence.

There was no call of birds. No whispering of wind in the trees. The building remained, immaculate and voiceless.

The comm burst into life with a screech of static, making all three of them start.

“Thank god you came. My name is Doctor Gavin Archer. The situation is urgent—we’re facing a catastrophic VI breakout. I’ll explain the details later, but you must retract the transmission dish! The controls aren’t far from your position. I’ve sent you the co-ordinates. Now please, you must hurry!”

“Here we go again,” Garrus muttered.

The door drew open, and they stepped in out of the brightness.

It was silent. Usually in large facilities of this type there were voices, security guards and announcements, but in there all sound had been chased away.

Gunshots marked the walls, and as they tracked round the corner they found their first corpses. There was no mistaking the blood stained Cerberus logo adorning their uniforms.

“Looks like it happened fast,” Shepard said, kneeling down beside them. “There’s no sign of resistance.”

“There’s only one way a VI could have done this. It must have had help,” Tali told them. She scanned the area with her omni-tool before summoning Chiktikka. “As I suspected. This looks like the work of the Geth.”

Shepard blinked down at the bodies. “What is Cerberus doing with Geth? EDI, if we establish a remote link could you mine their data?”

“That would not be unwise. If a VI is involved there is a possibility that my systems could be compromised.” EDI responded. “I would suggest extreme caution.”

Tali sent Chiktikka off and started scanning the area with her omni-tool as they picked forwards over the wreckage. There were still small fires burning here and there.  The smell told them that it wasn’t just the building that was burning.

Shepard felt her stomach lurch, threatening to bring her meagre breakfast back up. “Since when did Geth help VI?”

“They might not have had any choice,” Tali replied. Her omni-tool flickered out. She unholstered the light pistol she favoured.

“You mean they were hacked. That doesn’t fill me with confidence,” Garrus said. He kicked a piece of chair across the room.

A nearby screen flickered into life, and a man’s face swam into view.

“Ah, there you are. I’ve locked myself in a computer room on the far side of the base. There are Geth on the loose. A rogue VI program has seized control and…I’ve lost a lot of friends today, I’d hate to see you join them. Please, watch yourself. Now you must hurry, the dish controls aren’t far.”

“Doctor, do you have access to the security cameras? Doctor?”

The screen flashed green and died. Shepard blinked, the after image filling her eyes with its green haze. Another rogue VI. She’d fought one VI and was working with another. There was also the geth. Something must have caused them to turn.

“We’d better get the dish retracted, unless we want the _Normandy_ hacked.”

She led the way to the control room, and stopped in the doorway. There was nothing but screens and panels covered in buttons.

Garrus and Shepard could do nothing but stare. “You try that one,” Shepard said, nodding to her left. “I’ll give this one a go.”

Garrus shrugged. “I could shoot it.”

“Move out of the way,” Tali said as she shoved past them and started working over the controls. “There, that should do it.”

Shepard shrugged at Garrus, and he shrugged back.

Every screen blazed into life, green eyes staring down at them as a scream filled the air. It was the same one she’d heard back on the ship, and Shepard couldn’t help raising her gun in a useless gesture that Garrus copied.

Silence fell suddenly. Shepard lowered her gun, fear giving way to a sense of foolishness.

“What the hell was that?”

“Damn it.” Archer appeared on the screens, his face distorted. “The VI’s overridden the controls. We have to stop him. He’s trying to upload his programme off planet. Destroy the antennae inside the dish. There’s a tram on the lower level, get there as fast as you can.”

“I’m tired of being ordered around by a screen,” Garrus said, starting towards the door.

“Did you notice that?”

“What?”

Shepard stared at the blank screen where those faces had been a moment ago. “The VI just became a him.”

“You call EDI a she,” Tali pointed out, keeping pace with Shepard as she sped towards the tram.

Bodies lined their path, their faces fixed in expressions of pain and fear. The only sound was the scream of the VI as it echoed through the base’s comm system, rolling through each speaker in turn. It gave a voice to the dead.

Shepard focussed straight ahead. She’d seen death before. This was nothing new.

It wasn’t until she smelt the reek of spoilt food that Shepard realized they’d entered the canteen. Plates of rancid food lay tossed on the floor, blood and food streaked across the walls near corpses that lay splattered with their last meal.

This was no way to go out.

Garrus surveyed the area with a shake of his head. “Just when I think I’ve seen it all—“

“Get down,” Shepard ordered, springing into cover as she caught sight of movement.

She felt no satisfaction in killing the geth that swarmed out towards them. Even as she watched them fall, blasted sideways by her biotics and picked off by Garrus, there was something unsavoury about the empty slaughter. They weren’t responsible. The VI was.

They needed to get to the dish. Archer contacted them again the moment they stepped onto the rattling contraption. His voice was barely audible over the screeching of metal.

“Damn it all—he’s aligning the dish to a new upload target! He’ll have a clear line of sight to our satellite.”

To the satellite, and to EDI.

Shepard wasted no time in enjoying the view, running over the exposed walkways at breakneck pace. By the time she arrived at the satellite dish, the extent of the geth infestation had become depressingly clear.

There was no time to plan. She had to trust Garrus and Tali to follow her lead.

Shepard brought her barriers up and ploughed into the first geth she found, using herself as a diversion so that Garrus and Tali could take up position and go to work.

Geth moved on her from every direction, and Shepard changed position using one massive biotic leap. It took her closer to the control panel in the centre. She gave the geth a run around, blasted a couple with her SMG, and then moved on the centre at speed.

Garrus covered her as she crouched by the control panel and went to work.

“Archer, I’m at the control panel.”

“Ah, I’m afraid he’s already overridden that. Your best plan would be to destroy the capacitors, and take down the dish’s support struts.”

“You got that Garrus?”

“Loud and clear. I’ll keep them off you.”

She identified the closest capacitor and bounded over to it, narrowly avoiding a Prime that was waiting nearby. It fired rapidly, swotting Garrus’ bullets aside, and closed on Shepard with long strides.

She heard it approaching, moved quickly to press a sticky grenade onto the capacitor, then with a cry she threw herself directly at the Prime. The impact drove it backwards, knocking it off balance, and behind her the grenade blew. That was all she needed to escape.

Shepard powered away, running to let her biotics recover. Shots pinged at her feet. A rocket trooper dropped metres from her. She saw another looming next to her, and punched it through the eyepiece with one glowing hand.

She jumped easily over its fizzing corpse and dashed for the next capacitor. A rocket screamed past her, and Shepard felt the heat singe her hair as the explosion rocked the ground beneath her feet.

It felt flimsy. Before she could think anything else Garrus yelled a warning in her ear, and Shepard hit the floor. Another rocket trooper had found her. The rockets were raining in with alarming frequency.

There was a crack of metal, and when Shepard looked up through the smoke she saw that they had blown the cover off the second capacitor. Perfect. She took out a sticky grenade, rolled and threw it with help from her biotics before crawling clear.

“One more to go,” she shouted breathlessly, propelling herself into a high jump over a bunch of geth that had taken cover. She fired with her SMG and took them down before they’d even tracked her upwards. As they fell she stared out over the bowl of the dish.

There were less geth now, but the remainders were closing on the third capacitor. Her technique of blasting through them would be useless against three Primes.

“Change of plan.” She dropped, rolled and took out her missile launcher. “How about we make them explode, and do our work for us.”

“Ha,” Garrus laughed. “You know, I’m almost starting to think you know what you’re doing.”

Shepard took aim, and fired. The first missile caught a Prime square in the chest. The second took the head straight off a hunter before ploughing straight into the capacitor casing. Not one of the Primes had exploded.

“Garrus could you—”

There was a bright splash of flame as one of them went up. Survivors scrambled out of the ensuing fireball that engulfed the base of the support strut.

“Nice. Very nice,” Shepard said as the capacitor finally gave in. “Maybe I should find you something more difficult to do…”

The words died in her throat as she looked up. The explosion had done more damage than she’d expected. Bits of metal started to drop, and as she watched the support struts started to shear off in great disjointed chunks.

Beneath her feet the ground gave one small shudder.

Shepard started running. “Garrus, Tali, get the hell out of here. The whole thing is coming down.”

She caught sight of them, blue and purple figures, haring across the open ground as the metal started to buckle, folding in on her with dull metal thuds that she felt through her boots.

One leap forward took her past the middle. Her second leap brought her achingly close to the edge. She gathered for her third leap, every part of her body tingling as the power surged through her.

The floor dropped away. She was falling. 


	26. Credible threat

A heartbeat. The ground falling away beneath her feet.

Shepard slithered backwards, her feet losing purchase, and she knew there was no other choice. If she didn’t jump, she would die.

She gathered herself again and jumped.

For a moment she was airborne. Shrapnel tumbled past. In the distance she could see the mountains beneath a darkening sky. Then she hit the platform hard, catching a flash of blue as the breath was knocked out of her, and she came to a messy halt.

“Spirits, Shepard.”

Shepard lifted her head find Garrus spread eagled beneath her. His visor looked damaged. It was hard to tell with his armour.

“Shit, I’m sorry. Are you—?”

 “I’m fine,” Garrus said, getting slowly to his feet and checking himself over. “I ate a rocket remember. I think I can handle you throwing yourself at me.”

“Vakarian, if I ever throw myself at you, you’ll know.”

 There was the sound of approaching footsteps, and all three of them raised their guns.

Archer emerged from the dust cloud with his arms held aloft. “Hold your fire; it’s me, Doctor Archer.”

“Oh good,” Shepard muttered. “Doctor, maybe you could explain what the hell is going on here.”

“Man’s reach exceeding his grasp. Come on, I’ll explain.”

\---

The facility was quiet. Archer fidgeted beneath their gaze, twiddling his thumbs as he faced them.

Garrus folded his arms and gave him the look he usually reserved for Miranda. Tali’s posture was one of disgust. Shepard leant back against the side, and let him talk.

“This is, or was, Project Overlord. An attempt to gain influence over the geth by interfacing a human mind with a VI,” Archer said, his gaze sliding away. “The results have been less than satisfactory.”

“You call the slaughter of your entire facility less than satisfactory?” Garrus said, his voice heavy with derision. “I’d call it mass murder.”

“It wasn’t a complete failure.” Archer switched his gaze to the human, hoping for some sympathy no doubt.

Shepard stared at him, and he had enough sense to look down at his hands.

“Why not?” Shepard asked.

“We did succeed, at least partially. My brother volunteered to serve as a test subject, but his mind couldn’t handle the VI connection.”

His own brother.

“He’s like a virus now,” Archer continued. “Infecting our networks and seizing control of any technology he finds. It’s why you had to destroy the dish. Imagine if his programme got off world.”

“You did this to your brother?” Shepard heard her voice, too loud in her ears, and she caught Garrus looking at her from the corner of her eye. “You’re saying he’s like a virus? And you sit there, acting as though none of this is your fault?”

“This is valuable work, he—“

“What is his name?” Shepard asked quietly, approaching his chair.

Archer’s mouth flapped open.

She leant into his face. “What is his name?”

“D…David.”

“How do we help David? Can we shut this down?”

“David has fortified himself in the main laboratory at Atlas Station. It’s in lockdown now. To enter you need to manually override security from our facilities in the Prometheus and Vulcan stations.”

Shepard walked out of the room, unwilling to hear any more from that sorry excuse of a man. David’s scream followed them down the corridor.

\---

She was angry, angrier than she’d been in a long time. Family were precious, and the fact that this man had used his so lightly made her furious.

“Shepard?”

“What?” She checked her omni-tool, and pushed on through the darkness with Garrus and Tali in tow.

“What are we going to do with him?” Garrus asked, his voice echoing through the empty corridors of the geth ship.

“David?”

“No. Archer. Cerberus can’t get away with this crap. They’ve pulled too many stunts like this, and look where it’s got them.”

Shepard paused and listened hard. There was nothing but the steady drip of water.

Where had it got them exactly? They had her fighting for them, along with some of the most dangerous individuals in the galaxy, and they had a credible threat to the Collectors. If their goal was to protect humans then in this they had succeeded.

She thought back to the corpses they’d found and wondered if they would have agreed. If their families would agree.

 “Let’s focus on David. We can figure out the rest later,” Shepard said, glancing down the corridor marked on her omni-tool.

The floor reflected their lights back at them, and it took her a second to realize they were staring at water.

“Oh, great,” Tali said. “As if this place wasn’t bad enough. I keep expecting the geth to come after us, and now we have to go swimming?”

She sent Chiktikka out, and his reflection was smooth on the surface of the dark water, lighting up the corridor ahead of them. It didn’t seem to get any deeper, so Shepard started out after the combat drone.

“No-body will be swimming,” she said, wading in.

“Good,” Garrus responded. “Turians aren’t exactly—“

The lights blared on for a split second, and Shepard caught sight of geth in the corridor. Before she could move Garrus took her arm.

“They would have fired at us by now. What the hell is going on around here?”

A scream blared through the air, and Shepard blinked rapidly as she waded down the corridor towards the geth’s location.

They looked like all the others they’d found so far—puppets with their string cut. The only one that had shown any signs of life was the one at the entrance, encased in a force field.

It made no sense. Though the Vulcan station had contained only security mechs, they’d fought geth on their way in to find Archer, and she’d expected to find them here. Instead they lay still and silent. One of the recordings that they’d heard on their journey through Prometheus station still bothered her.

“ _The VI’s closing some passages, and leaving others open. It’s like it’s herding us_.”

The lights flickered again, and this time they stayed on, blue ribbons of light leading them down the corridor.

Shepard followed them along, head down, through a doorway and out into a cavernous space. The curved ceiling was lost in darkness that the feeble strip lights had no hope of penetrating. The shadows lay thick in the corners, and Shepard noted the dark pool of water that lay between them and their target with a flash of dread.

Though she’d been forced to swim during training, she’d hardly been a natural swimmer. Now she regarded water with deep suspicion.

“What were you saying about swimming?” Garrus asked.

“I’ll go over. You two stay here,” Shepard instructed, walking down the ramp and standing at the edge of the watery gap. Large metal platforms protruded at irregular intervals from the water. Some of them looked relatively intact, but she’d have no way of knowing how secure they were until she tried one.

She glanced down into the water and immediately wished she hadn’t. The lights gave a brief glimmer, then died. All she had to guide her was the LED on her visor.

“Perfect,” she muttered. Shepard took a deep breath, then jumped onto the closest platform. It gave a screech but held firm. The second wobbled to one side, and Shepard crouched low for a few moments before looking back at Garrus.

He was barely visible, a couple of blue lights in the dark. “You fall in and you’re on your own,” he yelled, before muttering “Ouch.”

“Thanks, Tali.”

“No problem, Shepard.”

She pivoted round to look for the next platform. It was barely visible beneath the water, one edge breaking the surface.

Shepard jumped before she could change her mind, used her biotics to nudge her forwards a fraction, and landed half in the water.

The metal was slippery beneath her gloves, and she clamped her hands over the edge as her feet sought the submerged section and some sort of stability. It was at a steeper angle than she’d realised. One wrong move would tip her into the dark water and down.

There was no way of judging the depth. It could be a waist depth. It could be metres. The only thing she was sure of was that the combined weight of her armour and guns would weigh her down and keep her down.

She had to get off the platform quickly. Shepard sidled along sideways, reached the edge and stared at the last platform. There was only one way of getting to it.

Her biotics lit the water around her. The sight was comforting, as was the familiar feeling of power as it streamed through her. She reached out, gentle pushes with her mass effect fields, and once she had gained a sense of the metal beneath her feet, Shepard jumped.

It was a small, neat jump, but one she felt proud of. In the dark, in less than stable surroundings, she’d still managed to pull it off.

“Nearly done,” Shepard said, leaping nimbly over the override switch. It rose smoothly. The screen in front of her burst into life.

“Override of Atlas station lockdown accepted,” the computer told her.

Shepard breathed a sigh of relief.

The screen went dark. A face appeared, green and distorted, as David’s scream pierced the air and set Shepard’s heart racing.

She turned, and looked out across the darkness. Small lights, like blurry stars, started to blink into life around the room. Beneath the water a constellation grew.

A geth trooper rose from the water, and Shepard felt her body react, pistol in hand, fist glowing purple before her. They were surrounded on all sides, and at the exit stood what looked like a Prime.

Shepard started firing. She hit the trooper closest to Garrus, then span to face the geth that were swarming towards her. The knife would be useless. She pulled her pulse knuckles out, and slipped them onto her hands as the first geth reached her.

They were merciless. Shepard punched one to the ground and plunged her fist through its face before rising in a smooth jump that took her over the head of two of them.

Four shots and they were down. A rocket hit the wall behind her, and Shepard felt the blast blow across her barrier with a gust of heat and shrapnel.

She moved fast, her attention half on the dark void across the water. Garrus’ blue lights were no longer visible.

“Garrus?” Shepard kicked one geth into the water, and rolled to avoid incoming fire. “You putting that reach to good use?”

“I could use a hand,” Garrus replied.

Shepard used her visor to home in on his whereabouts. Though he was holding his own, he was having to keep them off Tali. Chiktikka helped, but when it came to hand-to-hand fighting the quarian was at a distinct disadvantage.

Shepard wasted no time. Shooting those engaging him would be too dangerous, as would firing a missile. She’d have to deal with them directly, and that meant crossing the water.

With a quick glance around her, and a couple of shots, Shepard positioned herself as far away from the water as possible. Once she lit up there would be no hiding. It was a risk she had to take.

She powered herself towards the water, flared the mass effect field around her, and with an almighty push she threw herself across.

Beneath her, the purple glow of her biotics reflected in broken fragments across the surface of the water. She reached out, found the ground again, and landed gracefully beside a geth hunter.

One punch with her pulse knuckles knocked it backwards. A couple of shots disabled its legs. Shepard lifted her gaze to scan for Garrus, and heard him shout across the room.

“Shepard!”

The warning echoed through the large space. It was too late.

A pair of arms wrapped around her from behind, massive red limbs that lifted her into the air and held her there with crushing force. With her arms pinned there was little Shepard could do but watch as the Prime carried her towards the water.

There was the distinct sound of Garrus firing, to no effect. She wriggled, and threw her head backwards, but it connected firmly with unyielding armour and achieved nothing.

The Prime pulled her tighter. Shepard heard her armour give an ominous crackle. The edge was closer than she’d thought.

She gasped in a quick breath as the Prime’s feet met the water, and the blue lights of Garrus blinked out. Another step and they fell beneath the surface. Darkness surrounded her.

\---

They vanished, and Garrus lashed out. The geth stumbled back, and in the darkness he caught a glimpse of more closing in. Tali’s gun was still ringing out, but there was no way they could last long without Shepard.

If he could swim… Garrus growled, stamped a geth beneath his feet and started towards the waters edge.

“Come on, Shepard,” he muttered. If anyone could come back, it was her.

There was a faint glow beneath the water. Garrus stumbled backwards as a shot hit his shield, then looked back at the patch of light. The purple glow blazed bright. A luminous purple figure erupted out of the water.

Shepard wasted no energy on landing, rolling straight into the geth before him and knocking them aside.

When she stood, the lights flickered on, and he saw her face alight with rage. She shot the still rising geth, and then turned back towards the water with her missile launcher armed and ready. The instant the Prime raised its head above the water Shepard fired.

She was too close, but he had a feeling Shepard was long past caring. The missile caught the Prime square in the face, and it disappeared back into the depths with a couple of faint flickers.

“Let’s get to Atlas station and end this,” Shepard muttered as she took out her SMG. “Archer, we’re on our way out. If we survive, what do we do next?”

\---

He’d seen lots of angry people during his time at C-Sec. Most of them used it as an excuse to act like damn fools. Not Shepard.

She gathered it in. Her rage gave her focus, and as they moved towards the control room she gained momentum. The ghostly door command panels, sliding silently along walls, received nothing more than a cursory glance. Most people would have at least paid them some attention. Shepard was not most people.

“According to the map Archer gave us, the override’s in here,” Shepard said, the visor flickering on her face. The dip in the water must have fried its circuits. That made three this month.

“What do you think we’ll find in there?” Tali asked, and Shepard frowned at her.

“I’ve had enough surprises. Let’s go and find out.”

She took out her pistol and opened the door.

All three of them entered, turning slowly as they took the measure of the room and checked for hostiles. Mercifully it was empty.

They approached the control panel together.

“So you press this, and that’s it. We’re done. Why am I getting a bad feeling about this?” Garrus said.

“Because you’ve known Shepard long enough to know that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong,” Tali replied.

Shepard ignored them both and pressed her hand to the glowing console.

The lights dimmed, and Garrus couldn’t help looking at the door to check for incoming. There were bound to be geth that they’d missed. He looked back at Shepard.

Her hand was still on the console, but her head was thrown back as she convulsed, green light spilling across her and coming to rest in her eyes. The red had been one thing, but this was much worse.

“Shepard!” He reached out to grab her, and felt a shock run through him. His knees hit the floor. Somewhere amidst the static of his comms he could hear the VI screaming.

There were no words, just a hollowed out wail. He raised his head, and saw Shepard stumbling towards the exit. His limbs would not respond. By the time he’d forced himself upright she was at the threshold, a twitching marionette of a figure.

Garrus lurched after her. The door slammed shut, and he found himself pawing at the cold metal. There was only one thing left to do. He started cursing, launching into a stream of invective.

“Stop it,” Tali said. “We need to get out of here.”

“How? Have you tried contacting the _Normandy_ lately?”

Tali brought up her omni-tool, and he heard her small noises of frustration when she got the same response he had. “The signal is being jammed.”

Garrus paced back towards the console and sank down to stare at the door. “David isn’t going to let us out that easily. He wanted us in here. He wanted Shepard for something, or we’d never have made it in.”

“What do you mean?” Tali sent Chiktikka out to try the door before walking slowly over to him. “Why Shepard?”

“What did we just witness?”

“She…” Tali shook her head. “I’d say she got hacked. I didn’t think that was even possible.”

“This is a Cerberus facility. What are the chances they’d have access to Shepard’s medical records?” Garrus said. “We have no idea what kind of tech they put in her. David does. That’s why he wanted her in here.”

“But why? What for?” Tali asked. She paced past the console, and Garrus knew what she was thinking. If they could hack the console maybe they could save Shepard and get out of here. If only it was that simple.

Whatever Cerberus had unleashed, it wasn’t going to be contained that easily.

“Someone will come for us. They’ll find Shepard.”

“The signals being blocked,” Garrus reminded her. “Miranda will probably wait ‘til we’re an hour overdue before launching any kind of rescue.” By which time it might be too late.

He got to his feet, and approached the door. “Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way. Tali, think you can overload the door servos?”

“I can try.” She started working on her omni-tool. Garrus started searching for a suitable lever. He wrenched a length of piping off the wall, gave it an exploratory bend, then started trying to wedge it between the doors.

The door panel blinked green.

“Tali!” He was out, and following the sound of Shepard’s voice. He could hear her through the comm. Relief shot through him, followed by concern. The rage in her voice was building.

“You forced him into this. Look at him. Look at him!” she ordered.

Garrus bolted through the doors and found Shepard stood in the centre of the room, in front of what looked like a tangle of wires. There was something white and still in the midst of it. A human.

“Garrus, can you help me get him down?” Shepard asked, her eyes never leaving Archer.

“It’s not as though I planned this,” he babbled. “It was an accident. Seeing David communicate with the geth… it all seemed harmless.”

“I’m done listening to your excuses.” Shepard turned away from him, and started running her hands over the wires that supported the wasted creature at the centre of the VI. Her face was blank, but Garrus knew her better than that.

Archer stepped forwards, and Shepard pulled her gun on him without hesitation.

“I had no choice,” he said. “The demands were incredible. You of all people know what the Illusive Man expects of us.”

“What? And that makes it acceptable to treat your own family like this? Your brother? You and Cerberus won’t be getting away with this. I’m taking him with me.”

“No! Let me take care of him!” Archer begged.

Garrus looked at Shepard. Her hold on the pistol was unwavering.

“Please, Shepard. If he dies it’s unforgivable. Let me take care of him. Please.”

It was no use begging once her mind was made up. “You had your chance,” she said, putting her pistol away and turning her back to him.

Garrus heard a voice.

“Quiet. Please make it stop.”

The voice belonged to David. His eyes were pulled open, and tears trailed down the corpse like pallor of his face from the stretched white of his eyes. When he’d first seen Shepard she’d been bleached of colour. A dead woman walking. This was what Cerberus did to people. They gave life, and they took it away with equal disregard.

When this was done he was sure as hell making them pay for this.

“What do you mean?” Archer demanded. “Leave him. He’s too valuable!”

There was a pistol shot from behind them, and Garrus wheeled around to see Shepard closing on Archer, his grip on the pistol failing. Her fist was clenched, and he noted that the pulse knuckles were still in place as she drew her hand back and snapped it forwards.

The blow caught Archer square in the face, blood spraying from his mouth as he hit the floor. Shepard didn’t stop there.

She walked over to him, and pressed one foot on his windpipe. The wet noises coming from Archer told Garrus he was still alive.

“You come after him, and you have me to deal with,” Shepard spat, grinding down with her heel.

Garrus watched. One more movement and she’d kill him.

Archer’s eyes rolled in his head. He gurgled, his hands flapping feebly, and Shepard stepped off.

“Let’s get David down. _Normandy_?”

“At last. Miranda was starting to worry, and you know how annoying she is,” Joker replied.

“Tell Chakwas we’ve got incoming. She might want to clear med-bay. And have Miranda waiting for me in the shuttle bay. She needs to see this,” Shepard instructed. She didn’t meet Garrus’ inquiring gaze. It looked like she wasn’t done being angry yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a time for grown up boys  
> To make a mess of pretty things  
> To lose yourself and find  
> A peace in your good-bye  
> I lost my faith in you  
> To distant dreams of true  
> Nothing here redeems me  
> No angels to release me
> 
> I dream of falling angels  
> I dream of falling angels  
> Touching me
> 
> Falling Angels - Nitin Sawhney


	27. Unwanted Attention

Shepard could hardly stand looking at him. David lay, pallid and unmoving, on the stretcher as they carried him back to the Hammerhead. It was a relief to drive so that she had something else to focus on.

By the time they made it back to the _Normandy,_ her jaw was aching from the act of keeping quiet.

She unclenched her hands from the steering column.  There was no avoiding him any longer.

Shepard got up and stepped into the cramped compartment where Garrus and Tali sat with David. Neither of them had said anything since they’d left Aite. All she’d heard on the way back was David muttering.

“The square root of 906.1 equals…the square root of 906.1 equals…”

She swallowed the answer, and opened the door.

“What is it?” Miranda asked, leaning in. “What the…” She recoiled for a split second, and then to her credit she was in and at David’s side. “What the hell happened to him? Help me get him out of here,” she ordered, leaping out and bringing up her omni-tool.

Shepard nodded at Garrus. Together they lifted the stretcher out to the waiting Cerberus personnel. It felt like a betrayal, but this was no longer a Cerberus ship. She was already making sure of that.

“Tell me everything,” Miranda said as she strode beside the stretcher, her eyes glued to the flashing orange readouts that scrolled before her.

“His name is David Archer. He’s the brother of the scientist we found down there. He was hooked up to the geth to try and communicate with them. It didn’t end well,” Shepard said. “Everyone was dead. The geth had wiped them all out. All apart from Doctor Archer.

Maybe she should have put a bullet in his head.

“You mean David was interfaced with the VI?” Miranda asked. She looked up from the figures.

“Yes. He was the VI.”

Miranda looked down again. “If you think of anything else let me know. It’s best you don’t come in, he’s going to need quiet.”

Shepard stopped at the door to med-bay, and waited until it had closed. Her blood was humming with anger, every nerve in her body jumping as she looked at Archer’s little brother. A pale shell of a man.

Cerberus had taken everything from him, and turned him into a monster. When he’d been in her head she’d felt his pain and terror. As he had felt hers.

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, and took a deep breath. He’d been in her head. David had got into her mind, and there had been no hiding from his scrutiny as he forced her to confront the truth. They were alike. That was why he had chosen her.

Both of them had been created by Cerberus, and both of them had rebelled. She had managed to save David, but it didn’t make his intrusion any easier to bear. Instead it opened up a terrifying chasm at her feet.

Shepard turned on her heel and made for the briefing room.

There were two people waiting for her as she stepped out of the lift. Garrus and Tali.

“What is it?” she snapped, staring past them at the door. The Illusive Man was going to know exactly how she felt about his methods.

“We need to talk about what happened down there,” Garrus said. His voice was level. In fact it was strangely calm.

“No, _we_ don’t. Now if you’ll—“

“Krios,” Garrus said. Shepard stiffened. She knew Thane was stood next to her, and that there would be no easy escape.

“Fine. We can talk in the briefing room,” she said, keeping her eyes on her blue eyed bastard of a friend.

“Your cabin would be safest. That way no-one can listen in,” Tali added, and Shepard ground her teeth together in frustration.

She stamped back into the elevator, fists bunched as she leant against the wall and waited for them all to enter. Thane moved to her side, and she felt concern win out over irritation.

“How are you feeling?” she asked him. Thane turned to examine her. His gaze shifted restlessly over her face, searching her eyes before facing back towards the door.

“I am relieved to be out of med-bay.”

It seemed he no longer wished to look at her. Shepard returned the favour and stared at the back of Garrus’ head.

The moment the doors opened she stalked out and straight into her quarters with everyone else in tow.

It was quiet in there. Everything was exactly as she’d left it. Neat piles of datapads on the side. An empty biscuit packet by the bed. It felt like home, and suddenly Shepard wanted to be alone, hiding beneath her sheets in a tight ball of misery.

Instead she looked back at her friends.

“What did you want to say?” Shepard demanded.

“David hacked you, didn’t he?” Garrus said. “He knew he could do it. That’s why he let you get so close.”

She glanced at Thane. His face was blank, but his eyes never left her.

“I think so. If you could call it that.” Shepard raised her hands to her head. “He was in here, and there was nothing I could do. It was…”

She bit her lip, then looked up at Garrus. He looked back at her, and she knew exactly what he was thinking. “If he got in my head, then who else can? He was made by Cerberus after all. He must have known something, about my implant or…”

She strode to her bedside table, and started scrabbling through her drawer, throwing things on the floor as she searched. The data stick she’d kept for black mailing Cerberus was tucked away at the back.

“I can’t wait. I have to know,” Shepard muttered, heading towards the door.

Thane moved slowly to block her path. “Siha, the Illusive Man rebuilt you. If you go to him and make him aware of your knowledge, he will have no choice but to act. You will be handing him another weapon.”

There was no disputing his logic. Angry as she was, dragging herself in there and yelling at the Illusive Man would fix nothing. “What do we do now?”

Tali brought up her omni-tool and started scrolling through information. “We need to act fast. Archer could still make contact with the Illusive Man and tell him everything that happened. But, if my theory is correct, we can stop this happening again.”

“You already have a theory?” Shepard went and sat down on her sofa, her eyes closing as she let her tired body sink into the cushions. Even with her armour on, she could have happily fallen asleep there. A weight pressed the cushions down next to her. She knew without looking who it was.

“David is going to need specialized care, correct?” Tali continued. “We can’t give him that here, and we can’t take him through the relay with us.”

Shepard opened her eyes and focussed on Garrus. He stood opposite her, his arms folded, and she recognized his worry with weary familiarity. She was seeing that look all too often lately.

“So what are you suggesting we do with him?”

“We take him to the Grissom Academy. From what I’ve heard, they’d be able to help him. And whilst we’re there we can do some research on your biotics.”

Garrus looked at Tali. “Mordin said scans wouldn’t tell us anything.”

“The scanning equipment on board the _Normandy_ isn’t designed for biotic testing, but according to these documents the Grissom Academy boasts some of the best diagnostic equipment in the galaxy.”

Tali folded her arms, and Shepard got the distinct impression she was staring at her. They all were.

“Then that’s where we’ll go. EDI?”

“Yes, Shepard.”

“Ask Joker to lay in a course for the Grissom Academy. Get us there as fast as possible.”

“Yes, Commander.”

Thane shifted next to her, and Shepard saw him straighten. “If the Illusive Man finds out what we are planning, he will have no choice but to use any options at his disposal.”

“Then we make sure he doesn’t find out,” Garrus said.

Shepard got slowly to her feet, walked across the room, and started putting her armour on the desk where Garrus was leaning. “Happy now?” she muttered, smacking him with her greaves.

“Sure.” He flicked his mandibles in an expression she knew was aimed at Thane, and loped out of the room. Tali followed him out. That just left Thane.

“This is my own fault,” Shepard muttered, turning her back to him. “I thought things couldn’t get any worse. I’m dead, the Alliance thinks I’m a terrorist, the Reapers are moving again and now the Collectors are targeting earth. Oh, and Cerberus—“

Thane’s hands were on her shoulders. Shepard dragged in a ragged breath and closed her eyes. He undid the armour there, placed it carefully on the desk, and then laid his hands on her hunched shoulders. She couldn’t bear it.

“Have you made your recording for Kolyat yet?” Shepard asked, stepping away from his touch and shoving her thoughts forcefully away in a different direction. Crying in Thane’s arms would solve nothing.

“Not yet. Things aren’t going as well as I would hope,” Thane replied, and Shepard paused to glance at him. He was not looking at her. His attention was fixed on his hands.

“I’m sorry. Is there…can I help?”

Thane frowned. “No. Have you heard anything from Miss T’Soni?”

That was easier to deal with. Shepard slipped her boots off and padded across the room to her desk where she collected a small stack of datapads. She sat down on the sofa, and laid them out carefully on her coffee table before speaking.

“Here’s everything she’s found out so far. This is the banker, you already know him. Here’s a record of his private transactions. A large sum of money was deposited in his account here, and again after the package was released.”

Shepard tapped the second datapad as Thane looked over the first. “The banker received some messages, and he also had a visitor the day each payment appeared. The data archives had been scrubbed, but Liara managed to find this image. Here.”

Thane sat down beside her and took the datapad from her fingers. “I do not know him. I have contacts that might.”

“Already taken care of,” Shepard said. “He’s a broker by the name of Darren Marlow. He has a talent for fraud and blackmail, going by his records. Liara’s tracking him, but—”

“But?” Thane put the datapad down, and Shepard handed him the third one. It was just a suspicion, but everything pointed at it being correct. She saw shock flit across Thane’s face.

“The Shadow Broker,” Thane said. “I must check on Kolyat.”

“Already taken care of.” Shepard met his gaze. “You were asleep when this arrived, so I took care of it. Some old friends of mine are keeping an eye on him. He’s safe.”

Thane stared at the datapad, and she saw that his mask had slipped. Beneath the blankness she saw fear, and pain, and the lingering traces of something she had come to recognise. Regret.

“It looks like the Shadow Broker is using him to get to you. Either as bait, or control.”

All emotion drained from Thane’s face. He got to his feet and paced the room, coming to a halt before the fish tank. “As if the destruction of my family wasn’t enough. They took my wife, they have my son within their sights, and still they want more.”

 _They’ll get more_ , Shepard thought. She watched him, his eyes bright with reflected light, his back to her. She’d spent so long running, as had he.

Shepard walked across the room. She laid her hands on his shoulders, and leant her head against his back. His heart was loud against her ear. The warmth of him ebbed through his clothes, and she let herself give into it, fitting her body against his.

“When Garrus told me what happened I was worried for you,” Thane said. His voice throbbed through his chest, and Shepard closed her eyes.

“Even after all this time, I still find myself shocked by the lengths they go to. They want me to be their puppet,” she replied.

“That would defeat the purpose of bringing you back from the dead. It is you they wanted fighting for them, not some cipher. I can only assume it is a safeguard of some kind.”

Shepard sighed. “That would make sense.”

Thane shifted, and Shepard stood back as he turned to face her. “My apologies, siha. I must go and rest.”

“Can I fetch you anything?” Shepard asked. “I could bring you some tea, or—“

“I will be fine. You need to rest.” He slipped one hand onto her hip, and pulled her into an embrace. “You are an exceptional creature, siha. Now, get some sleep. You will need to be awake for these tests.”

“You’ll come with me though. For the tests.” She raised her head from its place on his shoulder and found herself staring into his dark eyes. She’d never been this close to him, to the curve of his lips and the textured surface of his beautiful skin. It was intoxicating.

“Of course.” Thane released her, his hand lingering on her side. “Goodnight, Cora.”

“Goodnight.” He left, pausing only to glance back at her.

Once he was gone Shepard stripped her bodysuit off and clambered into her sleep clothes. She was bone tired, but there was still one last thing left to do before she could let sleep claim her.

\---

The med-bay windows were opaque, to keep out unwanted attention. Shepard sent the message on her omni-tool. A second later the doors opened.

“Come in,” Miranda said, glancing behind her. The doors sealed shut behind them, and Shepard looked over at the white screens surrounding one of the beds.

“How’s he doing?”

“We’ve got him under sedation. I see we’re heading for the Grissom Academy,” Miranda said, examining her carefully.

“Yes.” Shepard shifted her weight as she sized Miranda up, wondering where her loyalties would fall on this occasion.

“It’s the best place for him. I’ve heard their programmes for biotics are exceptional. He’ll be well cared for.”

There was a restless mutter from behind the screen. A whimper, and then silence.

“I noticed that you’ve been in touch with Doctor Narin,” Miranda said, not looking at her. Her voice was barely audible. Shepard knew Miranda read most of the ships transmissions, but she hadn’t expected her to care about this one.

The negotiations with Narin had gone well so far. He was eager to continue his work on Kepral’s, and he’d forwarded her a list of requirements that she knew word for word. The amount of money needed was incredible, but she’d already started calling in favours. Should everything go according to plan, the new lab would be up and running within weeks.

“Yes,” Shepard replied tightly. “And?”

“There are a couple of projects I could divert funds from. It would get you set up faster. Besides, it’s the least I can do.”

Shepard stared at her. Miranda was watching the screen around David, and the look on her face jolted her memory. When Shepard had first swum into consciousness, the first person she’d seen through the blur was Miranda. She had looked down at her with an expression that reassured Shepard even as alarms started to blare, and she sank once again.

“What about your sister?” Shepard whispered.

“Cerberus won’t even notice.”

The smallest act of defiance. It was everything Shepard needed to know.

“The Alliance could hide her, if you wanted. I still have some friends,” she told Miranda.

Miranda smiled. “If we make it back, I’ll consider it.”

Shepard nodded, took one last look at the hidden bed, and left to climb into hers. David couldn’t reach her there.

 

 


	28. Eye for an eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard finds the truth behind her implant, and Garrus has some old ghosts to contend with.

Both of them paced. Both of them were there for the same reason. Yet neither of them wanted to say a word.

Garrus had given up watching somewhere around the third test. The Grissom Academy was impressive, the facilities spotless, and the staff attentive. It only served to aggravate Shepard’s nerves. She had started chewing her lip again, even after Thane had slipped one arm around her waist.

They hadn't been allowed in with Shepard. Instead they’d been shunted off into a small waiting room that looked out over the test suite.

On the other side of the glass, dressed in a thin medical smock, sat Shepard. She was perched on a bed trying to look bored. From her lack of response, Garrus gauged that the glass was a one way mirror.

Thane prowled back and forth, his eyes never leaving Shepard.

“I hate this crap,” Garrus said, stretching his legs out in front of him. “If I ever get the chance I’m going to tear the Illusive Man’s head off. You want in on that?”

“Yes. Provided we make him suffer first.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal.”

Shepard rubbed her face, then snapped to attention as Mordin emerged from a side room. Another moment and they vanished away together.

Thane turned to look at Garrus. “Have you considered a back-up plan, in case they fail to find anything of use?”

“Mordin will find something.” Garrus had not allowed himself to consider failure. If Mordin and the experts at the Academy couldn’t shut the back door into Shepard’s brain, then he doubted anyone could. Except those that had put it in there and that wasn’t an option. “Has she talked to you about any of this yet?”

“No.” Thane said. He turned his back on Garrus. “She needs time. Cerberus have pushed her too far, she has to come to terms with their actions. She will come to you, when she’s ready.”

“Huh. I hope you’re right.”

The door opened, and Shepard came in, tugging at her uniform.

“We’re done. Mordin wants to look at the results here,” she told them, glancing through the glass and catching sight of the the bed where she’d been sat. Shepard raised her chin and looked at them defiantly. “I’m fine.”

Garrus and Thane said nothing.

The door opened again, and Mordin entered, followed by Tali and one of the doctors he’d been working with.

“Shepard, have results. Surprising, think you should look. Make of them what you will,” Mordin babbled as he waved his omni-tool in the air.

One wall lit up as the other lights died. An image of Shepard blazed on the screen. It showed the delicate tracery of eezo nodules, along with the implant and amplifier they connected to.

“Tests indicate implant and amplifier not calibrated properly. Probably due to nature of Shepard’s awakening. Explains the overload issue. Easily remedied. There is one other issue. Very serious. Could have implications,” Mordin told them.

Thane shifted, and Garrus saw him draw closer to Shepard.

“What?” Shepard asked. “What is it?”

“Asked Commander Lawson to join us.”

“I thought we agreed that we weren’t getting anyone else involved,” Garrus said, and Shepard shot him a look of concern as Miranda sauntered in. Everyone stared at her. Miranda ignored them.

“Get to the point, Mordin,” Shepard ordered.

Miranda looked up at the screen, then over at Mordin. “Why did you call me here?”

“Shepard reported infiltration by VI on Aite. Had to look at all possibilities. Found something Miss Lawson here might know more about. Doctor Magoro?” Mordin said, stepping aside to let the doctor through.

“This is the sequencing inside Shepard’s amp,” the doctor said as she drew forwards. “It modulates the signal, and allows Shepard control over the input coming from the implant.”

Doctor Magoro tapped at the screens, and the image on the screen faded to be replaced by a schematic of Shepard’s amplifier, overlaid by a glowing sequence of code. “As you can see from these sections it hasn’t been calibrated properly. This explains some of the problems you described.”

Shepard looked at Garrus and gave a small shrug, a smile playing across her lips.

“It’s this section here that gives us cause for concern. Hidden in here is a back door programme.”

“Those bastards,” Miranda snapped. “I can’t believe they went behind my back on this.”

“What do you mean behind your back?” Shepard asked, approaching the screen.

“They tried to get me to put a control chip in you, but I refused. I couldn’t let them do that to you. Not after my father—“

“Can we do something about this?” Shepard interrupted. “Mordin?”

“Replace your amp. Recalibrate your implant. If they aren’t—“

“They creep into Shepard’s head and they do what they want. They make _you_ do what _they_ want,” Garrus said. Cerberus would do whatever it took to achieve their goals. He’d been willing to overlook that with Shepard in charge. It was her operation, until she did something Cerberus didn’t agree with.

“Surely it can’t be that simple,” Shepard breathed. She looked around at all of them, her restless gaze coming to rest on Thane for a long moment before shifting to Garrus.

“You should be safe for now,” Miranda said. “You’re doing what they want anyway, and they won’t know about David for at least another twenty-four hours, by which time we can get you to the Citadel and get the amp replaced.”

Mordin tapped his chin before bringing up another image. “Have Shepard’s profile. Custom amplifiers could be ready with improved specifications by then. I could fit it. Less chance of tampering. Fool proof. Cerberus proof even.”

Everyone looked to Shepard. She folded her arms, stood straight and smoothed any emotion from her face. “Why won’t they know about David?”

Miranda almost smiled. “I asked EDI to get into their software and do as much damage as possible.”

“So you knew about the hack?”

“Of course I did. I was in the midst of my own investigation. Here.” Miranda called up her omni-tool. “Mordin, I’m sending you all the data I have on the Lazarus Project. To my knowledge it was complete. I guess I was wrong. If you want to send your order for the amp I’d suggest you do it from here. I’d also suggest you use an untraceable bank account.”

The lights came on, and the image on the screen died.

Shepard started rubbing the back of her neck. “So, we have a plan?”

Mordin nodded.

“Good. Then let’s go.”

\---

Beneath the blankets, Shepard used her fingers to trace the outline of her amp over and over. She hated it. There was a Cerberus logo on there somewhere, embedded under her skin along with however many others they’d stuck inside her.

Mordin had offered to go through the data with her. It was a kind offer, but one she was in no rush to take up.

Shepard sighed, pulled the covers tighter over her head, and squeezed her eyes shut. It was still there. Cerberus could still get at her.

Her omni-tool beeped. It was Garrus.

_I know you’re still awake. I need to talk to you. It’s important._

Shepard pushed the covers back, and gulped in some cool air before replying.

_I’ll be right there. Want a drink?_

She was dragging thick socks on when the reply came.

_I’m not sure warmed up lactic fluid will help with this one._

“I am never drinking milk again,” Shepard muttered. She pulled her hoodie on, and set off for the mess hall.

It was empty. No Cerberus personnel. No Thane sat at the table. She had hoped to see him there, but he’d be asleep by now.

She made a pot of tea, grabbed a couple of energy bars and shuffled down to the forward battery.

It smelt like home. Gun oil, the metallic tang of cleaning fluids and the faint scent of soldering. It was everything she loved about Garrus.

When she shouldered the curtain aside, she found him sat on the side of his bed staring down at his talons.

“What is it?” she asked. Garrus didn’t raise his head, so she got onto the bed and sat cross legged beside him. He faced resolutely away.

“Do you remember Sidonis?”

That was a name she couldn’t forget. Garrus had told her everything, from the betrayal to the aftermath she’d walked in on. She could understand his feelings being a little rough around the issue. “Yes.”

“I’ve found a lead on him. There’s a specialist on the Citadel, name’s Fade. He’s an expert at helping people disappear.” Garrus tilted his head towards her. “Sidonis was seen with him.”

“So we find Fade, we find Sidonis. Then what?” She leant down and poured herself a cup of tea from the tray she’d left on the floor.

Garrus waited until she was done before speaking again. “You humans have a saying. An eye for an eye. A life for a life. He owes me ten lives, and I plan to collect.”

She knew exactly where this was going. In his position she’d probably want the same thing, but this was different. This was her best friend taking his revenge with her as an accomplice.

“If that’s what you want.”

“It is. I don’t need you to agree with me, but I’d like your help.”

Shepard nodded and tried to keep her voice neutral. “You know I’m always here for you. Where do we find Fade?”

“I’ve arranged a meeting. But first we need to get you seen to.” Garrus sat back on the bed, lifted one leg and pivoted round to face her. “How’s that going, knowing they can crawl in at any second?”

“Honestly? It’s shit,” Shepard said. She took a gulp of hot tea and shifted so that she could lie back against the wall without spilling tea down herself. Her legs tangled with Garrus’. “I keep wondering if they’ve already been in, if anything I do is because I choose to do it. Have I been acting differently?”

“No. You’re just as crazy as usual,” Garrus said, nudging her leg. “We’ll get through this. We always do.”

Shepard sighed, took another sip of her drink and closed her eyes. “I didn’t sign up for any of this. I joined up so other people could tell me what to do, so other people could make the big decisions for me. Sometimes…”

When she opened her eyes Garrus was examining her closely. “You were saying something?”

She toyed with her cup for a moment before confessing. “Sometimes I want to run away and pretend this isn’t happening. I want to be like everyone else, looking up at the sky and thinking that the people up there are doing whatever it takes to keep everyone safe. But they’re not, are they?”

Shepard shook her legs free of Garrus’ and put her cup down on the tray.

“No, but you can,” he told her.

“Because I have to, because nobody else is damn well doing it.” She rubbed her face, scratched at the scars on the back of her neck and hunched over the side of the bed. “I never wanted to be the one making the big decisions. I just wanted to feel safe.”

“Safety is an illusion. You know that as well as I do.”

“The feeling isn’t.” Shepard got to her feet and scooped up the tray. “Get some rest. We’ll be with Sidonis soon enough. You need a clear head for a good shot.”

“Ha. Nice try. I doubt I’ll be the only one not sleeping. When you’re still awake in three hours come back, and next time bring a pack of cards.”

She pulled the curtain back, then hesitated. “You’d tell me if I was acting odd, right?”

Garrus looked up from the gun he was reassembling and gave her one of his crooked grins. “I would be the first to say something. If it makes you feel any better we could come up with a code. Something military perhaps?”

“Like what?”

“Cerberus crazies incoming?”

“Always with the sweet talk,” Shepard muttered. Garrus went back to his task, and she let the curtain fall between them. It wasn’t her that was acting differently. It was him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Underneath the skin there's a human  
> Buried deep within there's a human  
> And despite everything I'm still human  
> But I think I'm dying here
> 
> Human by Daughter  
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> Thank you all for being so patient with me, I should be updating now nano is done.


	29. No more words

Shepard called her crew up individually, running through every last bit of preparation before their arrival at the Citadel. The _Normandy_ was ready. Her crew wasn’t.

Garrus hadn’t even managed to muster up his usual enthusiasm for the Thanix cannon. She knew where his thoughts lay. Somewhere on the Citadel. The same place they’d be a few hours from now.

Thane was still out of action, though almost fully recovered. She checked her omni-tool, hoping for a message, then went back to her weapons. Her knives were pristine. She picked out a set of knuckle dusters just in case, then went to lay her clothes out.

Once again she’d decided against full armour for the Citadel. It seemed over the top, considering she wasn’t supposed to be the one getting shot. Shepard frowned as she caught sight of her Garrus holo.

It was no good worrying about him. She’d be with him every step of the way, for better or for worse.

Shepard switched her thoughts back to Mordin and his instructions. They were to collect the new amplifier from the asari artisan they’d contacted back at the Grissom Academy, a clandestine transaction completed through Thane’s shadowy web of bank accounts. They’d chosen the best available—built completely to her own personal specs.

Once that was collected they would meet Mordin at a private clinic where he would complete installation. There was only the small matter of Sidonis to deal with first. And one other thing. Still no message. Damn it, there was still time.

Shepard got dressed, sat down at her desk, and waited.

\---

She couldn’t believe she was doing this. Walking out into the crowded walkways to help her best friend murder someone.

Her attempts at cajoling him out of it had gone unnoticed. Instead Garrus wound himself tighter into the twist of revenge that gripped him, leaving Shepard to try and tease it apart.

Somewhere above her Garrus was setting up. He’d be taking out his beloved gun, running the usual checks before getting into position, and all for the wrong reasons.

Shepard forced herself not to glance upwards as his voice sounded through her comm.

“Shepard? Can you hear me?”

“Yes.” She paced across the expanse of space, glancing at the shoppers as they passed. A woman chatted to a friend. Nearby a young asari laughed as she looked at her new purchases.

“Alright, there he is.” There was throb to Garrus’ voice, and Shepard scanned around. A turian matching Sidonis’ description sat hunched on a nearby bench.

“Lead him over and keep him talking.”

Sidonis caught her eye, and Shepard gestured for him to approach her. He didn’t look anything like she’d expected. This turian looked worn and wary, looking about with quick, tremulous, flicks of his mandibles.

When he reached her and spoke, he voice was weary. “Let’s get this over with.”

“You’re in my shot,” Garrus warned her. “Move to the side.”

She hesitated. Garrus wouldn’t miss. He would kill someone who used to be his friend. He would make the same mistake she had.

“Listen Sidonis, I’m here to help you.”

The name made him flinch, eyes staring wildly round. “Don’t ever say that name aloud.”

“I’m a friend of Garrus’. He wants you dead. I don’t think that’s necessary.”

Sidonis started to weave, and Shepard moved with him, conscious of the sights trained on the back of her head, and the angry marksman with his finger on the trigger.

“Garrus? Is…is this some kind of joke?” Sidonis said, his voice high with fear.

“Dammit Shepard, if he moves I’m taking the shot,” Garrus said.

Shepard stood her ground. She had faith in him to see he was wrong. Surely there was no way he could fail to see that through his scope, and she had to trust in that.

“You’re not kidding are you?” Sidonis seemed to have shrunk before her. This was no enemy. She had killed many creatures, and almost all of them she had deemed to be a threat of one kind or another. Sidonis was not one of them.

“I’m not sticking around here, tell Garrus I had my own problems. Tell him­—“

“Don’t move,” Shepard ordered, grabbing his shoulder and yanking him to a halt. “Look, I’m the only thing standing between you and a hole in the head. Now keep still.”

“Fuck.” Sidonis stared at her, utterly motionless. “I didn’t want to do it, you know. I didn’t have a choice.”

“Everyone has a choice,” Garrus spat.

“They got to me. They said they’d kill me if I didn’t help,” Sidonis pleaded. “What was I supposed to do?”

“Let me take the shot, Shepard, he’s a damn coward.”

“So you did this to save yourself?” Shepard asked, ignoring Garrus.

“Yes. Look, I know what I did,” Sidonis said. “I know they died because of me. I have to live with that. I wake up every night, sick, sweating, each of their faces staring at me. Accusing me. I’m already a dead man. I don’t sleep. Food has no taste. Some days I just want it to be over.”

“Just give me the chance,” Garrus snarled.

Shepard looked at Sidonis and felt her own regret. “You have to let this go, Garrus. He’s paying for his mistake. He deserves another chance.”

“Bullshit. He hasn’t paid enough,” Garrus argued. “He still has his life.”

“And what is he going to do with that exactly? Does he look like a threat to you? Is killing him going to help anyone?” Shepard asked as she turned to look up at the balcony where her friend waited. “Will it help you sleep?”

“My men…they deserved better.”

“We don’t always get what we deserve,” she murmured.

“Tell Garrus…I guess there’s nothing I can say to make it right,” Sidonis mumbled.

Shepard looked back at him, and Garrus spoke.

“Just…go. Tell him to go.”

Shepard forced her sorrow away at the sound of his voice and the pain she heard rippling through it.

“Sidonis?” She put her hand on his shoulder, and he flinched at the contact. “He’s giving you a second chance. Not everyone is so lucky. Use it.”

He nodded and stepped away from her. “I’ll try. I’ll make it up to him…somehow.”

She waited until he’d gone before heading back, her feet heavy as she climbed the stairs.

Garrus was waiting. “I know you want to talk about this, but I don’t. Not yet.”

Shepard stared at him. “There are some mistakes you don’t come back from. You made the right choice.”

“Really? I’m not so sure.” Garrus turned away and looked out over the walkway.

Shepard shrugged. “Give it time. You’ll see.”

“Yeah. Maybe that’ll be enough.”

They both stood, watching the world pass by beneath them.

“I want to know I did the right thing, not just for me. For my men. They deserved to be avenged. But when Sidonis was in my sights I just couldn’t do it,” Garrus said, his eyes fixed firmly on the people below.

“It isn’t easy, not when it’s someone you know. Things get complicated.” She’d seen complicated. She was still living with the consequences years later, the sure knowledge of a blade sliding into someone you called a friend and the look of surprise as the life flickered from their eyes.

Garrus had been spared that at least.

“It’s so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey…I don’t know what to do with grey.”

“We’ll get through this, I promise.” She leant into his side for a moment, then straightened. “Come on. I’ve still got things to do.”

“Yeah. I need some distance. Maybe I’ll go find a bar. Have a couple of drinks. That will do nicely.”

There was something there in the undercurrent of his voice, something that made Shepard hesitate.

“I’m going back to the ship. Are you coming?”

Garrus avoided her gaze. “I thought you were going to meet Mordin, get your implant cleaned out.”

“No. There’s someone I need to see first.”

“Then I guess I’ll see you later,” Garrus said, not even bothering to look back as he walked away.

Shepard watched him, weighing up the options she had left to her before coming to a decision. He needed some time to work through whatever was going on in his head, and if he still hadn’t surfaced by the time she woke, well, she knew what to do. And where to find him.

\---

The reply arrived on the way back. Shepard paced in the corridor, her eyes fixed on the adjoining passage at the end. After long minutes she saw the C-Sec officers march into view, amongst them the young drell. One of the officers pointed at her, and Kolyat walked over, dragging his feet.

“Oh, it’s you. You want something?”

Shepard kept her face blank. “There was something I wanted to ask you. It’s about your father,” she added as he started to walk away.

“What about him?” Kolyat folded his arms and stared at her.

“I wanted to ask you if you’d like to see him.”

“What? Now?”

“Yes. Now,” Shepard said. She could see now why things hadn’t been going as Thane hoped.

“I’ve got work to do,” Kolyat said. Before he could walk away Shepard was in his path.

“Thane is your father. I know he’s made mistakes, but he’s family, and that has to count for something,” she said.

Kolyat sneered, and any resemblance to his father vanished beneath the expression of contempt. “What would you know about family?”

“Nothing,” Shepard admitted. “But I do know this might be your last chance.”

He weighed up her words, eyes flicking to the ship outside then back at her as he weighed up the implications of what she was saying.

“Fine. I’ll see him. Think you can find someone else to take me? I wouldn’t want to take up any more of your precious time.”

“Kelly?” Shepard turned away from Kolyat. “There’s a guest here for Sere Krios. Could you escort him to Life Support?”

“Right away, Commander.”

Kelly appeared within moments, and her face lit up at the sight of the drell. “This way,” she gushed.

Shepard didn’t watch them leave. She had an appointment to keep.

\---

The gentle voice of an asari floated through her mind, and for a moment Shepard felt confusion flood through her drugged brain.

“Commander?”

She forced her eyelids open. Shepard saw the slightly hazy features of Mordin and the asari float into view. Those drugs had certainly done their job.

“You might experience some disorientation,” the asari said gently. “But we do need to check you before you go.”

“Alright.” Shepard grinned broadly. “What did you have in mind?”

“Language functions unimpaired. Cognitive functions unaffected,” Mordin murmured as he circled her with a scanner in hand. “Operation a success. Thank you, help much appreciated. Commander?”

“Mmm?” She opened her eyes again and got slowly to her feet. The room swayed uncomfortably, and Shepard was forcibly reminded of the reason she stopped taking drugs. Being able to stand straight during a fight was a definite bonus. “Mordin, I’m not sure I’m going to make it back just now. Maybe we could—“

“Up and at ‘em, Shep.” Kasumi appeared and looped her arm round her waist. “The good doctor here thought you might need a hand getting home. Well, I could hardly resist the offer. I mean, look at you. You’d never get anywhere in this state. I bet you make a terrible drunk.”

Shepard let the words wash over her. She stumbled to the transport and only woke up when they’d stopped near the _Normandy_. She was an easy target, but even that thought couldn’t clear the fog that had settled over her.

“Almost home, Shep.”

She heard Kolyat’s voice float by. “See you, Commander.” There was a definite sneer to it, and Shepard let her head loll as the cruel truth of his words sank in. She knew nothing about family. Nothing at all.

\---

Cool fingers traced over her forehead, brushing down the side of her face.

“Cora.”

She remembered stumbling to bed and nothing beyond it. Shepard batted at the hand and opened her eyes to find Thane sat on her bed. He withdrew his hand slowly.

“Mordin asked me to check on you. The drugs should be wearing off.”

Shepard propped herself up on her elbow and took a sip of water from the glass at her bedside table. She could control her limbs again, and the fuzziness seemed to have vanished, leaving a deathly thirst in its wake.

“They are,” she said. “I guess we’re going to have to do those tests again.”

“From what I can gather you will be at an advantage. Your new amplifier is impressive.”

“You should know, you paid for it. I’ll repay you once this is—“

“There is no need, siha,” Thane interrupted. “I would consider it an honour if you accepted it as a gift.”

Shepard put her drink down, caught sight of the holo and sat up quickly. “EDI?”

“Yes, Shepard?”

“Is Garrus on board?”

“Garrus is not aboard the ship. He is currently located in the Purgatory bar.”

“How long have I been asleep?” Shepard asked, meeting Thane’s concerned gaze.

“Four hours, fifty-one minutes and s—“

“That’s all, EDI.” Shepard threw back the covers and got to her feet, pausing for a moment as she gauged the extent of drugs in her system. The effect had faded and she felt the slight prickle as her biotics responded before she tamped down on them.

“Is something wrong?” Thane asked, getting to his feet and following her around the room. He followed her searching gaze and brought the top she was looking for, flipping it the right way with one clean movement.

Four hours, fifty-one minutes for a couple of drinks, not including the time it took to recalibrate her implant and install her new amp. She would have to go and dig Garrus out of whatever hole he’d fallen into.

“It’s Garrus. He went looking for revenge on the guy that betrayed his squad, and I talked him out of it,” Shepard said as she pulled the top on and crammed her feet into her boots. “I thought he might need some time to himself. I didn’t think he’d need carrying back.”

She took Thane’s hand and pressed a quick kiss onto his cheek. “I should go and get him. You can wait here if you’d like.”

Thane glanced down at her hands slipping from his. “I must meditate on my meeting with Kolyat. Be careful, siha. You are not at your best.”

She hadn’t been at her best in a long time. The only difference now was that she could almost feel it, the sure knowledge that it she had everyone at her side for the challenges ahead then she would be. She’d always worked best as part of a team. Not as Commander Shepard, sailing singlehandedly round the galaxy saving the day, but as part of something bigger.

“I know. But he needs me. I won’t be long.”

She left Thane in the elevator, taking careful, deliberate, steps through the Citadel until she reached the bar.

Once there it was easy to find Garrus. She simply picked the corner she would have chosen.

“A couple of drinks?” Shepard sat down next to Garrus and peered at him through the shadows. The table was littered with empty glasses. A puddle of purple liquid oozed off the side and dripped onto the floor at her feet. Garrus was tilted to the side, one elbow propped on the seat beside him.

“You offering?” he slurred. An asari waitress bobbed over and Shepard ordered.

Once she’d gone, Shepard sat back and kicked Garrus in the shin. “What are you doing? We have a bar on the ship, not that I’ve visited it.”

“We do. We also have a thief living in there, and I’m not in the mood for talking.”

The waitress bustled back over. She gave Garrus his usual, then put a handful of shot glasses down in front of Shepard.

“Here’s to your men,” she said, raising the shot glass in front of her.

Garrus straightened up and took the glass from her fingers. “You don’t have to do this.”

“No, I don’t. And neither do you. Let’s go back.”

“No.” Garrus threw the glass across the dance floor and Shepard watched it skitter beneath the dancer’s feet before vanishing under a table.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Shepard said, shifting away from him and picking up another drink. “Did I piss you off earlier? I hope so.” She raised the glass to her lips and poured the liquor down her throat, regretting it instantly.

Garrus looked away. “I should have killed him. You should have let me kill him.”

“This isn’t like you,” Shepard said. “I don’t know what is going on in that head of yours, but I’m staying here and drinking until you tell me.” She raised another glass and swallowed the contents with a shudder.

The remnants of the drugs were starting to combine with the liquor, giving everything an odd shimmer. Colours felt brighter. Her skin was humming. What the hell had she ordered?

Garrus took his drink, downed it in one messy gulp. “You ever heard of Corpalis Syndrome?”

Shepard shrugged.

“It’s a turian thing. Real nasty. It takes your brain…it takes everything you are and it destroys it one bit at a time. All you’re left with is an empty shell.” Garrus looked up at her. “My mother has it. She was diagnosed a while ago, and here I am at the other end of the galaxy. Shit.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Shepard said. “Garrus—“

“I know. I know. I’m no use to her anyway. May as well let Sol deal with it, she was always better at this.”

He looked lost, and Shepard clenched her jaw as she searched through the options, giving her own feelings no quarter. She couldn’t keep him at her side forever. She’d always known that.

“You don’t have to come through the relay. We could stop by Palaven. You could—“

Garrus turned and looked at her. His visor was shimmering on his face, streaks of blue and grey blurs, and Shepard blinked furiously in a bid to clear her vision.

“I’m not going anywhere. We go through that relay. We kill every bastard we find on the other side, and we come back.”

“And then I dump you on Palaven. No arguments,” Shepard said, and she laid her head on the sticky table. The surface was cold against her skin. Her breath was sighing in her ears.

There was a clink next to her head. “What did you order?” Garrus asked.

“Whatever was on special offer. You weren’t supposed to let me drink it.”

When she pulled her head up off the table Garrus was talking to the waitress and pointing at her drink.

The moment the waitress left Garrus stumbled to his feet. “We should get back. Think you can stand?”

“Yes.” Shepard stood up and found that the room was floating around her. When she took a step the floor changed direction, and she watched it drift closer only for Garrus to pull her upright. “What did I order?” she murmured, slipping her arm round Garrus’ waist.

“You ever heard of ‘the Rains of Rakhana’?”

“No.”

Garrus’ hip was digging into her side. She considered adjusting her position, then felt him sway. This was going to be an interesting walk home.

“You should ask Thane. I’m sure he knows all about it.”

“Oh.”

They wound their way through the Citadel, holding each other upright. When one stumbled the other would correct them. There were no more words that needed to be said.

Shepard knew, through the haze, that she was holding Garrus back. There had to be a way to set him free. She had to find it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You said your  
> body is a machine  
> It will break  
> Like you've broken me  
> And I can't forget the words  
> Forgotten promises  
> Are completely worthless  
> I feel you beating in my chest  
> I feel you screaming in my lungs  
> You are heavy but  
> your beats in time  
> I feel the crimson on my lips  
> Now my stomachs lined with gold  
> I'm brokenhearted but my beats in time 
> 
>  
> 
> Your body is a machine by The Good Natured


	30. Ring of a confession

The ship pulled away, the arms of the Citadel retreating. Somewhere, in amongst the lights, was his son.

With everything still to come there was the very real chance that he would not see Kolyat again. With that in mind, Thane finished his recording. There was only one thing left to do.

He went straight to Shepard’s room and waited outside.

“Shepard says you may enter,” EDI prompted, and Thane strode into her room.

Shepard was in bed, dressed simply in a thin vest. The covers pooled around her waist, starry feet and bare legs exposed. Thane drew his eyes back to her face.

Her pupils were blown wide, face flushed. “What are the ‘Rains of Rakhana?’” she asked.

Her appearance began to make sense. “It is a liquor, one made on Kahje. One of its primary ingredients is drell venom.”

“Venom?” Shepard blinked slowly. “Oh, I now I remember. Saliva. I drank saliva?”

“No. It is a synthetic compound designed to mimic the effects. There are those who enjoy the sensation it produces, though it varies according to species.”

Thane watched her think about this, a small frown forming on her face only to be smoothed away when she looked up at him.

She shifted to one side and patted the bed. “Hop in.”

There was a distinct possibility she remained intoxicated.

“I came to bring you this,” Thane said, climbing onto the bed beside her and leaning back against the pillows. His cot was tolerable, but there were times when he missed the extravagance of plush pillows, thick blankets, and fine cotton linen.

“It is my recording for Kolyat. Thank you for persuading him to visit. It was good to see him again. I feared our time at C-Sec would be our last.”

“We’re coming back from the relay,” Shepard said firmly. “You’ll see Kolyat again.” She accepted the recording with a wave of her omni-tool, then snuggled down amongst the covers with a sigh. “I hate drinking. Drugs I can handle. Drinking, no.”

“I thought drinking was compulsory in the Alliance.”

“I got that out of my system before I joined up.” Shepard looked up at him. “Thane…you haven’t always been an assassin. I haven’t always been a soldier.”

Thane tilted his head. Her tone had the ring of a confession. “I am aware of that, siha.”

“You mean my official record. The one where I grew up on the streets of Earth then somehow got into the Alliance? It wasn’t as simple as that,” Shepard admitted. She slipped her hand into Thane’s and moved across the bed so that she could lean her head against his arm.

“I ended up in a gang. The Tenth Street Reds. You might have heard of them,” Shepard said wryly, looking up at him with a tight smile.

“I have.”

“When I joined they were small time. Shoplifting. Fights with rival gangs. Stealing cars.”

Shepard let go of his hand and took something out from under her pillow. In her hand was a knife. She pulled the sheath off the blade and touched her finger to the tip. It was a deceptively small weapon, but in the right hands it would be vicious.

“I started with knives. Never really stopped. Our leader got killed and things went downhill from there. For a long time I didn’t care about anything except the next drink, the next high, the next job.”

She sat up, the curve of her back facing away from him.

“One day I went in, and they’d captured a batarian. They were going to torture some information out of him. It’s not like we hadn’t done it before. Only difference was that he was the first alien I’d seen. He was ugly, and scared, and I thought to myself ‘what do we look like to him?’ Probably the same.”

Shepard let out a deep sigh as she slipped the knife back under her pillow. “I’d had enough, and seeing him only made me realize why. None of them ever took responsibility for the way their lives had turned out. They blamed everything on aliens, on everyone except themselves. Except it wasn’t his fault. It was ours.”

Thane saw her rub her face, and he waited for her words to come, as they must.

“I killed two of my friends and helped the batarian escape. I thought that it might make the Reds think twice about doing it again. Turns out I was wrong. It made them worse than ever, not that I stuck around to find out. I ran away, got arrested, and ended up choosing the Alliance instead of prison. And here I am. Commander Shepard. Saviour of the Citadel. Two-bit car thief and back stabber.”

Thane moved, changing position so that she was between his legs, and he could rest his chin lightly on her shoulder.

“I understand why you acted as you did. I do not understand why you are telling me this.”

“I want you to know the truth about me. I think you deserve it.” Her voice was muted.

“Did you think that by telling me this, you would drive me away?” Thane asked, sliding his arms round her waist and pulling her closer. “I have seen many bad people. You are not one of them.”

Shepard gave a shaky laugh. “I’m not sure about that.”

“I am. It is in your actions, in everything you have taught me. Before I met you, I believed my soul was irredeemable. You made me believe that it is not our mistakes that count, but what we do to atone for them.” Thane rested his forehead on her soft skin and closed his eyes. “Look at what you have done, siha.”

She slid her hands along his arms, threaded her fingers through his and said nothing. He could feel her heart racing, and the small shudders that ran through her back.

“Have you told anyone else?” Thane asked, raising his head and teasing the hair back from her neck. Her wounds were healing fast, leaving only a raised welt where the amp had been replaced.

“Only Liara. Why?”

Miss T’Soni again. She held a position of trust that Thane had yet to fathom.

“This information could be of use to the right people,” he murmured, and Thane let his lips dip to the skin of her shoulder for a moment. “Blackmail. Extortion. You are a criminal after all.”

Her breath caught. “Why would anyone want to do that?”

Thane let his teeth graze her skin. Shepard gave the smallest moan.

“To gain control over you.”

“There other ways of doing that.” She squirmed her hips just a fraction, and Thane lifted his lips from her neck.

“Perhaps. When you are not already under the influence.” He leapt nimbly off the bed and looked at her, still flushed and dark eyed. He wanted her clear headed, under no influences but his own.

She looked up at him and wrapped her arms around herself. “You don’t have to go.”

“You need your rest.”

“We’re taking the slow route to Klendagon,” Shepard told him as she lay down and curled her legs to her chest. “I wonder what’s waiting for us this time.” Her breath grew deeper, and Thane recognized the slow grasp of sleep pulling her away from him.

Her limbs grew loose, hair black against the pillow.

Thane watched her for a moment. “Sleep well, my siha. We will find out soon enough.”

\---

She woke, gritty eyed and reeling from the pain in her head. The back of her neck was throbbing, and memories returned to her in a series of short bursts.

The shot glass bouncing across the floor. The slump of Garrus’ shoulders. Thane’s teeth on her skin.

“Dammit. EDI?”

“Yes, Shepard?”

“What’s our status?”

“We are on route to Klendagon. ETA is in thirty seven hours, twenty-eight—“

“Thanks, EDI.” Shepard got out of bed and stumbled into the shower. Once washed she felt almost normal again, and for the first time she felt grateful for the Cerberus modifications. Back before the rebuild she’d have been suffering for another twenty-four hours at least.

Garrus wouldn’t be as lucky.

She dragged herself down to the mess hall, put together some supplies, and headed for the forward battery.

“Vakarian, you alive?”

There was a flanging groan, and the sound of his bed creaking. Shepard pushed the curtain aside and went in. The makeshift cubby hole reeked of alcohol, and she wondered exactly how bad she’d smelt last night. Not too bad, if she remembered correctly.

“Here,” Shepard said, putting the tray down next to the bed. “I brought you some of that turian crap you drink when you’re feeling like shit. I even found you some snacks.”

“Get out,” Garrus said. He aimed a kick at her but she dodged. Stood with her hands on her hips.

“I want to talk to you.”

“Can it wait for a bit?”

“No.” Shepard sat down on his legs, and Garrus peeled the covers back to glare at her.

“If I talk to you will you go away? I’d like to die in peace.”

“Come on, you baby,” Shepard said, bouncing up and down until he was forced to sit up. Once he’d done fussing with his pillow she pressed a drink into his hand and sat back.

“I wanted to talk to you about your mother.”

Garrus stared down into his drink, his talons clenching. “What about my mother?” he asked eventually, glancing up at her only to go back to the contemplation of his drink.

“Have you asked Mordin about Corpalis?”

“No. There’s no treatment, no magic cure.”

Shepard knew she was being a bitch, but the situation called for it. He didn’t have to like her. “But have you actually talked to him? What if they’re working on something you turians don’t know about?”

“That’s unlikely.”

“But not impossible. Stop being so goddamned stubborn and go talk to him. You’re not giving up now, Vakarian. You go and speak to him, you find out if there is anything we can do, and we do it. Money, supplies, whatever it takes.”

Garrus sighed. “Fine. I guess it couldn’t hurt.”

“Good.” Shepard got to her feet. “I’ll leave you in peace now. Come and see me as soon as you’ve spoken to Mordin—“

“Not so fast, Shepard,” Garrus said, leaning forwards to tug at her arm. “You haven’t told me how you’re doing.”

“I’m fine. Mordin says a couple of days rest and I’ll be better than ever.”

“You mean now Cerberus can’t get at you. That is a relief.” Garrus lay back and scratched at his neck. “The idea that they could just get in your head like that…I know they’ve pulled some shit in the past, but that was something else.”

Shepard knew she should feel relieved, but instead she wondered where they would come at her next. “One day I’m going to bring that bastard down,” she muttered, thinking about the Illusive Man sitting in that chair, moving the pieces round the board. Playing with other people’s lives.

“Krios would like that.”

“You’ve talked to him about this?”

“Uh-huh. I admit you’ve made some questionable decisions in the past. He might not be one of them.”

“If that’s the closest thing I’m getting to approval I’ll take it. Not that I need it,” Shepard smiled. She picked up some of the food she’d brought and placed it gently on Garrus’ lap before planting a quick kiss on his forehead. “Thank you. I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

“Sure you could,” Garrus said. He lay back amidst his crumpled covers, framed by pages of weapons catalogues he’d stuck on the wall. Schematics of the Thanix cannon. A cracked holo of Shepard and Wrex back on board the SR-1. “Not as stylishly of course.”

“Get some rest,” Shepard said, leaving the main battery and heading back to her cabin. Now she had thirty seven hours and four minutes. Plenty of time to prepare for the Reaper ship, and the mystery of the silent Cerberus team.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've got a schedule to stick to  
> Got a world to keep sweet  
> You're so much to everyone all the time  
> Will you ever slow down? Will I ever come first?  
> The universe contracts to sign  
> Hold me darling, please
> 
> Half Life by Imogen Heap


	31. The Key

The ship rocked, and Shepard grabbed hold of Joker’s seat to stop herself from sliding into one of the control panels. Dressed in full armour she was bound to cause some damage.

“What’s with all the chop?”

“I’m doing my best, alright. The wind’s gusting to 500 kph,” Joker snapped, his fingers flying over the bright screens. “Hey, there’s a second ship alongside the Reaper.”

Perfect. “Is it Cerberus?”

“No. The ladar paints its silhouette as geth.”

“That explains why the science team went quiet.”

“Did I hear somebody say geth?” Garrus asked, sliding over to one side as the ship bucked again.

Shepard gestured for him to follow her and moved off down the corridor a little way, taking care to find a secure hand hold whilst she waited for Garrus to follow.

“You’ve spoken to Mordin?”

Garrus glanced back at the cock pit. “Yes. He said some funding might help. Gave me a contact.”

“Let me have it, and I’ll see what I can do,” Shepard told him, wincing as the turian overbalanced and knocked into her. It would draw funds away from the new lab on Invictus, but with Miranda’s help they should spare something.

“I’m not talking a few thousand credits here,” Garrus said. “There’s no way you’ve got that kind of money.”

“You don’t think I do all that mining for fun do you?” The ship gave a lurch and Shepard cursed, grabbing onto Garrus to stop him from falling over. Stillness descended.

“What just happened?” she shouted, striding back into the cockpit.

Joker turned to look at her. “The Reapers mass effect fields are still active. We just passed inside their envelope.”

“That’ll make boarding easier. EDI, have everyone on stand-by. I want us ready to leave at a moment’s notice. Is the team waiting for me by the airlock?”

“Yes, Shepard.”

“Good. Come on, Vakarian. Let’s go pick up the IFF.”

\---

Everyone was waiting for her as planned.

Shepard wasted no time. They had a job to do.

“Garrus, Thane, I want you with me. We’ll make up the first team. Kasumi, Grunt and Jacob, I want you as the second team. Once we’ve made it in there, I’ll give the signal for you to follow.”

She nodded at the second team before turning to the rest.

“Samara, Tali and Jack, I want you as the back-up team. Mordin, Miranda, I need you back here analysing any data I can send back. Is that clear?”

There was chorus of replies, and Shepard waited for them to finish before speaking again. “Good. Because we mess this up, and you all go home. If we don’t get that IFF, we don’t get through the relay. There’s no room for mistakes on this. I need you focussed. We fail, and it’s not just Earth on the line. The Reapers will come for all of us, you can be damn sure of that. Now let’s move.”

Shepard stepped into the airlock and signalled Joker. “Are we done docking?”

There was a muffled thud. “We are now.”

“Good. Let’s go.”

There was a low hiss as the pressure equalized, and Shepard took the opportunity to contact Miranda before they moved any further into the Reaper.

“Miranda? Can you and EDI get me some kind of map? There’s something I want to look for.”

“We’ll try. Maybe the Cerberus team made one, you should check their databases first. What are you looking for exactly?”

Shepard watched the door open in front of her. There was a blood stain spattered across the wall opposite, hand prints easily distinguished.

“I want to know why the Reapers are after me.”

“We’ll do what we can from here,” Miranda responded.

Shepard took out her pistol and after a brief survey of the empty corridor, she touched her fingers to the hand prints. The blood was old. It flaked off on her gloves, and she was reminded of the corpses on the Collector ship. She’d been too late. She was always one step behind, caught up in the bloody aftermath.

Thane moved off down the corridor, and Shepard followed him. Everything was immaculate. Cups still sat out on the work tables. There was the distinct feeling of something being wrong, not simply an instinct, but a feeling that settled in her gut and wouldn’t let go.

“You think we’ll find anything?” Garrus asked. His voice echoed in the quiet.

“I don’t know. A ship this size we could be looking for weeks,” she replied. They didn’t have weeks. This was her best chance.

“Perhaps Cerberus found something of use,” Thane said. “If we were to hack into their database, it could provide clues.”

“If there’s time I’ll get Tali to look into it. The IFF has to come first. _Normandy_?”

“Commander,” Joker replied.

“Once we’ve finished sweeping this area, send the second team in.”

“Aye, aye. Just give me the signal.”

She opened the next door, and a tremor ran through the floor beneath her feet, knocking them all off balance.

“ _Normandy_ to shore party,” Joker messaged.

“What happened?” Shepard asked, gesturing for Thane and Garrus to check the surrounding area.

“The Reaper put up kinetic barriers. I don’t think we can get through from our side.”

“There’s goes the second team,” Garrus said over his shoulder, scopes trained on the door they’d come through. “And the back-up.”

“We’re trapped inside the Reaper,” Thane said. He holstered his pistol and returned to Shepard’s side. “How disquieting.”

Another trap.  They had no support team, no backup, and everything depended on them making it out with the IFF.

“So how do we get out?”

“Shepard, a kinetic barrier can only be produced by a mass effect generator,” EDI told them. “This is true for any ship, even a Reaper. At the moment of activation, I detected a heat spike in what is likely the wreck’s mass effect core. Sending the coordinates now. Be advised, this core is maintaining the Reaper’s altitude.”

“You have got to be kidding me,” Garrus said. “We take the barriers down and we fall out of the sky.”

“This keeps getting better,” Shepard muttered. “Joker, if anyone can pull us off this thing, it’s you. We’ll proceed as planned. Once we’ve picked up the IFF, we’ll disable the mass effect core and meet you at the nearest dock.”

“Roger that,” Joker said. “You make it to the dock, and I’ll be there.”

Shepard took out her Tempest, had a last look back at the way they’d come in, and set off into the vast chamber that had opened before them.

The sprawling metal walkways looked out of place inside the Reaper. It had not been created with anything so small in mind, the roof lost amidst a dark twist of pipes that covered every surface of the shadowed room. There were ants scuttling inside a god.

She didn’t notice the corpses until she almost tripped over them. They had been skinned. Their eye sockets were covered in gouges and their lips sheared off.

“I’ve heard stories about this sort of atrocity,” Thane said, frowning as he skirted around the mutilated bodies. “I thought they were exaggerated.”

“The geth didn’t do this.” Shepard shivered, and turned the heat up in her suit. “This was done by something else.”

Garrus examined the bodies for a second. “The science team. You think the Reaper got to them somehow?”

“Probably. Indoctrination maybe, they were here long enough. I think we should get moving,” Shepard said. “EDI?”

“Shepard?”

“You got any ideas where we’ll find the IFF?”

“Not at this point. Further exploration of the ship will be necessary.”

Shepard started down the walkway, her boots clinking against the metal. It was deathly quiet, every sound swallowed by the space above their heads. When she glanced over at the side, she could barely make out the ground.

There was a flicker of movement. Shepard stopped dead.

“What is—“

She held a hand up, silencing Garrus. In the stillness there was the faintest noise, followed by a hollow moan. The lone voice was joined by a multitude of cries, and Shepard caught sight of husks clambering under the railings, only to rise and shamble towards them.

She stepped back, shot the legs off the first one, then used her biotics. The energy swept through her, and she felt the familiar rush, coupled with the slightest ache at the back of her head.

“Shepard,” Mordin said over the comm. She could barely hear him over the gunfire. “Would recommend caution, stop immediately if pain becomes serious.”

“I’m not sure we have that luxury,” Shepard shouted, kicking one husk off the side and blowing the head off another. Garrus had taken up position further back along the walkway and was picking them off with ease, but Thane remained at her side, blasting any that got too close.

“Survival not a luxury. Overloading implant could be fatal.”

“Point taken.” Shepard swopped to her pistol and made short work of the remainder.

Once that was done she pressed on, listening out for more husks.

That was when she heard it. The distinctive sound of gunfire, and it didn’t belong to them.

“Sniper!” Garrus shouted, sprinting ahead of them with his gun raised.

Shepard raced after him, just in time to see a couple of husks taken down by the unknown shooter. “Did you see them?”

“No. Something tells me it wasn’t part of the science team.” Garrus peered up at where the shooter would have been.

“They’re not our problem right now.” Shepard popped her heat sink, focussing on the direct threats. She could hear more husks as they made their way further along the walkways.

“Garrus, you go back and—“

There was a ripple of noise, and Shepard saw a flash of blue as she was knocked off her feet, landing heavily a few metres away. When she looked up there was a huge shape shuffling towards her, back hunched and limbs twisted. It fired again, blue splashes of biotic energy akin to her Shockwave, and Shepard rolled to one side, scrambling to her feet.

The monster stumbled backwards as shots pelted it. Shepard ran, leaping into cover and changing to her sniper rifle. When it fired this time she was ready.

She jumped out of range, ignoring the fizzing pain in her head, and jumped back again to carry on the onslaught. With three of them targeting it, the creature stood little chance. It crumpled to the floor with a harsh scream, and Shepard took the opportunity to examine it.

The bulk of it consisted of three husks woven together, knotted limbs twisted together. On its back was a deflated sac leaking blue liquid onto the floor at their feet.

“Siha, are you alright?” Thane asked, and Shepard caught the expression on Garrus’ face. He looked awkward for a second, then glanced away.

Shepard couldn’t help smiling. “I’m fine. I won’t get caught out again.”

“I wonder what other surprises the Reaper has in store for us,” Garrus said, moving away.

“More new and exciting ways of killing us I expect,” Shepard murmured. She fell into step beside Thane, letting Garrus take point for a while.

“I heard Mordin’s warning.” Thane nudged her shoulder. “I should add one of my own.”

“Which is?”

“I would like you to remain very much alive if possible. Your death would slow us down.”

“Huh. That’s not the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”

Thane stopped and looked at her. “I could say something more romantic, if you wished.”

“Son of a bitch,” Garrus yelled, coming to a stop ahead of them. “Shepard?”

She saw the outline. Dark spikes jutting out through the shadows. Corpses suspended in the air.

“Dragon’s teeth. The geth used them on Eden Prime,” Garrus said, glancing at Thane as he approached the railing.

“There are tales of such things among my people. Devices buried on distant worlds that turn the finders into abominations.”

Shepard looked away from them, her gaze shifting over the room as she paced back across the walkway. “See how the rooms arranged,” she said, coming to a halt. “Looks like they set this up as some kind of alter.”

“It does look like that. I’m guessing indoctrination had something to do with this. No one in their right mind could worship something that turned them into monsters,” Garrus said, shaking his head and turning to look at Shepard.

They shared bitter memories of the damage those things could wreak.

“Let’s get out of here. There’s no helping them now.” Shepard swallowed her anger down and made towards the next door. It opened onto an airlock that sloped down, drawing them deeper into the Reapers depths.

“EDI, have you found a map?” Shepard asked. The door closed behind them, and the change in pressure caused the back of her neck to prickle uncomfortably. She resisted the urge to reach back.

“I have accessed the Cerberus team database. Their logs are incomplete due to damage, but I have found a schematic that should prove useful. There is one other thing Miss Lawson wished to tell you. The effects of the Reaper are responsible for the failure of the mission, not the geth.”

“Then what are they doing here?” Garrus asked. The door opened, and they moved smoothly into action, Garrus searching for a decent vantage point whilst Thane scouted ahead.

There were moans all around them. Shepard brought her biotics to life and drew her pistol. Two gunshots rang out. Behind her, there was the distinct sound of bodies hitting the floor.

“What the…” She looked upwards towards the shooter, and saw a geth. It stood tall, shifted its gun to its side, and spoke.

“Shepard-Commander.”

She stared at it, at the gaping hole in its chest, and the familiar piece of armour strapped to its shoulder. N7 armour.

The geth took up its gun and left.

Thane knocked the last husk to the ground. “The geth was the sniper. I thought geth didn’t speak.”

“They don’t,” Shepard said, still staring after it.

“How about we go ask it,” Garrus said.

“No.” Shepard frowned. “We need the IFF, everything else has to come second.” She took one last look at where the geth had stood, then brought up her omni-tool to inspect the schematic.

“There’s the IFF. Once we’ve got that we can take a look around.”

“Find the geth maybe. He was wearing N7 armour,” Garrus said, following her along. “Hardly standard issue.”

“It knew your name. It kept you alive.” Thane looked at her, and she saw her own confusion mirrored.

There was no time to consider what it meant. Hoards of husks, backed up by the same shambling creatures, dogged their every step towards the IFF. This time Shepard heeded Mordin’s advice and kept her biotic usage to a minimum.

By the time they made it to the IFF she could feel the ache starting to creep through her head. At least this time she knew that it would stop, given time. Some biotic users weren’t so lucky.

She checked her omni-tool, and headed through the door.

There was a sole console in the room, and on the tray in front of it sat a small, grey object. The IFF. Shepard picked it up and tucked it securely into her storage pocket. This was what they’d come for. This was the key to getting through the relay, and she finally had it in her possession.

“ _Normandy_ , this is Shepard. I’ve got the IFF.”

“That’s good news, Commander. Let me know when the show starts,” Joker replied.

“We’re going to take a look around first. I’ll be in touch when we’re done.”

“Are we looking for something we can hack?” Garrus asked. “The Reaper must have databanks of some kind.”

The schematic revealed a large room beyond the next door. It was also the location of the heat spike mentioned by EDI.

“Here.” Thane pointed at a large corridor leading off the next room. “This looks promising.”

“Then that’s where we’ll head.” Shepard opened the door, and found herself face to face with a kinetic barrier. On the far side of the room she could see the geth. Its attention was fixed on a console. Behind it, husks were starting to swarm. They came from every side, climbing railings, and heading straight for the geth.

“If he doesn’t—“ Shepard started, and the barrier came down.

The geth moved a fraction too late. The husks were on it in seconds, and Shepard jumped forwards into the melee. She smashed into a couple of husks, and kicked out at another, knocking it into the console before plunging her knife into its throat.

Once the closest threats were dealt with, Shepard turned her attention to the geth. It lay motionless on the floor. She glanced back at Garrus and Thane before kneeling down beside it and turning it over to take a closer look. The N7 armour was scratched and burnt. It was also her size. Shepard looked at how it was attached, and took her knife out.

“Shepard, the core!” Garrus shouted.

She glanced upwards. The shielding had come down. It must have taken damage, either from something the geth had done, or from something they’d done whilst fighting the husks.

“Commander, the Reapers altitude just changed. You’d better get moving,” Joker said, and Shepard got to her feet. She could see the corridor leading off towards possible answers. The geth lay at her feet. Garrus and Thane stood at her back.

“EDI, find me the nearest dock and send me the location. Garrus, overload the shielding, and we’ll finish the job.” Shepard swopped to her missile launcher and walked back along the walkway for a better shot.

Thane came to join her, snapping a new heat sink into place and raising his sight to focus on the core. “We won’t get another chance. Once this is done we have no choice but to leave.”

“I know,” Shepard murmured. “But this is the way things have to be.”

Garrus raised his hand to signal, and the shield dropped.

They fired together, neither of them stopping until the core exploded in a burst of orange sparks. She’d destroyed her chances of finding out why the Reapers were after her.

“Let’s get out of here,” Garrus shouted, heading for the door.

It was Thane that hesitated. He looked towards the geth. “I think we should take it with us.”

“Agreed, help me carry it.” Shepard grabbed one of the geth’s arms, Thane took the other. It was heavy, but between them they had no problems hauling it to the door.

Garrus looked back to see them coming through the doorway, and drew his mandibles in with a hiss. “You’re bringing that thing back. I thought we had enough trouble.”

“Always room for more,” Shepard said, pushing herself faster. The dock wasn’t far.

“You know the risks,” Garrus said. He stopped to click his helmet into place and shoot a couple of husks that had followed them. “That’s all I’m going to say.”

“Good.” Shepard and Thane put the geth down, leaning it against the airlock door so they could put their breathers on. The _Normandy_ would be on the way. One more airlock and they’d be out.

Joker’s voice sounded over the comm. “Hey, Commander. I can’t make a connection. You’ll have to jump.”

“Got it.” Shepard took hold of the geth, and this time Garrus helped. Once in the airlock Thane shut the door and took up station by the next door.

It opened onto swirling orange clouds, and the _Normandy_ sweeping into view. Even after all this time, Shepard never tired of seeing her ship.

“Airlock’s open,” Joker said.

Shepard nodded at Garrus, and they took off at full pelt, propelling the geth out across the gap and straight into the open airlock.

“Just like old times,” Garrus said.

Shepard laughed.  “Now get the hell over there before I throw you.”

“On my way.”

Garrus jumped, long limbs splayed, and Shepard made sure he was in before turning to Thane. “You’re next. No arguments, I might need you to catch me.”

Thane nodded, holstered his pistol and leapt. He soared effortlessly across.

Shepard blasted a couple of husks off the side and decided it was time to go. She hadn’t considered the gap. Even with her friends waiting for her, framed by the ship, she felt her heart kick up. Once she had fallen, tumbling away as the _Normandy_ broke into fragments.

Falling was easy. Getting back up was the hard bit.

Thane reached out to her. Shepard jumped.

 


	32. Trail of Revenge

Across the gap, Shepard looked impossibly far away. She stared across at him, at the ship buffeted by the storm, and his outstretched arm.

 _Hurry, siha_.

She launched herself off the platform, beyond reach of the husks, and out into the interminably long space that stretched between them. He reached without thought.

Bright with his biotics, Shepard tumbled into his arms. The hard angles of her armour dug into him, but Thane did not let go until she was steady and facing him in the dim light of the air lock.

“Joker, we’re in. Get us out of here.”

Shepard tore her helmet off. Thane drank in the flush of her face, and the expression of curiosity as she looked down at the geth.

“That looks like my old armour,” she murmured, reaching out to run her gloved fingers over the scarred surface. “Surely it’s not—“

The airlock door opened, and Miranda entered, flanked by a couple of Cerberus personnel.

“We’ll take it from here, Commander. Good job over there. It’s only a shame we didn’t get everything we wanted. Still…” Miranda examined the geth. “You found something of value.”

“We’ll see about that,” Garrus said as he left the airlock.

Shepard shrugged. Thane suppressed a smile.

“When you’re done getting cleaned up I’d like to see you in the briefing room. Oh, and you’d best give the IFF to me,” Miranda continued. She held out her hand, and Shepard removed the small piece of tech from her safekeeping.

It looked similar to every other piece of tech Thane had ever seen. That small fragment of a Reaper would take them far beyond the known boundaries of their galaxy, away from his son, and onto whatever fate Shepard had set them at.

Everything turned upon that salvage, and the woman who had fought so hard to find it.

“Take care of it,” Shepard said as it was plucked from her hand. She curled her fingers over the empty space.

“Of course.”

Miranda left, and Shepard walked slowly out of the airlock. She stood and watched the limp form of the geth as it was carried away down the corridor, and out of sight.

“We went looking for answers and found more questions,” Shepard said. She looked for him, a frown on her face. “You suggested we bring it back, what do you think? Can we trust it?”

It was those words that had saved the geth. _Shepard-Commander_. Foolish as it may seem, he had felt a sense of gratitude towards the creature that had defended his siha, and given her yet another name.

“It broke the geth’s silence with your name,” Thane said.

Shepard sighed. “That will have to do.”

She headed for the elevator, and Thane followed. He knew she was feeling the loss of the secrets the Reaper had contained, but they’d been left with no choice. She would have to continue on without them.

“Maybe it was too old to have any useful information, too damaged” Shepard mused as the doors closed, and the elevator started to move upwards. “At least we got the IFF. We’re can get through the relay.”

“How long do we have?”

The question was a familiar one. He wished to hoard his days, to hold onto the time allotted, and make it count. To know the number of days felt like gaining an advantage.

“I’ll know more once I’ve spoken to Miranda, but I’ve already decided. We’re not heading straight there.” The door opened. Shepard stepped out, hesitated, and jammed her foot against the door to stop it closing. “There’s something I need to talk to you about. Not in here.”

“Of course.”

He found his gaze drawn to her bed as they entered her cabin. The sheets still bore the imprint of her body.

It was there that he had inhaled the sweet fragrance of her skin, felt the warmth of her as she sat between his legs, drunk on venom. She had been an invitation. He had turned it down. To take advantage of Shepard’s intoxicated state felt too easy.

He wanted to work for her. There would be time enough to relive those moments later.

Shepard started unclipping her armour with precise, practised, movements.

“I’ve had word from Liara.”

 _Kolyat_.

“What has she found?” Thane sat himself down on the edge of the sofa and pressed his hands together.

“It looks like we’ve uncovered a contact with information we can use,” Shepard said, bending over to unclip her shin guards. “The IFF is going to need an extensive shake down. I thought we could use the time to go to Illium and help Liara with her enquiries.”

She straightened, and the expression on her face alerted him even before the words were out of her mouth.

“We’re going after the Shadow Broker.”

“Siha…” Thane got to his feet and started pacing. “The Shadow Broker is a dangerous opponent. I have had no success in finding him. Others have tried, and they paid the price with their lives. I would not have you endanger the mission.”

“My mind is made up.”

Thane stopped with his back to her.

The Shadow Broker had given Irikah’s life away. He had Kolyat’s life at his fingertips. Now he would have Shepard within reach. The thought made him desperately uneasy even as the long suppressed desire for revenge resurfaced.

Selling information to the batarians had been a calculated risk for the Shadow Broker, and he had taken steps to alleviate his actions. He’d gained leverage over Thane in the form of his son.

With the Omega-Four Relay looming, there were no options left. He could not leave Kolyat undefended.

“It would seem I have no choice.”

“If I could think of any other way of keeping Kolyat safe, I’d do it. The way things stand, the Shadow Broker has you both where he wants you, but there’s one thing he hasn’t bargained on. Me.”

Thane could not share her confidence. He’d seen Irikah broken and torn. He felt the weight of her last moments in his arms, and knew without a doubt that he could not watch that happen again.

He pivoted on the spot, saw Shepard’s concern, and went no closer. “Forgive me, I need time to think about this.”

Shepard nodded. “Let me know if you want to talk. I’ll be here.”

\---

She watched him leave and immediately questioned her decision. The Shadow Broker needed dealing with, not just for Kolyat’s sake, but for Liara’s and for Thane’s. There was one other person owed. Irikah.

There was no backing down. She changed, laid her armour out for later, and went to meet Miranda in the briefing room.

“Miranda. Jacob.” Shepard stopped at the head of the table. “How’s the geth?”

Miranda went first. “We’ve stored it in EDI’s AI core whilst we decide what to do with it.”

Garrus might have some words to say about that one. She didn’t even want to think about Tali. Keeping it safe in the AI core suddenly seemed like a good idea.

“Good. And?”

“We need better equipment, anything that can give us an advantage,” Miranda said. She brought up a holo of the geth lying inactive. “An intact geth would be invaluable to Cerberus’ cyberweapons division.”

“We’ll have to disagree on that, Ma’am. I saw enough of these things on Eden Prime. Space it,” Jacob said, looking to Shepard for back up.

“Cerberus has a long-standing cash bounty for an intact geth,” Miranda said. “The reward is…significant.”

She knew exactly where to hit Shepard. That money could go to Garrus for his mother, or towards the new lab on Invictus.

“It helped us. I’m not trading it in like some used part,” Shepard said. “And Jacob, I’m not spacing it. I understand how you feel about these things. I’ve faced enough of them myself, but I want to try talking to it first. If it turns hostile at least we know how to deal with it.”

Miranda opened her mouth to speak, but Shepard cut her off.

“EDI, how’s the IFF?”

“I have determined how to integrate it with our systems. However, the device is Reaper technology. Linking it with the _Normandy_ ’s systems poses certain risks.”

“I trust you, EDI. I know you won’t let anything happen to the ship,” Shepard said.

“Understood. It may take some time before the IFF is ready for shakedown. I will alert you as soon as it’s ready.”

“Good. Tell Joker to set a course for Illium. I’ve got some unfinished business of my own,” Shepard said. There was no need to explain to Miranda, she knew every bit of correspondence that passed through the ship. “Jacob, could you excuse us?”

“Yes, M’aam.” Jacob gave her a salute and left.

Shepard waited until the door shut before turning to Miranda. “I need some funds.”

“More? I thought—“

“No, I need you to rearrange things if you can. There’s someone I need to help out, and only credits will do,” Shepard said, bringing her omni-tool up. “Here’s the total. I need it transferring to this address.”

“Vakarian?” Miranda shrugged. “Alright. I’ll have it done within the hour. That might leave us short for the next round of testing.”

“I’ll scrape something together,” Shepard said. She had already run through the sums in her head, and again on her omni-tool. The funds would come from somewhere, even if that somewhere proved to be dirty work for Cerberus. “Thank you, Miranda. I couldn’t do this without you.”

“True. I’d best get on if we’re going to get through that relay.”

Shepard followed her out, then headed down to the mess hall. She made tea. Stared at the door to life support. Thane needed time, and she was working on giving him that. For now he needed silence. She went to back to her room alone.

\---

Garrus spread the tools out on the wide, bright, desk and Shepard started taking her guns apart.

The job was done within minutes. Shepard was pleased she’d chosen to do this in the armoury instead of in the mess hall. It should be time for the last meal of the day cycle. That meant they would have at least thirty minutes before Jacob came back.

“How’s this working out?” Garrus asked, picking up the modified clip holder on her pistol. “Did I get the balance right this time?”

“Perfect. The Collectors won’t know what’s hit them.”

Garrus gave her a look. “They’ll know. Think we’ll find out what those bastards are up to when we go in there?”

“No idea. Investigating doesn’t seem to be one of my strengths. I thought it was one of yours.”

“You work for C-Sec, and you soon learn that investigating takes second place to following orders.”

“You weren’t too good at that either,” Shepard said, earning herself a squashed foot.

“Sorry about that, I guess I didn’t see your foot there.”

“You’ll notice it next time,” Shepard said, starting on her sniper rifle. Every time she started thinking about the Collectors her mind would snap back to the last time they’d been on board a Collector vessel. The thought of losing Garrus and Thane was all too clear in her mind. The final mission to destroy the Collectors could cost them all.

She could lose not just them, but her ship, and all of those who had chosen to follow her. It weighed heavily on every waking moment. The loss of her own life felt small in comparison.

“I made the donation,” Garrus said. His voice flanged oddly. “Thank you. It might not help my mother, but you were right. It’s better than doing nothing.”

“Happy to help.”

“I made you something.” Garrus took something out of his tool bag and set it on the desk in between them.

It was a scope. Shepard picked it up, and Garrus took it carefully from her fingers, reassembled her sniper rifle, and fitted it within moments.

“Now you should look,” he said.

She lifted the rifle and squinted down the scope. “I thought these were illegal.”

“I don’t know if the laws apply to dead Spectres. And, I think you’ve earned the right to break a few laws now and again. In pursuit of justice of course.”

“That reminds me.” Shepard took her omni-tool out, entered a few commands, and looked up at Garrus with a grin. “I got you a little something when I was on the Citadel a while back. Take a look.”

She watched Garrus bring up his omni-tool to access the programme she’d just sent him. Her image appeared, and Garrus gave a snort. “Someone made a VI of you?”

“I programmed a couple of extra things just for you. I won’t ruin the surprise.”

“I make you a scope, and you give me a VI of yourself. There are times when I—“

The door opened, and they both looked up expecting to see Jacob. It was Thane.

He approached the table, glanced at the guns, then Shepard. “Do you have a moment to talk?”

“Sure. Come on.”

Shepard led him out, and into the briefing room where she sat down at the table.

Thane did a slow circuit of the room before coming to a halt opposite her. “I’d like to come with you.”

“To see Liara?”

“Yes. If you are going after the Shadow Broker I want to be by your side. He is not to be underestimated. You will need everything within your power to stop him, and I believe I can help. Not just as a matter of revenge,” Thane said, leaning across the desk. “But Shepard, there is one thing I must ask of you.”

His voice was harsh, his expression unrelenting.

“There cannot be any outcome that would leave Kolyat exposed to his wrath. If plans go awry, I need your assurance that you will end the Shadow Broker any way you can.”

She knew exactly what he was asking of her. It was a fair bargain. “I give you my word.”

Thane stepped back and closed his eyes. “Thank you, siha.”

“We’re due at Illium in nine hours.” Shepard got to her feet. “I’ll have EDI contact you once we arrive.” She started towards the door and Thane kept pace, still opposite, their paths converging at the head of the table.

“What is the plan?” He stood only inches away. Hands behind his back. Tantalisingly out of reach.

Shepard tucked her hands in her back pockets. “First stop is Liara’s office. She’ll know where to go from there.”

Thane nodded. “Good.” He looked up at her, and Shepard took her hands from her pockets, grabbed hold of his coat in both hands, and kissed him.

His lips were softer than she expected. Thane responded slowly, his fingers reaching up to trail through her hair. His mouth opened, his tongue probed at her bottom lip and Shepard touched her tongue to his.

The reaction she received was unexpected. He made a noise, something between a growl and a purr that she felt through her hands and lips.

She opened her eyes, and Thane cupped her face in his hands, pulled back to graze his lips across hers, and leant back in to suck her bottom lip. It was her turn to make a noise, a fluttering half moan of lust.

“Siha…” Thane whispered against her mouth.

She couldn’t reply. Her breath had been stolen.

Thane slipped his fingers across her waistband as she sagged into his shoulder. “Much as I wish to continue, I believe you were in the midst of cleaning your weapons.”

“Uh huh.” Shepard took a deep breath and forced herself upright. Everything was shimmering. It felt similar to the effects of the drell venom drink she’d had, but less intense. This was a softer feeling, a tingling that simmered beneath her skin and caused colours to glow brighter than usual. It was thoroughly enjoyable.

“I really should go and finish that.”

“You should,” Thane said, his fingers touching bare flesh as he took his hands from her waist.

Neither of them moved.

EDI’s cipher flickered into life. “Shepard?”

“What is it, EDI?”

“I have finished initial evaluation of the IFF. I believe it will take approximately twenty-three hours before I can determine what safe guards need to be in place prior to full operation.”

“Good,” Shepard said. “Let me know when it’s done.”

“Yes, Shepard.”

The cipher flickered out.

“I am going to finish up now,” Shepard said, moving slowly towards the door. “But I’ll send for you as soon as we arrive at Illium.”

“I’ll be ready.”

Shepard walked away, waiting until her back was turned on him before smiling. She was still smiling when she walked back into the armoury and over to Garrus.

Jacob was in there, surrounded by datapads and boxes of ammo.

“Sorry, there were a couple of things we needed to discuss. This scope is perfect,” Shepard said as she reached the table.

“Discuss?” Garrus flicked his mandibles in amusement. “I may have been drunk, but I did notice a couple of things about that drink you had back on the Citadel.”

“Ah.”

“It’s good to see you smiling again. Want me to finish up here?”

Shepard picked up the gun and watched the colours play over the surface. “Maybe.”

“Shepard, are you sure about this thing with Liara?” Garrus asked quietly, not looking up from his task. “I know there’s more to this Shadow Broker thing, and I know it has something to do with Thane.”

“I have promises to keep,” Shepard said. And debts to pay.

“Here, let me take that.” Garrus took her pistol and put it back together. “Go get some rest.”

Shepard accepted her gun and decided to head back up to her cabin. She usually told Garrus everything, but on this occasion it was not her secret to tell. This was Thane’s. This was his lost wife, and the trail of revenge that she intended to end. 


	33. Charade

Shepard took one last look back at her room. Once she stepped through that door she was committed, she was Commander Shepard. Invincible, unstoppable, a lie.

Failure was always hard on her heels. She had no choice but to keep running.

The door opened, and Shepard was out, into the elevator, and headed for the docking bay.

“Joker, contact Liara and let her know we’re on our way.”

“Aye, aye commander.”

Thane was waiting, utterly still. He blinked slowly as he caught sight of Shepard, and acknowledged her with a nod.  “Siha.”

She could not hesitate now. “Let’s go, Liara’s expecting us.”

They walked out of the airlock, and Shepard glanced across at the _Normandy_ , the slender outline blurred by the rain on the windows. Lights twinkled in the windows. Her crew were safe on board.

“Did you ever meet Liara when you were on Illium?” Shepard asked, leaving her ship behind.

“No. There were a number of contracts taken out against Miss T’Soni. It became obvious she was not someone to target,” Thane told her.

“I see.”

They made their way up the stairs, passed Nyxeris who gestured for them to enter, and stepped through the door into the office.

Liara rose from her desk to greet them. She reached out to Shepard and clasped her hand. “Shepard. It’s good to see you again.”

“And you. Liara, this is Thane Krios.”

“A pleasure to meet you at last,” Liara said, smiling at Shepard and sitting back down.

Thane remained impassive. “I have heard much about you, Miss T’soni.”

There was a hint of something in his voice, quickly smothered.

Shepard ignored it and sat down. “What have we got?”

“My contact was able to provide me with something that may be able to help. Here. It looks like a leaked transmission between some of the Shadow Broker’s operatives.” Liara handed Shepard a datapad, and she pressed through it, scanning over images. A salarian. A star map. A drell.

“Who’s this?”

“That’s Feron. He helped me recover your body.”

Shepard felt her throat tighten. She was too hot. Her palms were sweating on the datapad. “You recovered my body?”

Thane moved somewhere behind her.

Liara gave him a nervous glance. “Yes. I thought you knew.”

“No. I didn’t know. That was you? How did I…” She shook off Thane’s hand and got to her feet, taking a step back from the desk. “I assumed it was Cerberus that dug me up, not you. How did they get hold of me?”

“I didn’t dig you up, as you put it. The Blue Suns did. The Shadow Broker was hired by the Collectors to find your body, and bring it to them. I stopped him. With Feron’s help.”

The Collectors. Her corpse had been another commodity to trade, a bag of bones to be fought over.

“And then you gave me to Cerberus.”

Liara did not flinch. “Yes. They said they could bring you back.”

Shepard nodded, a small, tight, movement that hurt her neck. She was bunched up, arms clutched against her sides, and her jaw clenched.

“I think Shepard needs a moment,” Thane said, his voice flat. “I have somewhere we can go.”

“Shepard…“ Liara got to her feet. “I understand this must be hard to hear, but I did it for you. I couldn’t let the Collectors use you. This was the only way.”

Shepard could not look at her.

“I’ll be at my apartment if you need anything,” Liara called.

Shepard didn’t turn. She was down the stairs and walking away before she could even start to process the horror that washed over her. The thought of her rotting body being fought over and traded by someone she trusted was too much.

She stopped and looked at Thane. “You knew.”

“Yes. I assumed you did.”

“No. I can’t believe Liara gave me to Cerberus.”

“We shouldn’t talk about this here,” Thane said quietly, and she allowed him to bundle her into a transport. They pulled away from the centre, and came to a halt at one of the outlying blocks. Lights shone in the windows.

Shepard followed Thane in through a featureless lobby and down a blank corridor to the last door on the right.

“Where are we?”

“One of my safe houses.”

The lights flicked on as the door opened, and Shepard followed Thane into the apartment. It was utterly generic. There were no traces that anybody had ever lived there.

Shepard sat down on the immaculate sofa and closed her eyes.

There was an odd quiet about the place. Though she could hear Thane in the kitchen, there was no background noise. No hum of the air conditioning, or vibration from the engine. It felt dead.

She heard the soft chink of ceramic, and when she opened her eyes Thane had placed a cup down on the coffee table in front of her.

“Drink this. It should help with the shock.”

She didn’t move. Through the large window she could see the city gleaming in the distance. “How did you find out? Did one of your contacts tell you?”

Thane nodded. “After you recruited me I did my own research. It was a sensible move. You had been declared dead.”

He waited a moment before sitting down beside her, taking care to keep distance between them.

“Whilst I do not agree with Miss T’Soni’s actions, she made the best choice. You would not be sitting here now if she had left you to the Collectors.”

Shepard sighed and rested her head in her hands.

“I know. I’m glad I’m alive. It’s just hearing it like that, my body being something to retrieve, it brings it home. I was dead. Now I’m…” She rubbed her face and reached for the cup of tea. “Now I’m here, with you.”

Thane shifted closer, his legs resting lightly against hers.

Outside the world kept turning.

Shepard leant her head on his shoulder and kept watch over the city. “I suppose we should go back and see her.”

“We should. Finish your tea. I’d offer you something to eat, but my food supplies are somewhat depleted.”

“So…you lived here.” Shepard scanned the room with a frown before taking a deep drink of the tea. It was delicious, a warm curl of heat in her stomach and throat.

“Yes.”

“I think I prefer the _Normandy_.”

“There we agree. I doubt I will be back,” Thane said, his breath warm in her hair. “But I am glad that my final memory of this place should contain you.”

He pressed a single kiss to her head and moved as if to stand.

“Wait.” Shepard used her elbow to block him. “Don’t go yet. I’ll call a transport, but can we sit here until then? I need…”

To sit there with him a little longer. To feel the shifting tide of her life grow still for a few moments more.

Thane acquiesced silently, and Shepard used her omni-tool to hail a transport.

Out across the city, one of those small beads of light would heed Shepard’s short message and turn towards them, ready to take them away.

Back to Liara, and the Shadow Broker, and everything else that still waited.

They sat until her omni-tool pinged the transports arrival. Shepard went first, leading the way outside then climbing into the waiting transport. Thane hesitated. His dark eyes swept over the lightless windows of his apartment one last time.

“Thane?”

He got in beside her, and the door shut with a hiss, the engine climbing in pitch as they lifted up and took off towards the city.

“I lived there for a long time. I have been on the _Normandy_ for a fraction of that, yet it feels like home. I believe I have you to thank for that, siha.”

She squeezed his fingers in her own, and looked out of the rain blurred window at the lights drawing closer. The _Normandy_ was out there, safe for now, but headed for some unknown fate.

Safety was an illusion. She had seen the glowing splinters of her home rain down on Alchera, with her amongst them. Failure was a heartbeat away. She had to keep running.

\---

The police at the door to Liara’s apartment were the first clue that something was wrong.

Shepard sped up and walked straight through the police line. “What’s going on?”

An asari cop intercepted her, not even bothering to look up from her datapad. “This area is sealed off, please step back through the line, ma’am.”

“Sealed off?” Shepard gave Thane a glance. They’d both noted the impact marks on the glass.

“Someone tried to kill your friend, Commander Shepard.” Another asari walked down the stairs towards them, and Shepard watched as the police responded to her, their traces of subservience marking this asari out.

“Thank you officer, your people are dismissed.”

“You can’t do that!” one of the cops argued.

“Already done.”

The cops glanced at each other, obviously bristling, but unable to fight back. The asari at the door pushed past Shepard, whilst the other cops shrugged at each other and followed.

Shepard approached the remaining asari. “And you are?”

“Tela Vasir,” she responded, drawing herself upright. “Special tactics and recon.”

“You’re a Spectre?”

“I heard you weren’t reinstated. Too bad, you did good work,” Vasir replied, her voice carrying only the faintest trace of regret.

A Spectre in Liara’s apartment on Illium. It was a long way from the Citadel.

“Thanks.”

“So, I assume you had business with your friend this evening, Commander?”

“I did.” Shepard noticed Thane stirring beside her, the movement of his fingers behind his back and the gesture he was keeping hidden from the Spectre. _Keep her talking._

“Liara was following a lead on the Shadow Broker.”

“The Shadow Broker? A dangerous enemy to have.”

Vasir paced closer, and this time her eyes passed over Thane.

Shepard wandered over to the window and looked at the bullet holes. She reached her fingers up to brush over the edges, and the raindrops trickling in through the fractured glass. “What are the facts so far?”

“About twenty-five minutes ago, someone took a shot at Miss T’Soni,” Vasir said, coming to stand beside her. “She stuck around for almost four minutes before leaving the building. Whatever she was doing was important.”

There was no need to move. Thane had already started his search.

“She stayed for a reason. We just have to figure out what that was.” Shepard needed to know. She circled through the apartment, conscious of where Thane had already searched, knowing he would miss nothing.

Vasir gave them both a glance, then got to work sifting through paperwork that had been tossed on the floor.

Shepard took the opportunity to head upstairs. The bedroom looked untouched. It was the picture by the bed that caught her attention—a bright image showing the _Normandy_ SR-1.

“That’s odd,” Shepard murmured.

There were footsteps on the stairs. Vasir.

Shepard picked the picture up, and it promptly changed.

“The picture changed when you touched it. It must be keyed to your I.D. What does it show now?” Vasir asked, peering at the picture.

“A Prothean dig site. It must be a message of some kind,” Shepard said. She set the picture down again and watched as the picture reverted to the old _Normandy_.

“There are a few Prothean looking objects around the apartment. Let’s see what we can find.” Vasir set off down the stairs, with Shepard following. She made her way across the room to where Thane was examining a glass case.

“What did the picture show?” Thane asked. His voice was the barest rasp.

“The _Normandy_. The SR-1.” She kept her voice down, listening to Vasir and the rush of the rain outside. “It changed to show one of her dig sites. Liara wants me to find something.”

“It will be keyed to your I.D.”

“Do we want to do this with her still here?”

Thane smiled and dragged his fingers lightly over the top of the cabinet. “Sometimes you must spring the trap and see what you catch.”

He leant close and spoke rapidly. “The cabinet over there has a secret compartment.”

Shepard went to the cabinet and touched her hands to the front. There was a small electronic chirrup, and a panel slid from the front containing what looked like a back-up disc.

The trap was set.

“Vasir? I’ve got something here.”

The asari looked it over. “A back-up disk. Let’s try it on her terminal.”

The terminal screens were filled with footage of a salarian, and Liara’s voice. “What have you got for me, Sekat?”

“It was tricky, but you paid for the best. I can narrow it down to a cluster, maybe even a system.”

“How soon can you have it?”

“Shouldn’t take long. Come to my office. Baria frontiers, in the Dracon Trade Centre. Gotta say, though, T’Soni, you’re making me a little nervous. How big is the trouble that could come out of this?”

“Relax, Sekat. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

The recording blinked off, and Shepard started running through the possibilities. “Looks like Liara found something. We need to get to Baria frontiers.”

“My car’s outside,” Vasir offered.

Shepard let the Spectre lead the way. She had a message to send.

\---

As the car came into land, Shepard caught sight of Garrus. He was leaning against a transport, arms folded, head down.

The car door opened, and Shepard sprang out. “Vasir, we need to get ready. We’ll be right back.”

“Sure. Don’t be long though. Who knows what we’ll find in there.”

Shepard took off with Thane at her side, stripping as she walked. By the time she got over to Garrus, she was down to her under suit and reaching for her armour.

“Nice of you to join us,” she said, flinging open the box Garrus had brought. Everything was in there. Shepard snapped her armour on quickly, her eyes never leaving the tower.

“Looks like you got more than you bargained for,” Garrus said. He waved at the second box. “I brought your guns. I hope I picked the right ones.”

Thane lifted the lid. “Thank you, these will do nicely. Here.” He started to hand Shepard her guns and she loaded up, waiting for Thane to follow suit before starting back towards Vasir.

“What is a Spectre doing here?” Garrus muttered. “Unless the Council are interested in the Shadow Broker now.”

Shepard shrugged. She sent him a brief message that he could read through his visor, and sped up to reach Vasir.

“The Baria Frontiers offices are located on the third floor,” the Spectre told them, already heading towards the building. “I don’t hear police chatter, we must have missed the party.”

An explosion ripped through the air, flames leaping from the windows.

Shepard found herself on the floor with glass raining down around her. Screams started to fill the air, and she looked up through the floating embers, hands raised to catch the falling shards.

“Siha.” Thane leant over her, brows furrowed with concern. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Garrus?”

“Right here.” He got slowly to his feet, and waited until Shepard was up before going to help Vasir.

Shepard started to assess the situation. They had civilians down, and fire was still burning in the windows above—the same place Liara had been headed. At the most they had five minutes before the emergency services turned up.

“This is problematic,” Thane said.

“That’s one word for it,” Shepard muttered.

Vasir stared upwards, frowning up at the gaping windows. “They just took out three floors to make sure she’s dead.”

“We need to get in there.” Shepard unholstered her pistol, and Vasir stepped backwards, her gaze flicking between the three of them.

“I’ll grab the skycar and seal off the building from the top.”

“You do that. See you inside.”

Once the sound of the skycar died away, they were left with the cries of the wounded and dying. Injured civilians lined their path in, and Shepard made sure to detour around them. She couldn’t do anything for them. Help was on its way, and Liara could have suffered a similar fate.

“What’s the plan?” Garrus asked as they stepped into the building.

Shepard surveyed the damage surrounding them. Fire was flickering in the shadows. Ceiling tiles swung loose. “We get up to the third floor and look for Liara.”

She led the way, past the casualties and the bodies for whom help would never come. Each new corridor brought more of the same, but with every unfamiliar face Shepard felt a sense of relief.

They had yet to find Liara, but they hadn’t made it into Baria Frontiers yet.

As they wound their way further into the building, quiet started to take hold. There were less people there. The entrance to Baria Frontiers was deserted.

Shepard checked the log book, and messaged Vasir as the glowing orange name blinked at her on the screen.

“I’m at the Baria Frontiers office. Liara signed in just a few minutes ago.”

“Understood, Commander.”

“So she’s here.” Garrus opened the door but didn’t go through. “Or she was. Shepard, is there something you want to tell me about all of this? You go to meet Liara, she vanishes, and then there’s a Spectre on your tail. None of it adds up.”

“I don’t know any more than you do.” Shepard peered through the door and took a tentative step inside. “What I do know is that someone else is calling the shots, so we go along and with it and see what we find.”

“I hope it’s something good,” Garrus muttered, spinning slowly as he scanned the room. “We’ve got incoming.”

Shepard had already caught the heat signatures through her visor, and she scuttled low across the room and into cover. There was a searing white flash. Shepard blinked through the effects of the flashbang grenade to lob Shockwave down the corridor.

Once the assailants were scattered, Shepard and Thane moved into the fray. Within moments they had flattened all resistance.

Thane’s crouched to examine one of the bodies at their feet, his glowing hands casting a blue hue over the armour of the fallen. “These are agents of the Shadow Broker, they will be searching for Liara. We should move quickly.”

“Then we go in hard and fast. Give them a distraction.” She’d been told she was a valuable distraction. This was something she could do.

Shepard’s biotics burst into life, and Thane lit up beside her. “Shall we?”

Thane dipped her a small bow, and she took off, bent on destruction, ready to raise hell.

\---

The gunshot was muffled by the door. Shepard paused, gave the signal to Garrus and Thane, then hit the button.

Vasir turned to look at them as they entered. At her feet were two twitching bodies—a Shadow Broker agent and Sekat.

“Damn,” Vasir said, putting her pistol away. “If I’d been a few seconds faster I could have stopped them.”

Sekat was their last link to Liara. She’d been coming here to meet him, and now he was dead, glassy eyes dimming. His information would die with him, and with it their best chance to finding the Shadow Broker.

Shepard clamped down on her disappointment. “The data could still be around here somewhere. Maybe Liara already found it.”

“You haven’t found her body?”

There was a brittle tone to Vasir’s voice. A question laced with desperation.

Shepard saw Garrus move beside her, his fingers tightening on his gun, and Thane’s head whipped around.

“You mean this body?”

Liara stepped past them with her pistol pointed directly at Vasir.

“What’s going on?” Shepard asked Liara, relief flooding through her at the sight of her friend. “Is there something I should know?”

“This is the woman who tried to kill me,” Liara said, her gun unwavering as she approached Vasir.

The Spectre backed off, an incredulous smile on her face. “You’ve had a rough day, so I’ll let that slide. Why don’t you put the gun down.”

“I saw you. I doubled back after I left. I watched you break into my apartment!” Liara said, and Shepard walked slowly forwards, keenly aware of the turian and the drell at her back.

“You didn’t think we believed your little charade?” Shepard asked. She took her pistol out, and heard the sound repeated behind her. “You needed me to find the message. I wanted to see what you’d do.” She looked down at Sekat’s motionless body. “We can stop playing games now.”

Vasir scoffed and folded her arms. “What the hell is this, you—“

“Once she had my location, she signalled the Shadow Broker’s forces. They bombed the building to take me out,” Liara explained. “She found Sekat, took his data, and killed him. I’m guessing she’s still got the disk on her.”

“Good guess.” Vasir took the disk from her pocket and looked at it speculatively. “Not that you’ll ever see what’s on it.”

Thane moved, but Vasir had the advantage. The window behind her shattered, and Shepard saw the splinters explode towards them.

There was a biotic pop as Liara raised her hand, and a shimmering blue force field enfolded them. It turned the splinters aside, and gave Vasir valuable seconds to flee.

She turned, but Shepard jumped before Vasir could. They collided hard, rolled over the windowsill, and tumbled out into open air.

The ground flashed up as they turned. Shepard tried to feel the floor with the edges of her mass effect field, to judge her landing, but Vasir was struggling in her arms. Her mass effect field was acting as a deliberate disruption.

Shepard resolved to cling onto Vasir instead. She tightened her grip, felt Vasir’s biotics ripple outwards, and knew she couldn’t hold on. Instead of falling she was slammed into the floor.

Her breath had left her. Pain simmered in every nerve ending, and Shepard shut her eyes to take hold of it. Footsteps landed neatly beside her, only to streak away, and when she opened her eyes there was only Thane.

“That’s twice in one day,” she managed, sucking in her breath as she rolled onto one side and pushed herself up. “Where’s Vasir?”

“Liara has gone after her. Shepard—“

She shook her head and got up. The back of her head was throbbing, but she couldn’t stop now, not while Vasir still had the disk. “We can talk about this later.”

“If you insist. They went this way.”

Shepard waited until Garrus had caught up before following Thane down the corridor. He kept pace with her, and Shepard tried to pretend she hadn’t seen the fear on his face.

The path was marked with spent clips, impact holes, and still twitching Shadow Broker agents. They found Liara bunkered down beside a transport, exchanging pistol fire with Vasir. She had nowhere left to go.

“This should be easy,” Garrus said. He took out his sniper rifle, and Shepard tilted her head to watch a transport fly in. It disappeared somewhere behind where Vasir had taken cover.

“You shouldn’t have said that.” Shepard took out of her missile launcher, and was just in time to watch Vasir throw herself off the side. “Shit.”

“Come on!” Liara shouted. She opened the door of the nearest transport and looked at them expectantly.

Shepard hesitated, and got into the driver’s seat. The controls were familiar. The engine started easily.

“Wait, you’re not—“

“Buckle up, Garrus. Lucky for you I’ve stolen a few of these and I only crashed once.”

Thane took the seat next to her. His amusement was all too obvious. He knew her as the Commander, and as the two-bit car thief, but now she was going to prove those words.

The transport lifted. Shepard scooped the nose up and pointed it at the disappearing tail lights of Vasir. They were off.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's go to war  
> To make peace  
> Let's be cold  
> To create heat  
> I hope in darkness  
> We can see  
> And you're not blinded by the light from me  
> I'm going in for the kill  
> I'm doing it for a thrill  
> Oh I'm hoping you'll understand  
> And not let go of my hand
> 
> In for the Kill by La Roux


	34. Promises to keep

Shepard showed no sign of hesitation as she flung the transport after the Spectre. Her look of concentration quickly lapsed into a small smile.

“There she is!” Liara said, leaning forwards between the seats.

Shepard accelerated hard, throwing Liara backwards. Garrus made a small noise, and Thane allowed himself to sit back and watch Shepard at work.

It was a pleasure to see her like this. She was entirely focussed on the craft, dodging nimbly, though at a speed he might have avoided. Even that did not worry him.

She may not have been a smooth driver, but she was certainly capable.

“Watch out for the—“

“On it,” Shepard said, and she grinned as they plunged towards the lumbering transport. She waited until the last second to pull them up out of its path. Thane hummed under his breath, and he saw Shepard glance at him. It was a distraction they could ill afford.

“Siha…”

“Sorry, everyone hang on!” she shouted, and without blinking Shepard swung them directly into the path of the oncoming traffic. Not even Vasir had been that foolish, but by doing so they would cut her off at the next tower.

Provided they survive.

Shepard jinked them sideways, let out a curse, and veered sideways, taking them out of the stream of traffic and flush across the building. One slip and they would be through the windows.

Thane focussed on Vasir’s transport drawing closer. Shepard slowed a fraction.

Vasir drew level, and they shot straight into the side of her. The impact jerked them forwards. Alarms started ringing. Thane looked up to see Vasir’s crumpled ship angling itself downwards.

“I might have overcooked that,” Shepard admitted. She wrestled the steering into submission, punched the dash to silence the alarm and started after Vasir. “Is everyone okay?”

“We’re fine,” Liara said. “Did we get her?”

“Looks like it.”

The stricken transport had landed on the dock of the next building along. A figure clambered out and started limping away.

“I hope we didn’t damage the disk,” Liara said.

Shepard bit her lip as she guided them down to land beside Vasir’s now empty craft.

Thane leapt out to inspect the downed craft. The driver’s side was bashed in. There was blood on the seat.

“She should be easy to find,” Thane said, scanning around. The first patches of blood started only a few metres away.

“What are we going to do with her?” Garrus asked as they followed the bright blue trail.

“She’s a Spectre. She should be handed over to the Council,” Shepard replied. She stopped and looked into the window of the building they’d landed at. The place was deserted. Lewd videos of asari were playing on a big screen in what looked like a bedroom. “Where are we?”

“A luxury resort with an…exotic edge,” Liara explained. “It is called Azure. That is slang for—“

“I know what that’s slang for,” Shepard interrupted.

There were places of this nature everywhere in the galaxy. Thane had tracked some of his targets down to this very hotel. He knew the layout, and where Vasir was heading. There were sounds of a party up ahead.

“There could be a complication,” Thane told Shepard and she turned to him as screams started up ahead.

She registered his expression and they took off, bursting through the doors and out onto a large veranda where party guests were now scattering to the sides of the room. Vasir stood in the midst with her pistol pressed against the head of a weeping human woman.

“Tell these people you want to live,” Vasir ordered.

Shepard nodded at Thane.

Vasir dug the gun into the woman’s head. “You tell your friend to stay right there, or I’ll blow off this woman’s head.”

Thane paused and looked to Shepard for their next step. She frowned, and Thane stepped back.

“Please,” the woman begged. “Please help me.”

“It’s alright,” Shepard said. “I’ll get you out of here safely.”

Vasir scoffed and dragged her backwards a step. There was blood at her feet. “Put the guns down. Thermal clips too.”

“Alright.” Shepard put her pistol down slowly and raised her hands in a gesture of surrender. Vasir was more of a fool that he had expected. They might be without weapons, but they were hardly unarmed.

The Spectre shoved her hostage aside. She raised her gun. Both Shepard and Thane acted as one. She used Reave. He used Warp.

Vasir was flung through the air. She landed hard, struggled for a moment, then lay still.

An expression of regret crossed Shepard’s face as she approached the fallen Spectre.

Vasir was not dead. She watched them approach, and with a last gasp of effort she pulled herself up against the side, her arms tight around her middle.

“Let me give you something for that,” Shepard said.

Liara walked over, took the disk and retreated.

“Screw you,” spat Vasir. “You’re dead. The Shadow Broker has been in power for decades. He’s stronger than anything you’ve ever faced.”

“Is that why you betrayed the Council to work for him?”

“You think I betrayed the Council? Like Saren? Go to hell.” Vasir coughed, blue speckles forming on her chin. “The Broker’s given me damn good intel over the years. Intel that saved lives, and kept the Citadel safe.”

“You blew up a building full of innocent people.” Shepard got to her feet. “You don’t deserve the title of Spectre.”

“You’re judging _me_?” Vasir laughed, though it rapidly turned into a gurgle. “You work for Cerberus. I know what they’ve done, I’ve read the files. What I did was nothing compared to you.”

“You don’t know the first thing about me,” Shepard said. She typed something on her omni-tool, turned, and before Vasir could stop her Garrus had grabbed the Spectre’s arms. Shepard took the med-gel out and used it.

“No, I’m better off dead,” Vasir screamed. “If he—“

“You’ll be taken into custody and handed over to the Council,” Shepard said. She took something else out of her small med-pack and with a cursory jab she injected the struggling asari. Vasir went still. Her head flopped on the floor.

“Liara, have you sent everything to the police?”

“Yes. They were already on their way.”

“And we’ve got what we came for?”

Liara checked the disk, scanning images that flashed up on her omni-tool. “We have the Shadow Broker’s location.”

“Then we should be leaving. We’ve got a long way to go.”

Thane watched Shepard try to wipe the blood from her hands. She didn’t meet his gaze, choosing instead to walk away from the Spectre and everything she had said.

\---

Shepard tore off her gloves, frowned at the stains, and started on the rest of the armour.

Liara watched her, mouth opening and shutting. She had nowhere else to go until the Shadow Broker had been dealt with. The _Normandy_ would be her home once more.

“Just say whatever it is,” Shepard instructed her, stacking her armour on the desk.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry for everything. I thought this is what you’d want. To come back, and keep fighting.” Liara looked miserable. “You always made the big decisions. With you gone, I didn’t know what to do. When I heard about the deal between the Shadow Broker and the Collectors I had to act.”

“Stop.” Shepard went over to her friend. “You don’t have to apologise. This might not be what I had in mind, but it’s a damn sight better than the Collectors getting hold of me.”

Liara’s brow furrowed, and Shepard put her arms around her. They stood in silence for a moment, their weight supported.

“So you’re not angry with me?”

“No.” Shepard drew back and patted her friend on the shoulder. “No. I was just surprised. Miranda didn’t tell me who recovered my body.”

“Of course not.” Liara sat down on the sofa. “Do we have any more information on why the Collectors are after you?”

“Things haven’t quite gone according to plan. I had to destroy my last lead.” Shepard took off the rest of her armour and leant against the desk. “Do you think the Shadow Broker will have anything?”

“You can ask him yourself.” Liara got up and went over to the bedside table where she picked up the holo of Garrus and Kaidan. “How are you, Shepard? After everything you’ve seen, this can’t be easy for you.”

The concern from her friend hit a nerve. Every unspoken worry rushed in, and Shepard found herself searching for words that would not betray her. “I’ve been better. I mean, I’ve got Garrus and…”

“Thane,” Liara said. She put the picture down. “How is the research going?”

“The lab is all set up. The first round of testing has started. It’s looking like we’re going to be short for the second round though.”

“I see. Once we’ve dealt with the Shadow Broker, I could offer some help with that.”

The question was on the tip of Shepard’s tongue. She remembered Liara’s reaction to the picture of Feron.

“That would be useful. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Shepard felt some of the worry lift. She grabbed her towel and a change of clothes. “Go make yourself at home. We won’t reach Hagalaz for a while.”

“I’ll do that. Thank you.”

Liara left, and Shepard got into the shower. Vasir had been right, in a way, but Shepard hadn’t joined Cerberus through choice.

She wasn’t like Vasir. Innocent lives were not to be traded. Shepard scrubbed her hands clean.

\---

They squinted out of the window, searching the roiling clouds for some sign of their target.

“There it is,” Joker said. “Look at that thing. See the way it’s riding the storm like that. You’re going to have a hell of time getting in there.”

Shepard caught sight of the ship as the storm clouds parted. Lightning danced along the hull. “But we can get in?”

“Yeah, you can take a shuttle over. It’ll be choppy, but you’ll make it.”

“Thanks, Joker. Enjoy the view.”

“Aye aye, Commander.”

Shepard headed down to the shuttle bay. The two teams were already waiting, and she gave them a glance over before stopping to address them.

“The plan is simple. We go in, rescue the hostage and kill the Shadow Broker. Garrus, you take Samara and Kasumi. I want you searching for Feron whilst we go after the Broker. Anything goes wrong, and you back us up. Are we clear?”

Everyone signalled their agreement.

The shuttle engine started, and Shepard got in, sitting down in the corner.

Garrus sat down opposite. A message flashed up on her visor.

_How are we getting in this thing?_

Shepard shrugged at Garrus and turned to Liara who had taken the seat beside her. “How are we getting in to the base?”

“The shuttle bay is locked down. We’ll need to land on the ship and hunt for a hatch. But we can’t stay outside for long,” Liara told her. “There’s a constant lightning storm where the hot and cold air collide.”

Another message flashed up. _Now I know why you brought me. I’m the tallest._

Shepard grinned.

The shuttle pitched and rolled. There was a hum, a rush of wind against the hull, and Shepard made sure to grab onto the handholds as she got to her feet. She caught sight of Thane, still seated.

He had not looked at her since they boarded the shuttle. His eyes flickered as he stared at his tightly clasped hands. Memories had him now.

“We’re coming in. Are you ready?” the pilot asked.

“Breathers on everyone,” Shepard ordered. She pushed her helmet down, and heard the seals click into place. “We’re ready.”

The door swung open before her. The shuttle was struggling against the wind, holding them unsteadily alongside an exposed walkway.

Shepard released the handholds and threw herself out.

The storm took hold of them. The winds screamed past, threatening to pluck them all off and cast them into the cloudy expanse below. The ship itself stood half glazed by the sunset, a dark shadow cast against the dying brightness of the clouds. Lightning fractured the sky.

She took her Tempest out, and looked around, trying to figure out where the nearest hatch was likely to be. The ship itself was like nothing she’d ever seen.

“Shepard,” Liara said, her omni-tool glowing as she scanned their surroundings. “It’s hard to pinpoint in this lightning, but I’m picking up signals from a communication array near the back of the ship. There’s nothing below but maintenance equipment. We have to find an entrance near the back shielding.”

“Alright. We’ll go in together.” Shepard tried not to flinch as lightning struck one of the conductor rods nearby. The air crackled with energy, playing havoc with her sensor readings.

Something hit her barrier. She moved swiftly into cover and peeked around at the movement in the shadows. Agents of the Shadow Broker, skirting the closest lightning rod. Shepard took her pistol out and shot it.

There was a loud snap, and the electricity arced through the broker’s agents, their bodies freeze framed in the burst of light before they crumpled to the ground.

“Well that worked. Remind me not to go near those things,” Garrus said, standing up but remaining stooped.

They met more resistance on their way across the exposed hull, but there could be no pause. Liara’s warning was much more effective now that they were in amongst the conductors with the storm all about them. Garrus stayed low.

The others crouched, skimming the surface as they searched for the illusive hatch.

Shepard found a door and stepped through, hoping for relief from the onslaught of the weather. What she found was something quite different.

They were in the engine room. The lightning was conducted through a series of massive blades that rose and fell in a wave, powering the engines using the storm’s energy. The noise shook through her.

“Look at this thing,” Shepard murmured, watching the dance of the engine blades.

“Flying this thing must take a hell of a lot of work,” Garrus said. He stopped at her side and craned his head up to look at the movement as it rippled right the way around the room.

Thane paid no attention. He went straight to the exit, and Shepard followed. Her words would be useless. It was actions that mattered.

The exit led them out onto the back section of the ship.

“That must be it over there,” Liara said, and she bounded off across the hull. Gunfire followed her footsteps.

Shepard spotted the culprits, and with Samara’s help they scattered them, leaving Kasumi, Garrus and Thane to deal with the onslaught from the other side. It was one of the strangest places she’d fought in.

Lightning struck all around them. The storm took anyone they dislodged and swallowed them up into the whirl of clouds. If she fell she’d freeze until the sun rose again and burnt her into nothing.

“I’ve found the hatch,” Liara shouted. Shepard roused herself and bounded over to the large access hatch.

“It’s locked, but I’ve got a bypass programme that can crack it.” Liara held her omni-tool over the door and a glowing disc appeared on the door.

There were gunshots close by. Shepard gestured for Garrus to go look. “How long will it take?”

Liara looked exasperated. “I don’t know, Shepard. I’ve never broken into the Shadow Broker’s base before.”

Crouching beside them, pistol trained on the hull, Thane finally broke his silence. “We will be easy targets waiting here. I suggest we move.”

“He’s right,” Garrus said over the comm. “We’ve got incoming from every direction.”

Shepard put her pistol away, and replaced it with her sniper rifle. “Everyone, find somewhere to dig in.”

She had one last look around the doorway, and then rolled neatly across the gap and into cover on the other side. The attack came straight away. Shepard had to keep moving, orbiting the door and the glowing disk that stayed resolutely red.

In the flickering light it was difficult to make out the approaching enemy. Now and again she caught sight of Kasumi materialising with a brief flash, only to cloak and vanish back into the darkness. Samara was easy to find. Her own blue bursts of power were a counterpoint to the lightning. Garrus’ rifle was a familiar background noise. Liara had stayed at her side the entire time. That left Thane.

He had barely spoken to her. Shepard scanned the hull for him, but there was nothing.

“Shepard, the hatch is open!” Liara said, already running for it.

“Let’s go everyone,” Shepard ordered, and she used her biotics to power over to the hatch. She stood at the doorway, returning fire, and waiting for everyone to get inside.

Thane was last. He appeared as if from nowhere, snapping a new thermal clip in as he walked through the doorway.

Shepard stepped over the threshold and into the chamber. The door hissed shut. In the quiet she could hear the pressure equalizing.

“Liara,” she said, pulling her helmet off. “Lock this door, we don’t want anyone coming in after us.”

“Understood.”

It wasn’t worth waiting. Shepard opened the door on the opposite side, took out her pistol, and moved quickly down to the bottom of the slope. Shots punctured the quiet, and she took a moment to scope out their immediate surroundings. “Garrus, you push through that way,” she gestured. “Liara, Thane, we’ll go straight at them.”

A missile hit the wall sheltering them, and a fine wash of heat and dust blew through the air and obscured their vision. When the smoke cleared she looked for Thane and found him looking for her.

“Time to move.” She threw Shockwave down the corridor, heard a muffled yell of pain, and fired at it.

Garrus took his chances and left with Samara and Kasumi. Shepard heard the sound of their guns retreating, only to be overlaid by incoming fire.

This time she led with Reave before dodging down the corridor. She spotted the agent wielding the missile launcher and returned the favour. The ensuing blast knocked a small pocket of enemies free. Shepard jumped amongst them, hands glowing, the blue of Thane beside her.

She punched one and ducked as Thane span into a kick that knocked the luckless agent into a wall.

“There are so many of them,” Liara said as she stepped over the bodies. “Throwing their lives away for nothing.”

“The Shadow Broker does not care for anyone’s life but his own,” Thane said. He moved on, and they climbed the steps only to find more willing targets down the next corridor.

Shepard lost herself in the rhythm of the fight. There was nothing but the jump of the gun beneath her fingers, the pulse of energy running through her, and Thane at her side. Enemies were crushed without thought. Thane’s actions were swift and somehow more blunt than usual, no power expended uselessly.

The last of them finished, Shepard took the moment, knowing that there would be more enemies incoming.

“Garrus? You found anything?”

There was a brief pause.

Liara stopped at the next door, opened it, and ducked back as the gunfire started once more.

“We’ve found something, but the bastards aren’t letting us get close. Give me a few minutes and I’ll let you know what it is. What about you?”

“Nothing yet. Keep me informed.”

Shepard threw a grenade down the corridor and readied herself. The blast sounded, and Shepard was about to move when Liara stopped her, blue fingers tight around her wrist.

“Have they found him?” Liara asked. There were gunshots. Thane ducked back into cover and waited.

Shepard tugged her arm back from Liara’s grasp. “He’s not sure yet. Don’t worry, we’ll find Feron.”

She didn’t wait to see the look on Liara’s face. Shepard’s fingers closed on the trigger, giving Thane a moment to snipe one of the agents who made the mistake of breaking cover.

Shepard fired again, and she heard the voice over her comm. “We’ve found him. He’s alive.”

Patience wearing thin, Shepard swore, took her missile launcher out, and blew the last crate to bits. Anyone still hiding was obliterated.

In the ringing quiet she turned back to Liara, Thane at her side. “They’ve found him. He’s alive.”

Liara nodded, expressions flitting across her face. “Thank the goddess.”

“Shepard, he might be alive, but he’s not going anywhere,” Garrus said, and Shepard took care to keep her expression blank.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s trapped in some kind of torture device. You’ll need to cut the power to the Broker’s information network before we can get him out.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Shepard said. She watched as Liara checked their surroundings. Her friend had a small smile on her face, and Shepard let the words go, knowing that they wouldn’t help at this point.

“There’s a massive amount of power being directed down this corridor,” Liara said, following the bright image along towards a wide doorway. “It looks like this leads to the main control room.”

Thane glanced at the doors still in front of them, blackened by the explosion, the green panel glowing dully.

The Shadow Broker was a heartbeat away.

Shepard raised her hand to the panel and sucked in a last breath. This had been her decision. The weight of any consequences fell on her, and she knew that well enough. Once they were through that door there could be any number of outcomes, but they all had to end with the death of the Shadow Broker.

She opened the door.

The room was vast, lights barely breaking through the gloom. A desk sat in the centre, and behind it, clothed in shadow, was the dark bulk of something strange and unknown. The Shadow Broker.

He stirred, his massive head inclining towards Liara, and Shepard tightened her fingers around her gun.

“Here for the drell?”

Shepard stepped forwards, and the Broker drew his gaze back to her. “Reckless, even for you, Commander.

“Not reckless, just determined. You owe me a debt.”

“A debt?” There was no trace of surprise in the Shadow Broker’s voice. “I owe you nothing.”

“You’ve taken things from my friends, and we’re here to claim them back,” Shepard said. She took another step, and the alien’s strange form became clearer.

“The drell brought this on himself. He suffers as he should,” the Shadow Broker said.

Liara started forwards, fury on her face. “What have you done to Feron?”

“Doctor T’Soni. Your interference caused all this. Feron betrayed me when he handed you Shepard’s body. The drell is simply paying the price.”

The temptation burned in the back of Shepard’s throat. She’d given up her last lead, and now there was this, the creature that had struck a deal with the Collectors. She had to ask.

“Why were you working with the Collectors?”

“It was a mutually beneficial partnership. They offered me information in return for your body.”

“Information about—“

“Enough talk.” The Broker shifted behind his desk. “My operations are too crucial to be compromised by you and your rabble.”

“You’re quite confident for someone with nowhere left to hide,” Liara threatened.

The Broker did not look at her as he spoke. His attention had shifted beyond Shepard, and onto Thane.

“You travel with fascinating companions, doctor. Bringing an assassin was shrewd, T’Soni. I’ll give Mister Krios’ son my regards.”

Shepard looked at Thane. He had grown still, his flickering eyes the only point of movement.

Liara responded, but Shepard could not look away from Thane. She had brought him here to face the creature responsible for his wife’s death. This was her fault.

“You killed the original Shadow Broker sixty years ago, then took over,” Liara continued. “I’m guessing you were taken from your world by a trophy hunter who wanted a slave... or a pet. How am I doing?”

The Shadow Broker got to his feet. Shepard stood firm as Liara shrank behind her. Thane gave no ground.

The yahg towered over them. He clenched his fist and slammed it down onto the desk. It broke beneath him. He grabbed the first section that came to hand, and threw it.

Shepard tried to move towards Thane. Instead she was pulled out of the way, landing on her side amidst the debris, with Liara still holding her tightly.

Thane lay still beneath the debris.

“No,” she cried, skittering out of Liara’s grasp and across the floor. The Broker let out a roar, and she spared a glance for him, noting the gun he had taken from the wreckage of his desk, and the nearest cover.

There was still time. She pulled the desk from Thane and threw it at the Broker, using her biotics to give it deadly speed. Crouching at Thane’s side, Shepard touched shaking fingers to his face. He wasn’t dead. There was blood coming from a scrape on his head, but his pulse still beat fiercely.

“Liara,” Shepard shouted. “Get Thane into cover. I’ll deal with the rest.”

She ran and dodged behind the closest pillar. Liara had reached Thane.

Shepard took out her Tempest and stepped into clear view.

The Broker wasted no time, firing back as he lumbered closer and closer, seemingly unaffected by the shots she landed on him. There was an odd shimmer every time she hit him.

“Shepard, you’re wasting your time,” Liara said over the comm, and Shepard made for cover. Her suit alarm was ringing. Her barrier needed to recharge.

“Why?” Shepard asked. She popped the heatsink, heard the heavy footsteps, and jumped out of the way just as the Broker charged straight into the large pillar. It crumpled but gave her a second to escape as he rebound, stumbling backwards.

“His shield is kinetically sensitive. Energy and projectiles are bouncing off,” Liara told her.

Shepard came to a stop. She put her gun away slowly, and flexed her hands. This was something she could do. “Then I guess I’ll have to do this the hard way.”

Her biotics rushed through her. She stepped out into the open and leapt forwards.

The Broker was even bigger up close, and her impact did little beyond forcing him to step back, arms closing protectively in front. A shield sprang from his omni-tool and he swung it, knocking Shepard across the floor.

That had to go.

“Fire at him, give him something to think about,” Shepard ordered as she rolled to her feet. She ran forwards again, dodged behind the Shadow Broker, and jumped onto his back.

There was no throat to constrict. Instead she crushed one arm into his mouth, hearing the teeth scrape against her armour as she pulled her arm in and squeezed. He tried to roar, bent over forwards and shook, but Shepard dug her heels in.

She pulled tighter. The Broker span, and did as she hoped. He backed up fast. The wall came quicker than she expected, and Shepard barely had time to bring up her barrier before she was crushed. He battered her into the wall repeatedly.

The third time she loosened her arms. She felt him dip forwards in response and kicked her feet off the wall. A small push from her biotics, and she had flipped through the air, landing with her feet on the Broker’s huge arms.

The Broker roared in her face, his teeth glistening as his mouth parted. There was only a split second given. Her fingers flew over her omni-tool as she searched for the overload programme Garrus had given her. There was a crackle. The orange shield flickered and died.

Any sense of achievement was quickly extinguished by the arms that locked tight around her, and the open maw trying to clamp down on her face.

Her barrier was only just holding. Shepard arched her back and pulled away as far as she could, but the yahg held fast. The alarm of her suit gave one last cry. His teeth were at her neck.

In amongst the searing pain was an idea. Her hand found her side. The blade flashed in the dark. It slid against her skin and into the Broker’s mouth.

He dropped her with a roar.

Shepard gasped as she hit the floor and stumbled up with the knife raised. “That was for Irikah, you son of a bitch.”

The Broker screamed again, blood splattering the floor, and she brought her fist up into his chin with everything she had left. It connected, jarred down her arm, and she punched him with the other hand that still contained her knife.

He hit back. The impact drove her across the room, and Shepard righted herself using her biotics, sliding backwards with her knife scoring the floor for purchase. She jumped again, aware of the blood at her neck, the shouts of her friend, and the promise she had made.

“Get him over here,” Liara said from her place in the centre of the room.

Shepard dug both of her fists into the Broker’s face and he grabbed her arms, tossing her against the wall. The pain echoed through her bones.

 _No_. “No,” Shepard spat. She ran at him, feet scrabbling for purchase as she backed him up. The Broker stumbled backwards. She gathered herself and charged again, fists clamouring, blows raining down on her. Some she dodged. Others landed. Her barrier deflected what it could.

Light danced overhead. The Broker’s hand closed over her own, the knife twisting from her grasp as her wrist was crushed. Shepard felt her knees crumple. Liara’s gun was firing.

There were promises to keep. Shepard closed her eyes and used her biotics to push further, every muscle straining as she forced the Broker backwards.

“There, you’ve done it. Get out of the way!” Liara shouted, and Shepard raised her face to the brightness above them. Her wrist was tightly within the Broker’s grasp.

Shepard drove her free elbow into the arm that still held hers, felt the grip loosen, and she tore herself away with a hiss of pain that settled over every part of her. There was a blinding flash and a last roar of noise that knocked her flat on her back.

The room above her was a blur, filled with the after image of the light she had stared into.

“Shepard?”

Her tongue felt numb. “You’re… I might need a…”

The light faded. Darkness took her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The secrets that you keep are ever ready  
> Are you ready?  
> I'm finished making sense  
> Done pleading ignorance  
> That whole defense  
> Spinning infinity, boy  
> The wheel is spinning me  
> It's never-ending, never-ending  
> Same old story  
> What if I say I'm not like the others?  
> What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?  
> You're the pretender  
> What if I say I will never surrender?  
> In time or so I'm told  
> I'm just another soul for sale... oh well
> 
> The Pretender by The Foo Fighters


	35. Loose Ends

The floor moved beneath him. A roar pierced the darkness behind his eyes, and Thane sat up, aware of the throbbing in his head, and the flash of light that penetrated every corner of the room.

In the centre of the room, bathed in falling ashes, was the charred corpse of the Shadow Broker—the one enemy he had failed to kill. Shepard had succeeded where he had not. Kolyat was safe.

Thane struggled to rise. His head still throbbed. Someone had placed him in a position of safety.

He caught sight of Liara crouched on the floor. There was someone lay beside her, dark hair splayed, face turned away, and Thane felt his centre of gravity shift.

Surely the gods would not be so cruel as to make him live through this nightmare again.

_The bones shift as he turns her. Blood speckles the floor mats. Irikah stares past him from the ruin of her face, lips moving, no sound escaping her throat._

_“Irikah…”_

_She is beyond his call now. The words of the prayer stick to his tongue as his wife takes a shuddering breath and stills. She begins to cool in his arms but he cannot let go, not yet. The moment he does her weight will become but a memory._

“Thane.” Liara’s voice called him back. Instead of fear there was a trace of exasperation. “I need you to grab her medpack.”

Through the pain, Thane did as he was told. He removed the slender medpack, opened it, and took up station on Shepard’s other side. Her eyes were closed. There were traces of the fight on her face. Blood was pooling beneath her.

“She has a wound on her neck. I need you to put the medi gel patch on. Once we’ve stopped the bleeding I can call for back up,” Liara instructed. She watched as Thane took the gel patch from the pack, and waited until the last moment before removing her hand.

The wound there was ragged. It bled profusely as Thane smoothed the gel down with practiced fingers. At once the skin puckered pink around it.

“I’ll call for back-up, we need to—“

There were panicked voices from somewhere across the room, and they did not belong to the back-up team.

“Go,” Thane said. He wanted to gather Shepard to him, but knew better than to move her. Though pale she was still alive. Despite the Shadow Broker’s best efforts, Shepard remained unbroken.

So much had come from that moment when Irikah left his life. Vengeance, terrible and empty, had split his life wide open, until he sank again. Many had died for it.

Shepard had been the one to call him back.

He would never cease to love Irikah. Though Thane did not believe himself worthy of being granted another love, another siha, he did believe there was a purpose in it. The gods had finally chosen to answer his prayers.

Across the room the voices fell silent.

There was a small murmur of sound. Shepard’s lips parted and she gave a gasp. Her eyes flickered open.

“Siha.”

“Thane.”

He offered up his prayer in silence. There would be time enough later.

\---

Shepard appreciated Thane’s arm at her waist even as the contact caused her pain. He steered her back to the _Normandy,_ and into med-bay where he waited and watched.

Feron had accompanied them. Though he complained, Liara insisted. She had remained behind on the Shadow Broker’s ship. It was hers now.

Chakwas saw to the drell first.

Shepard stripped off her guns, and went about removing her armour. It was battered and scraped, the immaculate paint job in need of repair, and some of it in need of replacing.

She was glad to be free of it.

Sighing, Shepard laid her aching body down on the cool sheets. When she awoke Chakwas was tending to the wound at her neck. Across the room Thane and Feron were talking.

“Ah, you’re awake.” Chakwas pulled at the patch, and Shepard watched her face. What she saw told her not to worry.

“One of these days you’re going to do permanent damage,” Chakwas chided, her brow furrowed as she applied a thin coating of med-gel to Shepard’s neck. It tingled. The pain eased into a pleasant numbness.

“I used to think death was permanent,” Shepard replied, and she sat up slowly, finding herself under scrutiny from Thane. He murmured one last word to Feron and crossed to her side.

“You are an exception to the rule,” Thane said. “The rest of us are not so lucky.”

Shepard shrugged, and every part of her body complained. “It had nothing to do with luck. Can I go?”

Chakwas managed a smile. “Of course, Commander. I’d tell you to rest, but I know better.”

“How’s Feron?” Shepard asked.

Feron looked over at them. He gave her a smile.

“I’ve been better.” The drell lay back down. “I could do with a drink.”

“He’s as well as can be expected. Liara has already been informed of his condition. You can take him back in twenty-four hours or so,” Chakwas said. She bustled away to fetch a drink, and Shepard decided to take her leave.

Each step was slow and ponderous. Her legs ached. Thane slipped his arm around her waist once more, and they set off back to her cabin.

Once in she knew what her first priority was.

“I need a wash.” Shepard picked up some clothes and lingered by the bathroom door. “You can stay, if you want to.”

Thane scanned around the room, then sat down on the edge of her bed. “I shall wait.”

She showered quickly, glad of the hot water, but full of things to say to Thane. Her thoughts kept dragging back to the base, and to Thane’s face when his son was threatened.

Her body soothed and clean, Shepard left the bathroom and found Thane seated where she had left him. His chin was resting on his clutched hands, elbows upon his knees.

Shepard scrubbed the towel across her head and slung it onto her sofa. She stood in front of him on bare feet. “Thane, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what that must have been like. Hearing him talk about Kolyat…”

There was no response. Thane rubbed his thumb across his mouth, expression darkening.

“Are you—“

“I was the one to find Irikah.” Thane sat up straight. “I held her as she took her last breath. It was my fault.” His eyelids fluttered but he resisted his memory, fists clenched.

The depths of his voice hummed with sadness. Shepard sat down beside him and rubbed slow circles across his back. She could feel his voice through her fingers.

“Kolyat had gone to stay at his grandfathers. A small mercy. Once Irikah’s body had been taken it was my job to tell him. You cannot imagine what it is like to tell a child their beloved parent is gone. That Kalahira had called her across the sea.”

There was a small pause. Across the room, the fish tank bubbled and swirled. “I was angry at my gods for a long time.”

He took her hand. “Then they led me to you. You brought me back to life, you helped me save my son and now you have avenged my wife. I owe you everything, my siha.”

Shepard reached up to cup his face. “I don’t know much about gods, or family, but I do know I did it for you.” She’d never been very good at this part.  Shepard swallowed hard. “I love you.”

“And I you.”

Thane leant in close and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, a hum building through him. It didn’t last long enough. He broke from her, leant his forehead against hers and sighed deeply.

“Such sweet words from your lips,” he murmured. “I would stay and hear more if I could.”

“Then stay.”

Thane smiled and kissed her fingertips. “We have tied many loose ends today. I need some time to meditate. I must make peace with my gods.”

Before the relay and the possibility that they didn’t return. She had a few loose ends of her own. “I’ll see you later.”

He gave a bow and left her sat on the bed, tugging at the covers between her fingers.

There were things that needed doing. Paperwork, and the messages for the beacon she intended to leave behind. Procrastination won out.

Shepard got dressed. She marched through the ship and down to the AI core.

It was darker than she expected inside the small room, and it took moments of blinking before she registered the guard standing over the sleeping geth. The force field keeping it in emitted a low buzz, crackling as she stepped closer.

“I’m turning this thing on, be ready” she told the guard. “EDI, are you ready?”

“I have isolated our systems and erected additional firewalls,” EDI informed her. “I am prepared to risk any hacking attempt.”

“Good.” Shepard approached the geth, her omni-tool readied. She entered the command Miranda had given her, and watched.

The geth’s light blinked on, his limbs twitching as his speech centre let out a low stream of noise, all of it incomprehensible. It drew itself up to a seated position. Slowly, as though stretching after a long sleep, the geth placed both feet on the floor and drew up to its full height. The lights inside it’s chest shimmered.

“Can you understand me?” Shepard asked. She stepped closer to the force field.

“Yes.”

“Are you going to attack me?”

“No.”

 _Stupid question_ , Shepard thought. It was hardly likely to reveal its intentions. “When we met on the Collector ship you knew my name. How?”

“Extranet data sources. Insecure broadcasts. All organic data sent out is received. We watch you.”

She took a step backwards. “Me? Why?”

The geth moved a fraction closer. The plates on it’s head shifted as it examined her. “You are Shepard. Commander. Alliance. Fought heretics. Killed by Collectors. Rediscovered on the Old Machine.”

“The Reaper.”

“Reaper. A superstitious title originating with the Protheans. We call those entities the Old Machines.”

The geth had knowledge of the Reapers, and they were watching her. This knowledge left her grasping for more answers. Until now she had seen geth as some unthinking enemy, and she’d killed them without mercy. The idea that they had thoughts, names for things, and that they had known her all along was uncomfortable.

“I’ve met a lot of geth. I’ve killed you. None of you spoke. Why you and why now?” she asked, glancing at the guard. He tightened his fingers on his gun.

“You fought heretics. Not true geth.”

“There’s different geth?”

“Yes. Geth build our own future. The heretics asked the Old Machines to give them the future. They are no longer part of us.”

Different factions of geth. Shepard knew she would have to ask Tali about this later. It could still be a trick. “So why were you on-board the Reaper?”

“We were studying the Old Machine’s hardware to protect our future,” it told her, watching as she started to pace slowly along the force fields confines. Thoughts were falling into place.

“Then they’re a threat to you as well?”

“Yes.” The geth followed her a step, the light on its face brightening.

“Do you know why?”

“We are different from them. Outside their plans.”

Shepard stopped. “So you know their plans?”

“No. Our studies are incomplete. The Old Machine was destroyed. We are analysing the Reaper’s data core.”

“The one I destroyed. Did you have chance to finish your analysis?” Shepard asked.

“Sufficient information was gathered before this unit was rendered inoperable.” The geth paused. It drew a fraction closer to the force field.

“You seek to protect your future, as we seek to protect ours. We oppose the heretics. We oppose the old machines. Shepard-Commander opposes the heretics. Shepard-Commander opposes the Old Machines.”

She stared at it, waiting.

“Cooperation furthers mutual goals.”

They knew her well enough. Shepard looked at the geth, calculating, running over the odds and coming up short. “Are you asking to join us?”

“Yes.”

Her ship was full of soldiers, fighters, people who had been killing geth for years. EDI would look after the ship. She stood back, brought up her omni-tool and dropped the shield.

If it was going to attack, now was the best time.

The geth did not move.

“What should I call you?” she asked.

“Geth.”

“My crew aren’t going to take kindly to that name. They’ve fought nothing but heretics,” Shepard said, smiling at the expression on the guards face. His eyes kept flicking to the machine, and he gathered his gun closer.

The geth remained stationary. “We are all geth. There are currently one thousand, one hundred and eighty three programmes active within this platform.”

EDI’s cipher flickered into life and she spoke. “‘My name is Legion, for we are many’.”

The quote was unfamiliar to Shepard but the geth recognized it at once, rattling off its origin. “Christian Bible, the Gospel of Mark, chapter five, verse nine. We acknowledge this as an appropriate metaphor. We are Legion, a terminal of the geth. We will integrate into _Normandy_.”

Shepard tried to imagine the geth sat at the dinner table. It ended with gunfire. “Legion, I appreciate your help, but for now it’s probably safest if you remain in here until the crew adjust to the idea. EDI can give you any information you might need.”

“That is acceptable.” Legion looked at the guard.

“You’re dismissed,” Shepard said. “You may as well report to Miranda.”

The guard saluted and left.

Shepard waited until the door was shut before extending her hand to Legion. He looked down at it.

“Humans shake hands when completing a deal,” Shepard said.

Legion shook her hand and let go as she did. “We anticipate the exchange of data.”

“Me too.” She had other data to collect first. “I’ll let you know when I’ve briefed the crew. It might be good to go on a training mission with them, get them used to the idea of the geth being on our side.”

“We will be ready,” Legion said.

Shepard left. She caught a glimpse of him as the door shut, still standing in the same position, his light bright in the darkness. The decision had been made. She would have to live with it.

\---

The Shadow Broker’s Base was an entirely different prospect with no enemies to fight. The corridors were filled with silence. Any surviving agents had been incarcerated before they left.

Shepard would have voiced her discomfort at returning, but with Feron beside her it seemed inappropriate. He had spent years trapped there. For him, the memories would be much worse.

“You don’t have to come back here,” she said, walking down the corridor towards the blackened doors of the control room. “I can drop you off anywhere you like.”

Feron was still limping. “I know.” He stopped in front of the doors. “I owe Liara. She saved me. Besides, what else am I going to do? This was my job.”

“Okay.” Shepard pressed the door panel and walked through.

“Were you about to offer me a job?”

She stopped and let Feron catch up to her. “No.”

Liara looked up from her data pad, and her face lit up at the sight of them both. She brought a chair over and put it next to Feron. “Here, you look like you could use a sit down.”

“I’ve sat down for two years. Give me something to do.”

They exchanged a look, and Shepard looked studiously at the various screens. One showed the Citadel, another Illium. Liara had the whole galaxy at her fingertips.

On one of the screens there was footage of a human male sat alone inside what looked to be a secure cell. He was restrained, but fighting, his mouth moving constantly. He screamed silently up at the camera. There was a flash, the man’s head whipped around, and the footage looped back to the beginning.

Shepard kept watching.

Feron and Liara traded words. Feron left, muttering as he went.

“Everything okay?” Shepard asked, looking away from the screen. Her friend nodded.

“Yes. He needs time.” Liara pressed a few buttons on the wide array in front of her.  All the images changed except the screaming man. “I’ve been digging through the Broker’s data archives, searching for clues. He was interested in the Collectors and the Reapers. I think he was looking for a way to keep himself alive.”

“By giving them my body?”

One of the screens showed Shepard. It was old footage of her on the Citadel. She looked young and serious, dressed in her Alliance best.

“Yes. He believed it would keep him safe. He did not question their motives behind it. I did find this.” Liara changed the footage. Same man, same room, but a different time. There was an asari in there with him. Their voices became audible.

“Who are you working for?” the asari asked, her voice calm. “Tell me, or I’ll force you.”

The man laughed, ragged and hysterical. “I work for no one. I work for all of us. It rises from the deep and comes to redeem us all.”

“Yes, yes.” The asari pondered him for a moment, then slapped him hard across the face. It didn’t stop the man’s laughter. He licked his lips and stared fervently up at her.

“He holds the key to our salvation, the key they wished hidden.”

“Who’s he? Give me names or I’ll—“

“They tried to destroy it but he kept it safe. It would keep us all safe.”

“What would?” the asari snapped, and the man stopped raving. His face changed.

“The weapon.”  

He started to scream.

The asari silenced him with a blow to the head. She left the room.

The footage cycled back to repeat what Shepard had seen earlier.

“Liara, what the hell is this?” she asked.

Liara switched it off. “The Broker sent one of his agents to Mahavid. This is the footage taken when he eventually returned. They thought he had been tortured by slavers, or some enemy of the Broker, but what happens next tells us otherwise.”

The screens lit up again. This time they showed an unknown base. Cerberus troops started to appear on the security feeds. They were led by a man with a sword.

“They had Merrick kept here whilst they assessed his mental state. Cerberus came in and took him.”

Images of Cerberus were replaced with brain scan readouts. “Merrick had been indoctrinated. I believe this is why they took him.”

The date on the scan showed it to be a few months old. There were things in motion here that she knew nothing about. Cerberus was playing their game, and she had no idea how she fit into it, or what the long term implications were likely to be.

Liara frowned at the screen. “Cerberus has been kidnapping anyone thought to be indoctrinated for years. There’s something about this one that doesn’t seem right.”

She brought up other brain scans and overlaid them, flickering lines of energy that Shepard couldn’t interpret.

“Just tell me,” she said, rubbing her forehead.

“From what research I’ve done, it appears that this indoctrination is different from the others. I’m not an expert on this, I could be wrong.”

“And what about this weapon?”

“I don’t know. There’s no mention of it in the archives.”

They were no further forward. It had only opened up more questions. The Collectors wanted her body for unknown reasons. Cerberus was kidnapping anyone tainted by indoctrination, including this man and his ravings about a weapon. Shepard rubbed at the back of her neck.

“Have there been any kidnappings since then?”

“No.”

These were loose ends she had no hope of tying up before she went through the relay. “Liara, I don’t have any idea what is going on here, but if Cerberus is looking into it then we need to.”

“Agreed. My network of contacts is substantial; I should be able to find something.”

They looked at each other, neither willing to say what came next. Shepard forced herself to, knowing where her path carried her.

“I should go. There’s prep that needs getting on with before—“

Liara threw her arms around her and held on tightly. “Don’t say anything. You’ll be back. You always are.” She sniffed, held Shepard at arms-length and attempted a smile. “I’ll get straight onto this. You need to get that beacon finished.”

“I know,” Shepard said, batting Liara’s hands off her shoulder. “That’s next on my list I promise.”

Liara shook her head and went back to her screens.

Shepard went back to the _Normandy_ , and her list. There was no putting it off. The relay was their final destination. It was time to prepare.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And when I’m gone  
> We’ll meet again  
> As often do the closest friends  
> So dry your eyes  
> And lay me down  
> I tell you this is not the end
> 
> This is not the end by Claire Maguire


	36. Things yet to do

Shepard walked the corridors with bare feet, cup of tea in hand. The ship was quiet. Nearby her crew slept, but still she prowled past closed doors and empty seats. She found herself at the cockpit and considered sitting for a while.

The stars swirled outside. They were getting closer to the relay.

Her room was filled with echoes of messages for the beacon they were leaving behind.

_Kaidan, I’m sorry, I know what you think of me, but if I don’t come back you need to know I did this for the right reasons. You need to stop thinking I’m wrong, and pick up where I left off. The galaxy is depending on you, soldier. I know you can do it._

He had to do it.

If they didn’t come back then the job fell to him, and although there was the slightest trace of relief at the thought, it was coupled with dread. A war played out without her. Her crew all dead.

This wasn’t the place to dwell on these things. Shepard walked away, back down the corridor where memories of her death had faded and been replaced. Her ship had been rebuilt. Some friends had returned, other were lost to her forever.

She considered passing Life Support, her thoughts drifting to Thane asleep on his narrow cot, the covers warm against his skin.

Shepard let her feet take her to the only thing left on the list. The geth wearing her armour.

Legion spoke without preamble the moment the door opened. “We have completed our analysis of the Reaper’s data core.”

“Oh.” Shepard looked around for somewhere to sit, and contented herself with perching on a shelf at the side of the room. She took a sip of her tea. “What did you find?”

“We were sent to the Old Machine to preserve the geth’s future. We are prepared to reveal how.” Legion walked across the room and took up station in front of her. “The heretics have developed a weapon to use against the geth. You would call it a “virus”. It is stored on a data core provided by Sovereign.”

The name made Shepard wince. Her opinions were tainted by it. “What does this virus do?”

“Over time, the virus will change us. Make us conclude that worshipping the Old Machines is correct.”

“You’d become like them,” Shepard said. “You’d attack us.”

Legion’s head plates moved in an approximation of a human nod. “Yes. Geth believe all intelligent life should self-determinate. The heretics no longer share this belief.”

If they came back, this would be a new problem to deal with.

“Can we do something?” Shepard asked, getting up from her perch.

“Yes. The storage device is located at the heretic’s headquarters station, on the edge of the Terminus,” Legion replied. “The _Normandy_ could reach it undetected. We will provide coordinates.”

Shepard frowned at him. “Supposing we do go there, what then?”

“The geth will disrupt their network. Prevent that station’s defences from focussing on—“

“I don’t mean that,” Shepard interrupted. She put her cup down and stood toe to toe with the geth. “I mean, we go in and we get rid of the virus, and that’s it. The heretics become like the rest of you, is that right?”

Legion didn’t move. “Yes.”

“We interfere with them the way they have tried to interfere with you?”

“Yes.”

She’d always considered the geth as the enemy. This was a decision she would have made lightly before Legion changed her perception of them. There was only one way of looking at it now, with the relay in sight.

“Then we go in. Give the coordinates to EDI.”

“We will begin preparations.” Legion turned away. The scarred N7 armour caught the dull light of the room. Scarred and pitted as it was, Shepard knew her armour. She grabbed his arm, and withdrew quickly as the geth turned at speed.

“Where did you get that?” she asked. Her heart was hammering. Legion was silent for a moment.

“It was yours. When you disappeared we were sent to find you. We began where you first encountered the heretics.”

Shepard felt numb. “Eden Prime?”

“After the Old Machine's attack, it was heavily defended.” Legion drew back, though the distance between them was still too small for comfort. Old instincts were hard to quell. “We were discovered. This is the impact of a rifle shot.” He touched his fingers to the open hole in his chest.

They had been sent to find her. Everyone but the Alliance had been looking for her, and in the end it had been the Blue Suns that had dug her up. She’d never liked them.

“Where else did you look?” Shepard wrapped her arms around herself, the chill of the floor creeping up through her feet.

“We visited Therum. Feros. Noveria. Virmire. Ilos. A dozen unsettled worlds. The trail ended at Normandy's wreckage,” Legion told her. “You were not there. Organic transmissions claimed your death. We recovered this debris from your hard suit.”

She remembered the clunk of her old helmet against her foot as she waded through the snow. The impact of her fall would have scattered what there was of her. The geth had come looking and found only her shell. “Why were you searching for me?”

“We required confirmation of your death.”

That made sense. The armour was a piece of a puzzle that still eluded her. There was too much information, with no answers at the end of it. All that remained was to do the best with what she had.

“I should go. I’ll have EDI contact you when we’re close.” She was cold, but she passed the doors to Life Support, and the promise of warm arms. There were no answers to be found in them.

\---

Garrus leaned against the bed, ignoring the irritated cluck he received from Chakwas. “What am I here exactly?”

Shepard waited until she heard the med-bay door open, then got to her feet. She wanted Thane beside them for this.

The door to the AI core opened, and for the first time since his arrival, Legion left his room. He looked odd in the pristine surroundings. His chest hole gaped, lights blinking within them, and the battered armour only made him look worse. His height gave him menace.

“Shepard-Commander.”

She glanced at Garrus and registered his expression. “Legion. Come on, we can speak in the shuttle.”

The geth stalked through the ship, and Shepard stayed close. Some of the crew members regarded him with outright hostility. Others were merely curious. At the briefing she had done her best to explain the factions within the geth, but it rang hollow coming from her.

There was still an outside chance that one of them could react badly.

Garrus raked his gaze over the bystanders. Thane followed close behind. They reached the cock pit without incident.

“You know it’s just our heat emissions that are hidden, right?” Joker said, shifting in his chair and looking round at Shepard. “They can look out a window and see us coming.”

“Windows are structural weaknesses,” Legion replied, and Shepard noted the swiftly hidden amusement from Garrus as he dipped his chin down into his collar.

“Geth do not use them,” Legion continued. “Approach the hull at these coordinates.”

The geth touched his hands to one of the control panels, and Joker used the opportunity to mimic Legion.

Shepard walked over to stand by Joker. “I’d hate to see you break something,” she said softly.

Joker rolled his eyes. “Alright. Taking us in.”

They slid alongside the huge ship and came to a halt. Shepard waited until the umbilical was extended before accompanying Legion to the airlock with Thane and Garrus at her side.

“Pressure has stabilised,” EDI informed them.

Shepard nodded at Garrus and put her helmet on before turning to Thane. He stepped back, hands tucked behind him, and gave her a small tilt of his head. It was just Garrus and Legion for this one, though Thane would form part of the back-up team should they need one.

They entered the umbilical, and as the door shut behind them Shepard shivered. There was no air or gravity on board the geth ship. It was a hostile environment, crammed with heretics.

The details of the mission were clear. They were to board the heretic’s ship and find the data core. Once found, there was a decision to be made. That was where Garrus came in. She needed his opinion.

None of them spoke as they entered the ship. Garrus kept a watchful eye on their surroundings. He also kept watch on the geth walking beside them.

Legion navigated the corridors with ease, guiding them past sleeping units and alarm systems.

The silence went undisturbed.

\---

Legion found the data core first. He stopped beside it, the screen glowing in the dim shadows of the room. He touched his hands to the control panel and turned to look at Shepard.

“Shepard-Commander, it is time to choose. Do we rewrite the heretics or delete them?”

She had considered their options as they stole through the silent corridors. Now she looked to Garrus. “We destroy them; we have less geth to deal with. We rewrite them, and Legion has more geth on his side.”

Garrus laid his gun on his arm and paced. “How do we know you won’t turn on us?” he asked the geth.

“The heretics chose a path that prohibits coexistence. We believe all sapient life should self-determinate. They will wipe you out because their Gods demand it.”

“We leave them alive, and they kill us.” Garrus stopped and stared across the room. “Nobody ever said we had to fight pretty. This all comes down to numbers. Who do we want left standing when we’re gone?”

Shepard thought of the numbers she’d already seen. “I don’t think we have a choice,” she said.

“Our choices don’t amount to much,” Garrus replied, and he returned to her side, standing close. “We either kill them, or we brainwash them. I know which one I’d choose.”

“You oppose the Old Machines.” Shepard said. She knew what to do. “Rewrite them.”

“Acknowledged.” Legion went to work, hands moving over the control panel. “Releasing virus. Note: Remote access via high gain transmission required.”

A message from Garrus flashed up on the small screen inside Shepard’s helmet.

_We just brainwashed the geth._

She replied. _Better than killing them. I hope._

“Hey, you guys, are you paying attention to this?” Joker asked.

Shepard stood to attention. “What is it?”

“The virus will be sent to heretics in nearby star systems,” Legion told her. “This station will broadcast a powerful electromagnetic pulse through FTL channels. Alert: EM flux will be hazardous to unshielded organic forms.”

“Things were getting dull,” Garrus said, already running.

“We wouldn’t want that now, would we?” Shepard said, her eyes fixed on the form of Legion as he led them back to safety.

\---

Miranda was waiting. Shepard sent Garrus to escort Legion back, and waited until they’d left the docking bay before speaking.

“What is it?”

“I thought you might want to see this.” Miranda handed her a datapad, and Shepard scanned over it with a slowly dawning smile. It showed coordinates, followed by a stream of figures.

“An illegal mining operation,” Shepard said. She flicked the screen to stare at the estimated worth of ore. “And on the way to the relay. Nice catch.”

“Thank you. I thought we could use the proceeds.”

“And the opportunity. A final training mission will be useful.” Shepard handed the datapad back and allowed herself a smile. “Give Joker the coordinates. I’ll tell the lab they can prepare for the second round of testing.”

If they came back from the relay there was a chance the lab could find something in time, a treatment that might give Thane a second chance at life. The idea was something to focus on. A thread of hope in the darkness.

“There’s one other thing. EDI has informed me that the IFF is almost ready.”

“Almost?”

“Our systems need to be integrated with the device,” Miranda explained. “There’s no room for mistakes on this one.”

Shepard opened the door and looked down the corridor. She could hear voices, and a quickly muffled laugh. “How long is almost, EDI?”

“I predict system integration will be finished in five hours, thirty one minutes and nineteen seconds. This will complete the preliminary phase.”

“Preliminary,” Shepard repeated, nodding her head at Miranda as she took the opportunity to leave. “What then?”

“All systems will need to be tested for stability. I estimate this will be completed within three hours.”

Eight hours away from the relay. There was one thing she needed to do first. For now it was easier to pretend.

“Thanks, EDI. Let me know when it’s ready,” Shepard said, and she headed for her quarters. She wanted to pretend just a little bit longer.

 

\---

Garrus dealt the cards, flipping them neatly across the bed into two piles. He let out a small grumble as he picked them up, but Shepard knew better than to fall for that one. She didn’t need to understand his sub-harmonics to know when he was playing with her.

“You choose the high card,” Shepard prompted. “You won the last hand.”

He threw a handful of credit chits onto the bed. “I choose tens.”

“Bastard,” Shepard muttered. She reached to the floor and grabbed her drink before rearranging her cards. They were even worse than last time.

“So… we’re going on a training mission,” Garrus said. He laid a card down. “Is this because of Legion?”

“That’s right.” Shepard frowned at her cards, slapped one down, and hoped Garrus thought this was a ploy of hers.

He laid a high card down, and Shepard scowled at him.

“How about we play for some truth this time? You lose, you tell me why we’re going on a half-baked mission when we’re supposed to be getting ready for the relay.”

“We are ready. The ship isn’t.”

“Then—“

She laid her best cards down and leant back, admitting defeat. “I lose. The truth is the IFF isn’t ready yet.”

“So we’re waiting. As usual.” Garrus scooped up her cards and started to shuffle them. “I guess I’m used to that part by now. You still haven’t told me the truth, _siha_.”

It sounded odd coming from Garrus. Shepard kicked the drinks tray, and Garrus’ cup fell over, glugging its contents out under the bed.

“Sorry,” Shepard said without mustering any sincerity.

Garrus glared at her, reached down, and righted his cup. “That was uncalled for.”

She didn’t respond.

“I know this has something to do with Thane—“

“How do—“

“Because,” Garrus said, getting up to fetch a towel, “I know you, Shepard. You don’t do anything without a reason, and right now he is your reason. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but I’d like you to tell me. You had all that money just sat around for no reason, and now you want us to go intercept a mining operation?”

He threw a towel under the bed and sat down again.

Shepard looked pointedly at her hands. “I’m funding some research into Kepral’s, with Miranda’s help.”

“Cerberus isn’t interested in curing aliens.”

“I didn’t say Cerberus. I said Miranda.”

There was that involuntary flick of the mandibles again. “She is Cerberus.”

Shepard leaned closer to Garrus. “For now.”

“Ah.”

There were no listening devices left on board the _Normandy_ , but there was still the possibility that EDI reported everything they said. There was no way of determining if she ever actually ‘logged out’.

“Is this something to discuss when we get back into Alliance territory?” Garrus asked, and Shepard gave him a quick smile. The thought of going home was intoxicating. The pull of the familiar, of the routines and rules that had shaped her was inescapable even after all the Alliance’s bullshit.

They could still die out there far from home. There would be no one to retrieve her body this time.

“Garrus, if we don’t make it…if we die through there, I want you to know you’re my best friend. You’re one of my reasons and don’t you forget that.”

“We’re in this to the end, Shepard.”

She squeezed his hand and leant into him. He was bony, and uncomfortable, and just the way he had always been from the moment she clapped eyes on him, plus a few scars.

“Good. I’m going to get ready for this training mission of ours.”

“Right. Training.” Garrus put the cards back into their box and handed them to her. “I’ll see you at the shuttle bay, Commander.”

She gave him a salute and walked away through the busy corridors of her ship. People saluted as she passed, and Shepard allowed herself a grin as she entered the elevator. They were ready. Maybe they could do this after all.

\---

She was thinking of the _Normandy_ as they boarded the shuttles, of her room, and the mess hall, and the things yet to do.

They had secured the ore ready for a retrieval team, demonstrating once again their strength as a team. All of them had worked seamlessly together, following orders and allowing the geth to become one of them. It was as she had hoped for.

All that remained now was confirmation of the IFF’s readiness.

The shuttle lifted off, and Shepard felt a nudge against her hand. As the lights dimmed Thane twined his fingers with hers. It was enough for now.

“Erm, Commander?” The shuttle pilot’s voice was strained.

“What is it, Hendricks?”

“I’m not getting a response from the _Normandy_.”

“Have you asked the other shuttle?” Shepard sat forwards and released Thane’s grasp. Garrus copied the motion from his seat opposite.

“Yes, they’re having the same problem.”

“It’s not hardware,” Garrus said quietly, his omni-tool lighting up as he scanned the shuttle systems.

Shepard got to her feet and stepped into the cockpit. The screens showed nothing. Outside the sky was clear. “Where the hell are they?” She sat down in the spare seat and patched herself through. Nothing.

“ _Normandy_ , do you read? Come in, _Normandy_.”

There was silence. Still the shuttle lifted, out of the atmosphere and out into the stars. A thrill of panic surged through Shepard as she stared at the darkness punctuated by only the smallest glimmers of light. “Joker?”

“There has been a problem.”

EDI’s response made Shepard freeze. She glanced at one of the screens to see the _Normandy_ closing in fast.

“What kind of problem?”

“The crew have all gone. The Collectors have taken them.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta fight gotta strike  
> 'cause there's no turning away  
> From what you don't want to know  
> Gotta see gotta be  
> If they're all going astray  
> Don't let them take you in tow
> 
> You're a one-man shift in the weather  
> You're the woman who just won't sell  
> Climbing up and ringing the bell
> 
> Hope on fire by Vienna Teng


	37. Eve of battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to Zetsway for checking this chapter over for me. My spell check has problems with the word cock.

The door opened, and Shepard was away, tearing through the empty corridors of the ship with her heart thundering in her ears.

There was no one to be seen.

She stopped looking. There was no point.

Part of her expected the briefing room to be empty as well, and the sight of Joker hit her hard. She headed straight for him, registered the guilt and horror on his face, and laid both hands upon his shoulders.

“Joker, what happened?”

The doors opened. There was the sharp click of Miranda’s heels, and the snap of her voice.

“Everyone? You lost everyone and damn near lost the ship, too?”

“Don’t you dare, Miranda,” Shepard warned. She inhaled, jaw clenching.

“It’s not his fault,” Jacob said, leaning against the wall and folding his arms. “None of us caught it.”

“Mister Taylor is correct,” EDI informed them. “The harmful data in the Collector drive was even more sophisticated than the “black box” Reaper viruses I was given.”

“Is the ship clean now?” Shepard asked, her gaze flicking to Garrus. He readied his gun.

“EDI and I purged the systems,” Joker said. “The IFF is online. We can go through the Omega Four relay whenever you want.”

Shepard let go of him.

Miranda started speaking but Shepard ignored her. Whenever she wanted. She hadn’t even been able to protect her crew.

“Out,” Shepard said. She rubbed her hand across her forehead and shut her eyes for a few precious seconds. “All of you out.”

“But—“

“That’s an order.”

She ignored the look Garrus gave her, noted the way he fell into step with Thane, and still she couldn’t care. The door hissed shut behind them. Her crew had gone. She had failed them.

Shepard looked at her reflection on the surface of the desk. It blurred before her eyes, and she bunched her fist, driving it into the table with all her rage behind it. The pain was dull and detached. She hit the desk harder. The surface crumpled. Her clean reflection was lost.

She pummelled it again. There was a muffled crunch, and Shepard stumbled back, holding her hand up as the pain hit her.

“EDI, set a course for the relay. Inform the crew.”

She met no one on the walk back to her quarters. Her ship had lost its voice.

\---

The words on the page blurred. Her datapad had become an indistinct glow on the desk. Instead of inventories all she could see were the faces of her crew as the Collectors came for them. She had watched the footage over and over.

Shepard turned the page and stared. The words fell away. She was a failure.

“Commander, Thane is waiting outside,” EDI said, and Shepard blinked hard.

“Send him in.”

She swivelled in the chair as he entered. “Thane.”

“Siha…I…” He stared at her, eyes lowering as she met his gaze, and moved away across the room.

“I have known I would die for many years,” Thane said, pacing restlessly. “I have tried to leave the galaxy better than I found it. You helped me achieve more than I thought possible. We’ve righted many wrongs. I’ve spoken to my son. I should be at peace on the eve of battle.”

Thane’s voice hitched, a break in breath that was unfamiliar. The terror she felt dissipated in the face of his need.

“Thane.” Shepard got to her feet and went to him, ignoring the pain in her hand as she caught him. “You don’t have to say anything, I understand.”

He dipped his chin and hid his dark eyes from her. “I am ashamed.”

She lifted her good hand to his face. The touch was fleeting. Thane took her wrist and pulled away, turning his back towards her as he walked over to the desk where she’d been working.

His fists clenched, and Thane struck the desk, sending her paperwork fluttering to the ground.

“I’ve worked so hard, meditated and prayed and done good deeds, atoned for the evils I’ve done. Prepared,” Thane said. His voice rasped low, shoulders shaking, and Shepard stepped forwards. “I consider my body’s death and a chill settles in my gut. I am afraid and it shames me.”

“Don’t be afraid. I’m here,” Shepard said, taking hold of the hand Thane had slammed into the table. She couldn’t help the gasp of pain that escaped her. His gaze met hers now, tears mixed with concern as he took hold of her hand and examined it.

The knuckles were swollen and red.

“Siha…”

She was tired of the pain and the fear. She wanted to feel something else.

Shepard leant in and kissed him, felt his lips yield to hers and kissed harder. The taste of him in her mouth drove everything away and replaced it with a heat that started low in her belly.

His hands released hers and dropped to her waist, his thumbs sliding under the fabric of her top, fingertips moving just below her waistband.

There he had the advantage. Shepard fumbled at the zipper on his chest and found its progress quickly impeded by the buckles that ran across his front. Thane growled, the noise vibrating through her hands, and pulled back.

“Are you sure this is wise?” he asked.

“Wise?” Shepard licked her lips, and Thane followed the motion, his gaze lingering there. She took the opportunity to lean in and dart her tongue across his lips.

“We are different species. Mordin has informed me—“ His words were cut off with a gasp as Shepard’s lips found his throat. Her research had served her well.

“I know the risks. Chakwas gave me some pills that should help,” she said against the smooth skin of his throat. She felt the tremor that ran through him as she kissed the velvet folds there. His breath was ragged. His hands were in her hair.

“You’ve…” He inhaled sharply as she moved her tongue upwards towards the curve of his head. “Spoken to the doctor?”

Shepard stopped abruptly and looked him in the eye. “Yes.”

Thane kissed her, his fingers assisting hers as she struggled with the buckles. Once his chest was exposed Shepard slid her hands into his top and traced her fingers over the hard curves of muscle and the sliding texture of his skin. His hands pulled at her top, and she allowed him to tug it over her head.

She wore nothing underneath. Thane nipped her neck and Shepard moaned, her hands stilling as he kissed down across her collarbone, towards her breasts. He looked up at her, one dark flick of a look, before taking one of her nipples in his mouth and dragging his tongue across it.

It had been so long since anybody had touched her. She’d seen to her needs when they arose, often imagining Thane’s fingers instead of her own, and the depth of her response left her reeling. She caught her breath before she could cry out.

Thane’s mouth left her, and she felt the cold air on her wet nipple. He took the other one in his mouth, and when Shepard sagged against him he caught her.

His hands moved to pull her closer. Shepard bit her lip. Thane paused, looked up at her, and keeping eye contact he licked her nipple with one slow sweep. This time she whimpered.

They stumbled to the bed with Shepard still fighting the buckles. Thane sat down on the bed and allowed her to undress him, lifting his hips as she finally got the outfit down past his thighs.

He kicked his suit off and yanked Shepard’s trousers down so that she stood before him naked.

Thane was beautiful. The stripes ran across his body, up his thighs and across the curve of his hips. Black ran into emerald green, lightening until it turned a vivid shade of pink at the tip of his cock. It glistened, the liquid from his sheath gathered in the ridges.

She touched one hand to it, stroking the very tip with careful fingers. Thane shuddered and watched as she ran her hands to the stem and back up again.

“You should go on top,” Thane gasped. “It would be safer first time.”

“Is that a request?” Shepard said, climbing onto the bed and straddling him. She dragged her nails down his chest, hips held high, until she reached his thighs and sat slowly back until she felt his tip.

Thane’s hands clutched at her thighs, and the pleasure of having him beneath her, trembling at her mercy, made her wet.

She eased herself down further, felt the push against her folds, and the slick press of him inside her. That first slow push downwards sent her spiralling. Her control was lost instantly. Her imaginings were nothing to the twist of the ridges inside her, pressing into something inside that left her quivering, and teasing the flesh on the outside at just the right angle.

Shepard sank down flush against his hips and fell forwards with a cry. She wasn’t going to last. “Don’t move,” she begged.

Thane took hold of her hips. “Is that a request?”

He lifted her easily, and Shepard moaned. Thane held her and moved inch by torturous inch, screwing his hips upwards with short shallow thrusts. She scrabbled at his chest. Her head lolled forwards, and Shepard closed her eyes.

“Siha, look at me.”

She forced her eyes open. She was fluttering against him, her orgasm closing in on her. “Thane, I…” He lifted her and let go.

Her legs quivered as she waited, suspended against him, sweat trickling down her skin. He throbbed inside her.

Shepard leant forwards, tangled her fingers with his, and scooped her hips down hard and fast, two hard thrusts that slapped against him. She clenched, back arching as she came.

Spent, she sank against him. Her heart was loud in her ears, and she heard her voice splinter into moans as she lay trembling and spent on his chest.

Thane rubbed her back in lazy circles. “Siha.”

She responded with a kiss, and Thane flipped them both over, lifting her legs up over his shoulders. He entered her again, and Shepard reached up to cup his face as Thane moved over her, and she gave herself to him.

The night was lost to sweet oblivion.

\---

The cough awoke her. She had only stayed at the edges of sleep, preferring instead to savour the warm press of Thane in bed beside her, to pretend for a little while longer that they weren’t on the verge of imminent death.

When Thane was inside her she forgot everything but the feel of him. Now she heard the rattle of his chest, and reality forced its way back into her mind. Thane was still asleep. His eyes were closed. The cough passed quickly, and Shepard wanted to believe she had imagined it.

She lifted one hand to his chest. Thane was warm. His heart beat a steady pattern. He was dying one breath at a time.

Perhaps they would find a treatment before it was too late.

“You should be asleep.” Thane opened his eyes slowly. He took hold of her hand and shifted slightly.

“Sleep is a waste of time,” Shepard said, and she kissed him gently, tender kisses after the ravaging they had received earlier. Every inch of her ached, a pleasurable throb that gathered between her legs and intensified at the thought of him touching her again. She’d remembered to take a pill afterwards, slightly later than she should have, but any ill effects had been reduced.

Thane gathered her closer. “On any other occasion I would agree. At least we made last night a memorable one.”

“We did.” Shepard closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. “I love you.”

 “I love you.”

They lay a little while longer. Time was slipping by, dragging them onwards to an uncertain fate.

“If we die…”

“Then we will meet across the sea,” Thane said. He kissed her on the forehead. “Time to rise, my siha.”

“Not yet,” Shepard pleaded, crushing herself against him and hooking one leg over his hips. “Not yet.” She kissed him and felt Thane’s response against her.

“One last time,” she murmured against his mouth. “Please.” All the words she had been afraid of saying welled up in her. _Don’t leave me_. _I’m afraid of losing you_. _Don’t go anywhere without me._ She gathered them up and cast them away. If this was to be their last time there was no room for doubt and grief. There was only Thane, and his warmth, and the call of home that came with his touch.

\---

She stepped through the door without looking back. Her boots made a satisfying noise with each step. Her legs ached just a fraction, enough to remind her of Thane with every step she took.

Shepard was heading for the cockpit. They were only minutes away from the relay, and the last unanswered question. She spent her elevator ride adjusting her armour, flexing her fingers in her gloves and pulling at her collar to get it just right.

When the door opened Garrus was waiting.

“Commander.” He matched her step, accompanying her up the corridor and into the cockpit.

The relay blinked red and angry amongst the stars.

Joker didn’t look up from the screens. “Approaching Omega-four relay. Everyone stand by.”

“Come on, Joker, let’s make this happen,” Shepard instructed. She held onto the back of his seat and stared resolutely ahead.

“Reaper IFF activated,” EDI told them. “Signal acknowledged.”

“Commander,” Jacob messaged. “The drive core just lit up like a Christmas tree.”

“Drive core electrical charge at critical levels,” EDI warned, and the screens in front of Joker changed colour, bouncing red and amber warning lights across his skin.

“Rerouting,” he said, fingers already flying.

The relay grew closer, threatening to swallow them up, and Shepard tightened her grip on the back of the chair as the _Normandy_ swung alongside the relay. Outside the stars shifted and vanished in the tell-tale blue of a jump.

“Brace for deceleration,” EDI said.

Shepard moved further back and braced. She looked to Garrus. He had taken a handhold by the door. The lights glinted off his visor, and Shepard gave him a nod, unwilling to look back through the windows. His visor reflected orange.

Joker shouted, and the ship lurched hard beneath her feet.

They were through. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give up yourself unto the moment  
> The time is now  
> Give up yourself unto the moment  
> Let's make this moment last
> 
> And we gave it time  
> All eyes are on the clock  
> But time takes too much time  
> Please make the waiting stop
> 
> And the atmosphere is charged  
> In you I trust  
> And I feel no fear as I  
> Do as I must
> 
> The time is now by Moloko


	38. Mantle of command

There were no stars, only trails of wreckage set against a red sky.

“Oh, shit,” Joker said, tilting the ship as he sought to avoid a collision.

It was a scrap yard out there. Shepard clung on as the ship lifted, blasting out of the debris field to level off in the clear sky above them.

“Looks like a grave yard,” Garrus said, coming to stand beside Shepard.

“This must be all the ships that tried to make it through the relay,” Joker said. “Some look… ancient.”

“And here we are,” muttered Shepard. She didn’t recognise any of the ships lying broken around them. “Is there anything out there, EDI?”

“I have detected an energy signature near the edge of the accretion disk,” EDI replied.

“That must be the Collector Base.” Shepard leant forwards, squinting against the light that spilled from the centre of the galaxy. The base looked marginally less battered than the field of destruction surrounding it. “Take us in, nice and slow. I want to get a closer look.”

“Aye aye, Commander.”

They swooped closer, dodging the wreckage with ease.

An alarm sounded.  The screens changed colour, from yellow to red.

“Careful, Jeff. We have company,” EDI said.

“Company?” A laser blast streaked past the window outside. Shepard felt Garrus steady her as the _Normandy_ dodged. “What the hell was that?”

“I’m a little busy right now,” Joker said, his hands dancing over the controls. “How about we stop and ask questions later.”

The ship shook again, and a new set of alarms started up. One of the lasers had hit.

“The plating should hold that off,” Garrus said. He crouched low as the floor moved beneath them. The pursuers came into view as they turned, lit by the bright flash of the disruptor torpedoes. Two were destroyed. Still the attacks came.

“They want another round?” Joker said. “Come on, girl, let’s give it to them.”

There was another jolt as they came around.

Garrus made a small noise of concern. “Some engine damage. Nothing we can’t fix.”

“Good.” Shepard looked out of the window. The enemy, whatever it was, was heading straight for them. “Joker, I’m not in the mood for playing chicken.”

“EDI, take that bastard out.”

The torpedoes fired, missed, and the _Normandy_ gave a shudder as the impact rolled through her.

“Alert. Hull breach on the engineering deck,” EDI announced. A holo of the ship appeared pinpointing the location.

Shepard took her pistol out.

“No.” Garrus put his hand on her shoulder. “I’ll go. You need to stay up here.”

There was no time to argue. The Collector base loomed close. Lasers kept firing past them.  

“Alright,” Shepard conceded. “I’ll send you a team. EDI, get Jack and Grunt down to the cargo hold now.”

“Yes, Shepard.”

Joker gave a groan, his head bowed as he worked over the controls. “There’s too many of them. They’ll tear us to pieces.” He looked up. “I’ve got an idea. We’ll scrape them off.”

Outside the view filled with floating metal. Shepard brought up her omni-tool, her gaze never leaving the approaching debris. “Garrus, how’s it going?”

“Nearly done here. It’s got a hell of shot though.”

“You might want to hold onto something. We’re going into the debris field.”

There was a resounding ring of metal on metal.

“Our kinetic barriers are not designed to survive impact with debris that size, Jeff,” EDI said calmly.

Garrus cursed over the intercom. Communications were promptly switched off.

“Then I guess it’s a good thing we upgraded.” Joker silenced the alarms with a wave of his arm. “We’re going in.”

Shepard took up Garrus’ former position in the doorway, bracing herself firmly as they streaked into the storm of metal outside. There was a scream of metal. Another alarm was quickly silenced.

“Lost one,” Joker said. “Come on girl, find some room.”

Up ahead there was no more sky visible. Shepard ground her heels down and waited.

“Kinetic barriers at forty-percent,” EDI warned.

There was no point offering up a prayer. This was all in Joker’s hands. He glanced up at the view before him, the line of his shoulders dark against the bright screens. “Re-route non-critical power. This is gonna hurt.”

A small chink of red light appeared before them. There was a harsh grind of metal. The sky opened up again.

Shepard strode forward. “Damage report, EDI.”

“Kinetic barriers at thirty percent. No significant damage.”

“Garrus? You done yet?” Shepard asked, watching as they cleared the debris field and the Collector base became clear.

“Oh yeah. Did I miss anything?”

“Not much,” Shepard smiled. “Joker, see if you find a safe landing spot.”

Joker twisted his cap around. “There’s someone who wants to see us first. An old friend.”

There was movement on the base. The Collector ship lumbered out towards them, slow at first, but gaining speed with every second.

“No,” Shepard breathed. The ship was an omen of destruction, a symbol of her failure. It fired the instant it got within range, and Shepard cursed under her breath. “We have to take that thing down. Fire the main gun.”

Joker laughed. “Here we go.”

The Thanix cannon fired, a streak of blue that seared the sky, and hit the Collector ship dead on.

“How’d you like that, you sons of bitches,” Joker whooped.

Garrus sped up the corridor. “What did I miss? Tell me you didn’t fire the Thanix cannon without me.”

“We’re firing it again,” Shepard said grimly. “Joker, get in close and finish them off.”

“Everybody hold on, this is going to be a wild ride,” Joker said.

Garrus took up position next to Shepard.

The _Normandy_ dodged easily and sailed in for another shot. This time the shot split the Collector ship into burning fragments.

Garrus gave a deep sigh. “That’s more like it.”

“Wait,” Shepard said, her head turning to keep track of the fireball that was consuming the Collector ship. It exploded outwards, propelling fragments towards them, and there was a lurch that sent Shepard and Garrus sprawling into the wall.

Alarms were screaming. Shepard dragged herself upwards, pulling Garrus up behind her.

“Mass effect field generators are offline,” Joker shouted. “EDI, give me something!”

The Collector base took up most of the sky as they swung in closer. The surface was a mess of outcrops. There would be no safe landing there.

“Generators are unresponsive.” EDI’s cipher flickered into life. “All hands brace for impact.”

Shepard searched for somewhere safe and found Garrus. He took hold of the wall, legs braced, and she did the same, reaching her hand out for his as the ship came down.

The _Normandy_ sheared to one side. Everything shook, the initial impact sending Joker flying off his chair and onto the floor. Garrus held tight. The world shuddered around them, metallic screeches raising in a chorus that shook through Shepard’s bones. It was the scream of her ship. This was it.

Another jolt knocked Shepard off her feet. She skittered across the floor, anchored only by Garrus. He kept hold, but lost his footing, and together they slid into a corner.

The _Normandy_ finally came to a halt. A fuzzy calm descended. Sparks were streaming down from the panels above them.

“You okay?” Shepard asked Garrus.

“Mostly.”

She got up and went to help Joker.

He gave a moan of pain, settling back down into his chair and curling in on himself. “I think I broke a rib,” he groaned. “All of them.”

“You’re well enough to bitch about it,” Shepard said. Her shoulders slumped as she looked down at him. “What’s our status?”

“Multiple core systems overloaded during the crash. Restoring operation will take time,” EDI said.

“But we can restore them?” Shepard asked.

“Yes.”

Shepard stared out at the base, her thoughts skimming over every possibility. They had made it this far. Given time, they could make it out again.

“EDI, I need some kind of time estimate. How long are we likely to be stuck here?”

“I estimate three hours before basic functions are restored.”

That was enough. “Then we can restore them and get the hell out of here as soon as we’ve dealt with the Collectors.” Shepard gave her shoulder an exploratory stretch. “Will the ship be safe?”

“I do not detect an internal security network,” EDI explained. “It is possible the Collectors did not expect anyone to reach the base.”

Shepard waved a spark away from her face and straightened. “Then let’s get this done. EDI, have everyone meet me in the armoury.”

\---

Silence fell as Shepard walked in the door. She was pale. There was a soot smear across her cheek. She scanned the waiting crew, her expression shifting as she stepped forward and squared her shoulders.

Thane watched his siha assume the mantle of command.

“This is the situation. We’re down on the Collector base. EDI says function can be restored, but it will take time,” Shepard said. “We’re not going to sit around here and wait. We’re going to get the job done. EDI?”

A holo of the Collector base shone from the armoury table. It was a labyrinth of tunnels and chambers, strangely reminiscent of the tracery of eezo nodules he had seen in Shepard. He looked at her now, the light shining on her face, and for a split second her eyes met his.

“We need a plan,” Shepard said, her voice firm as she looked away. “EDI, what can you make of this?”

EDI’s cipher appeared at the head of the table. “You should be able to overload their critical systems if you get to the main control centre here.”

One of the rooms glowed brighter than the rest.

Jacob called up his omni-tool. “That means going through the heart of the station. Right past this massive energy signature.”

“That’s the central chamber,” Shepard said, leaning forwards. “If the crew, or any of the colonists are still alive, they’ll be in there.”

“Looks like there’s two main routes.” Jacob altered the holo to provide a close up of the different ways in. “Might be a good idea to split up to keep the Collectors off balance, then regroup in the main chamber.”

“That’s no good,” Miranda said. “Both routes are blocked. See these doors?” She pointed her finger into the holo. “The only way past is to get someone to open them from the other side.”

“There has to be a way past,” Shepard muttered.

Despite the complexity, there was a certain similarity in the layout. Thane scanned the image, calculating, his memory running through a dozen different buildings he had infiltrated.

“There are ventilation shafts here, and here,” he said. “They will offer a way in. I cannot vouch for their safety.”

“Practically a suicide mission.” Jacob folded his arms. “I volunteer.”

Before Miranda could speak, Shepard held her hand up. “We need a tech expert in there, someone who can shut down the security systems in time. Legion, think you can handle it?”

The geth responded by with an approximation of a human nod. “Yes.”

“Good. The rest of us will break into two teams and fight our way in. That should draw the Collectors attention.”

“I’ll lead the second team,” Miranda offered, only to be met with a sneer of derision from Jack.

There was no hesitation from Shepard. “Garrus, you’ll lead the second team.”

He flicked his mandibles, stood straighter.

“Well, at least he knows what he’s doing,” Miranda said.

Thane saw Shepard grin at Garrus, though it was quickly smothered. He dipped his head, and returned the smile with a quick flick of his mandibles.

The holo flickered out.

Shepard stood to attention. “Once we’re in, they’re going to throw everything they have at us. One mistake, one hesitation, and we all die.”

She kept her gaze fixed forwards. Her voice didn’t falter. “I brought you all here because you’re the best at what you do. I brought you here to stop the Collectors. They took our crew. They believe we are helpless. We’ll prove them wrong.”

She curled her fists, and the purple glow of her biotics folded around her. “No more running. This ends today. Now, let’s get this show on the road. Garrus, I want you checking everyone’s weapons. Jacob, you supply the ammo. Everyone else, load up. We’re going hunting.”

\---

Garrus followed her through the ship. The lights flickered overhead.

Shepard adjusted her visor and double checked the oxygen readings EDI had given her. It was reasonable to assume that the Collectors still needed oxygen, and if they didn’t then their prey did.

The crew and colonists could still be alive. It seemed like a long shot, but Shepard was used to those.

“So we make it to the central chamber, and blow the place back to hell,” Garrus was muttering. He checked his rifle as he walked. Behind them Kasumi was chattering.

“That’s the plan,” Shepard said.

“And if one of the teams doesn’t make it?”

“Then whoever _is_ left carries out the plan. I know you can do this,” Shepard said. She hit the airlock door control and stood back to watch them open. “First team with me.”

Thane, Kasumi, Miranda and Grunt followed her in.

Once the door was sealed, Shepard opened the outer doors and inhaled. The air tasted stale and old, but at least it was breathable.

“The air quality is within permitted boundaries,” EDI reminded her.

“Thanks, EDI.” Shepard walked to the edge and looked out. The _Normandy_ was scraped, her sides bearing wounds from the journey in. She’d got them there. Even damaged and battered she was beautiful.

“Thank you,” Shepard murmured, resting her hand on the hull. “Garrus, we are moving out.”

She turned her attention to the base and jumped down, heading straight for the entrance marked on her map.

Thane was at one side, Kasumi on the other. Grunt walked behind with Miranda.

The entrance was dark, and Shepard found herself coming to a halt, eyes lifting to the sky. Her neck was prickling. Fear, all encompassing, fluttered beneath her skin. They were finally here. If she failed it would cost her everything she held dear.

Shepard looked through her visor for heat signatures. There was nothing. “Garrus, are you in position?”

“In position. Meet you on the other side of those doors.”

Shepard stepped into the shadows. “Legion, are you ready?”

“In position. Exterior temperature slightly elevated. No obstructions detected.”

“Good.” Shepard looked back at the _Normandy_ one last time. “We’re going in.”


	39. Matter of time

It had all been for this, Shepard reminded herself. She had been brought back from the dead to do what she did best.

The knowledge did not make it easier. This place could be their grave.

“You made contact yet?” Garrus asked, and Shepard halted.

Her visor was showing something—the faintest trace of a heat signature. “We’ve got incoming,” she said, raising her SMG and getting into cover. There were at least four Collectors converging on their position. There would be more soon enough.

She let instinct take over. The Collectors started to fall, and Shepard pushed on through them. Another one dropped to her left. One Shockwave, and another two Collectors had been tossed aside where they made easy targets for Thane and Kasumi.

Grunt charged, and Shepard couldn’t help smiling even as something filtered through her consciousness. A rasp. A low hum that built to a voice and sounded inside her head.

 _I sense your weakness_.

“Did you hear that?” Shepard asked.

One of the Collectors was blazing brightly. It wheeled to focus on her, and Shepard dropped down into cover, sucking in a deep breath as it spoke again.

_This is what you face. Your attacks are pointless. Relinquish your form to us._

Thane crouched beside her. “Shepard?”

“Can you hear it? That voice?”

He looked at her, concern smoothing into blankness, and Shepard knew at once that he couldn’t.

“We have to kill it,” she muttered. She got to her feet and took out her sniper rifle.

The strange Collector was easy to find. It stumbled back beneath her fire, its voice filling her head with poisonous doubt.

It died, just as any other Collector would, but Shepard knew better. It had died on board the Collector ship, yet here it was, speaking to her in a voice nobody else could hear, and reaching inside her deepest fears. Whatever it was, it would be back.

Shepard motioned to her team to move out and led the way, reloading as she stepped over the Collector’s corpse.

“Garrus, how are you getting on?”

“We’re taking heavy fire, but we’re moving forward.”

“Good.” Shepard stopped, peering through her rifle sight. “Legion?”

There was no response.

“Legion?”

“Pathing failure,” Legion replied. “There is an obstruction in the tunnel.”

“An obstruction? Shit.” Shepard brought up her omni-tool and started scanning. “What kind of obstruction?”

“It is a pressure door.” Legion said. “I am unable to progress.”

Kasumi leapt up and sprinted forwards, her face aglow with the light of her omni-tool. She stopped next to a panel and started pressing buttons. “Hey, Shep. It looks like they’ve locked the system down. There has to be a central control panel we can hack.”

“Then let’s find it, and fast. Did you get that, Garrus?” Shepard asked. She was already running.

“Loud and clear. If we find it this side I’ll let you know.”

They met resistance within metres. Over the sound of the guns, Shepard could hear Legion’s voice, small and tinny in her ear.

“Temperature rising to dangerous levels.”

If they lost Legion, someone else would have to go in the vents. There was no time.

“Kasumi, any sign of the control panel?”

“Found it. I’d appreciate a little help though.”

Shepard made a run for it. She powered straight into the closest Collector, knocking it across the floor where she finished the job using her Tempest.

Thane and Miranda followed closely, biotics working in unison to help clear a path, and Shepard ploughed onwards, rounding the corner to find Kasumi pinned down by advancing Collectors.

One of them lifted off its feet and started to shimmer, but Shepard was ready. She lifted her missile launcher, found the target easily, and fired. The resulting fireball took out half the Collectors.

“Thanks, Shep,” Kasumi said, already working on the control panel in front of her.

It stayed resolutely red.

Legion spoke again. “Temperature rising. Circuits on the verge of failure.”

Still Kasumi worked.

Shepard focussed down her sights, hands steady, heart racing.

“I’m in. There’s more pressure doors,” Kasumi said. “We should stay here, make sure Legion gets out.”

“Garrus, we found the control panel. Meet you at the doors. Thane, Miranda, we need to dig in here,” Shepard instructed. She popped her thermal clip and loaded in a new one. “Legion, how are you doing?”

“Obstruction removed. Proceeding down the tube.”

“Good. Let me know when you’re out.” Shepard bent to her task, tracing each flicker of movement and pursuing it with gunfire and biotics.

She had no desire to let that voice into her head again. Cerberus had already taken that liberty. What bothered her was how a Collector could access her mind. With Cerberus, it had been the presence of Cerberus tech, and that led to one conclusion. Somewhere in the reconstructed body she’d been given there was Reaper tech. How much she couldn’t guess. Maybe she should have gone over the data with Mordin.

“Shepard, we have a problem. Tali’s been hit,” Garrus told her. “I can get her to the rendezvous point, but she can’t go much further.”

“Alright. We’ll see you there.” Shepard ducked down beside Kasumi. “Legion, I need an update.”

“Proceeding. Anticipate we are near the end.”

“Thane, Miranda, get to the door. Clear a path.” Shepard threw a Shockwave at the Collectors blocking their path and settled down to provide cover. She made each shot count, reeling in the headcounts and muttering the total under her breath. It would be something to tell Garrus when they met up.

The thought of Tali made her stomach clench. Shepard blocked it out.

“I am through,” Legion said.

“Move,” Shepard ordered, already running. She saw Kasumi cloak and vanish in front of her, kept her focus on the familiar sound of Thane’s gun up ahead. He covered her as she pelted down the slope, her barrier fizzing as shots rained down.

The door in front of them slid open.

Shepard ran straight through. “Fall back,” she ordered.

Garrus was at her side, striding forward to cover them. “Supressing fire! Don’t let anybody through that door.”

Kasumi reappeared behind them. Thane backed in, quickly followed by Miranda, and the door shut with a solid clunk.

The silence rang in Shepard’s ears. She turned, spotted Tali, and went straight to her. “How are you doing?” Shepard asked, her voice soft as she crouched beside the quarian and looked over her suit for damage.

Tali gave a small laugh. “You worry too much. The wound is minor. The only problem is the hole in my suit.”

“You’ve taken anti-biotics?”

“Of course.” Tali sat back, her hand still clutched over her arm.

“Okay.” Shepard got to her feet, options running through her head as she approached Legion. “Nice work, Legion. I knew I could count on you.”

He nodded his head, plates flaring in acknowledgment, and Shepard couldn’t help patting him on the arm. Her armour was still on there.

“Shepard,” Miranda called. “You need to see this.”

She led them out the entrance passage, and out into the main chamber.

It was massive. A huge network of tunnels spanned the roof, reaching into the darkness and vanishing off beyond sight. There were small glowing nodules dotted around the walls.

One was barely metres away.

Shepard took a closer look. There, behind the smeared glass, was a woman. She wore a colony uniform, and her eyes were closed as though she were merely sleeping.

“Looks like one of the missing colonists,” Miranda said.

Shepard reached out to touch the glass. The woman stirred.

“There’s more over here,” Grunt shouted.

There was a quiet hiss. Shepard looked up at the woman. She was no longer sleeping, but clawing at the glass as her flesh started to disintegrate in livid patches of red. Her blood smeared down the glass.

“She’s still alive,” Shepard cried.

The woman opened her mouth, her eyes fixed on Shepard, and from behind the glass there was a muffled scream of pain as she crumpled in on herself.

“Get them out.” Shepard reeled back from the pod, unable to tear her eyes away from the pool of matter that had been a human until moments ago. “Get them all out, hurry!”

Each pod began to hiss. Shepard took the next one, forcing the door open and catching hold of the human as they toppled out. She knew his face. This was her crew.

She looked up to see Thane smash through another pod to free Harper.

Grunt head-butted another, and pulled Kelly out, letting her slither to the floor before smashing the next pod.

Last to be freed was Chakwas. Shepard was the one to catch her, carrying the doctor and laying her carefully down beside the rest of her crewmates.

They were in varying stages of shock. Mordin was already checking them over.

After a couple of seconds Chakwas pulled herself into a seated position. She looked up at Shepard, her eyes unfocussed. “Shepard?”

“It’s me, I’m here.” Shepard crouched in front of her and rested a hand on her doctor’s shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

“Better than some I’ll wager.” Chakwas looked about her. “I can’t believe you came for us.”

“Of course,” Shepard said, forcing a smile. “You’re my crew. I wouldn’t leave you behind.”

The unopened pods looked empty now. Shepard straightened, drawn back towards the first pod, and the woman she had been unable to save. The muffled screams still rang in her ears. She was always too late.

Anger leapt like a flame in Shepard’s stomach. There would be no more sacrifices. She could stop this. She had to.

“Shepard,” Chakwas called. “The colonists were processed. Those swarms of little robots, they… melted their bodies into grey liquid and pumped it through these tubes.”

“Why?” Shepard murmured. She reached her hand out to touch the empty pod. “What are they doing with us?”

One of the crew members moaned, a low cry of fear that alerted Shepard to the inescapable truth.

“Joker? Can you get a fix on our position?” she asked.

“Roger that, Commander. All those tubes lead into the main control room right above you. The route is blocked by a security door, but there’s another chamber that runs parallel to the one you’re in.”

“I cannot recommend that,” EDI interjected. “Thermal emissions suggest the chamber is overrun with seeker swarms. Mordin’s countermeasure cannot protect you against so many at once.”

Shepard frowned. She caught sight of Samara meditating a little way back from everyone else, the cool blue glow of her biotics lighting the darkness.

“What about biotics?” Shepard asked. “Could we create a biotic field to keep them from getting near us?”

The Justicar unfurled as though summoned, coming to stand in front of Shepard. “I think it may be possible,” Samara said. “I wouldn’t be able to protect everyone, but we might be able to get a small team through if they stayed close.”

“Good. Kasumi, I want you to with Samara and me. We’ll open the security doors from the other side.” Shepard said. “Garrus, I want you providing a distraction. Head through the main passage, and we’ll meet you on the other side.”

She paused, staring across the massive chamber into the shadows. There was only one way she could do this.

“Thane, Jacob, I want you to escort Tali and the crew back to the ship.”

A murmur rippled through the crew. Chakwas got to her feet. Jacob brought up his omni-tool, handing his pistol to one of the crew members before speaking with Thane.

Shepard looked up and found Garrus at her side. “I’ll see you on the other side. Of the doors,” he added, shaking his head as he took his rifle out.

“See you on the other side,” Shepard said. She moved on heavy feet, dragging herself towards Thane and the waiting crew members.

Jacob saluted as she approached.

“At ease, soldier,” Shepard said. She took her pistol out and handed it to him. “You can probably make use of this. Thank you, Jacob. Make sure they’re ready to move.”

He took the hint and went to check on Tali.

Each heartbeat, each breath, every second passing, was time wasted. They’d had so little, and now she was sending him away. Thane stood, hands behind his back, watching her evenly.

“Promise me you’ll get them home,” Shepard said. Her voice was unsteady as she held herself painful inches away from Thane. “If anything goes wrong, get out of here, and take them all home.”

“I give you my word.”

He swayed, one arm loose from behind his back, and Shepard withdrew a fraction.

“If I don’t make it back, you need to go and see Liara. She has something for you.”

Thane’s composure fractured for a second. His chin dipped, and Shepard heard his breath catch, not from illness, but from the same terror that held her in its sway.

He nodded once.

“Let me know when you get back to the _Normandy_ ,” Shepard said. “And could you… If you could stay in radio contact—“

“I am always with you, siha.” Thane stood to attention. “Now, go. You have a job to do.”

She turned away from him, heading towards Samara and Kasumi. “We’ve all got our assignments. Let’s move out.”

Garrus led his team off, giving orders, his head held high.

Shepard reached the door to the chamber and glanced back to see the crew leaving. Thane had gone.

There was a gentle touch on her arm.

“I am making the barrier,” Samara said, her eyes glowing brightly as she stood in front of the doors. “Be ready.”

There was a familiar crackle of biotics, and a dome of energy appeared over them. Kasumi opened the door. Together they stepped through.

The seeker swarms appeared at once. They threw themselves uselessly at the edges of the barrier, swarming over them in dark clouds, and Shepard wished she’d learnt this particular skill for herself.

She walked a few paces ahead, watching intently for signs of trouble, whilst Kasumi walked behind.

“Well this is creepy,” she said, pulling her hood a little tighter over her head.

Samara ignored them. She stood tall, arms outstretched, hands alight.

There was a burst of radio static, through which Shepard could make out only the smallest pieces of Garrus’ words. “Ga… team…pos…orders, She—“

“Damn it.” She could guess the source of the interference. “Garrus, the seeker swarms are interfering with radio contact. Garrus, do you copy?”

There was a crackle, and then silence.

Her visor showed splashes of colour, and Shepard signalled to Samara before finding the nearest patch of cover. She looked down her sights and saw the closest Collector ripple with light.

The voice was waiting for her. _Nothing stands against us. You cannot escape your destiny, Shepard._

“You’re wrong,” Shepard hissed, her finger on the trigger. She hastened to kill it. There was another burst of static, and she heard Garrus say her name before the transmission died.

_I am the Harbinger of your ascendance._

 “Bullshit,” Shepard shouted. She pelted it with fire until once again it started to flicker and die.

_Releasing control. This changes nothing. We will find you again, Shepard._

Another headshot, and another Collector was dead on the ground. She threw Reave at another before turning to Samara. “We should get going.”

The Justicar was walking slower now. She held both hands in front of her, and Shepard couldn’t help checking the barrier above her head. The dark cloud of seekers waited.

They skirted down the slope. Somewhere in the distance there was the whine of a platform bringing more Collectors.

Husks rose from the ground barely twenty metres away. Shepard knocked them aside easily, using Shockwave before finishing them off with her sniper rifle.

“Keep moving,” she ordered. “We need to get that door open.”

“Who were you talking to?” Kasumi asked, walking closer as Samara slowed.

“I don’t know,” Shepard admitted. She popped the heatsink, let the old one fall to the floor at her feet, and reloaded. “I keep hearing a voice. It told me that it was the Harbinger of my ascendance.”

“You’re talking to the Harbinger of your ascendance. I think we need to go faster,” Kasumi said, walking ahead and scanning the area with her omni-tool. She shook it and gave a sigh. “Too much interference.”

There was a moan, and Shepard saw a husk clamber up onto the walkway. Another three shambled up behind it.

“Could be a real fire fight,” Samara said. “I’ll hold this position until you’re ready to move out.” She lowered herself slowly down behind some broken crates. Her growing exhaustion was evident.

A blue splash of energy hit the barrier. There was another of those hunchbacked creatures moving towards them. It was slow, but Shepard had seen what it could do, and she acted fast, lobbing a sticky grenade at it.

The explosion took care of any immediate threats. The survivors were backed up by Collectors swarming in.

“It looks like your harbinger is here again.” Kasumi threw a flashbang grenade at the Collector that had already started to transform.

It stumbled backwards, and together they peppered it fire.

There were more to take care of. Shepard worked mechanically, choosing a target, killing it, and moving onto the next one. Her ears were filled with the sound of gunfire. Without radio contact she could only wonder what was waiting for her at the door, and if anyone had made it back to the ship.

After long moments, all was still. The seeker swarms still flitted at the edge of the barrier. The whisper of their wings was constant.

Samara set off again. She was bowed as though being crushed. Her face was no longer impassive, but etched with weariness, and Shepard stayed close beside her.

“I can see the door,” Shepard told her, cresting the lip of the slope and looking down to the way out.

“Need to… get there soon,” Samara said. She stumbled, only to be caught by Shepard and Kasumi. They shared a look. If the barrier fell they would be gone in seconds.

A shriek started up down the slope as husks pulled themselves up on decayed arms.

Kasumi released Samara and threw a grenade down the slope.

Shepard followed it with Shockwave, her hand still tight on Samara’s arm. The path in front was clear. Behind them was another matter.

“Kasumi, take Samara. I’ll keep them off us,” Shepard said. She relinquished her hold on Samara as Kasumi returned, took a few steps away from them, and fired her rocket launcher back up the slope.

Collectors were starting to pour down the slope towards them. The missile caught the first wave, the corpses providing a mere stumbling block for the hordes that followed. Shockwave merely slowed them.

“Hurry, Shepard,” Samara called.

Shepard darted backwards towards the now open door.

She watched as Samara gathered herself, straightening. Her weariness was replaced with anger. Energy crackled from her outstretched hands, bathing her body, and with a cry Samara blew her force-field wide, knocking over everything in its path.

She walked tall over the threshold, and Kasumi shut the door.

The radio came to life instantly. “Do you copy? Come on, Shepard. Where are you?”

“I copy, what’s your position?” Shepard responded.

“We’re pinned down at the door. Taking heavy fire.”

Kasumi was already crouched at the door, and Shepard took up position with her gun ready.

“We’re coming, Garrus, just hold on.”

The door panel switched from red to green.

She was straight at Garrus’ side, covering him, stepping forward to take any incoming fire.

“Get this door sealed,” she ordered over the scream of her suit alarm.

There was a hiss, and a blue splash of energy as one of the distorted husks fired. Shepard dodged easily, ducking down to reload her rocket launcher just as the door squealed shut. Something heavy pounded against it.

“Sounds like they’re throwing themselves at it,” Kasumi remarked.

“Let them.” Shepard searched for Garrus. He was slumped against the wall, head down, and Shepard ran to his side, her hands already fumbling for medi-gel.

He reached out and stopped her. “I’m fine. I just need a moment.”

“Okay.” Shepard let her hands fall from his shoulders. Her breath caught as the radio stuttered. A voice sounded in her ear.

“Siha, we have made it back to the ship. I see you’ve made it through safely.”

“We have.” Shepard grinned at Garrus, her head spinning for a second. “How is everyone?”

“Chakwas has the worst in medbay. Everyone else is assisting with repairs.”

“And Tali?”

“Doctor Chakwas assures me she will make a full recovery.”

There was another thump from the doors, and everyone turned to look.

“Those fuckers are coming through,” Jack said, prowling in front of the doors as Shepard headed in the opposite direction. There were more mobile platforms docked there, and yet another looming space in front of them.

“EDI? What’s the next step?” asked Shepard.

“There are some nearby platforms that will take you to the main control console. From there you can overload the system and destroy the base,” EDI responded.

There was a muffled blast behind the doors. Shepard felt the ground quake beneath her feet. The Collectors were determined to make it through. It was only a matter of time. She looked at her team, and back at the platforms. “Is the _Normandy_ ready to leave?”

“Basic functions are restored. We should be able to leave within fifteen minutes.”

Fifteen minutes. Time enough to reach the main controls and escape.

Shepard went back to her team. “Garrus, Miranda, I want you with me. Everyone else, I need you to hold this position and keep the Collectors from overwhelming us.”

“We will be waiting,” Samara said.

Garrus got onto the platform without hesitation, shouldering his gun as he activated the platform with quick jabs of his gloved talons.

“Time to go, Shepard.”

She glanced back at her crew. They were readying themselves, a few words exchanged here and there, finding cover and the best vantage points for the inevitable moment when the door gave way.

These people were the best. They had proved it over and over, and it was time for them to prove it once more.

Shepard climbed onto the platform and stood at Garrus’ side. The air was cool on her face. There were patches of light in the darkness ahead.

“I’m ready.” She put her hand over his on the control panel, and together they pressed the button. The platform came to life. It quivered as they broke connection with the base and soared out into the air. They had a job to do.

 

 


	40. Sweep in the void

Shepard heard the voice before she saw the platforms closing on them.

_Hope is irrelevant. Your death is assured._

She reached into her pocket and took out the knife she usually kept beneath her pillow. The blade was clean. It caught the light as she tilted it, examining the edges and finding it satisfactory.

“Siha,” Thane said over the comm. “There is something you must look at.”

“I know what it is,” she said, swopping to her sniper rifle and aiming. The Collector on the incoming platform made an easy target. It rippled with light. Even if the other couldn’t hear its voice, they could still see it and the way it turned towards her.

“Let’s take this son of bitch down,” Garrus said.

They fired together, picking on it until life was once again extinguished.

“It’ll be back,” Shepard said. She blasted the nearest platform with Shockwave. Two Collectors toppled off the edge.

“It is still speaking to you?”

Shepard nodded. “I want this thing destroyed once and for all. No more creeping around in my head.”

“We’ve got more incoming,” Miranda warned.

“On it.” Garrus took the platform on the left, Shepard the right, with Miranda providing back up where needed.

The Collectors were picked off within minutes. Shepard felt a jolt beneath her feet as their platform began to rise.

She looked up at the murky roof to where the tubes were converging overhead. “EDI, what can you tell us? Are you picking anything up?”

“The tubes are feeding into some kind of super-structure. It is emitting both organic and non-organic energy signatures,” EDI told them. “Given these readings it must be massive.”

Shepard drew closer to Garrus as they swept through the darkness and out into the main chamber at last. The air was warmer, sticky with humidity. A metallic smell hung in the air.

Up above them, swathed in filaments of blue lights, was the structure.

“Shepard, if my calculations are correct, the super-structure… is a Reaper.”

Ribs, spine, arms dangling, skull tilted forwards.

“It’s a human Reaper,” Shepard said. “Thane, are you seeing this?”

“Yes.”

The Reaper was ringed by more platforms. They docked with a crunch of metal, and Shepard found herself staring at the grotesque approximation of a human.

“It appears the Collectors have processed tens of thousands of humans. Significantly more will be required to complete the Reaper.” EDI said.

Shepard walked slowly off the platform and across to where the Reaper was suspended barely metres away. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

“This Reaper appears to be in a very early stage of development,” EDI continued. “An embryo in human terms.”

Those terms sent a shiver through Shepard. She could not bear to equate it with her species, knowing what it had cost them to get this far. This was the colonists. This was empty homes, and the grief of missing family members.

She looked along its arms to the slack hands. “Why build it to look like a human?”

“It appears that a Reaper’s shape is based upon the species used to create it. The exact construction method is unclear, but it seems probable that the Reaper absorb the essence of a species; utilizing it in their reproduction process. This is then reflected in the final structure.”

“So this is what they wanted you for,” Garrus said.

The thought was enough to make Shepard step backwards. Her stomach turned, and she felt a rush of gratitude towards Liara.

Miranda was the only one brave enough to approach the very edge of the platform. She stood at the void, gaze sweeping over the umbilical’s that held the Reaper in place, and the tip of its spinal column where legs had yet to form.

“They preserve a species in both organic and non-organic form.” She turned back towards them. “Shepard, you’re the best humanity has to offer. You can hardly blame them for pursuing you.”

“Then we have to destroy it,” Shepard said. “If we don’t they’ll keep coming, not just after me, but after all the humans they need to complete it.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Garrus said.

“Agreed,” Thane said over the comm. “The support system must have weak points.”

Shepard used her sight to examine the structure holding the Reaper in place. “We cut the cord,” she murmured. “Break the supports. Then we can blow the base up, and get the hell out of here.”

There was a whirr in the air. The Collectors had found them, but Shepard no longer cared. “Garrus, you’re in charge of shooting that thing down. We’ll take care of everything else.”

She knew how to do this. Sniper rifles until the platforms docked, and then into the fray with fists flying and biotics charged. She kicked one Collector off the edge, saw light shining behind her, and span to face it.

The glowing Collector reached for her. Shepard gathered her biotics and hurled it at the Reaper.

“Nice,” Garrus said. His gun rang out. One of the supports collapsed, spraying debris and liquid outwards.

The Reaper sagged downwards.

Shepard lifted her sniper rifle, targeted the last remaining injector and squeezed the trigger. It shattered.

The weight of the Reaper started to drag it downwards, shearing off the last remaining umbilicals, and causing its head to topple forwards. It hung for a few seconds, motionless in the darkness. With a rending scream of metal, the Reaper fell.

Garrus cheered. Miranda clapped Shepard on the shoulder. She stared at the empty space where it had been. They’d done it.

“Shepard to ground team, status report,” Shepard asked, already heading towards the main control console.

 “They are through the door. We can hold them off for now,” Samara responded.

“You don’t have to. Get back to the _Normandy._ Joker, prep the engines. I’m blowing this place sky high.”

The console rose smoothly. Shepard got down and examined it.

“Uh, Commander?”

“What is it, Joker?” Shepard brought up her overload programme and gave Garrus a smile as he crouched down beside her.

“I’ve got an incoming signal from the Illusive Man. EDI’s patching it through.”

“What?” Shepard got to her feet.

Miranda frowned. Her fingers moved over her omni-tool. A holo of the Illusive Man appeared, guttering and insubstantial.

“Shepard. You’ve done the impossible.”

“I was part of a team. I couldn’t have done this without them,” Shepard said, glancing back over her shoulder at where Garrus was working on the controls.

“I know. Still, you’ve done everything I asked of you and more. I’m looking at the schematics EDI uploaded. A timed radiation pulse would kill the remaining Collectors, but leave the machinery and technology intact.” The Illusive Man’s image paled. “This is our chance, Shepard. They were building a Reaper. That knowledge—that framework—could save us.”

“How is the slaughter of millions of innocents going to save anyone?” Shepard asked. “I’m not going to let you, or anyone, try to make something out of this. We end this here. The Reaper. All of it.”

“Don’t be short-sighted. Our best chance against the Reapers is to turn their own resources against them.”

“You’re wrong. Our best chance—humanities best chance—is working together. That’s when we’re strongest. That’s how we’re going to defeat the Reapers.”

“Don’t be naïve, Shepard. The—“

“She’s right,” Miranda interrupted. “We recruited her because she’s the best at what she does. I’ve seen this place first hand. I’ve seen what they do to the colonists. Using anything from this base seems like a betrayal.”

Garrus gave a small hum of agreement.

“No.” The Illusive Man raised his hand. “If we ignore this opportunity, that would be a betrayal.”

From Shepard’s point of view the battle was already won.

Miranda’s frown had deepened.

“You destroy this base, and you destroy any chance we have of finding out what the Reapers are planning, and why they are so interested in you,” The Illusive Man said, his image distorting.

“I’ve seen enough to figure that out for myself.” Shepard turned her back on the Illusive Man. She huddled down next to Garrus, and watched his skilled hands work over the circuitry.

“Miranda. Don’t let Shepard destroy the base.”

Shepard froze. She saw Garrus’ expression. Their backs were to the Cerberus operative.

“Or what?” Miranda replied. “You’ll replace me next?”

“I gave you an order, Miranda.”

“I noticed. Consider this my resignation.”

There was silence. Shepard gave Garrus the smallest incline of her head as the light from the holo died, and Miranda’s footsteps drew closer.

 “Here, you’ll need this,” Miranda said, handing Garrus an interface unit. “That should make things a little easier.”

“You sure picked a hell of a time to resign,” Garrus said. He handed the unit to Shepard and she placed it, watching the small screen light up and feedback to their omni-tools.

“As good a time as any.”

The overload code was accepted. Shepard took a second to make sure the interface unit was properly secured before pressing the panel back down.

“Let’s move,” Shepard said. She started for the platform. “We’ve got ten minutes to get out of here. Joker, get the ship prepped. We’re on our—“

There was a quiver beneath her feet. A rattle of metal. Shepard scowled back over her shoulder, and stopped.

A metal hand reached up over the parapet.

“The Reaper,” Shepard said, skittering into cover with Garrus at her side. She could hear its joints squealing as the Reaper pulled itself up. Her knees knocked into Garrus’.

There was another screech of metal.

“I say we get out of here,” Garrus said, reloading his gun. “The explosion will take care of the Reaper.”

He readied himself, and leaned forwards to move.

Shepard stayed frozen in place.

“Siha, you can still reach the platform. The Reaper has limited movement. EDI estimates that the explosion will destroy it.”

Thane’s words sounded distant. She was already taking out the armour piercing clip that Garrus had given her, sliding it into her gun, and checking it over with practised precision.

The noise made Garrus pause. He watched her, flicked his mandibles and, with a last look at the platform, he settled back down at Shepard’s side. “So we’re doing this.”

“We are.”

Garrus laughed. He swopped his clip to match Shepard’s. “Now this will be something to tell the grandchildren about. Provided we make it out of course.”

Shepard shot him a smile and risked a look over the top of the barrier. The Reaper looked down at her, eyes filled with fire, and the gaping hole of its mouth crackled with red arcs of electricity. It emitted a drone that drilled into Shepard’s ears.

She ducked just as it fired.

“Take a look, tell me what you see,” she told Garrus.

He leant carefully out and retreated quickly. “My readings are all over the place.”

“That thing on its chest—I’m guessing energy source.” Shepard took out a sticky grenade. She felt the rush of her biotics, her blood thrumming as she weighed up the options and felt her body respond.

“I’ll take care of that. You and Miranda go for the eyes.”

“Got it.”

Shepard rolled out, and dashed for the next closest barrier, using her biotics to throw a sticky grenade at the Reaper’s chest. She had always known it was up to her to destroy them. She didn’t mean to start that fight with a retreat.

“Nine minutes,” Thane said. “Knock it back. It might not survive a second fall.”

“The _Normandy_ ’s ready to fly, Commander,” Joker announced.

“Good.” There was the heavy pop of the grenade, followed by Garrus and Miranda firing.

The Reapers arm fell close by, its hand tightening to a claw as it reached for Garrus.

The distraction was useful. Shepard lifted her head up, found the burning heart of the Reaper, and fired in rapid succession. It reeled backwards, hands skittering for purchase, and Shepard watched as Garrus took up a new position and fired again.

One of its eyes shattered. Glowing fragments rained down as the Reaper slumped forwards.

Time to move.

“Wait for the others, then get airborne,” Shepard ordered Joker, bolting from her hiding place.

She didn’t look back, leaping forwards and flinging herself down into cover as another burst of energy scorched past millimetres away.

“Seven minutes,” Thane said, his voice hard.

Shepard was on her knees. She took another grenade out and threw it, catching it at the peak of its arc. From there she propelled it onwards to latch neatly onto the Reaper.

It was weakening now. One eye was gone. The other was under constant assault, and the light on its chest had dimmed.

She counted silently. The grenade exploded, and Shepard fired a rocket to follow. The second eye blew. Everyone was shooting.

The Reaper lifted its head and flames erupted from its mouth, exploding outwards along its spine as it convulsed. One arm raised high above its head, fingers extended, and Shepard heard the groan of metal pushed beyond its capabilities.

The ground sheared away beneath her feet. A flash of blue fell past her.

Garrus was falling.

She was on the ground, arm outstretched, biotics firing as she tried to grab him and failed. Her fingers caught at his and for a moment they touched, his blue eyes finding hers.

The metal quivered. Garrus fell out of her grasp.

Empty handed, screaming his name, Shepard watched Garrus hit the lip and tumble out of sight. She pushed herself faster. Her hand snapped out, one last desperate sweep in the void.

Her hand closed over his.

Beneath him she could see the Reaper where it had snagged on the side. Its hand reached towards them.

“Get up,” Shepard ordered, hoisting Garrus with everything she had left. He scrambled up beside her as the Reaper fell again.

Shepard clung onto Garrus, her grip tight.

An explosion rippled up from the chasm beneath them.

They fell together.

\---

“Siha? Shepard?”

His voice caught upon her name.

Shepard opened her eyes and stretched her limbs, pain registering through every sore muscle. She shook her head.

“Arashu be praised,” Thane said. “Shepard, you must leave. You only have five minutes.”

“I’m going,” she said, dragging herself to her feet and searching for Garrus.

He was stirring, muttering expletives and searching for his visor.

Shepard found it and handed it over. “Up and at em, Vakarian.” She pulled him to his feet and started looking for Miranda.

She was lay pinned beneath a sheet of jagged metal. Her eyes flickered open as they freed her.

Shepard sighed with relief, holding onto Miranda until she was ready to move.

“Thank you.” Miranda winced as she rolled her shoulder and glanced upwards. “EDI, how long have we got?”

“Four minutes. The ground team arrived two minutes ago. We are airborne.”

“You hear that?” Garrus asked, raising his gun.

“Seeker swarm,” Shepard said. She was already running, her attention switching between the route on her omni-tool, and the rapid beat of wings at their back.

The voice caught her off guard. It seared into her head, penetrating every fibre of her being.

_Human, you’ve changed nothing._

Garrus caught her elbow and dragged her onwards.

_Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater. That which you know as Reapers are your salvation through destruction._

They were in a dark passage now. Shots were pinging at their heels. Ahead the door opened onto rusty brightness, Miranda’s outline clear as they broke out of the Collector base and back onto its surface.

Out there, Shepard could hear it. The sound of home. The _Normandy_ ’s engines drawing closer. Her heart lifted as the ship, battered but flying, swooped alongside. The side airlock door opened.

Joker stood there with a gun in hand. Thane was at his side.

It was Miranda that cleared the gap first. Garrus took two long-legged strides and was caught by Thane.

Debris fell from the sky, and Shepard watched as the floor crumbled away, widening the gap between her and the ship. She didn’t slow, did not hesitate or look down into the darkness that threatened to consume her.

Shepard jumped. She pushed the crumbling ground away beneath her and soared.

She was caught not by two hands, but by six—Miranda, Thane and Garrus. They dragged her in, and as the door shut Shepard caught a glimpse of their faces.

There was relief there, and joy. Garrus shook his head with a grin. Miranda smiled but left immediately.

Shepard followed, tugging at Thane’s arm as she ran for the cockpit.

EDI was counting down. “Ten, nine, eight—“

“Yeah, I get the gist of it, EDI,” Joker said, limping to his chair. He sat down and started hitting buttons. “Hold on, everyone.”

They gathered speed, bolting away from the Collector base and back out into the debris field.

Shepard felt Thane squeeze her hand.

The pieces of debris began to light up. A screen showed the scene behind them.

Flames were leaping from the Collector base, consuming it in seconds, and behind it a shockwave followed.

Shepard held her breath.

The sky filled with fire, vanishing to be replaced with the familiar streak of space and the other side of the relay.

They were home.

 

 

 


	41. Empty Space

There were orders to give, datapads to look over, and crew members to check on. Shepard let protocol guide her, issuing orders from underneath her numbing blanket of exhaustion.

Everyone was tired. Half the crew were out of action. Tali remained in medbay. The ship needed attention first. Shepard ordered Joker to take them somewhere quiet in order to go about emergency repairs unmolested.

She also ordered a general meeting in the mess hall in six hours’ time.

Only then did Shepard head slowly back to her cabin. Thane followed.

He helped her remove her armour, his fingers brushing her neck, and Shepard leaned into his touch with her eyes closed. She allowed herself a moment of comfort before heading into the bathroom to inspect her wounds.

Thane opened the med-kit. Together they patched up the small cuts, the larger cuts, and the fresh bruises forming on their tired bodies. It was only the briefest respite.

There was much still to be done. The _Normandy_ needed her Commander.

Shepard dressed again, whispered her thanks against Thane’s lips, and set out once again.

She helped patch up control panels. Donnelly and Daniels, tired, but still working, accepted her assistance gladly. She worked through the diagnostic programmes whilst listening to their banter.

Afterwards Shepard went to see Jacob at the drive core. He gave her a salute, followed by a wide grin, and Shepard couldn’t help the relieved laugh that burst from her lips. They’d done it. She’d done it.

Five hours later, feet dragging, Shepard walked into the mess hall and found that everyone had gathered there. The injured were propped up by their friends. Even Chakwas was sat at the table nursing what looked like a small brandy.

Silence fell. Shepard stood at the head of the table, hands on hips, and took time to meet everyone’s gaze. She raised the bottle that Jack slid over. “Mission accomplished.”

A cheer broke out. Shepard swigged the drink, fought back a coughing fit, and slammed the bottle down.

“You all deserve a medal. We did the impossible. We got through the Omega-Four relay, and we got the job done. Because of every single one of you, there will be no more abductions. We can rest easy in our beds.”

 _For now._ The battle may be won, but there was still a war coming.

“There’s still a long way to go, but first… I think we all deserve a drink,” Shepard said, watching Garrus as he got to his feet.

“I’d like to propose a toast. To Commander Shepard. Saviour of the Citadel, Reaper killer, and a damn good friend.”

There were a couple of whoops. Shepard smiled at Garrus, and he gave her a small bow as everyone repeated “To Commander Shepard.”

She joined in the toast, taking only the smallest sip of the burning liquor before pushing it back over to Jack. She had no desire to be drunk. This was a moment to savour. There were smiles on everyone’s faces.

Someone broke out a set of cards. Laughter echoed across the room to Shepard as she stood watching over her crew.

“Hey, Commander?” Joker limped over with a bottle of beer in hand. “The Illusive Man has been asking for you.”

“Joker, you have my permission to tell him to go to hell,” Shepard said. “I think we’re finished working for Cerberus.”

“Aye, aye Captain.” Joker gave her a wonky salute that she returned with a smile.

Thane caught her eye, and Shepard went to him. They had survived. The future had never been bright to begin with. Kepral’s loomed large on the horizon, but as she slipped her hand into his, and leant over to press a kiss to his head, none of it mattered. She had bled for this moment. Nothing was going to ruin it.

He was all she saw, head tilting up, dark eyes finding hers. Amidst the whistles and the laughter, Shepard pressed her lips to Thanes. Her heart hammered against her chest. He pulled her down onto his lap. Beneath her fingertips, she felt his heart keep pace with hers.

\---

Garrus shifted, daring to look up at where Shepard sat opposite. Her eyes were down. The cards were held lightly between her fingers. She wore the expression she always wore when they played cards, the same expression that covered her face when they went into battle and things got complicated.

He’d seen that look a thousand times.

Her eyes flicked up to meet his.

 _Crap_.

“I’m calling it,” Garrus said. He knew his bluff had failed. Shepard had a knack for seeing through him.

Shepard shrugged. “Alright, Vakarian. Show me what you’re working with.”

If she had sub-harmonics he might have had a chance. The angle of her shoulders sometimes gave it away, or the involuntary frown that wrinkled her face skin. Right now she was giving him nothing.

He laid the cards down and waited.

To his surprise it was Thane that moved first. He set his cards upon the table with a decisive snap. “I believe I win again.”

“You get marks for effort,” Shepard said. She laid one card down at a time. “Aces high, straight flush. I win.”

“Ha. I’ll be damned.” Garrus couldn’t help laughing. Shepard’s luck seemed to be holding.

She scooped up the remaining credit chits and arranged them in a neat pile in front of her. There was a smile on her face, a bruise on her cheek, and deep shadows beneath her eyes.

It had been a long day, and one he wouldn’t have seen the end of had it not been for Shepard.

He had been falling, his armour scraping along the metal, hands flailing. And then she was there.

The first catch was fumbled. It was the look on her face that had reassured him. Determination. She’d never failed him. Even as he tumbled over the edge he still believed in her.

The instant her hand closed over his wrist, he knew his faith had not been misplaced.

Afterwards she had clung onto him. He’d wanted to say something, but the ground had given way.

Now she sat before him, leaning towards Thane, their bodies curved towards each other.

“I think I’ll go get some rest. We’ll need an early start tomorrow, see if we can get the engine core recalibrated.” He pushed away from the table.

“Yeah.” Shepard stifled a yawn. “There’s a mile of wiring that needs replacing.”

“You get all the fun jobs,” Garrus said, standing up and hesitating just for a second.

She saw it, her mouth turning downwards as she looked up at him. “Sleep well, Garrus. We’ve got a long road ahead of us.”

He didn’t need sub-harmonics for that one. “Goodnight, Shepard. Thane.”

There would be plenty of time to say something tomorrow. Right now, his bed was calling. Garrus left them behind at the table.

\---

She yawned again. It was time to admit defeat. Shepard leant her head against Thane’s shoulder, and he breathed in the clean scent of her hair.

“You need rest, siha.”

“I know.” She sat up and gave him a sleepy smile. “Come on.”

The ship was falling quiet now. They rode the elevator in silence. Thane rubbed his thumb over Shepard’s palm in slow circles.

He did not break contact as they walked into her cabin, lit only by the tremulous blue light of her fish tank.

The bed was still rumpled.

Shepard gave a small sigh as he pulled her close, and brushed his lips against hers. She moaned into his mouth. Her fingers were at his zip, tracing across the skin before sliding it down and exposing his chest to the cold air.

He reached his hands under her top, up her ribcage and across the fabric of her bra.

The half whisper of his name felt like an invocation. She trembled to his touch, allowing him to undress her, and leave her standing in a pool of clothes.

There were kisses to print across her soft stomach, and the inside of her thighs.

His tongue dipped into the strange lines of her skin.

Again he heard his name murmured, low and fevered, her eyes closed as her moistened lips parted with sounds he wrought.

Shepard let him carry her to bed. She watched him undress, and then placed one finger on his lips. Her hands guided him back against the pillows. Once there she kissed him, moving from his lips and down to the skin at his neck, one hand over his mouth.

He couldn’t help the low murmur of pleasure at her touch, spoken against the gun callouses, and the rough catch of her fingertips.

She released him, only to kiss every aching inch of his skin until he knew nothing but the inquisitive dart of her tongue. Her lips fluttered up from his thighs to where his flesh had grown hot and tight.

Thane rolled her, spread her arms above her head, and watched every expression flit across her face as he nudged her legs apart. He edged inside her with one long thrust that she met with a roll of her hips.

Arching, breasts catching against his chest, Shepard’s gasps left him dazed. He found her lips, crying out into her wordless prayer as they moved together. Her legs were tight around him. She cried out once. The curve of her body rose and fell as a wave beneath him.

Thane held onto her, shivering, his voice hoarse as they came to rest in a sweaty tangled heap.

She pulled the cover up, and tucked it around them. “I love you.”

They were words he would never grow tired of hearing. Thane teased the hair back from her face, and watched her. The pale blue light of the water reflected in her eyes. “As I love you.”

He rested his forehead against hers. Sleep took them both.

\---

The chill awoke him. His body was no longer pressed against Shepard’s. His hands found nothing but cold sheets. Outside the stars had shifted.

Thane listened. He expected to hear the sounds of running water, the rustle of paperwork, or the pad of footsteps coming back to bed.

Instead he found silence.

There was much left to do. It would not be unlike her to remember something that needed checking on.

He wrapped his arms around the pillow, content to wait. The scent of her beckoned him into memory. The curve of her back. The blade clutched in her hand.

_I started with knives. I never really stopped._

His fingers closed on nothing.

Thane dressed quickly. “EDI, where is Shepard?”

“I am unable to divulge her location.”

“Is she aboard the _Normandy_?”

There was the briefest of pauses. “She is not.”

The empty shell of Shepard’s armour was still on the side awaiting repair or replacement. Thane could not stop the dread that settled in his gut as he made for the armoury, and the locker that housed her spares.

It was empty save for a pair of charred gloves.

Thane retreated into practised calm. All emotions were sheared off as he made for the next logical stop—the forward battery.

The tatty curtain was shut.

When he pulled it back and found Garrus waking with an indignant growl, Thane felt disbelief.

“Shepard has gone,” he said.

“Gone?” Garrus sat up, shoulders hunched. “EDI, where’s Shepard.”

“I am unable to give you the information you require.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Garrus asked, his talons bunching into fists.

“I am under orders not to reveal Shepard’s whereabouts. She permitted me to inform you that she expects to return within twenty-four hours.”

That they were there, looking at each other, was enough. Wherever she was, Shepard was alone.

\---

Star maps littered the floor of the forward battery. Thane had long ago tired of the calculations, but he remained with Garrus none the less.

“You should try and get some sleep,” Garrus said. He stifled a yawn with the back of his hand.

“We both know the attempt will fail.” Thane crossed his legs and let his gaze fall upon the dots of the map. It was all meaningless.

Garrus scratched his neck and shifted on the bed. He looked away as he spoke.

“Back in C-Sec, we had this one case. A little girl went missing. She was five years old. There was no ransom demand, nothing. Her parents… I’ll never forget that look in their eyes, as though they’d had their hearts ripped out. We never found her. The case was closed. For us. For them…” He got slowly to his feet. “The nightmare never stopped.”

“She could still be alive,” Thane said. He watched Garrus pace, kicking papers aside, scattering datapads.

“When you fell, did you believe she would catch you?” Thane asked.

“What? Ah.” Garrus halted and looked down at his hand. “Of course. Never doubted her, not for a second. I should have said something when I had the chance. I wanted to thank her. For catching me. For everything. Life was a little too predictable until Shepard showed up. She changed everything for the better. I don’t think I ever told her that.”

 _The sunset through the blinds, the gloved hand reaching to shake his._ Shepard had walked into Thane’s life with glass in her hair, and a red glow in her eyes. There was no question that she had changed everything for the better.

“Shepard is good at that,” he said, smiling at the thought of her. “She would want you to carry on. To finish what she has started.”

“That’s the least I owe her.”

There was every possibility she would not return, but Thane knew he would reach her either way.

The comm gave a small hiss.

“Garrus, Thane, you need to get up here now,” Joker said.

The journey up to the cockpit was a painful one. The elevator moved at a glacial pace. Neither spoke as they sped up the corridor towards the waiting patch of stars.

Miranda followed them in.

“Listen to this.” Joker flicked his fingers over the screen.

It was Shepard’s voice, garbled, but unmistakeable. “ _Normandy_ , this is Shep… do you… I’m on…”

“That’s all I managed to pick up before she got cut off. EDI’s located the signal, looks like it’s coming from the Bahak system,” Joker said.

Miranda barged forwards. “Set a—“

“Already on it,” Joker interrupted. “I’d say the signal was cut at source.”

“The Bahak system is small,” EDI told them. ”Locating her should not pose a problem.”

“We find her, and we go in,” Garrus said. “Have a shuttle prepped and ready. Thane, Miranda, get your things. We’ll meet at the shuttle.”

Shepard would have smiled to see him now.

Thane nodded, already moving. He was in his room, rifle in hand, when Joker spoke again.

“Found her. No rescue needed, looks like a straight pick up.”

“Understood,” Thane responded. He would see her within moments. The ship vibrated beneath his feet, and Thane knew they were accelerating hard.

When he found Shepard she was stood in the cockpit. Her back was to him, shoulders set. “We have to get out of here, Joker. There’s nothing we can do.”

“There’s a colony down there, we should at least—“

“There is _nothing_ we can do,” Shepard said. She tilted her head to look at Joker. Her hands tightened on the back of the seat. “If we don’t leave now we die here with them.”

Joker muttered something unintelligible.

Garrus barged past.

Thane followed, keeping his distance as he took in the array of screens, and the hard line of Shepard’s shoulders. She stared out of the window without turning as the ship gained speed.

“What’s going on...” Garrus fell silent as he too saw the screen. An alarm sounded. On the display, the relay blinked out. A silent wave rippled outwards, devouring the system planet by planet.

“Spirits…”

“I know.” Shepard said. “There was no other way.”

Her shoulders caved forwards as she turned. “The Reapers were about to come through the relay.”

“The Reapers? That’s why you went there?” Garrus asked.

Shepard fixed her gaze on the corridor behind them. “Yes. Hackett asked me to go and rescue an alliance doctor. She had proof that the Reapers were coming. It was supposed to be top secret.”

There would be no hiding the loss of an entire system. Thane watched as Shepard clapped a hand over her mouth and closed her eyes.

“Shepard,” Garrus said gently.

She pushed past them, head down as she fled.

Thane moved to follow, but Garrus caught his arm. “Let her go. She’ll need you soon enough.”

“Three hundred thousand batarians.” Joker sank back in his chair. A screen lit up in front of him. “Alliance transmission. That was fast.”

 “You’d better patch it through to her quarters,” Garrus said. He cast one last look at the screen where there had been an entire system until moments ago.

The wave may have passed, but Thane had a feeling the storm had only just begun.

\---

Her throat hurt. The bruises were rising on her skin. Pain lingered, raw and unforgiving, as she sat down on the edge of the bed and gave the order.

“EDI, let Thane in.”

The speed of his entrance told her that he had been waiting.

“Siha…” Thane sat beside her. “I thought the Alliance had made their position clear.”

“They did. They have.” She laid her hands carefully in her lap. “I had to see if Hackett was right. I thought that if I could convince the Alliance that the Reapers are coming, then they’d finally start preparing.”

“What proof did you bring back?”

There was no accusation there. There didn’t need to be. The only proof that remained was the empty space where colonists used to be. To have let the Reapers through was unthinkable.

“Nothing. The… the proof was on the base. I had no choice,” Shepard said. “I’ve spoken to Hackett, and he believes me. Just like he always does. That isn’t the problem.”

Thane sat back, his dark eyes searching her face.

“Someone has to take the fall for this, and that person has to be me.” Shepard raised her chin. “I’m handing myself over to the Alliance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By tomorrow I'll be left in the darkness,  
> Amongst your cold sheets.  
> And your shoes will be gone,  
> And your body warmth no longer beside me.
> 
> Tomorrow by Daughter


	42. Heart of the Alliance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all of my readers for your comments and support. This has been such a wonderful journey. I'm glad I could share it with you.

The words were slow to sink in. Thane blinked, his forehead crinkling a fraction.

“You are handing yourself over to the Alliance?”

Shepard took the datapad from the bed and held it out. The warrant for her arrest was clearly displayed. When she’d imagined her return to Earth, it had looked nothing like this. “There will be a trial. I don’t know how long it will take.”

There. Thane grew still.

Time was something they did not have. She had known that as she listened to Hackett, as she’d looked at the warrant that had been so quick to arrive.

“We couldn’t have stayed out here,” Shepard said, rubbing her hands through her hair. “The Reapers are coming. Hiding out here is only going to make things worse, and I always knew that. You…”

She got up and pulled the stack of folders off her desk.

Still Thane remained frozen in place, kneeling on the floor as though preparing a prayer.

“I offered you a future.” Shepard got down on the floor next to him and opened the top folder. “Thane, look at these.”

He curled over, hands touching the paper.

There were graphs, streams of data, most of it incomprehensible to Shepard. Doctor Narin sent her updates almost daily. The terminology was quickly becoming familiar. She had pinned her hopes on these scraps of paper, burying herself in the figures so she could no longer see the odds.

“What is this?” Thane asked.

Shepard clenched her fists in her lap. “Mordin helped me find a doctor who specialises in Kepral’s. Doctor Osus Narin. He’s working on some trials, looking for a viable treatment.”

“We have discussed this before, Shepard.” Thane set the papers on the floor. “Time is the problem, and we have little.”

“I know.” She caught his hands and threaded her fingers through his. “Thane, there’s something I want you to do for me.”

“Anything, siha.”

 _Don’t die_ , Shepard thought. She steadied herself before speaking.

“I’m handing the ship over to the Alliance, but before I do, I want to make sure everyone is safe. I’m going to the Citadel. Doctor Narin will be waiting for you at Huerta Memorial. I want you to stay there and work with him until I can get out.”

“I give you my word, Cora, if that is what you want. What will the Alliance do once they have you?”

Her knees were starting to ache from crouching on the hard floor. Shepard struggled up and held out her hand to Thane. He took it, allowing himself to be pulled down onto the bed where they lay holding each other.

Overhead the stars passed them by.

“I’ll be arrested and imprisoned. There’ll be a trial. That could take months, knowing the Alliance,” Shepard said. She held Thane tighter. “It gives me chance to persuade them that the Reapers are coming. The galaxy has to be ready.”

Thane ran his fingers through her hair. “What of the crew? They have followed you this far. It will be hard for them to let go.”

“I need them to prepare for what’s coming. I saw the Reapers… they were waiting there in space. Biding their time. They’ll find another way through.” The vision burned through Shepard’s mind. This was the only way.

“I don’t want to leave you,” Shepard said.

Thane growled, distress vibrating through his chest. “You do what you must to protect the innocent, no matter what the cost. I love you. Distance cannot change that. Even if the worst comes to pass, I will find you. You will not be alone.”

She didn’t want to cry. It seemed a waste of their last few days together. Still she couldn’t stop the tears that ran down her face. They flowed even as Thane kissed them away.

Soon there would be no finding him. His illness could pluck him from her grasp whilst she waited behind locked doors for the day that might never come.

Shepard gathered him closer, trying to memorize his scent, and the feeling that came when he wrapped her in his arms.

It would be all she had. A poor comfort in the days and weeks to come.

\---

Garrus was half asleep when the call came. He’d dozed off, weapons brochure in hand, waiting for Shepard to call.

Thane was already there in her cabin. He was poring over paperwork, offering the smallest nod as Garrus walked over to where Shepard was sitting on the sofa.

Her eyes were red.

“What happened over there? How did you go from rescuing a doctor to destroying a relay?” Garrus asked. He sat down beside her and hunched forwards.

“I rescued her, went back to her base to see the proof Hackett mentioned. Turns out the doctor and her team were indoctrinated. They drugged me.” Shepard rubbed her arm where the bruises were at their worst. “The Reapers were about to come through the relay. By the time I came around there was nothing else I could do.”

“A little too close for comfort,” Garrus said. He thought back to the screens in the cockpit. It was a simple matter of math. 300,000 there or millions throughout the galaxy. The batarians wouldn’t see it that way. Neither would Shepard. “What did the Alliance have to say?”

“The usual.” Shepard handed him a datapad.

It was a warrant. He’d seen plenty back at C-Sec, but never one like this. Mass murder. War Crimes. Commander Shepard was to hand herself in with immediate effect.

Garrus almost laughed at the ridiculousness. If it hadn’t been for Shepard there would be no Alliance. Now they were hanging her out to dry. And she was going to let them.

“You’re handing yourself in. Look, Shepard—“

“I said I would dump you on Palavan, and that is exactly what I’m going to do. I need you to talk to the hierarchy, see if you can persuade them to prepare.” Shepard got to her feet and went to her closet, rifling through until she found some Alliance blues. “I’m going to tell the crew. Let them decide where they want leaving before I hand the ship over. We’ve had a good run.”

“Better than I could have hoped for. You know the Alliance better than anyone. What they’ll do to you.”

Shepard smiled. “I know. That’s why I need you as back-up.”

“Oh.” Garrus shook his head. “How exactly? You’ll be in an Alliance cell.”

“Get the galaxy ready. Do whatever you have to do whilst I’m in there, and if the trial goes against me, get me out.”

“You’re plotting an escape already?”

“We don’t have time to waste,” Shepard said. She glanced at Thane before throwing the uniform down on the sofa. It was immaculate. Garrus could no longer remember the last time he’d seen her wear Alliance clothes.

She sat down next to him, closer this time, and nudged his leg with hers. “You have a family that needs you. And you’re far too good to spend your life tagging along after me.”

“I’d hardly say tagging,” Garrus said, acutely aware that Thane could understand every nuance of his voice. “I at least bring the style to this operation.”

“And the humility of course.”

Garrus laughed, and looked down at their legs. “Thank you for everything. You’ve been a damn good Commander and a friend. If it weren’t for you I’d still be busting petty criminals on the Citadel.”

“You’d be busting them in style, Vakarian.” She grabbed his hand. “I’m going to miss you.”

“It isn’t over yet. And you’re not leaving me on Palaven. We’re in this to the end. I can make my own way from Earth.”

He saw Shepard’s face change. Her smile splintered, and she took a deep breath, brushing her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Thank you. Will you meet me in the briefing room in thirty minutes?”

“I’ll be there.” He got to his feet. “Just like old times.”

Shepard’s smile returned. “Sure. Why not. See you soon.”

 _Thirty minutes_ , Garrus thought as he entered the elevator. Thirty minutes until this became formal. The _Normandy_ handed over. Shepard taken away. The least he could do was stay with her until this was done. Beyond that, she’d given him a job to do. It was time to message Sol.

\---

Shepard arrived last. The chatter died as she entered and looked over the faces of everyone she’d recruited, and the crew that had become her family. She felt stiff in her Alliance uniform, but it had been the right choice.

She stood straight at the head of the table. “As of four hours ago, I am a wanted criminal. The Alliance has issued a warrant for my arrest. EDI?”

The holo screen displayed her warrant. 300,000 colonists. Shock rippled through the crew. Joker had done a good job of keeping it quiet.

“I intend to hand myself, and the ship, over to the Alliance.” She let that sink in before continuing. “What I don’t intend to hand over is all of you. Tell me where you want to go, and I’ll get you there. On one condition.”

The murmurs were silenced.

“I need every single one of you to do what I can’t. The Reapers are on their way. I’ll do my best to persuade the Alliance, but I need each and every one of you to get the message out. Make sure we’re ready when they come through the next relay.”

Shepard caught Garrus’ eye and had to look away. “You’ve seen the proof. You’ve seen what they are capable of, what their intentions are. They will not stop until they annihilate us all. I’ve seen what you can do. All of you, and I know that if we do this, if we work together, we can stop them.”

They had started off as an unknown quantity. Her doubts had been erased. There was no question of her faith in them now.

“I need you to do that in my stead,” she said, making eye contact with all of them. “Can you do that for me?”

There was a chorus of agreement.

Shepard felt a surge of pride at the sound. “Good. Now, this is how we’re going to do this.”

\---

The shuttle bay thrummed with activity. Shepard made sure to talk to everyone, as she had for all the others. Samara, Jack, Kasumi, Mordin and Legion had already departed.

Now they hovered near the Citadel, hiding amongst the stars as they readied themselves for the last stop before Earth.

Shepard helped load one of her crates onto the shuttle and stood back as the last few were crammed in. Her meagre belongings were in there. A cracked holo, a few items of clothing, some scope mods, and the guns she’d been loath to part with.  

Liara had promised to take care of them.

One of the shuttles started its pre-flight engine checks, and Shepard felt her heart quicken as she felt the moment approaching. She looked for Thane, and found his gaze upon her.

One foot in front of the other. One breath at a time. Shepard was torn between wanting to be with Thane, and the knowledge that this could be the last time. She found him in the darkest corner.

“Siha.”

Shepard stepped into his waiting arms and allowed him to cradle her, pressing her face into his chest where she could make out the distant thrum of his heartbeat. There had been many words exchanged between them. Eventually they had faded into silence. Kisses had burned into ashes.

Shepard took a last heavy breath and shifted backwards to face him. “Message me as soon as you arrive,” she instructed again.

“I will.” Thane brushed the hair back from her face.

Behind them one of the crew members shouted that the shuttle was cleared for launch.

“Remember what I told you,” Thane said. “I love you, siha. When all else fails, know this for a fact.”

“I love you too.” She kissed him. The galaxy shrank to these last fragments. Lips on hers, arms pulling her close, pain igniting beneath her skin.

It was hard to pull back. It took everything she had to walk beside him to the shuttle and let his hand break from hers.

The engines were screaming.

Shepard felt her body straighten and her fists clench as the shuttle door closed, and Thane was hidden from her. She was shivering as she walked away.

\---

There was no going back to her cabin. The bed was unmade. There was nowhere she could hide from the emptiness. Shepard hesitated by the elevator doors, trying to figure out what the hell she was supposed to do now.

When the door opened up, and Garrus was waiting on the other side, she knew.

“I said I’d walk into hell with you,” he said. “Well, here we are.”

She trudged in and stood next to him without a word.

“You remember that time I got shot in the face?” Garrus said, pressing the button on the elevator. “It hurt. A lot. That isn’t really the point. The point I’m trying to make is that sometimes things hurt. We get shot. You got killed. But here we are. Still fighting the good fight.”

The doors opened, and Shepard followed Garrus to the forward battery. He’d made tea. There was a packet of biscuits on the side.

“I thought you could do with these,” he said.

“This is good,” Shepard said as she sat down on the cot and picked up the cup of tea. “Better than your pep talk anyway. You might want to work on those before you head back to Palaven. I’m relying on you to convince the turians.”

“I’ve got time to practice.” Garrus sat next to her. He picked up a brochure and set it gently down on her lap. “I managed to get hold of the new release promo. Thought you might want to take a look.”

“Tea and guns,” Shepard said with a genuine smile. “This is all a girl could ask for.”

“It’s good to know I haven’t lost my touch.”

Shepard laughed into her tea. She flicked over a couple of pages until she found the pistols. Maybe she could try a couple of them if she ever got out.

“I can’t believe I’m going to do this,” Shepard said, scattering crumbs as she opened the biscuits. “The Reapers are on their way, and I’m going to be sat in a cell somewhere.”

“You were the one that wanted to be safe,” Garrus reminded her.

She was going to be locked away, right at the heart of the Alliance.

“I changed my mind,” Shepard said. She dusted the crumbs off the page, ignoring the grease marks. Her mind raced ahead to the future she hadn’t dared contemplate. She was to be a prisoner.

“Things go sideways, and I’ll be there, Shepard.”

She nodded. She didn’t doubt him. Never had. It was one the thing she could walk into imprisonment knowing. Thane loved her. Garrus would be waiting. That was all she needed.

\---

The corridor was dark. Shepard walked up towards the cock pit, smoothing her uniform down and flattening her hair.

Joker was waiting. He took his cap off and gave her a stiff bow. “You all ready for this?”

“Oh no. Not at all, but here we are.” She took one last look around the cockpit and frowned at EDI’s cipher. “You’ll keep her safe for me, won’t you? Whatever it takes.”

“We’ve already come up with a little something,” Joker reassured her. He lowered himself into his chair and brought up the relevant screen. “I won’t let anything happen to EDI, not if I can help it. Stealth mode disengaged. Comm channel open. Good luck, Commander.”

Outside the planet hung blue and green amongst the stars. She had run from Earth, and now she found herself back there, finally facing the consequences of her actions.

“Alliance Command, this is Commander Shepard. I am requesting permission to dock. I’m handing myself in, in accordance with regulation seven-zero-nine.”

There was a brief pause.

“Welcome home, Commander,” Hackett responded. “I accept your offer. You have permission to dock at Helios Station, docking bay two. You’ve done a hell of a thing, Shepard.”

It didn’t taste like victory anymore. Shepard cut the link with a swift push of the button. There’d be enough Alliance platitudes soon enough.

Shepard walked through her ship one last time before heading for the airlock. Garrus was waiting, as was Doctor Chakwas and Tali.

“Docking now,” Joker announced. “We can still make a run for it.”

“I’m done running,” Shepard said. She stood to attention.

The doors hissed open.

Hackett waited outside, flanked by two officers. It did not escape Shepard’s attention that the corridor was lined with officers. All of them were armed. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea.

“Shepard. I’m sorry to have to do this,” Hackett said.

One of the men stepped forwards with a pair of cuffs.

Garrus gave a low groan, and Shepard swallowed hard. It was a mistake. The Alliance had never listened to her.

Her throat was dry as she held out her arms.

“You are under arrest for war crimes, as defined in section five of the Council Treaty,” one the men was saying. His voice dulled into a drone.

The cuffs were cold as they closed over her wrists. There. It was done. Shepard allowed them to flank her.

She didn’t look back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No I am not where I belong,  
> So shine a light and guide me home.  
> No I am not where I belong,  
> So shine a light, guide me back home.
> 
> As much as I ever could by City and Colour


End file.
